Heart of the Bear (Hells Canyon Shifters Book 5) (9 page)

“Is it bad? Is it about me?”

He clasped her hand and pressed it against his cheek, as if he didn’t want her to take it away. “I don’t know. I just feel… Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night? I want to take you out somewhere nice, and I’ll tell you everything.”

“Jesse Hayes, did you really just pull me out here to tell me you have something to tell me but not until later?”

“No. I pulled you out here to steady me.”

Her breath froze in her throat as she realized he was shaking, and his hands were clenched at his side. He was angry.

She searched his eyes as the silver color clouded over the green until there was none of the happy color left. Standing on tiptoes, she reached around his neck and hugged him close.

“It’s okay,” she whispered against his neck. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

He clutched the fabric of her shirt until it lifted in the back and exposed her skin to the cool evening air. A soft rumble rattled from his throat, but she hugged him tighter and rocked back and forth in a slow cadence. “Do you need to change?”

“No. And when I do, it won’t be around you.”

“Why?”

Jesse brushed his fingers down her arm and lifted the bandaged wrist. “Because I can’t trust myself not to hurt you. You can’t heal like the rest of us. Look.” He eased her back, then pulled at the neck of his shirt until he exposed angry, red claw marks across his shoulder. It was already half-healed. Her injury, on the other hand, probably looked like a crime scene and felt like it was stuck to the bandages.

“You shouldn’t feel bad about this.” Rae pulled him to the fallen tree and sat down. “I don’t regret this mark.”

“Mark,” he repeated low, as he took a seat beside her.

“Yes. Your bear marked me the day he chose me. Muriel said it would scar, and I was sad. I don’t have scars. I always took pride in my skin being unblemished. But she said that this flaw would mean something really important to me one day. I didn’t know what she meant, but I’ve been thinking about it all day.” She clutched her injured wrist closer. “Now I love it because you gave it to me. You had to change to fight that bear and protect me and those kids, and this was all I got out of that horrifying experience. I’m alive. Those kids are alive. And now every time I look at this mark, from now until the end of my life, I’ll remember the night you bonded with me.”

Jesse’s shoulders sagged, and he leaned forward on locked elbows. “Jesus, woman.” He closed his eyes tightly shut, and when he opened them again, they were a brilliant green once again. Plucking her arm from her chest, he kissed the bandage and held her hand in his lap. “I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“I know you won’t. You wouldn’t have last night if we weren’t handcuffed together. I was just too close. Your bear has protected me twice. He’s saved my life twice. You won’t hurt me, Jesse. Not really. Has that been bothering you?”

“Yeah. I can’t keep my eyes off the bandage. Sometimes, I start to think you are too fragile for this life I’m asking you to be a part of—that you’re too fragile for me. But then I talk to you, and you are such a strong woman that I change my mind and think I’ve finally met my match.”

“We’re on quite the roller coaster right now, aren’t we?”

“You have no idea,” he muttered. “Come here. You deserve a reward for taming my bear.” He pulled her onto his lap and straddled her legs around his hips.

“Rae the Bear Tamer.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and said, “I like the sound of that.”

He chuckled and lifted the hem of her shirt. In the same motion, he slid his hand into the front of her tights and pressed his finger inside of her.

Rae gasped and rocked her hips against his palm. Self-conscious, she looked around to make sure they were alone.

“Don’t worry, princess. I’ll hear if anyone is coming.”

His plunging finger already had her straining for release. And when he pulled out and added another finger, she was nearly gone. “Oh,” she moaned, tossing her head back. She maneuvered closer to his hips as he started rocking against the rhythm she was setting. When she lowered her eyes back to him, he was watching her with such focus, she let him see what he was doing to her. Panting, she gripped his hair and shattered around his fingers. She hunched against him in an attempt to keep quiet, whispering his name over and over as the aftershocks pounded through her. Clenching his shirt, she tasted the skin at the base of his neck and grazed her teeth against his tripping pulse.

