Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (34 page)

I glanced over at him then. He stared into my
eyes for a long moment before he bent in for a kiss. I let his
mouth move tenderly over mine, but pulled away before he could
deepen it. “And what do you want, Graham?” I whispered.

“You,” he said without hesitation. He gently
eased me back on the blanket and I allowed him to position his body
over mine. Despite this intimacy, he was content to hold my hand in
his as we made out like teenagers in the sand. He didn’t press me
or try to seduce me. He was content just with the kiss.

Either that or he was afraid
anything else would scare me away, which it probably would. I had
to take it slow into any new relationship, because every time I
closed my eyes I still saw Vanni’s face.

I shivered in spite of myself, and Graham
lifted his mouth from mine. “Are you getting cold?”

“A little,” I lied.

“Let’s go in,” he said. “You can get under a
nice, warm blanket. And I can take an ice cold shower.”

I laughed as he pulled me to my feet, and he
cradled me in one arm as we walked back to his house.

The next few days followed the same
pattern. I spent my mornings with Alana, either at the house, her
place or on the phone. I’d eat lunch with Graham and spend the
afternoon at his offices, learning a bit more about the PR process.
We’d eat dinner out and then spend our nights just talking or
making out, but he’d always put the brakes on before we could get
too worked up.

He seemed to understand I was still working it
through, probably because I was more compliant than enthusiastic.
If we were to get past first base it would have to be me initiating
the play.

The man had the patience of a saint; I was sure
he needed to blast himself with arctic cold water each night just
to go to sleep. I myself was reaching a more frustrating plateau,
but didn’t feel right using Graham in that way. I wasn’t completely
sure it was Graham I wanted, or if he would be a substitute for
something (or someone) else.

So each night I would politely kiss
him goodnight before retiring to my room and snuggling down in my
pajamas to fight fitfully through the night trying not to dream of
anyone in particular.

By the time for the first fan event I was a
bundle of nerves and frustration, and even more confused than ever.
I was fairly certain I’d be testing the theory behind spontaneous
combustion if Vanni so much as spared me a glance.

As it turned out I didn’t need to
worry about that, as Vanni barely acknowledged my presence at all.
Unlike the other band members, who gave me a hug and a hello, Vanni
arrived late enough that he had to go straight into his M&G
rather than hang out with anyone. Faithful on his arm was Kat, who
at least gave me a wave, but had her hands full letting the fans
know that any romantic spot with Vanni was already
taken.

It seemed to me Vanni was put off for a variety
of reasons, and that could indeed have been one of them, but he
kept his distance even with his other band mates. Also breaking
from tradition he left earlier than anyone else, and didn’t spend
any real time with anyone in particular except for Kat.

This caused a great disturbance with the fans,
who felt short-changed by his hurried M&G. Alana and I spent
the remainder of our night appeasing those discontented with the
quality of time spent with their idol. It also didn’t escape our
notice they were most vocally upset that Kat had something to do
with it.

Regardless, tickets and spaces sold out quick
for the remainder of the events. This included a special concert
premiering new material as well as a Q & A with the band, as
well as the birthday dinner with Vanni himself.

Perhaps they held out hope that on his birthday
at least he’d be more receptive.

I kept mum about the M&G details
with Graham when I finally made it home. He’d given me his Lexus to
drive while I was in town, and by the fourth day in L.A. I had it
sort of somewhat down. Driving late at night was the trick. There
was still traffic but I could easier navigate things like freeways
without a crush of cars.

It was so late, in fact, I could
mumble something about being tired and skip our nightly routine so
I could lick my wounds in private. While I didn’t want the added
complication of Vanni’s attention, I didn’t realize how badly it
would devastate my floundering ego that he paid me no attention
whatsoever.

He truly didn’t need me anymore.

I lay on the bed, my mind racing over what
could have possibly been wrong. I reached for my cell phone on the
night stand, briefly overcome with the impulse to text him, but
left it there untouched.

I didn’t think I could handle his outright
rejection any more than I could confuse the situation with Graham.
I had to keep my distance. And suddenly that got a lot easier to
do. Maybe it really was better this way.

But I tossed and I turned all night as I
thought about Vanni with Kat, and wondered if they were as cozy as
they seemed at the event at home. Was she truly the only one who
could get to him these days?

Kudos to her, I supposed, for finally breaking
through.

The next night was the concert,
where they played old material (including my songs) as well as new
material from the upcoming CD that was due to drop on New Year’s
Day. Everyone present for the fan event got a pre-release
copy.

I noticed that they had fine-tuned their stage
show to be more of a production than a concert. Kat was front and
center, from “Wanting Her” when she caught his attention all the
way to his declaration of love. Gone were the days of Vanni’s
coming down into the audience to sing to each girl, which led to
even more rumbling.

Some fans were frankly pissed off that their
idol was now saving all of his affection for the girl writhing
around on stage.

I kept my eye on Talia, who didn’t show much
emotion while she observed these new developments. Tawnie seemed
more visibly upset, especially when she tried her level best to get
Vanni’s attention and failed.

It was much easier for me to keep an
eye on their reaction to these changes than face my own bitter
resentment that my songs now told a visual story of his
relationship to someone else.

Instead I played defense with some of the fans,
who needed a sounding board to vent their growing frustration. This
compounded when Vanni blew off the after-party with nothing more
than a casual run through before he was gone again.

