Guardian of Eden (12 page)

“I’m sorry. You can’t go.” I remained calm, but my voice was firm.

“You can’t do this to me. I’ll ask mom. She’ll let me go.” She started toward the door. I jumped off the bed and blocked her exit.

“Not if I tell her not to. Holly trusts me. She’ll agree with me.”

Eden stomped her foot and crossed her arms knowing that I was right. Holly always deferred to me when it came to important decisions.

She sulked for a moment probably trying to think of her next move. She was not one to give up so easily. “Well then I’ll ask Richard,” she said finally. “He’s the one that suggested I have a boyfriend. He thinks it’ll be good for me. I’ll get him to tell Holly that going to the dance is part of my therapy.”

“Richard wants you to have a boyfriend? What does he have to do with this?”

“Mommy will believe a doctor over you,” she responded, avoiding my question.

The fact that Richard was starting to get involved in how I raised my sister incensed me. This was not my Eden being so openly defiant toward me. Someone had poisoned her and Richard seemed to be the obvious culprit. I would have to have a little chat with him at the very next opportunity. But right then, I had to deal with Eden.

“I said you’re not going and that’s final.” I stared into her eyes as I towered over her.

My intimidation technique worked a little too well because Eden burst into tears. “Why do you hate me?” She sobbed.

I wrapped my arms around her and said, “I don’t hate you, Bug. I’m doing this because I love you. I just want to protect you.” She continued to cry. “You believe me don’t you?”

She nodded as she wiped tears away. “I believe you. I’m sorry, Garrett. I just wanted to have what you have with
Maddie
. I want someone to love me the way you love her.”

“There’ll be plenty of time for that later, okay? Just
be
a kid for now, for as long as you can.”

I wanted to wrap my sister in a magic bubble that would keep her eleven years old forever. But time and unforeseen occurrences were about to thrust her into cruel maturity.

When we got to school that morning, I met
Maddie
in front of her locker.

“I missed you,” I said after a kiss hello.

“I missed you, too.” She blushed.

“Do you want to go to Java Joe’s after school today?”

“I guess…we can…if you want…but…” She looked at her shoes. She seemed nervous. Something was wrong.

“Can you not go? If you don’t want to we don’t have to. I just wanted to be with you.”

“No, it’s not that. I want to, I definitely want to spend time with you,” she said quickly as she looked up at me. “It’s just that…” She looked down again and started
wringing
her hands. “I just had something else in mind. Um, my father left for Boston this morning and he won’t be back until Monday and so I have the place to myself so I just wanted to know if you wanted to, you know, come over or something, but you don’t have to or anything, I was just wondering. I thought we could watch a movie or something, but if you would rather get coffee that’s fine. Or if you don’t like movies or something, that’s fine too. I mean we can go to the library again if you want. It was just a thought.”

 I leaned down and kissed her so passionately I thought I felt her knees buckle.

“What time do you want me there?”

***

“Where are you going?” Eden asked that evening as I got ready.

“I’m going to see
Maddie
,” I said as I dabbed on some aftershave.

“Again?
She must be really special.” Eden came into my bedroom and sat on my bed.

“She is special. But not as special as you.” I walked to the bed and kissed the top of her head.

“Really?”
Eden smiled.

“Of course.”
I sat down next to her and slipped on my shoes.

“Can I brush your hair? Remember when we used to brush each other’s hair every night? Why don’t we do that anymore?” Eden sat on her knees and started running her fingers through my hair.

“I don’t know, Bug. I guess we just grew out of it. We can start it again tomorrow if you want, but right now I have to go. I have to catch the metro all the way back to DC and it’s already six.”

“Oh, okay,” she said as she sat back down on the bed and crossed her legs Indian style.

“Are you upset with me?” I asked when I saw the sad look in her eyes.

“No…yes…a little, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Eden.” I hugged her. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. How about Sunday you and I spend the whole day together? We can see some museums, have lunch then go to a movie, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, her mood brightening.

“Now, go do your homework and read that book of poetry I bought you. I’ll try to be back in time to tuck you in to bed.”

“I love you, Gary. And I’m glad she makes you happy. You deserve to be happy.”

***

Maddie
actually had two homes. She had a three story mansion in McLean, VA and a five bedroom condominium in DC near embassy row. That night at seven, I met her at the condo. When I got there, she had popcorn, chips, and brownies out on the table. She also had several DVD’s picked out for me to peruse. So she really did want to watch a movie. I had to admit, I felt a little disappointed.

