Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (30 page)

If not I had all his fan emails, some of which
went into graphic detail what they would do together, or what they
had done together.

The latter were far more infrequent,
mind you, but their contents packed quite a punch.

I considered dropping out of the
whole DIB scene just to get my head on straight, but I couldn’t do
that to Alana. She had so much on her plate with the wedding and
the baby; I didn’t feel it was right to leave her hanging with all
the fan stuff. Sure she could have hired someone but that seemed
like a waste of time when I had already been doing it and needed no
training (or money) to continue.

So Andy Foster remained synonymous with the
band, although I’m not really sure how Vanni felt about
it.

Alana told me that Graham was excited I had
decided to stay on, and was willing to pay for my services. But
that involved talking to him and I wasn’t ready to do that yet.
Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the wedding, I wouldn’t be in Los
Angeles at all – especially dressing in a semi-formal sun dress for
our rehearsal dinner at the beach.

Felix vetoed a cab and offered
instead to come and get me on his bike, but I didn’t really feel
like risking my life in Los Angeles traffic on a motorcycle.
Instead Graham sent a car to pick me up in front of the hotel, and
I breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t in the back. Arriving at
this party with Graham on my arm, especially after all the insults
that Vanni had leveled at me, seemed antagonistic. I wasn’t there
to start a fight.

I wasn’t even there to get him back since I
finally had come to terms I never had him in the first
place.

Instead I got there alone and early,
mostly to help with Alana’s preparation for the party, but mainly
to avoid any awkward entrances. With my shaking hands and upset
stomach I knew I would have marred this lovely event with
projectile vomiting had I not found something to do with my time
and attention aside from waiting for Vanni to show up with
Kat.

Nothing prepared me for their
entrance. She was wearing a similarly sunny yellow dress which
looked almost sweet against the Technicolor landscape of her body.
Gone were the skimpy dancing girl outfits, instead she looked like
what she probably was – a girlfriend.

His long hair was loose around his
shoulders, and he wore a light-colored flowing shirt with some
loose-fitting jeans and sandals. They both wore sunglasses against
the setting sun, and smiled wide for their hosts as they greeted
Iain and Alana.

I stood next to the bar as I nursed a sparkling
juice drink – no alcohol – and tried to watch Kat and Vanni
unobserved. They were cuddly, he was attentive, and if either of
them were worried about my being there neither demonstrated it
outwardly. In fact, they were happily lost within each
other.

They were almost impossible not to
watch as they flittered from guest to guest, meeting familiar faces
in unison like the couple they had become. From how close they
stood and how he kept her on his arm it almost felt as though they
were now some crazy combination of a person, rather than two
individuals. “Katanni” they would likely be called in the
press.

Hell, I may even dub them that
myself.

I knew from their intimate body language he had
won his latest conquest and I was effectively forgotten. He had
eyes only for Kat. A vice closed around my heart as I placed my
drink on the bar. “Andy?”

I turned to find Graham standing behind me. He
was in a nice shirt and slacks, in the same casual style as
everyone else. He wore a big smile for me as he touched both my
arms and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “You look lovely. It’s so good
to see you again.”

I kissed his cheek also. “You as well, Graham,”
I said, and I meant it.

“Who knew we’d be standing here when we first
met in Vegas a year ago?” he commented. “I guess everything works
out for the best eventually.”

I glanced over to where Vanni sat on a barstool
with the pixie Kat perched on his lap. “I guess so,” I murmured.
They laughed and he played with her long locks. “I love long hair,”
he had whispered to me once upon a time. “Gives me something to
hold onto.”

His eyes followed my gaze. He
squeezed my arm, which he hadn’t yet released. “I’m glad you could
come,” Graham said, dancing delicately around the reason why I
might not have.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, trying my best to be
flippant. “It’s all business. And most of these guys are my
friends.”

“It just takes one bad apple, you
know.”

I shrugged. “I can take it. I’m
tough.”

He smiled. “I have no doubt.” We got quiet for
a second and I could tell he was weighing his words. “If you’re not
busy I’d love to spend some time with you while you are in town.
Brunch, maybe?”

I hesitated only a moment. Graham was a nice
guy, and harmless enough. Plus I liked him, and I was free to
pursue that now. What else could I be waiting for? “That’d be
lovely,” I said with a semi-forced smile. It would be lovely to
spend time with someone who wanted to spend time with me. It just
broke my heart it wasn’t the person I really wanted.

“Then it’s a date,” Graham declared softly. He
reached in for another kiss and then moved back into the crowd. I
watched him go before I turned my eyes back toward where Vanni and
Kat had been sitting, but only Kat remained.

“Hello, Andy.”

My stomach fell when I heard the familiar voice
coming somewhere behind my ear. With a deep breath of courage I
turned to face him. “Hello, Vanni.”

We stood apart for a moment before he took me
into a hug. “I’m glad you could come. I was worried you
wouldn’t.”

“Alana’s one of my best friends,” I stated
unnecessarily. “I want to share in her big day.”

He nodded as he glanced over at his bassist.
Iain stood with Alana wrapped in his arms, his hands gently resting
on her stomach as they chatted with the well-wishers that
surrounded them. “They’re very happy,” he said. “I guess we have
you to thank for that.”

I turned back to the bar.

“Andy, I think we need to talk.”

I shook my head. “I think we’ve said all there
is to be said.” My eyes met his. “And then some.”

“That’s not how I want to leave it,” he said.
“Do you?”

I said nothing. I didn’t even look at
him.

“This is a business. And I’d like us to be
friends. Just say I can come see you so we can talk things
out.”

