Heart's Desire (8 page)

“It's something I've always wanted to do, but I needed to help Dad. I don't know if you remember, but Mom took care of the books, and Dad usually ran the day-to-day operations.”

“What about the cattle?”

Jessie looked up as a waitress brought their pitcher of beer and frosted mugs, promising to return shortly with their pizza. She poured herself a frothy brew. “We don't have many left. Just what we used for the small cattle drives we did at the end of summer and a few Corriente to teach people how to rope. Dad and I both took care of those.”

“Did you ever help your mom with the books?”

“No.” She gave him a self-deprecating laugh. “Numbers have never
been my thing. I hated every second of math in school, and Dad wasn't much better, so Mom kept track of everything. She and Dad went into town to meet with Brendon once a month and then again quarterly to take care of taxes.”

“So you've always been hands-off when it came to the finances?”

This was starting to feel more like an interrogation than information gathering. “Basically.”

Nathan poured himself another beer. He seemed completely relaxed, as if nothing she said could ruffle him. He was completely overdressed in his slacks and polo shirt, but it didn't seem to make him the slightest bit uncomfortable. It was maddening how at ease he was in his own skin. She envied him that ability.

“What about now?”

“What do you mean?”

“How much do you know about bookkeeping? How much of it would you even feel comfortable doing? I mean, it sounds like this was a three-man operation before, and now you're trying to hold it all together on your own. Or are you planning on hiring someone else to do it?”

He took a sip from his mug, and she felt her gut twist as she realized where the conversation was heading. It was beginning to sound like he and Justin had already been making plans for the ranch without consulting her. That must have been what they'd been discussing earlier on the porch. Anger began to burn her chest.

“From what your brother said, you've been forced to let all the ranch hands go. How are you going to be able to do this alone?”

“Honestly, I'm pretty hopeless at doing more than filing receipts in the correct category every month for Brendon. I planned on letting him take care of the books for me, like he's been doing. As far as the rest, how I'm going to do it is none of your damn—”

The waitress interrupted their conversation and slid the pizza onto the table, placing a plate in front of each of them.

“So, what are your plans now?”

She blinked, trying to follow the sudden turn of conversation. This man could change direction on a dime and give her change. She was having trouble keeping up. She would have liked to blame it on the alcohol, but one beer wouldn't explain her sudden inability to breathe. “I'm not sure. I thought that's why you were here. To figure out the best option for the ranch?”

“Justin said you haven't taken in any guests since the funeral. Why not?”

Jessie felt blindsided as he jumped to the subject of her parents' death and wanted to stem his barrage of questions. “I just . . . I haven't. I don't know why.”

He took a bite of the pizza and toppings slid off the slice, falling onto his plate with a plop. “Shit, that's hot!” He chewed tentatively, trying to swallow the pizza burning the inside of his mouth.

“I'd call that karma,” she said, as she cut into her pizza with a fork, using the opportunity to think about his question.

It wasn't like there hadn't been people calling to book reservations but, even if she'd had the manpower—which she didn't—she wasn't sure she wanted guests without her parents there. It had been something they'd done as a family. Without her mom and dad heading up the events and arrivals, it would feel wrong, like she was nothing more than a poor substitute. They were the ones who had enjoyed having guests, not her.

“Are you afraid to fail?”

She looked up from her plate. Of the many things in life that scared her, failure wasn't one of them. She and failure were old friends. They went together like peanut butter and jelly. No, failing was something she did on a regular basis and, unfortunately, she was good at it.

“No, that's not it. I . . . ” She realized she might as well admit the truth to him now. She was going to need him on her side in order to convince her brother. Jessie shrugged, giving in to what she knew deep down was the truth. “I don't want to run a dude ranch. I never did.”

The pizza lay forgotten on his plate. “No?”

“A resort was Mom and Dad's dream. Not mine. I just want to work with horses. It's what I'm good at—it's the
only
thing I'm good at.” The words fell from her lips before she could stop them.

He picked up the slice again, his eyes clouding briefly. “I highly doubt that. But what I saw this morning was incredible. Why not turn the ranch into a training facility?”

