Guardian of Eden (11 page)

Maddie
sat outside on the front steps hugging her knees when I caught up with her.

“Do you need to go home?” I asked, as I placed her coat around her shoulders.

She shook her head. “Not really, he was just calling to say he’s working late. He does that a lot.
Works late.
I think that’s why he calls me like every half hour or whatever. It makes him feel like he’s still my father and a part of my life or something.”

I sat next to her and set our backpacks in front of me. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Up until this point,
Maddie
and I had shied away from talking about our personal lives too much. I think we both sought each other as an escape from the demons that haunted us. This was the first time she’d said anything remotely specific about her father.

“Well, do you want to come to my house for a little while?” I asked, sensing that she really didn’t want to be alone.

“Can I?”

The house was empty when we arrived. I assumed Holly, Eden, and Corbin were at Corbin’s studio, but I really didn’t dwell on it for too long. Instead, I thought about the fact that
Maddie
and I were alone, together, in my house.
Alone.
The excitement of that realization consumed me. I wondered if she felt the same. If she wanted me half as much as I wanted her, this was going to be a memorable afternoon.

“
Um, do you want something to drink? Are you hungry? I can make you something. I’m a pretty good cook.”

Maddie
smiled, “I’m fine with water.”

I went in the kitchen to pour her a glass of water. When I returned to the living room, she was gone. I found her lurking in the hallway.

“I assume this is your room,” she said after she’d opened my door and stepped in.

“How can you tell?” I placed her glass on the dresser then wrapped my arms around her.

“I think the decor, or lack thereof, gives it away. I mean, I peeked into Eden’s room and it’s adorable.
A little too purple for my taste, but adorable.
This is just bland, bland,
bland
.” She smiled and kissed me.

I had to admit, I hadn’t put much effort into making this room really mine. I think something inside me felt I wouldn’t be living in Corbin’s house for too long. Things in my life just never went that well.

“
You should let me decorate for you,” she said between kisses. “Seriously, I saw the perfect comforter and curtains for you.”

I lifted her up and placed her on top of the dresser as I continued to kiss her neck and ignore her ramblings about bedspreads. I really wanted to toss her on the bed and ravage her, but I didn’t want to be too presumptuous. In the back of my mind, however, I hoped this kissing would lead to something else. I hoped that she had wandered into my bedroom for a reason.

“
They’re perfect,” she said, distracting me from my desires. “They’re white with black words scrolled across. You can even have them custom made and get whatever words you want written on them. Since you love words so much, we can get some of your favorites on them.
And since they’re in black and white –.”
Maddie
froze and breathed in sharply.

“What? What is it?” I pulled away from her and looked into her eyes.

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be black and white. That’s not why I thought of it. I thought you would like it because of the word thing that’s all. I wasn’t trying to imply anything about your race.”

Why would she even think that? I wondered whether she was really with me for me, or if my race some sort of novelty for her. Or worse, was she dating a black guy just so she could upset her father and get attention from him? “
Maddie
, does my race bother you?”

“
No, no not at all,” she said quickly, too quickly. “I just want you to know that it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t want you to think that I care about it…’cause I don’t. I just care about you and how you make me feel. I’ve never been happier than…than when
I’m
with you, Garrett.”

The excitement of having her in my room quickly waned as I thought about the possibility of her feelings for me not being genuine. I began to doubt myself, to doubt her. A normal teenage boy probably wouldn’t care, but I was not a normal teenage boy. I couldn’t want someone who didn’t want me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and turned away from her.

“Garrett,” she said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly while resting her head on my shoulder.

We stayed there, holding each other, speaking silent words of devotion for what seemed like forever. Then we both jumped at the sound of a car door.
Maddie
nearly fell off the dresser. We made it back to the living room just as Corbin opened the front door with Eden a step behind.

“
Holly’s not here?” Corbin asked as he set a bag of groceries on the kitchen table.

I shook my head. “I thought she was with you?”

“
Nope.
I haven’t seen her all day. Eden’s been helping me out at the studio all afternoon.” Eden nodded her head slowly in agreement, while not taking her eyes off of
Maddie
. Soon an awkward silence fell as Corbin too began to stare at
Maddie
. I realized I hadn’t introduced her or explained why she was there.

“I’m Garrett’s friend,
Maddie
,” she volunteered while extending her hand to Corbin.

Friend?
Why did she keep calling me her friend?

