Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (35 page)

“I guess,” I offered as I started to calm down
again. “But I loved him anyway. Doesn’t that count for
something?”

“Every time you fall in love it counts for
something,” he said as he traced my face with his finger. “And one
day you’ll be able to love again. I promise.”

I tried to smile at him but my face felt
completely swollen from the tear fest. He helped me off the stool
and walked me to my room. “Get some sleep,” he advised gently.
“It’ll look better in the morning.”

I nodded even though I wasn’t so
sure. The next day was the luncheon with Vanni for his birthday. At
this point I didn’t even want to be a part of it.

The next morning it took five
minutes of rubbing my face with cold wash cloths to undo the damage
from the night before. There were dark circles under my eyes, which
were puffy and red. Much as I didn’t like to, I had to employ
layers of makeup to look somewhat normal for the challenge
ahead.

I was glad Graham wasn’t around when I finally
left for the event, I would have hated for him to think I was
trying to get Vanni’s attention. I knew by now that was a lost
cause.

Since George had been up all the previous night
with colic, Alana had to skip the last event on our itinerary. It
was up to me to set things up and keep the flow going with all the
fans, who already knew me by now as one to approach when they were
dissatisfied with how things were going.

I wanted to tell them all to get a grip, that
they had no idea what it was like to truly be spurned by Giovanni
Carnevale. But then I reminded myself that maybe I didn’t know
their whole stories. I had read the fan mail. I knew more than
anyone what went on “behind closed doors” with the fans.

Maybe that was why some of them were as
dismissive with me as they were with Kat. They felt that they had a
solid connection with Vanni that nothing, even his douche bag
behavior, could render null and void.

The only one learning her place in
this whole scenario was me.

When Vanni arrived there was no getting around
my having to interact with him. If I thought being put in my place
as a lowly groupie would lessen the devastating effects of those
dark brown eyes when they finally met mine, I was sadly mistaken.
My breath caught and I could only pray that a flush didn’t invade
my cheeks.

He didn’t say much as I helped
organize him for the event. I provided notes for different gifts
that had been given, and handed him the stack of cards his fans had
prepared for him. Even more disconcerting than his avoidance was
the way he was staring into my eyes. I tried not to stumble over
myself or stammer like an idiot.

I prayed for the day I could wake up and Vanni
would have zero effect on me. At this rate my ego felt like a
pinball being battered about a sadistic machine he had a bag full
of quarters to keep playing.

“And that’s it,” I concluded before I turned
away at last.

“That’s it?” he asked in a low
voice.

I turned back like the pathetic fool I cursed
myself for being. “What else could there be?”

He stood and placed himself just inches from
me. “You could wish me a happy birthday,” he said. “Or is my card
in here?” He referred to the stack of cards in his hand.

“No,” I said as I tipped my
chin.

“Too good for me now, I guess?” he offered.
“Now that you’re staying with the boss.”

So that was it. He was really livid
that I had decided to stay with Graham, even though nothing had
really happened so far. “I just didn’t think it would be
appropriate,” I answered, keeping it deliberately vague. Let him
think what he wanted. He was obviously going to do that
anyway.

But the minute I turned away he had his hand on
my arm in an iron grip. I steeled my spine as I glared up at him.
“You’re hurting me,” I gritted between clinched teeth.

He bent down to where his face was inches from
mine. “Ditto.”

With that he released me and stalked off to his
luncheon.

The air was thick with tension, and I was
certain the fans could feel it even though he tried to put on a
happy face for everyone. Maybe Kat had talked to him about his
distancing himself from his fans, but I doubted it.

More likely he was trying to get
even with me.

He was more like the old Vanni with
everyone in the room, but barely paid me any mind at
all.

By the agonizing end of the two hour luncheon
my nerves were stretched so tight I thought I was about to burst in
two. Vanni didn’t even look my direction as he left, and had
someone else tell me he wanted to have his gifts sent over to his
house.

The house he shared with Kat. Maybe he expected
me to show up so I could see in painful detail how he’d managed to
commit to her in a way he’d never commit to me. Hell, he was even
able to commit to Lourdes in a way he couldn’t commit to me, and he
maintained that was a relationship of convenience.

I was just some girl he told he loved once,
when he didn’t want to spend the holidays alone.

Well he wasn’t alone this Christmas. And
frankly, neither was I.

I decided to indulge in some shopping therapy
before going back to Graham’s, who deserved a Christmas present
more than anyone I knew for the saintly way he was trying to help
me heal. I didn’t know what I would get for him so I went in and
out of boutiques and malls until I finally found a strip of antique
stores. I strolled around the crowded and cluttered stores, trying
to think of what would fit in that stark white “ice berg” Graham
called a home. That was when I saw the perfect gift sitting tucked
back on a shelf.

Only it wasn’t for Graham.

It was an antique metronome just
like Vanni had described on his Aunt’s piano.

Before I had a chance to reconsider I purchased
the treasure and had it wrapped and delivered to the address I
still had in my pocket. I didn’t enclose a name, but I didn’t
really have to. Unless he told that story to every groupie who
shared his bed, which I considered unlikely, he would know who
purchased it.

And if he didn’t, that was all the
better.

Maybe it was enough that he knew
someone, somewhere, cared enough about him and his past to honor a
significant relationship. Maybe, just like when he was on the
stage, it didn’t matter who it was who loved him - just that
someone did. Maybe, just maybe, the more faceless that someone was,
the better.

