Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (38 page)

It was hard to get a gauge on her without her
incessant emails, but those had stopped even before the L.A. fan
event. She would send him little notifications on social networks
that seemed to imply an inside joke, and although he never
responded it made me wonder if he wasn’t being completely honest
about what had taken place between them.

Vanni, however, maintained innocence. With all
the other painful details he’d shared with me about the girls he
had slept with, I had to take him at his word.

But something still felt off, and somehow I
felt that I needed to go to these fan events if only to become a
human shield to protect him from the unknown variables of those
fans with questionable sanity.

I had to wonder about my own sanity when I
boarded the ship. I might as well lock myself up in a chocolate
factory near a champagne river with the kind of temptation I was
facing. I had already been burned by the buffer zone before; I knew
full well that being in his company would make all my good
intentions crumble.

So why was I excited about seeing him
again?

Why would I allow my thoughts to venture into
naughty little fantasies that I knew I could make a reality with
just a word?

With Kat sure to come along for the
concert performances, as well as taking a cruise with her man,
there was nothing good that could come out of my more lascivious
thoughts.

Therefore I busied myself with the minutia of
details that needed to be handled for the cruise itself. First I
unpacked and made my tiny cabin as homey and non-claustrophobic as
possible. This included pushing the two twin beds together so I
wouldn’t be mocked by a lonely empty bed no one else was going to
use.

After I made myself at home as much
as possible I arranged to meet the cruise director. To my delight
it was a young, gorgeous and fabulous man named Sebastian Parker,
whose acerbic wit was laced with a dignified English
accent.

I knew we would get along famously.
I only wished Jacob could have come along so he could have met
him.

Sebastian kept me busy for about an hour before
he turned me over to his eccentric assistant director, Kalliope.
She too was fairly young and prepared to handle a ship full of
rockers and their groupies. Her platinum blonde hair had a dark
layer underneath that instantly reminded me of Debbie Harry’s look
from the 1980s. I considered briefly that might be my next look
when I decided to change my hair color again.

For the cruise I had decided on dark
auburn with chunky blonde highlights, which made me look a little
edgier than normal, so I felt that I could easily fit in with the
crowd sure to be onboard.

The band arrived about an hour before we
departed. I was sad that Alana had chosen to stay behind with
George rather than come along with Iain. Not only was she a fun
friend to hang around, but I knew that without her there Kat and I
would have to tackle the very awkward face-to-face friendship we
hadn’t yet mastered.

But the other guys were happy to see me, and I
knew I could count on Felix at least to be my cruise buddy if I
needed a distraction.

After about five minutes with
Kalliope, however, Felix’s dance card filled up quick with the
quirky assistant cruise director who instantly sparked with a
kindred wild child.

Instead I was turned into Vanni’s welcoming
hug, with a slightly less enthusiastic embrace from his tiny
girlfriend.

We made our small talk and then I
gently excused myself for a litany of details that were already
handled, but I figured they didn’t have to know that.

I had underestimated how looking into those
dark eyes with a shared secret between us would affect my ability
to carry on casual conversation.

I didn’t emerge until dinner that night, which,
fortunately for this particular party cruise, wasn’t a formal
affair. I had purchased a semi-formal cocktail dress for the
equation, decked out with sparkly sequins in cobalt blue across the
bodice, and a longer flowing chiffon skirt.

DIB was one of four bands from Graham’s label
that were performing on the cruise, including an older, classic
band from the 80s. I was looking forward to 80s Prom Night on the
last night at sea because of it. It promised to be a fun-filled
five days, even though the emotional situations could get
sticky.

Graham was flying in to join the cruise for the
weekend, meeting up with us in Cozumel, Mexico. It had taken a
month after the party to muster the courage to finally talk to him
on the phone, and by that time we were able to open up about a lot
of things.

Not the least of which were my lingering
feelings for Vanni, and Graham’s lingering feelings for me. It
dawned on me that just like I wasn’t prepared yet to give up on the
one I loved, neither was Graham.

There were no romantic expectations between us
however. He was coming along strictly for business, or so he said.
But so said I about Vanni, and I already knew what kinds of
fantasies I was harboring.

It was going to be tricky to say the
very least. When exactly my life had become a soap opera I couldn’t
quite be sure.

Oh yeah… it was when I fell head over heels for
an unattainable celebrity like a dumbass.

I got a refill on my drink, something fruity
and tropical to get me in the mood, and mingled among the excited
fans, all of whom were waiting for their favorite band to make an
appearance.

The talent wasn’t required to
socialize, but I’d seen a few members from other bands already come
and go as they casually interacted with the fans. These were people
who had to pay at least $1500 to board the ship, so the environment
was somewhat controlled and the musicians could feel safe simply
enjoying the amenities of the ship.

My eyes fell on Talia, who sat at a table with
other fans but didn’t seem to have any interest whatsoever in
socializing. Her eyes were locked onto the entrance so she could
see Vanni the moment he came into the room.

I rather doubted he would. They had
a performance the next night and he had mentioned about keeping his
voice protected by not socializing much beforehand.

At least that was his excuse. I already knew
that he was still unsure how to act around his fans now after
Tawnie, and was hiding behind his star status to keep from making
another mistake.

When it became clear he wouldn’t be coming out
for dinner some of the fans began to hunt me down instead. They
already knew me from the message boards, social media and other fan
events like the one in Los Angeles, so they knew I could be counted
upon for the 4-1-1 on where their favorite lead singer was hiding
and when he would be coming out.

