Heart of the Bear (Hells Canyon Shifters Book 5) (7 page)

Pushing her shoulders back until he could look at her, he said, “I heard what you said about that when you were in Muriel’s house holding that little baby. Yesterday, I was talking about our inability to breed because we can’t. Humans and bears don’t work. I didn’t know you were talking about struggling with infertility.”

“When I told you Matt deserved better, and that you didn’t understand, this is what I was talking about. He wanted kids. We both did, but I was always going to be empty, so I let him go. I like getting his Christmas cards. I know how stupid that sounds, but it makes me feel like I did the right thing. It makes everything I went through feel worth it.”

“God, woman.” Jesse adjusted her hips so she straddled his lap. He ran his hands through her hair slowly, searching her eyes with a look of such reverence. “You care so much about other people. Do you want a family, Rae?”

Her throat was closing in on itself, making it hard to talk. “More than anything.”

He brushed away moisture from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs and massaged the back of her neck with his long fingers. “Then you’ll have one. Maybe it won’t be the one you imagined, but we’ll build one if you want to.”

“Jesse,” she whispered. “That’s a huge promise to make someone you just met.”

“Bullshit. It’s different for us now, Rae. If you’ll stay here with me and give us a chance, I’ll give you anything. I’ll do anything to make you happy. If it’s a family you want, we’ll build one.”

“How? You said it yourself. We can’t have children. Even if I could, we can’t breed, right?” Another obstacle, and now a family felt even more impossible if she chose to stay with Jesse. But looking into his eyes, seeing how affected he was by her heartache, it was hard not to consider how happy she could be here in Hells Canyon with him.

“I don’t know yet. I don’t have all the answers you need, but I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you have the family you want someday.” His voice hitched. “I saw you in there, holding that baby. Looking at him.” He swallowed hard. “I wish…shit.”

“You wish what?”

“I wish I’d met you sooner.”

Confused, she shook her head and touched the gold-red scruff that adorned his jawline. “What would that have changed?”

She could almost see him close off. His eyes dimmed, and he looked away. “I want to tell you everything.” His voice sounded raw and gravelly, and when he brought his eyes back to hers, they were lined with silver. “You’ll have to be patient with me.”

“Okay,” she said. “I can wait.”

“Will you stay here with me? Will you try?”

“Stay as your girlfriend?” she asked, baffled with how serious this question seemed. Staying here for a few days more was one thing. Jesse sounded like he was asking for something more.

“No, Rae. I want you to jump with me.” He lifted her bandaged arm to his lips and kissed it lightly. “I want you as my mate.”

Mate. The rightness of the word settled into her chest, easing something tight there. Was that was this was? “That sounds big.”

“It is.”

“If I stay, you promise not to run anymore? You’ll stay and work through whatever comes our way?”

“I promise.”

“I don’t want to just play house, Jesse. I already care so deeply for you, and you have the ability to hurt me now, too. The way you treated me last night hurt worse than anything I can remember. Me staying is a big move for both of us.”

“I know it is, but I’m already yours. My bear is already yours. Tell me I won’t be alone with this.” He lifted her hair and cupped the back of her neck. “Jump, Rae.”

Her heart was drumming with what it would mean to be Jesse’s mate. He was powerful and important to his clan, but that wasn’t what had her heart reaching for him. More important than all of that, he was a good man—a caring one who’d been tender with her. One who’d protected her at cost to his physical comfort. “I’ll think about it,” she murmured, a smile stretching the corners of her mouth.

His ruddy eyebrows shot up, and he tilted his chin to his chest, like he couldn’t believe what she’d just said. “Really? That’s not a
no
. You thinking about it feels like a win right now.”

She giggled and burrowed against his chest. How did he do that? Make her feel breathless like this? How could a man so consuming look at her like he’d won the lottery?

He brushed the neck of her shirt to the side, then caressed the length of her neck. A shiver trembled up her spine and landed in her shoulders. She closed her eyes at his touch. “I thought you were going to throw me away,” she whispered.

“Never. I’m sorry you felt like that. It was my fault for handling this badly. You’re worth the risk, Rae.”

She searched his eyes, but all they held was honesty. He meant every word he was saying, and she fell for him a little harder. Leaning forward, she kissed him softly, then pulled away, suddenly feeling shy.

A small smile crooked his lips, and he brushed her hair away from her shoulder. His fingers trailed down her ribcage, and when his palms landed on top of her legs, still straddled over his lap, he squeezed her thighs. His strong hands conjured a tingling sensation between her legs, and instinctively, she rocked forward against his hips.