I shook my head again. “It’s just not a good
idea,” I said. “I’ve got a lot of work to do this weekend, and
besides. This isn’t about us. It’s about them.” I motioned to Iain
and Alana.

The truth was I was petrified to be alone with
him. Just his hug had branded his body back onto my memory, and I
knew I would never be satisfied with any “talk” that didn’t end in
his arms.

“I hope you reconsider,” he murmured
softly, and his voice ran across my frayed nerves like
velvet.

“I won’t,” I said without looking him in the
eye, then darting far away from those brown eyes that could see
every single lying breath I took.

I still loved him, but I knew I could never let
him see that again.

So I did the only thing I could do.
I stayed away from him. I plastered myself to Alana, making sure
her every need was met and every desire fulfilled. But the longer
the night lingered the more painful it became, especially since it
didn’t seem as though Vanni and Kat were leaving anytime too
soon.

I determined that I would outlast
them no matter how long they stayed.

Graham must have sensed my discomfort because
he came back around to chat me up. He was so sweet and so endearing
I promised him I’d save him a dance at the wedding, and we could
have lunch the day before I went back to Nashville.

Vanni didn’t seem all that thrilled
I was spending time with Graham, but I already knew that was
because he suspected I had slept with him while we were together. I
never bothered to correct that assessment simply because there was
no point in proving how faithful I had been to him when he had
never seen fit to make that a priority for himself. Let him think
what he wanted.

It didn’t matter anyway.

Finally, when I couldn’t keep my
eyes open another moment, I bid my goodbyes to Alana and Iain, and
spared a hug for Yael and Felix. For Vanni I simply nodded my head.
I didn’t even bother saying hello or goodbye to Kat. We didn’t know
each other and there was really no point now.

Graham reappeared at my side and offered me a
ride back to my hotel in his car, so I agreed with a tired yawn. We
didn’t say much of anything on the way back to the hotel, which I
really could have walked if I wanted. But L.A. wasn’t a walking
kind of town.

As I turned to thank Graham I caught him
staring at me the way he had in Vegas. He wanted to kiss me, I
knew. Maybe more. Maybe he wanted to come up to my room; he just
didn’t know how to ask.

He just smiled and brushed he hair out of my
face. “I’d almost forgotten how lovely you are,” he
murmured.

“You’re too nice,” I said, and I made no move
to leave the car like I knew I should have.

“I must be,” he said as he scooted closer.
“Otherwise I’d ask you to go up to your room with you.”

“Graham…”

He put his fingers on my lips. “I know. It’s
too soon.”

I lost myself in his dark eyes before I nodded
sadly. There was no hiding it from him. “I’m sorry,” I
whispered.

“Don’t be,” he assured with a half-grin. “I’m a
patient man.”

He reached over to kiss my cheek. On
impulse I turned into it and allowed his lips to fall briefly on my
own.

It was a long, slow peck that allowed me to
acclimate myself to another man’s lips. I luxuriated momentarily in
the notion that he wanted me for me. I didn’t feel second-best, or
runner up. I felt like a woman who was wanted, openly and honestly,
by a man.

Before he could deepen the kiss I scooted away
and out of the car. I promised I’d see him the next day before I
ran to the lobby and up to my room.

Maybe I could love again, I thought
to myself as I tried to memorize how soft Graham’s lips felt under
my own. Maybe I could graduate to his holding me in his arms, and
touching me where only Vanni before could reach.

With a frustrated sigh I let myself
into my room. When would I ever stop comparing everyone to
Vanni?

When would the longing dissipate for the
feeling of his body against mine? His mouth crushed on mine? Those
things belonged to someone else now. All I could do was watch from
the sidelines and hope maybe someday I’d learn to love someone
else, someone who could give me all the things I needed and wanted
so badly.

By the wedding the next day I felt even more
lost than ever. From the time we all got up out of bed the theme
was love and romance. The girls ate together and spent the day in
deluxe spa accommodations. We got facials and massages, got our
hair done and a mani/pedi. As stressed as any other bride might
have been Alana was as peaceful as I’d ever seen her.

This was her day and she wasn’t going to ruin
it with anxiety.

Instead she dressed in her long,
flowing dress with sheer sleeves from sparkling straps. Her empire
waistline suggested a special baby bump growing underneath, but she
still looked slender and petite as we wove flowers in her long,
blond hair.

We all walked along the beach road until we hit
the sand, and then we stepped onto a pathway that led us down to
the edge of a cliff overlooking the water. Yael played an acoustic
guitar for our procession, and all the other band mates were
standing up next to Iain.

This included Vanni, who looked
amazing in his light colored suit and the setting sun casting
golden highlights in his hair.

I tried not to look at him but it was
impossible. Likewise his eyes were on me as I strode barefoot on
the sand in my sea foam green dress in a similar style to the
bride’s. His eyes were unreadable as I took my spot to the left of
the altar, and we turned our attention toward Alana as she
approached on the arm of her father toward her waiting
groom.

The sun set as they recited their handwritten
vows to each other, pledging a lifetime of love and respect, and
honor for their family first. It was beautiful and touching, and
within a few sacred minutes they were bonded for a lifetime in
front of their family and friends.

As I watched my friends march back
up the aisle and fell into step behind them along with the rest of
the wedding party, I wondered briefly if I would ever be able to
know what this felt like. I glanced up at Vanni, who had come to
walk beside me, and wondered who – if anyone – could ever take his
place.

He gave me a small smile, and I had
to will my heart to be strong against its false promises. It was a
friendly gesture. That was all. It meant nothing. Not anymore.
Maybe not ever. I was a fool to even fall prey to it for one more
second.