And when she finally relaxed her legs and eased back, Jesse wore the most satisfied grin she’d ever seen.

“Here you go,” Jesse said, handing Rae an oversized sweater.

The evening had become colder than he’d anticipated, and though she hadn’t asked him for a jacket, he had to do something to stop her shivering.

Stretching up on her tiptoes, she kissed him, then pulled his sweater over her head. The thing swallowed her and hung down to her knees, but he thought she was the cutest damned thing in it. She didn’t know it yet, but that hoodie was officially hers.

As he sat in the lawn chair behind her, she sniffed the fabric subtly and allowed him to pull her into his lap. What did it smell like to her? For a human, she sure seemed to use that nose of hers a lot.

Dinner had been pot-luck picnic leftovers and hot dogs cooked over the open bonfire. Now that it was full-dark, most of the Hells Canyon shifters had gone back down to their homes in Joseph. Some of the Seven Devils clan had gone back to camp as well, but Jesse’s closest friends still lingered.

Jesse pulled Rae closer against him, his bear instinctively wanting to keep her warm and safe. At first, he’d thought the bond was the worst thing in the world that could’ve happened to him and Rae, but now, he couldn’t imagine life without it—without her. He was already spoiled with the connection to her, depending on her, and letting her into his life, little by little.

Bron gripped his shoulder as Rae was talking animatedly about a road trip she’d taken with her mom to Boston in the fall, and he had to consciously pry his attention away from her. He wanted to know everything about her. Every detail including how happy her childhood had been.

“I still can’t believe Jesse Hayes has bonded.” Bron squatted down next to his chair and handed him a cold bear. He clinked his bottle against Jesse’s and grinned. “And with a human, no less.”

Bron, out of everyone, would understand the strain that came with that. He and Samantha had been separated for years because of being from two different worlds. Bron nodded, and his bright eyes grew serious. “I’m happy for you. You did right by not pushing her away like I did with Sam. You saved both of you a lot of years of heartache by seeing your connection to her for what it is.”

Rae had gone quiet and leaned back against Jesse’s shoulder, listening.

“So, you don’t mind that I’m not a bear?” she asked.

“No, not me,” Bron said. “My mate was human once. The heart wants what the heart wants, but it’s not me you have to convince. My cousin over there is a harder sell.” He jerked his chin toward Ethan and winked at her.

“No, he’s not. Ethan’s a total teddy bear,” Reese said, draping her arms over her mate’s shoulders as he sipped his beer.

The firelight threw a flickering glow across Reese’s smiling face, but Ethan watched Rae with an unreadable expression. Jesse had seen that a million times, that calculating look. He hadn’t accepted his pairing with Rae.

Rae dropped her gaze, as if she had the same instincts the rest of them did around Ethan, and a soft snarl came from behind Jesse’s sternum. He didn’t want her cowed, and he sure as shit didn’t want his best friend giving her grief. “She’s been through a lot in the last couple of days, Ethan. Cut her some slack, will ya?”

“Yeah, man,” Dillon said from across the fire. “You’re being kind of a dick.”

“Not a dick,” Ethan responded in a deep, gravelly voice. “Worried about my friend is all.”

“Here’s the problem with that,” Jesse snapped. “When Reese came into your life, what did I do?”

Ethan looked away and took another draw of his beer.

“What did I do?” Jesse repeated louder.

“You supported me,” Ethan gritted out, his eyes dipping to their inhuman color. Jesse should’ve cared, but he didn’t. Not when Ethan was crossing the line like this.

“Please stop,” Rae whispered.

Jesse swallowed a snarl and tore his gaze away from Ethan’s.

“I don’t want to cause tension. It’s okay if you don’t trust me yet,” she said, swinging her attention to Ethan. “I really do get it. I’ve come in here and shaken everything up, and you need more time to assess if I’m a good fit for your clan or not. I know I would be the only human under you, and that changes the dynamic for your people. I can wait. I care about Jesse. I can be patient and earn your trust.”