With a soft growl, he kissed her. Time didn’t matter here in Jesse’s truck. On and on he touched her, nuzzling her and grazing his teeth against her lips. He adored her body, kissing, cupping, caressing, stroking. The hem of her shirt lifted as he brushed her skin. Angling his head, he brushed his tongue against hers and she was lost. She was in it now. This wasn’t just some fling like she’d tried to convince herself. She was falling in love with him. It had been instant, as if she was falling from the stars, and the journey down left her breathless. But she was helpless to stop her feelings now. Maybe this was the way with shifters. Perhaps it was supposed to happen fast like this. Or perhaps she’d just been ready for Jesse to come in and shake up her life.

Gentle sucking turned more urgent, and Jesse’s thick erection pressed against the front of her jeans.

“Rae, I didn’t do this like I wanted to last night,” he murmured, barely taking his lips from hers.

When she unsnapped his button and pulled at his zipper, his hips bucked against her hand.

“Woman, wait,” he gritted out, grasping her hands. “I had this romantic picnic planned to convince you to stay. I went and bought every good food from every good restaurant in Joseph so I could show you the benefits of staying here.”

“You were going to convince me to stay with food?”

“Well…no. Not only food. That was just part of my pitch.”

She looked through the back window into the bed of the truck. Three coolers were lined up back there. “Oh, my gosh, that’s the most romantic thing a man has ever done for me.”

Jesse beamed, and she was completely taken with his smile. Straight, white teeth and those compelling lips of his, always right on the verge of a grin. God, he was stunning.

Rubbing the whiskers on his face, he leaned his head back against the bench seat. “Your choice—a picnic in the woods or take this all back to my place.”

A romantic picnic with Jesse was tempting because she’d never had someone go to so much trouble for a date with her before. But then again, the thought of eating in his home, of sharing his bed and getting to know the place he loved was enough to have her sliding off his lap and buckling her seatbelt. “Take me home.”

The grin dipped from his face, then returned slowly, like she’d stunned him. “Home it is.”

“I miss being handcuffed,” Jesse said as he pulled his old Ford in front of his cabin. “It gave me an excuse to hold your hand.”

Oh, the butterflies got her stomach when the man said sweet things like that. She’d thought he’d been holding her hand yesterday for comfort, to ease the strain on the cuffs, but his admission said he’d enjoyed touching her. “You don’t need an excuse anymore, Jesse. I’m yours now, and you’re mine.”

His answering smile made her stomach flutter. “Don’t open that door yet, princess.”

She used to hate when he called her that, but now she liked it. He wasn’t calling her spoiled or prim. He just seemed to like calling her a pet name. She’d been prepared to be angry with him over how he’d acted last night, but he’d been honest and open with her. And she was scared, too, so she understood his reaction.

After he passenger door opened, he offered his hand and placed his other behind his back gallantly. And standing there with his hair escaping its binding in the stiff breeze, with that radiant smile, she was overcome with emotion. She hugged his shoulders instead, feet dangling a foot off the ground. Jesse looked surprised, but his hands moved up her back, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight. They stood there, embracing for so long. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek on his shoulder, inhaling his crisp, masculine scent. This morning, it was all pine and woods, with an undercurrent of his animal, and the clean smell of some faint cologne he’d put on.

He’d dressed up for their date. He’d spent all night thinking about her, weighing the pros and cons, and decided he didn’t want to live without her. For such a dominant animal, Jesse was sensitive to her needs and feelings.

With slow, rhythmic circles, he rubbed her back. He didn’t seem embarrassed that he was in the Seven Devils camp where his clan could see him being affectionate with a human woman. He just seemed content to have her in his arms.

“I’ve been waiting for you a long time,” she murmured against his neck.

His heartbeat pounded faster against her chest. “Me, too.”

“Jesse, the girls said humans and bears weren’t allowed to be together. It’s why Samantha was turned.”

His grip on her tightened, then he set her down and cupped her cheeks. “It’ll be different for us. Ethan will support me, and if I can win my last fight, I’ll be second. I’ll be in a better position to keep you.”

“Will your people be mad at you?”

He shook his head slightly, and such a helpless look washed through his eyes. “I don’t know. You won’t have to turn, though, I promise. You can stay just as you are, and we’ll make it work.”

Good. Samantha said she’d almost died to turn for her mate, Bron. It would be different if Rae could have children, and that was her only shot at having a family with Jesse, but she’d never give him a cub in any form, so there wasn’t much point to putting a bear inside of her.

And she’d seen Jesse’s change. She’d seen Shay’s, and she’d seen Bear, Ethan’s barely controlled animal. She didn’t want to fight for her body. Not like the shifters had to do for theirs.

Jesse intertwined his fingers with hers and led her through the front door.

“You don’t lock your door?” she asked.

“Don’t need to. Bears are territorial. It goes against our instincts to enter another den without being invited.”

She lifted her gaze to the unmade bed in the loft. It must be for guests. “Are all of the cabins the same on the inside?”