By the time I headed back to Graham’s I was
pretty peeved myself. Not only was he being an enormous dickhead, I
was the one having to juggle and manage all his irate fans. It was
like I was being punished twice.

Maybe that was the method to his
madness.

The next day was the Q&A, and I was really
curious how he would blow that off. I showed up early to prepare
the room for the event, and much to my surprise spun right into the
massive chest of the man I least expected to see.

Was I imagining things or was he aggravated to
see me?

“Hello,” I offered.

“Hello,” was all he said before he sidestepped
me and stalked away.

I wasn’t imagining things. He was mad at
me.

Instead of seeking him out I instead found Kat,
who had taken her spot toward the back of the room. “What crawled
up Vanni’s ass?” I asked as I sat next to her and waited for the
doors to open.

She just shrugged and said nothing.

“If he doesn’t want to refund all
these tickets, he’d better get his act together. There’s going to
be a mutiny,” I advised.

“I think he’s putting people in their places,”
she commented as she inspected her newly painted nails.

“I see,” was all I said. “I hope
he’s willing to deal with the consequences of that,” I said before
I rose and found something else to do. It was about to get real
ugly real quick if I determined I was one of those few he was
trying to teach a lesson to.

It was nothing that Alana, Kat and I hadn’t
talked about previously, I guess I just had hoped I wouldn’t be on
this side of the red velvet rope when he finally decided to install
one.

The Q&A session was a bit like navigating a
mine field. Some of the fans expressed their discontent with how
things had been running this weekend as opposed to all the other
fan events before. Vanni did most of the talking, and explained
that under his new label changes had to be made to the
show.

It was a big line of horseshit, but something
the ones who were outside of the business might buy.

They wanted to know about Vanni’s personal
life, and he would only say that he was in a relationship with Kat,
but everything else was off limits.

When asked about groupies he stated implicitly
that he did not and had not dated them, and anyone who told them
otherwise was feeding them a line. He expressed that the
groupie/star relationship was imbalanced and doomed from the start,
because it was impossible to live up to feelings and expectations
that were put into place before the relationship even
began.

By the time the Q&A ended I
wasn’t completely sure he hadn’t alienated some of his fans,
especially those who believed they had a stronger connection to him
than what he was willing to cop to.

Tawnie left before the Q&A was over, though
Talia stayed silent and observed everything from behind an
unreadable expression.

I’m not sure which fact scared me
more.

I didn’t even bother going into the house when
I returned to Graham’s that evening. I went straight out to the
ocean to clear my head. Obviously he had made up his mind about
relationships with “groupies” – and I already knew that was what he
considered me to be.

It really was over.

Maybe I was a fool to think it had ever really
begun.

Graham gave me some time to get my
thoughts together before he finally came to find me. I was
shivering and holding myself as I stared unblinking into the
ocean.

In true Graham fashion he simply sat
beside me and waited.

That gesture of respectful kindness broke the
dam that had kept all my emotions at bay for so long. I finally
leaned over to him and sobbed softly against his
shoulder.

He rubbed my shoulder and kissed the
top of my head periodically as he crooned soothing words into my
ear. I held onto him as I emptied my soul of the residual pain that
had lingered since my relationship with Vanni floundered in
February.

I couldn’t even blame the pregnancy scare
anymore. I already knew he had hatched his escape plan from before
he left Nashville last Christmas.

God, had it only been a year? That
was when he told me he loved me, and gave me the romantic holiday
of a lifetime. And now, a year later, it was over. There I was,
crying in another man’s arms, and over what? It was nothing more
than an illusion, like all of his shows and the way he’d perform on
stage.

When nothing but hiccupping breaths remained,
Graham pulled me up into his arms and walked me back to the house.
My teeth chattered from the cold, night air, so I didn’t even
bother to speak. Thankfully he didn’t pressure me to
talk.

Instead he perched me up on a barstool near the
kitchen counter, and started some water for tea. I tried to smile
at him when he retrieved a blanket for my shoulders, but when he
kissed me on my nose I dissolved back into tears I didn’t know I
had left to shed.

He finished my tea and placed it in front of me
as I continued to sob into my hands. He touched my hair and rubbed
my back. “It’s okay, Andy,” he said softly. “Let it
out.”

I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I
reached for nearby napkins to try and soak up the
deluge.

“Did he say something?” Graham finally
asked.

I shook my head. “He didn’t need to,” I wailed.
“He just put me in my place by treating me like I was
invisible.”

I could see the lines harden in his
face. Clearly he was not pleased to hear it.

“I’m just a groupie like everyone else,” I
muttered as I blew my nose.

“If he thinks you’re just like
everyone else then that’s his problem,” Graham told me, but I shook
my head. “Hey, I’m the guy you ran to so you could help him in Las
Vegas, remember? You weren’t doing that to bed some celebrity. You
cared about him. And if he can’t appreciate that then he’s a bigger
fool than I realized.”

“He thinks I slept with you in Vegas,” I
admitted. “He thinks I am climbing the ladder to sleep with people
even more famous or powerful. Maybe that’s why he’s mad at me now,
knowing that I’m staying with you.”

“People who can’t trust can’t be trusted,” he
countered. “I think it’s far more likely he’s just mad that you see
him for what he is, rather than the polished image he puts out
there for the world. That illusion was shattered in February, when
he probably was ready to hit the bricks because of a baby scare.
That veneer is cracked and you’ll never see him the same way
again.”