The silence was so thick it pressed an uncomfortable weight across Jesse’s shoulders. He wanted his best friend to accept his mate, but he couldn’t tell what Ethan was thinking as he stared at Rae with burning, silver eyes that reflected like an animal’s in the firelight.

No one spoke or moved. The night birds in the trees had gone quiet, as if they were affected by the grim change in mood.

Ethan leaned over to a cooler by his chair, popped the lid, and tossed Rae a beer. “Then stay. Your probation is lifted, and you can leave whenever you want, but I’m inviting you to stay and be a part of my clan. Stay for Jesse.”

Rae sat up straighter and nodded slowly as moisture rimmed her eyes. Her lip quivered as she looked at the faces of the people Jesse loved the most. The Cress alphas, Dillon, Logan, and their mates. A single tear fell to her cheek as she returned her gaze to Ethan’s. “Okay,” she said thickly.

Jesse straightened in the chair and gripped her leg. “Okay, what?”

“Yes,” she said, face crumpling under her emotions as she cupped his cheeks. “I’ll stay for you. I’ll be a part of this clan.”

Unable to contain himself, Jesse shot up with her in his arms and squeezed her against him. He swayed and buried his face against her shoulder. “Tell me you’re serious.”

A short laugh escaped her lips, and she sniffled and held onto his neck. “I wouldn’t joke right now. Not about this. My answer is yes.”

Reese squealed. That’s the only word that could describe the sound that came from her throat. She bounded over to them and threw her arms around both of them, then Samantha joined, then Muriel and Breshia.

Rae looked from face to beaming face and looked so happy, tears and all.

No matter what was coming their way, no matter what they had yet to deal with, they were in this together, him and his mate.

He wasn’t alone anymore, and a weight he hadn’t known he’d been carrying lifted from his shoulders. He wanted to cry with her, to hold her all night and reward her for making him so happy. He wanted to protect her, always, and take care of her until she wanted for nothing.

He wasn’t going to fail Rae.

Not now, not ever.

****

Happiness like this should be illegal.

Rae held onto Jesse’s taut waist for dear life as he sped over another hill. All four wheels of the ATV under them came off the ground. She squeaked as they landed, and Jesse hit the gas again. She couldn’t stop laughing if her life depended on it right now.

If this was what the Seven Devils clan considered work, then she needed to sign up for some ranger training. Sure, it was serious. They were making certain there weren’t illegal traps set in the woods, and that there were no signs of poachers or hikers who’d lost their way, but getting to each lookout point was a joy ride. Jesse took a thin trail near a cliff and steered the four-wheeler higher up the mountain.

When they reached a ridge, he slowed, then stopped. Pulling her from the seat, he said, “I want to show you something.”

Mmm hmm. She was sure he needed to show her
his
something. He’d shown her that twice already today. But when she opened her mouth to make a joke of it, he spun her shoulders and pressed her back against his chest.

She gasped at the scenery below them. Piney hills and mountains stretched like ocean waves as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, in a valley at the edge of the range, she could make out the town of Joseph. She’d known Oregon had beautiful country, but she hadn’t known it was like this. This land took her breath away.

“Joseph looks so small from here,” she whispered, afraid to disturb the serenity of this place.

“Look.” Jesse pointed to a bare spot in the thick foliage two hills to their right. “That’s your home, Rae. That’s ranger camp.

Home.

Warmth settled over her as the word left his lips. It burrowed into her middle until she felt changed from the inside out. She’d been searching for something to fill a void all of her life, and this was it. This was the moment that she would look back on for the rest of her days and know it was profound. That it was the instant she accepted her place here in Hells Canyon with the people she was growing to love. With Jesse.

Even if she couldn’t give him cubs. Even if the only family she was ever going to have was him, that would be okay. Everything was going to be all right. The sadness of the last few years, and all of those awful feelings of failure, lifted from her soul. She could finally breathe again.

“Jesse?” Ethan said over the radio. His voice sounded grim. “We need you back at camp right away.”

“Why? What’s happened?”