“Because it's not set up for training. I'd need bigger barns and more round pens. Plus what would I do with the cabins? The entire ranch is set up for guests, their comfort and desires.”

“What about your desires, Jess?”

The sincerity she heard in his voice and could see in his eyes helped her overlook the fact that he'd called her by her nickname again. Her stomach did another nervous flip, but this time, it had nothing to do with feeling anxious. A warm shiver of longing traveled up her spine and down her arms as she stared at his mouth. She knew exactly what she desired.

“What do
you
want? If you could
have
anything,
do
anything with the ranch, what would it be?”

She felt tears well in the back of her eyes and closed them to the burn. She wasn't sure how to answer him, because if she told him the truth, and he laughed at her, or worse, shot her down immediately, she'd be back to square one—forced to maintain Heart Fire as a dude ranch, pandering to visitors who couldn't care less that the horses they rode had been rescued from near-death.

N
ATHAN SAW THE
change in Jessie almost instantly. She tucked a loose curl behind her ear and tipped her head to the side, contemplative. She looked so vulnerable. It was a glimpse at the young woman he'd loved and, like an idiot, left behind. Jessie rolled her lips inward, her tongue sneaking out to moisten them. He almost groaned aloud at the small gesture.

Her eyes shuttered and she shrugged, quickly withdrawing into her shell again. “I really don't know. I've never thought about it.”

“Liar,” he said quietly, letting the lopsided grin slide to his lips again. Their eyes met, and she returned the smile tentatively. He immediately felt desire sink its teeth into him. He sat back, shifting in his chair, cursing his body's reaction to her. She'd made it clear she thought he was an ass. He needed to focus on the job Justin had brought him here to do, instead of fantasizing about what could never be. He forced himself to focus on the conversation. “This could be the chance to reinvent yourself and the ranch, if you want to.”

She looked away, staring at the pool table across the room for a moment. “How would I even do that? You know how Justin feels about the ranch. I'm sure he's already told you his ideas about how it should be run.” Her voice was quiet, hesitant, and he wondered if it was fear he heard.

Nathan didn't deny that he and Justin had discussed the matter. But this wasn't about what Justin wanted. He was here to find out what
she
wanted.

“Maybe you should start by deciding what it is you don't want.” She turned those beautiful blue eyes back on him. “Take in a couple of guests this weekend, just enough to get your feet wet again, and see how you feel afterward. Figure out what you don't like about the dude ranch, and we can work it out from there. Maybe it's something as simple as hiring some help so you have more time to do what you love.”

“I canceled all of our bookings.”

“Bailey took a message today from a small church group down by Bakersfield, eight kids and four counselors. Their original camp was closed due to a wildfire, and they need another location on short notice.”

Jessie looked panicked at the suggestion. “I don't have enough people to cover that kind of group.”

“Can you call some of your old workers back?” In spite of the fear he could see in her eyes, he could also see the wheels turning as she ran through scenarios in her head. “I'll be here to help however I'm able. I'll push my flight back a couple of days if necessary.”

“I might do better trying it alone,” she said, but he didn't miss the humor that tugged at her lips.

It was nice to see, even if it was at the expense of his ego. “Thanks a lot. For your information, I can cook a mean omelet. And I can fix a fence now.” She smiled and looked down at her slice of pizza, picking at the cheese but not eating, looking suddenly introspective and serious. “What's going on in that head of yours, Jess?”

The unshakable confidence he'd seen from the moment he stepped on the ranch slipped, and Nathan wondered if she was growing tired of her tough, independent act, as much as she wanted everyone to believe it was real. She barely looked up at him from under her long lashes. “I'm not sure I can do this. I mean, it was one thing to do it with Mom and Dad, but I don't think I can do it alone.”

Worry clouded her eyes, even if she was doing her best to hide it. He covered her hand with his. “Hey, you aren't alone. You have your brother, your sister, and your cousin.”

Her hand in his was warm and softer than he'd expected. Without thinking about why he did it, his thumb traced the pulse at her wrist. The tremor of heat that traveled up his arm wasn't surprising, but it wasn't exactly welcome. He needed to keep this professional if he was going to regain her trust, but he was having a difficult time keeping his body from remembering the heat of her silken skin against his, or the way she smelled—sweet like sunshine and honey with just enough spice to make it exciting.