“Yeah. I mean, we all have our own tastes with fixing up our own homes, but the floorplan is the same. Wait here, and I’ll go grab our lunch.”

Jesse came back with all three coolers stacked one on top of the other. She held open the door wider in an attempt to help, but he didn’t seem to need it. In fact, the heavy looking load looked as light as a stack of magazines in his unstrained arms. He’d seemed strong, but maybe she’d underestimated how physically powerful he was.

He set them down in the entryway and straightened to his full height. With a wicked grin, he rested his hands on her lower back and swayed from side to side as he backed her against the wall. His stony erection pressed against her belly, causing her knees to buckle.

A soft noise of abandon escaped her lips, and he rubbed the swell of her ass. It was clear Jesse was a butt man. She stifled a smile and lifted her eyes to the ceiling as he kissed her neck. She’d grown more comfortable in her skin around him. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes from her for long, and he was so open with his attraction for her that it made it hard to feel insecure.

“I want to see you,” he rumbled against her throat, as if reading her mind.

Jesse undressed her slow, careful to suck and kiss each inch of skin he exposed. And when only her bra and panties were left, he stood back. “I like these,” he said, fingering the strap of the red, lacy bra she wore.

Good to know.
Jesse was apparently also a lingerie man.

Sucking gently on her ear lobe, he murmured, “Turn around.”

She did as he said, and he trailed his fingertips down her bare arms until he reached her hands. Then he placed those up against the wall, just over her head. Slowly, seductively, he slid her panties down her legs until they tickled her ankles, and she stepped out of them. Her bra fell next.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, caressing her ass again.

She grinned at the wall as the sound of his zipper filled the room. “Bears like it from behind?”

His chuckle was rich and deep. “I can’t speak for all bears, but I’ve been thinking about this part of you since I saw you get out of that car yesterday.”

His shaft brushed her slick folds as he leaned against her, and she arched back against him.

“I like how wet you get for me,” he said, biting her neck gently.

His skin brushed hers again and she whimpered. “Please, Jesse.”

“Please what, Rae? Tell me what you want.”

“I want… I want you to touch me. I want all of you.”

He pressed the head of his cock inside of her and withdrew, the tease. His hand slid from her waist to between her legs, and he rubbed her oversensitive clit with his fingertip.

Gasping, her legs locked and she pushed off the wall. He backed away and looked confused, but she’d been harboring a raging fire inside of her since she’d straddled Jesse in the truck, and she was so done with games. She needed release.

“Rae?” Jesse asked, his tone worried.

Ignoring him, she flattened her palms against a bench that sat near the door and bent at the waist. Glancing over her shoulder, she smiled wickedly at Jesse’s dumbfounded, wide-eyed expression. As he watched her, she spread her legs farther, and wiggled her hips.

“Oh, you don’t play fair, princess.”

“Now, Jesse.”

His breath shook, and he pulled a slow stroke of his thick erection as he approached. As she arched her back for him, he slid into her slowly. She groaned with how good the stretch felt—with how good Jesse felt inside of her.

He pulled one of her hands between her legs and pressed her fingers against her clit, then he grabbed her waist. She could feel the movement of his cock against her fingertips as he pressed in and drew out, and a delicious tremble rippled up her spine.

Jesse gripped her hips and thrust into her again and again. The closer she got to the edge, the harder his fingers dug into her. She loved it. She loved how his control was slipping. He was barely hanging on because of her. Because of how she looked and because of how deeply he felt for her.

“Rae,” he gritted out as his pace quickened.

She met him thrust for thrust and cried out as the pleasure became too much. Jesse bucked forward, and his much larger hand slammed down on the bench next to hers. He reached around between her legs and pressed her fingertips harder against herself, then groaned as his powerful hips rammed against her. Then he froze.

Her orgasm crashed through her as the first jets of Jesse’s warmth shot into her. She clenched her fist around his on the bench and closed her eyes at how good he felt spilling into her. His thrusts became shallow and erratic, and warmth trickled down her inner thighs as he emptied himself completely.

“Fuuuck, princess,” he rasped, leaning heavily onto her back.

She rested her head against the wall in front of her and smiled as their aftershocks pulsed on. This one hadn’t been painful at the end like it had been last night. The bond didn’t feel uncomfortable this time, and there was no freaking out and escaping on Jesse’s part. Instead, he eased out of her and pulled her into his arms, then carried her into his bedroom. He cleaned her gently with a moist washcloth, then climbed into bed beside her and pulled her in close.

“Jesse?” she asked in the darkness of his room.

“Yeah?”

“You have my heart.” Those were the scariest words in the world. It had taken a year to say similar sentiments to Matt, but this right here, what she had with Jesse, was entirely different. He was her mate, whatever that entailed, and he should know the depth of her feelings.

His pulse picked up its thrumming pace through his chest and against her cheek. “You have my heart, too.”