I repeated his excuse and promised them a
kick-ass show the following night, which seemed to appease some of
them.

It didn’t escape my notice that
Talia didn’t bother to approach me. Maybe I was imagining things
but she looked at me like a cockroach she spied in the corner of
her bathroom. She had no use for me whatsoever, and refused to ask
me any questions about the band.

I made a mental note of it to mention to Vanni,
if indeed I would be seeing him that night myself.

Sure enough, at a quarter past one o’clock in
the morning, someone tapped lightly on my door. It was Vanni, who
wore a hat and his hair back in a ponytail. I had to laugh. It felt
like we were part of some covert spy mission where we were
transmitting secret intelligence for foreign agencies.

He took me into a close, friendly hug that
teetered on lingering longer than it needed to, but then he
released me to go sit at the table in my cabin. “So. Were the
natives restless?”

I grinned at him as I joined him across the
table. I had already scrubbed my face clean and changed into my
jammies, so there was no trying to be sexy at this point. We had
business to address, as always.

“You know your fans. They want to get close to
you. It’s hard to go from being able to stand on stage and put
their hands on you to being kept outside of a closed
door.”

He sighed. “What else can I do? One wrong word
and we could have another Tawnie on our hands.”

“I don’t think it’s as bad as all that, Vanni.
I think you can find balance.”

He shook his head. “Tell that to
Kat. She’d rather we both stay locked up in our cabin the entire
five days of the cruise.”

I tried to ignore the bed taking up most of the
room in my cabin. If he were my lover I know where I’d prefer to
be. I shook my head slightly. “She’s just afraid for you. Probably
afraid for herself as well. The fans aren’t too nice to her on the
message boards.”

He waved it off. “That’s the
Internet. People say a lot of stuff they don’t mean behind the
anonymous mask of a screen name. They also say they’re going to
grab my ass or my crotch when they meet me, but they never do. It’s
just an extension of the fantasy. I think we learned from Tawnie
when people mean it they don’t talk about it. They just do
it.”

He had a point. “I guess Kat feels you can
never be too careful.”

“Apparently.” He sighed as he leaned forward.
“But it makes that cabin seem even smaller. I had to get out of
there.”

“Where did you tell her you were
going?”

“To meet the guys,” he offered off-hand. It was
his go-to lie of choice. He glanced over at me. “Want to go for a
walk out on deck?”

I gestured at my clothes, or lack thereof. “I’m
not exactly dressed for it.”

He grinned. “You look great to me. Come on.
Just grab a jacket and we’ll take a quick spin around the port
bow.”

I giggled. “Do you even know what that
means?”

His smile widened. “Not a clue. Come on. I need
some fresh air.”

Five minutes later we were strolling along the
upper deck. I felt conspicuous, like anyone could see us together,
but he wasn’t that worried. He just wanted to stand along the
railing and stare into the dark water and starry sky. He breathed
deep and I watched enviously as the wind lift a stray tendril of
his hair from his shoulder. “I love the ocean,” he admitted softly.
“Never used to care one way or the other when I lived in New York
but since we moved to California I can’t get enough of it. I wanted
to move to the beach but Kat vetoed it.”

“She vetoes a lot, doesn’t she?” I
asked softly as I leaned forward on the rail myself.

He shrugged. “She’s comfortable where she
lives. Historic old building, funky neighborhood. Easy access to
everything she does. It just makes sense.” He sighed. “I think
things will be better after the tour. I don’t think either of us
are the nine-to-five type who can do the same thing over again day
after day.”

“Most people call that normal,” I commented,
and he gave me that trademark smirk.

“I’m a lot of things but I don’t think I’ve
ever been called normal.”

I laughed. “Too true.”

His eyes softened. “I guess you need normal,
huh, Andy?”

It was my turn to shrug. “I don’t know what I
need,” I said. “My life hasn’t exactly been normal for the past
three years, and I don’t know how happy I was before
that.”

“Are you happy now?”

My eyes traveled to his face. At that moment,
standing there on the deck of a ship with no one in the world to
talk to but Vanni, it was everything I knew I wanted. With him I
was truly happy. But how could I say that? To what point or
purpose? So I just put plastered on a brave smile. “How could I not
be happy? I’m on a ship traveling to the Caribbean free of
charge.”

I was afraid he’d take the
conversation into more intimate territory, but our quiet reverie
was broken by a couple with the same idea to stroll the deck. Vanni
tugged down his hat over his eyes and led me back to the safety of
my cabin.

Once again we were a carefully
hidden secret.

I opened the door and stepped inside, and that
was when Vanni grabbed my wrist. For a moment he just held my gaze,
and then he said softly, “If it means anything, at this moment here
with you, I’m happy.”

Anything? I thought to myself. It
meant everything. But all I said was, “Goodnight, Vanni,” and
slipped into my cabin.

The next day I had my hands full with the fans
as we prepared for the concert. I set up the merchandise for sale
right outside the theater where the guys were going to play, and
was busy fielding questions from fans who kept milling around
hoping to get a glimpse of Vanni or the guys. (But mostly
Vanni.)

I barely had a chance to grab any
lunch, but when I did I noticed that Talia was perusing the buffet
table. I decided to take the initiative to speak to her first. It
was driving me crazy I didn’t know what was going on in her head
since she no longer bothered to send explicit emails.

I offered a casual, “Hey, how’s it
going?” when I joined her at the buffet.

She glanced at me, looked me up and
down dismissively and then turned back toward the buffet without
answering.