Gramercy Nights (The Argo Press Trilogy Book 1) (38 page)

Fuck.

She talked to Connor. I want to say no but that isn’t an option.

True to his word, Sebastian arrives home a little after two and I’m mortified that he finds me wearing pajamas, watching
The Vampire Diaries
on my computer, but after agreeing to see Margot, I just wanted distraction.

“You look comfortable,” is all Sebastian says but I can tell he’s amused.

He closes my computer and takes my hand, leading me out of the guest room and into his bedroom and I don’t protest. We both need this. Need to feel our bodies connecting, the ease with which we fit together. We both strip then crawl into bed, Sebastian’s arms warm around my naked body.

The sex is tender, quiet, like Sebastian is afraid he’ll hurt me. It’s not fucking. He’s making love, careful and attentive and slow and it’s the perfect antidote to all the pain and uncertainty of the previous day.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I agree to Margot at a tiny French restaurant in the East Village. I’m nervous as hell, and I’m actually a little relieved that Margot hasn’t arrived yet. I take a seat at a small round table next to the large plate glass window overlooking 7
th
Street and order a glass of the pinot noir.

As always, when Margot arrives, she looks annoyingly glamorous. We’ve know each other since we were roommates our freshman year, and I’ve never seen her wear so much as a sweatshirt in that entire time.  Sweatshirts, like sneakers, inspire Margot’s unflinching distain. While the rest of the girls on our floor were wearing Juicy velour sweat suits, Margot wore well-fitted jeans and hip ballet flats.

You’d never guess by looking at her that Margot is one of the craziest people I know. Or at least, she was, until starting law school.

She pushes her sunglasses onto her head, focusing her large hazel eyes on me.

“Should I be worried?”

“What did Connor say?” I ask wearily. If anyone is going to understand, it’s Margot. At least, I hope so. Because I can’t lose another friend this week.

“Not a whole lot other than the guy you’re seeing is bad news bears.”

I nod. I want to tell her everything, from the very beginning, but at this point, it won’t win me any favors. Instead, I take another sip of my wine, hoping it will steady my nerves.

“Did Connor mention he thinks Sebastian is hitting me?”

Margot blinks once then slowly nods her head. “Like I said, do I need to be worried?”

I shake my head, suddenly tired. Tired of Connor’s baseless accusations, tired of having to explain myself. I know they’re looking out for me, but it’s been a long time since I’ve needed someone to take care of me.

“No,” I say finally. “You don’t have to be worried.”

“What happened? I’ve never heard Connor lose his shit like this before.”

I sigh. “He saw the bruises on my arm and just lost it,” I say, pulling up my sleeves so Margot can see the damage Sebastian did to me. I hold my breath, waiting for her response.

I don’t expect Margot to whistle, but that’s exactly what she does. “Looks like you had fun.”

“I think I’m in love with him,” I whisper, unable to meet her gaze.

The moment the words are out of my mouth, I realize just how much I mean them. This is what I’ve been trying to bury for a week. And now that I’ve said it, I’m scared. Because I won’t be able to take it back.

Margot’s eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, honey,” she coos. Margot waves the waitress over impatiently. “We’re going to need a bottle. ASAP.”

I tell Margot everything. Well, almost everything. Some things, like that night in Frankfurt, are too personal to share, even with Margot who doesn’t have a judgmental bone in her body.

“Fuck me, I don’t envy you.” She laughs. “Well, a little. Rich, gorgeous, a sex god, etcetera, etcetera.” I laugh. Somehow even when it seems like my world is coming apart at the seams, Margot can always get me to laugh. “I’ll talk to Connor.”

“Are you sure?” I don’t want to put Margot in an even more uncomfortable position than the one she’s already in. Margot and Connor have been friends almost as long as Connor and I.

“I mean, you’ll have to talk to him at some point, but yeah, don’t worry about it. I once let a guy tie me to a chair.” She shrugs. “Of course, the chair fell over and it turned into a complete nightmare, but that’s not really the point. It’s not any of Connor’s business, what you do or don’t do with Sebastian. He just needs to grow a pair and realize that.”

I laugh. Margot definitely has a point. When the waitress brings the bill, Margot pushes it towards me. “This one’s on you, Miss Moneybags. I’m just a poor law student trying to get by. Oh, and the next time you get a fucking book deal, you call me to celebrate. None of this, Margot is too busy bullshit.”