“Just…hurry.” Static blasted over the speaker, and Jesse frowned at the walkie-talkie in his hand.

He helped Rae back onto the ATV and sped down the mountain. This wasn’t the exhilarating ride the trip up here had been. Going back to camp was fueled by curiosity, and perhaps dread, of the unknown. Jesse had gone quiet, and his muscles were so tense, his back felt like a bag of stones against her cheek.

When they pulled into the clearing of the ranger camp, it seemed every shifter in the Seven Devils clan had gathered. Confused, she smiled at Reese and gave a half-wave.

Reese looked scared. Or pissed. Or maybe a bit of both as her mate talked low to a woman Rae hadn’t seen before on the edge of the crowd.

The woman looked furious. Her sandy-blond hair twitched as she made an angry gesture, and said something too low for Rae to make out. When her eyes landed on Rae, such a look of hatred took over her face, Rae shrank behind Jesse’s back.

“Fuck,” Jesse said. He caste a quick glance at her, then dismounted. “Rae, this isn’t the way I wanted to do this. I wanted to tell you when I took you out tonight, where it would be special and I could explain.”

“Explain what?”

A little boy ran from the middle of the crowd and Jesse stooped to catch him. Kneeling in the dirt, he clutched the boy to him like he was a part of himself he’d been missing.

“Hey, boy,” Jesse said through a faltering smile.

Feeling like her world was spinning, Rae stood and took a tentative step toward them. “Jesse?”

His broad shoulders lifted as if to shield himself from the uncertainty in her voice. He pulled the boy in front of him. Solemn green eyes, the shade of Jesse’s, stared back at her as the child clutched his hands in front of him. His hair was the shade of the woman’s who was now approaching. But his eyes…those were Jesse’s.

A tiny gasp left her lips as realization crashed through her.

“Rae,” Jesse rumbled low as he watched her. “This is my son, Jonathan. Jonathan, this is Rae.”

Betrayal stung like the lash of a whip. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Surely, having a child wasn’t worth hiding from someone he’d bonded to. “You let me go on and on about how we would never have a family. You watched me cry over it.” She pitched her voice louder as the first embers of anger singed her insides. “Why, Jesse?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but the woman answered for him. “Because you don’t belong here, and you can’t be trusted. The clan has decided you are to leave immediately.”

Rae wanted to snap. She wanted to scream and accuse, but she didn’t understand the dynamic here. Jesse said he’d moved on. He hadn’t, however, told her his ex was a manipulative little demon who could turn the clan against her. Gritting her teeth so hard her face hurt, Rae said, “The clan was fine with me yesterday.” She dragged her gaze from Jonathan to his fuming mother.

“Well, I’m home now. I’m Jesse’s mate, and we are making our family work. You aren’t welcome here.”

“Stop it,” Jesse said so low, Rae could barely hear him. He sat kneeling in the dirt, his long legs folded under him as he held his son’s small hand.

“Jesse, you promised we’d work this out—”

“Enough!” he roared in a voice that sounded more animal than man.

The claw mark on her arm throbbed with remembered pain, and she looked down at Jonathan in horror. He was too close to Jesse, and from the empty look in Jesse’s eyes, his bear was coming.

“Jonathan, come to me,” she said, holding out her hand slowly, so she wouldn’t make Jesse defensive. “You shouldn’t hear this. Let’s go back in your house until things settle down, hmm?”

Jonathan took a step toward her.

“Don’t you dare,” Miranda snarled out. “Get the fuck away from my family.”

Rae’s heart was pounding so hard, her chest hurt with every beat. If she did what this crazy woman said, it would set Jesse off. If the woman continued to approach in that slow, calculating way she was doing, it would set him off, too.

“Okay, Jonathan, can you go to your Mom?”

Jesse’s chest was heaving, and he swayed.

“She’s not my mom,” Jonathan said in a ragged whisper.

Well, fuck it all then. Rae lurched forward and grabbed Jonathan’s shoulders, then pulled him toward her.