“The brownies are organic and sugar-free. It’s all we have.” She admitted. “But I can send out for some different ones if you want.” She took my coat and hung it on a hanger.

“I’m sure these will be fine.” I said as I looked around her elegant home. The furniture looked antique and expensive. I didn’t want to touch anything for fear I would diminish its value. I think
Maddie
noticed my discomfort.

“You can have a seat if you like.” She smiled and gestured for the couch. “Oh, um, let me get you something to drink.”
Maddie
dashed off to the kitchen as I sat on the couch.

“You’re still in your uniform,” I said when she came back holding two glasses. I felt overdressed in my khakis and button down shirt. I actually borrowed a tie from Corbin. What was I thinking?

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t have time to change. I actually just got here. I had a doctor’s appointment after school. The maid set up the snacks and everything for us before she left for the day.”
Maddie
handed me a glass then took a sip out of hers as if that’s all she wanted to say about it. I gulped down the orange juice for lack of anything else to do. “Do you want some more?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said setting the empty glass on the table in front of us. Time ticked on through our awkward silence as
Maddie
started to nervously tap her glass. Why didn’t I just lean over and kiss her?

“So, your dad’s gone for the weekend?” I asked finally. She smiled meekly and nodded all the while continuing to tap on her glass. Another silence fell.
“Um,
Maddie
?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you so nervous?”

“Oh my God, is it that obvious? I’m such an idiot.”
Maddie
bolted off the couch and tried to retreat into the kitchen, but I stood and touched her hand. When I turned her toward me, she got off balance and spilled her drink all over my shirt. “Oh, my God, oh my God, I’m so stupid. I didn’t mean…here.” She took off her sweater and started dabbing my chest.

“It’s fine. I’m okay. It’s just a little orange juice. No big deal.”

“I can wash it for you. Just let me…” She started to unbutton my shirt.

“Don’t!” I almost yelled as I grabbed her wrists.
Maddie’s
lips quivered and tears instantly welled in her magnificent eyes. What kind of a monster was I to raise my voice to her? I just couldn’t let her take off my shirt.

I pulled her close to me and let her cry.

“I’m such a loser. I wanted this to be special, but instead I’m a total
spaz
and I spilled juice on you and now you don’t even want me to touch you.”

“Oh, God,
Maddie
, it’s not you. It’s…” I lifted her chin and stared into those pools of blue. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs then planted a soft kiss on her lips. She smiled through the tears and warmed my soul. She slowly melted away the emotional barriers I’d developed. Barriers that needed to come down once and for all.

I took her hand, sat her back down on the couch and said, “It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me. You have no idea how much I want that. I’m just afraid that if you know…that if you see…that if you get too close to me, the truth will scare you away.”
Maddie
looked confused. The only way for her to understand would be to show her. I unbuttoned my shirt. When I opened it fully, she gasped and covered her mouth.

“Garrett, what happened to you?”

I pulled my shirt closed in shame. I didn’t want to go into the whole story, but it was too late now. She’d already seen the abuse.

“When I was nine,” I began, “my mother dated this guy who tried to rape her, but I was there to protect her. I stabbed him with a knife.” My mind flashed back to the scene. I saw the blood streaming down his leg. I felt the pain of the broken arm he caused.

 “After that,” I continued, “my therapist and social worker thought it would be best if we didn’t have knives in our house. She took them away. I was defenseless. About a year later, Eden’s father came back into our lives.

"Joel had always hated me. I knew that. But he fed my mother a few lines about how he’d changed and she believed him. One night, my mother was at work. Eden was on the couch sleeping next to Joel as he watched TV. I sat in the corner just watching him. I wanted to make sure Eden was safe. I remember a lit ember from his cigarette fell and burned his bare chest.”

I paused.
Maddie
placed my hands in hers once she noticed they were shaking. “He looked at me and accused me of laughing at him. ‘You think that’s funny, nigger?’ he said. I told him I wasn’t laughing, but he didn’t believe me. Then he held the lit cigarette above Eden and said ‘I bet you won’t think it’s funny if it happened to your sister’.”

Maddie
inhaled sharply. I didn’t want to finish the story. I hadn’t told anyone about this, not even Richard. Somehow I had managed to bury this episode into the deep recesses of my mind. I took deep slow breaths in order to continue without breaking down.

“I wanted to kill him. I wanted to strangle the life out of him with my bare hands. I wanted to slice out his heart. He made me choose. It was either Eden or me. I couldn’t let him hurt my sister. He took that cigarette and burned me over and over and over. And then he lit another one and did it again.” My voice leapt an octave, but I set aside the pain.