“I promise, I will stick around and help out.”

Jessie jerked her hand back as if his touch burned. Nathan couldn't believe he'd said something so stupid. He'd just reminded her of the fact that he hadn't followed through on his promise years ago. Why should she trust him?

She took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders before slipping back into her take-no-prisoners persona. “I guess I could call my friend Jennifer to see if a couple of her guys might be able to come for the weekend. At least I could make some informed decisions that way.”

He tried to ignore the disappointment he felt course through him as she withdrew behind her armor again. But he'd seen a chink in it—maybe he could draw her out again.

“Since we've settled the main issue at hand, how'd you like to show a city boy around? Justin always said I'd missed out by growing up in the city, and I was always too busy to see much of the town when I was here before.” He let the innuendo hang in the air, allowing her to remember what had kept him too busy to go out with Justin—late nights of stolen kisses in the barn, or that last night she'd claimed to be too sick to go to the trail ride and campfire.

“What?” She looked confused and, if he was honest, adorably surprised by his request.

“I'm sure the town has changed quite a bit. So, what do you do for fun, Jessie?” She eyed him as if he'd just asked her to walk through town naked, and he couldn't help but grin at her wariness. “You do have fun, right?”

Jessie recovered and leaned back in her chair with a mocking grin as her eyes scanned his slacks and polo shirt. “I doubt you and I have the same ideas about what constitutes ‘fun.' ”

“Enlighten me.” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. Obviously, she'd already formed her impression of the man he'd become. “Broaden my deprived horizons.”

She narrowed her eyes at him speculatively. “You? Deprived? We both know you always get what you want.”

He knew he was putting his life into her hands, and he wondered if he wasn't a fool for trusting her. She obviously wasn't going to forgive him for the past, but he hoped this gesture of good faith would help her realize he could be trusted this time. Especially since he had no intention of doing anything either of them was going to regret. A smile tugged at the corners of her full lips. Damn, this woman had a pretty mouth, made for long nights of kissing. When she smiled, he could almost imagine what it would be like to take that bottom lip between his again and . . . He quickly halted the direction of his wayward imagination.

Their relationship had been a mistake before. He was only here for a week. Last time he'd been able to resist her almost three months before giving in. Surely a week wouldn't be too hard, especially with the way she hated him now. The only problem was now he knew exactly what heaven he was missing.

She gave a short laugh and dread crept into his chest at the slightly wicked sound. “It's still too early to go cow tipping or frog gigging.” Her eyes slid over his shirt and slacks. “And you're a little over dressed for mud bogging.”

He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair nervously. “Frog what?”

She laughed out loud, looking far too sadistic for his liking. “Frog gigging. Hunting for frogs. To cook. What's the matter, City Boy? Don't tell me those fancy restaurants in New York have never served you frog's legs?”

He felt the pizza churn in his stomach and worried he might have turned a shade green himself. “They have, but I've never really thought about hunting them.”

“Come on,” she said, hopping off the stool. “Let's get this pizza wrapped up and we'll figure out something more your speed. I have an idea.”

Jessie led them out the big wooden doors and dropped the box of pizza on the front seat of her truck. “Would you rather have dessert now or later?”

He found himself letting his eyes slide over her curves, hating himself for having something entirely different in mind. He quickly remembered Justin's promise to kick his ass if he fell for Jessie, letting it cool any desire. And after their talk about hunting and eating frogs, he wasn't too excited to add more food to his already queasy stomach.

“Let's go with later.”

“Good, then let's hit The Feed Lot first.”

“I thought we were forgoing food?”

“You'll see.” Her blue eyes shimmered with what could only be called glee. He was intelligent enough to worry about what she was planning. “I'm trusting you,” he said as he slid a hand to her lower back, guiding her in front of him.

“That's probably your first mistake.”

An amused smile pulled on one corner of her lips and a slow burn began in his belly, traveling lower, and settling there, chasing away any thoughts of Justin, the ranch, and his resolve to keep his feelings for her hidden.