I came up empty with a perfect gift
for Graham, though I suspected a night in front of the fire in a
fiery orange peignoir might be all he wanted.

Who knows? If Vanni was already punishing me
for having done the deed it was time to move on from the past and
just dive into something new. Maybe the only reason I couldn’t get
Vanni out of my head was because I hadn’t forcefully evicted him
yet.

I stopped by the market to pick up some items
for dinner, taking the time to pick out some candles and flowers
for the perfect romantic night in. We hadn’t had one yet, possibly
because Graham was trying to avoid the frustrating wall I had
erected between us.

Without consciously choosing to, I began to
knock some of it down, brick by mental brick. This started with the
long bath in scented water as I roasted a chicken in the oven, and
the use of makeup and perfume to round out a much nicer outfit than
a dinner at home warranted.

By the time he came home the house was aglow
with candlelight with the air perfumed by flowers scattered
throughout the house. He found me in the kitchen, putting the final
touches on our meal.

“If you’re trying to spoil me, it’s
working,” he said with a grin as he came around the counter to
plant a kiss on my lips.

I reached up to lock my arms around his neck.
“I figured it was time to return the favor.”

His hands slid down my back toward my waist. “I
take it you feel better than last night.”

“I don’t want to talk about last night,” I said
as I reached for another kiss, this one I deepened before he
could.

“Andy,” he started but I silenced him with one
finger across his lips.

“Let’s eat.”

I led him by the hand to the set table,
something I was certain he didn’t see much of if he wasn’t
entertaining. I figured I had better start practicing my hostess
duties given his big holiday bash just days away.

I sat him down at the head of the table and
took my place opposite him. He shook his head in wonder at the
surprising turn of events. “You’re too good to me,” he
said.

“There’s no such thing,” I countered with a
smile.

He didn’t ask how things went at the
fan event for Vanni, and I didn’t offer. It was my plan not to
think of Vanni at all if I could help it, but the steady tick-tock
of the grandfather clock in Graham’s dining room would nudge me
periodically to wonder if Vanni had received his gift and what it
meant to him when he did.

After dinner I sent Graham into the living room
while I washed and put away the dishes. When I joined him we curled
on the couch to watch TV. It was a comfortable relationship, one
that made me feel safe and secure. I glanced up at Graham with such
gratitude it almost made me tear up. Maybe he was right. Maybe I
would be able to love again.

As if he sensed my eyes on his face he looked
down at me. “What?”

“Maybe you should start a fire,” I said
softly.

“If you want,” he said.

“I want.”

His eyes darkened as he searched my
face. Without another word he rose to get the fire started, and I
slipped down the hall to my bedroom.

Minutes later I re-emerged, wearing
the long, orange peignoir.

When I went back into the living room we stood
apart looking at each other for a long, wordless moment. He seemed
to soak it all in what step I was now letting him know could be
taken in our relationship. I’d made him wait for so long maybe
there was a part of him that didn’t believe it could be
true.

So I glided over to him in bare feet, and met
him where he stood by the fire.

“Andy,” he breathed as he ran his eyes over my
face and then onto my body. “You look beautiful.”

“You make me feel beautiful,” I said
as I reached for him. He took my hand in his and brought it to his
lips. He then drew me into his arms and we danced without music by
the glow of the fire.

He didn’t say much but he didn’t really need
to. I could feel his body harden and reach for me as we swayed
together in a close embrace. When he turned his face toward mine I
took the initiative to kiss him first.

He clutched me to him as he deepened the kiss
almost immediately. All those months of waiting, more than a year
if you count all the way back to Vegas, caught up with him and he
suddenly became ardent with his pent-up desire.

I responded as passionately, though
if being honest it was more forced. I still had the ghost of Vanni
in between us, and I knew it would be up to me to power through
this first time with another man.

So I pulled him down with me onto the floor
while my hands burrowed into his shirt. For a man near 50 he was
impressively fit, and those sinewy muscles rippled under my
inquisitive touch. I slammed my eyes shut to force away the images
of Vanni’s spectacular chest under my hands, and instead pulled
Graham on top of me.

He pushed away the material from my creamy
shoulders and planted hot, moist kisses along my skin. I clutched
at his back and prayed he’d stop being such a gentleman. I wanted
him to force the image of Vanni from my head with the same kind of
masterful seduction Vanni had demonstrated time and again. Even the
last time we were together in June when he pushed me up against the
wall….

“Graham,” I said out loud to quiet the raging
thoughts in my head.

His mouth blazed a trail up my neck and around
to my ear. “Say it again,” he begged in a hoarse
whisper.

That was all I could take. I had to
shove him away and scoot away. I felt like such a shit for teasing
him but I couldn’t tolerate his mouth and hands on my body with
Vanni in my head.

“I’m sorry,” I tried to explain, but I couldn’t
even look at him.

I heard him try to get his breathing
under control from behind me. “I understand,” he said softly, but
from the tone in his voice I had to wonder. I turned back to face
him, only he wasn’t looking at me either.

“Graham…” I started and I reached for him, but
he moved away.

“Goodnight, Andy,” he said before he
rose and left the room.

He was gone the next morning before
I got up and he didn’t make it home until late that evening. I had
already given up on him and gone to bed when I finally heard his
footsteps in the hall. He didn’t bother knocking, and I didn’t
bother seeking him out.

I knew it would be uncomfortable for both of
us.

By breakfast the following day he had to drop
the silent treatment. I thought it would be because of the holiday
party that night, but instead he quietly informed me that one of
the fans from the event had committed suicide.