As I got ready for school the next day, Eden came into my room and sat quietly on the floor. I knew she wanted to talk to me about something, but I thought it best to let her do so in her own time. I busied myself by organizing my backpack and making my bed, anything to waste time until Eden was ready to bring up what was on her mind.

For lack of anything else to do, I picked up my dictionary, sat on my bed, and began my search for the word of the day. Usually, I just opened the dictionary and randomly pointed to a word. Today, in order to prolong the process, I decided to actually look at the words and pick out a ‘pretty’ one just like Grandma Jean used to do. I smiled at the memory of her. I wondered if, wherever she was, she knew how much of an influence she’d had on my life. Would I have the same love of words if she hadn’t instilled the value of them into me at such a young age? I still remembered how we would walk through the neighborhood hand in hand and she would point to signs and ask me to read them to her. I could have easily lied to her about what they said and made up my own thing, but I would never do that to Grandma Jean. I loved and respected her too much. She would also take me to libraries in rich neighborhoods where they would have story time for the kids. She put so much effort into trying to make me a good and educated person. I hoped I’d never let her down.

 I was lost in memories of my Grandmother when Eden said, “Garrett, am I too young to have a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?”
I closed the dictionary and placed it on the bed trying to remain calm. I knew I would one day have to have this conversation with her, but I never thought it would be so soon. “Yes, you’re too young. Why would you even ask that? You’re 11 years old.” The goal of remaining calm proved harder than I thought.

Eden hugged her knees and stared at her shoes. She frowned as if she had a secret she didn’t want to share.

“Is there something you want to tell me? Did someone ask you out?”

“Well, Adam Roberts
kinda
asked me to the eighth grade dance and I
kinda
want to go with him.” Eden looked up at me with her brown green eyes as if pleading with me to give her permission. I felt honored that she had asked me instead of Holly or Corbin. I guessed that over the years I felt like more of a parent to her than either one of them ever could.

I sighed, relieved that she was only concerned about some silly little middle school dance. I hoped I could delay the inevitable sex talk. It was a subject Holly should address with her, but I knew from experience that my mother didn’t always do what she should do.

“Going to a dance with a boy doesn’t mean you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, Eden. It’s just a date. One date is okay, but if he asks for anything more that’s absolutely not okay.”

Eden was pleased with this response. She stood up, kissed me on the cheek then skipped off to her bedroom probably to find something to wear to the dance even though it was more than a week away. I relaxed on my bed and continued my search for a word of the day. I knew it would be at least another twenty minutes before Eden was ready to head off to school.

As I skimmed the pages, my mind began to wrestle with the idea of my baby sister going on dates. Even though it was just a dance that would be chaperoned by probably the most uptight set of faculty known to man, it was still a date. I was sixteen and
I
hadn’t even had a real date.
Though I hoped to change that soon with
Maddie
.

Then another thought entered my mind. This boy Adam was in the eighth grade. I was in the eighth grade when I lost my virginity. And why would an eighth grader want to go out with a sixth grader anyway?

I slammed the dictionary shut then stormed off to Eden’s room.

I found her talking excitedly on the phone, probably with
Tracee
, her best friend.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I sat next to her on her bed trying to think of the best way to phrase my words. I knew she wouldn’t be happy with me to say the least.

“Okay, Tray, I’ll see you at school and I’ll show you a picture of the dress. I borrowing it from one of the models at my dad’s studio,” she said into the phone before hanging up.

Her dad’s studio?
She now considered Corbin her dad? I didn’t know how I felt about that. I was glad that she had a father figure in her life and that she was comfortable enough with Corbin to call him dad. I couldn’t even do that with my own biological father. But that could’ve been because of deeper psychological reasons. After all I had been through with the men in Holly’s life, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to trust a man enough to call him dad.

Eden crossed her legs Indian style and stared up at me expectantly waiting for what was so important that I would interrupt a conversation with
Tracee
.

“I’ve been thinking and I’ve changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“About the dance.
I don’t think you should go.”

“
You changed your mind? From like 30 seconds ago? What do you mean you changed your mind?” Eden hopped off the bed and confronted me.

 “
I just think you should wait until you’re a little older. There will be plenty of time for dances later.” I kept my voice as calm and even as possible.

“But, Garrett, you already said yes. I already told
Tracee
. She’s so excited that I’m going to be the only sixth grader at the eighth grade dance. I was the only sixth grader invited. I have to go!” Tears of anger and disappointment welled in her eyes. I couldn’t really comprehend why this meant so much to her. I guessed it was a girl thing.