She was the complete opposite of any woman he'd ever known, any woman allowed into his family's elite circle. The women he'd dated were the antithesis of her. Too concerned with their figures to eat more than salad, none would have ever suggested pizza and ice cream. They wouldn't be caught dead hunting frogs or mud bogging, whatever that was. The only mud that touched their skin was in a spa.

Jessie slung her purse over her shoulder, and he wondered how she could be such a tomboy yet so feminine at the same time. She might be dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, but with both hugging her body like they were tailored for her curves, there was no doubt she was all woman. The rhinestones on her clothes caught the late-afternoon sunlight, glinting almost as brightly as her eyes. He was having a difficult time remembering that she was off limits. She looked back at him over her shoulder, catching him checking out her backside.

She arched a brow, daring him to continue his perusal. “Last chance to cut and run.”

Nathan gave her a guilty grin. “And let you claim victory? No way.” He wondered at the sudden change in her mood. Seeing this playful side to Jessie was more captivating than he remembered. “Not as sure I trust you, though.”

“What if I promise it will only hurt your checkbook, and you'll thank me later?”

“I'd say: I don't think I believe you.”

“That's probably smart.” She laughed, a genuine laugh that bubbled from within, and he couldn't help but join her.

T
WO HOURS AND
several hundred dollars later, Nathan stood in front of her wearing a pair of new boots, Wranglers, and an emerald button-up shirt that reflected the golden flecks in his eyes. Jessie's breath caught in her chest as she realized her mistake. In his normal attire, Nathan was handsome and polished, making it easy to remember how much the years had changed him, how he wasn't her type any longer, and how much his leaving had hurt. By convincing him to buy clothing more practical for his stay on the ranch, she'd turned him from a good looking, city slicker into a gorgeous cowboy. Her heart raced as she handed him a straw hat she'd picked out to suit him. He gave her a wary glance before slipping it onto his head and facing the mirror.

Her eyes slid over the way shirt clung to him, making his already broad shoulders appear even more so, while his waist tapered to a narrow
V
. The pants clung to him, curving around his rear and thighs. Her mouth went dry, and she licked her lips as her pulse picked up speed.

Crap! What did I do?

Nathan caught the look of regret in her reflection. “I look completely asinine, don't I?” She bit her lip, hard, to keep from blurting out the truth, and he laughed, assuming she agreed with his assessment. “I knew it.”

He couldn't be more wrong. Jessie's heart couldn't take staying any longer. She made her escape as soon as the opportunity presented itself, needing to give herself a moment to rein in her stampeding heartbeat. “You need a belt,” she pointed out, turning away from his reflection and hurrying to the selection of belts and buckles.

This was not what she'd envisioned when she came up with the idea of getting him some new, practical clothing for his time on the ranch. She'd only intended to keep him from standing out, but this . . . holy crap, if her elevated heart rate and the tingles in her belly, and below, were any indication, this idea had backfired on her miserably. She had to get her head on straight.

Nathan was here to help her get the ranch back on the right track earning a profit and that was all. He never would have come back if Justin hadn't called him. He was only doing a favor for a friend, nothing more. She didn't need any more complications, and falling for this particular city boy was a complication of the worst kind.

Giving into her feelings for Nathan again wouldn't just be stupid, it would be one step past crazy. He might look the part of a cowboy, now that he had new clothes, but that didn't make him one. If she ever felt the need for a man in her life, it was going to be one who shared her love for horses and the ranch. Not the one who'd taken her young heart and hardened it. She needed a man to stick around for the long haul, not one who disappeared after a few weeks.

No, I don't need a man at all.

She reached for a leather belt in his size and carried it back to him. Nathan spun toward her and reached out to take it. His hand brushed over hers, and her heart actually stopped for a moment. Damn! Just when she'd gotten it back under control.

At least Julia and Bailey could thank her for the eye-candy when they returned to the ranch.

Nathan narrowed his eyes, and she wondered if he wasn't trying to read her mind. “You okay? You look a little flushed.”

“I'm fine,” she answered quickly, too quickly. “When you're done, you should pick out a few more shirts. I'll be over by the tack.”

He arched a brow, skepticism written on his face. “Are you sure you're okay?”

She clenched her jaw, willing her heart to slow down and her breathing to normalize. He was just a man, for goodness sake.