Sebastian’s apartment is dark when I let myself in later and my heart is pounding in my chest, the word love ricocheting around in my head like a pinball. Now that I’ve said it out loud, it’s all I can think about. The entire walk back to his apartment, I kept asking myself, do I really love Sebastian? Or is it just an infatuation? And does it matter if I do? He may have said this isn’t some three-month fling, but he’s also said he isn’t looking for anything serious. Somewhere in the nebulous limbo between those two states, our relationship exists, uncertain and untried. The last thing I want to do is send him running with any admittance of the sudden case of feelings I seem to have developed.

I undress and slip into bed next to Sebastian, and he pulls me close.

“Did you have fun?” he mumbles, still half-asleep.

“Yeah.” And I snuggle closer. How the hell am I going to keep my emotions hidden from this amazing man?

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I find myself staring at Sebastian whenever he’s not looking at me. Trying to figure out what he’s thinking. What he’s feeling. He told me once I wasn’t alone and there’s a part of me that wants to believe that’s because he’ll always be here with me, but I know that’s just wishful thinking.

I want to memorize everything about him. The way he looks when he drinks his coffee. The little line that forms between his eyebrows when he’s concentrating on something. The look in his eyes when he’s feeling playful. The look in his eyes when he’s about to pounce on me.

I want to memorize it all because I’m afraid soon, all I will have are those memories.

If Sebastian notices my weird behavior, he doesn’t mention it. My head is resting on his chest as he caresses my back, his touch light, like he isn’t even aware he’s doing it.

The words are at the tip of my tongue. Sebastian, I love you. Sebastian, I want you. Sebastian, I’m yours.

I open my mouth then close it again.

Keeping my feelings a secret is killing me, but losing Sebastian over the truth would be worse.

“Ask,” Sebastian says and I can hear the amusement in his voice.

“I…” I trail off. I’m so close and yet I can’t. I won’t. I won’t risk it. Instead I ask the question that I’ve been asking myself for weeks. “Why did you make me sign all that stuff? I’m assuming you haven’t always made the women you’re with sign a contract.”

He sighs, his chest rising and falling. I’m afraid he won’t answer, that he’ll tell me to drop it, but he doesn’t. He resumes caressing my back. “A long time ago, someone I cared about hurt me very deeply. I swore I’d never put myself in that position again.”

My heart constricts at the thought of Sebastian hurting. “What happened?”

“I was in a relationship with a girl I thought I loved and I thought, mistakenly, loved me. By the time I figured out she only wanted my money, it was too late.”

“You’re more than that, you know,” I whisper.

“More than what?”

“More than dollar signs. More than money. I’m sorry she made you feel like that’s all you’re worth.”

His hand pauses on my back and for a heart wrenching instant, neither one of us breathe. And then he sighs. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” he whispers softly and I can tell he’s speaking to himself. I roll over and stare him in the eyes, my hands pressing into the mattress on either side of his head.

Before he can say anything else, I kiss him. I kiss his lips. And when I’m done with his lips, I kiss along his jaw. Down his neck. Covering his chest with kisses. I suck his nipple between my lips, feeling it grow hard beneath my tongue. Tentatively, I bit down and hear Sebastian gasp, but he does nothing to stop me.

When I reach the hard plane of his stomach, I kiss his hipbones. Kiss every inch of him. I can feel his erection against my body, hard and hot and impatient and just as I’m about to lower my mouth to him, he’s pulling me up, his lips finding mine.

“I don’t care that I don’t deserve you. That you’re too good for me. I’m never letting you go.”

His words are like a match to my skin, burning me. And all I want is to burn.

Afterwards, Sebastian stretches out an arm, making room for me to rest my head on his chest. I curl my body around him, my eyelashes tickling his damp skin.

“Did I mention I had a meeting with Juan Martin when we were in Frankfurt?” Sebastian asks casually and suddenly he has my complete attention.

“No, it must have slipped your mind,” I answer, knowing perfectly well that something like this would never slip Sebastian’s mind.

“Hmm, I was a little distracted,” he jokes and I pinch his side, making him start. “Hey, gentle. The paperwork just came in. We got the book.”

I raise my head, grinning. “Really? That’s awesome. Not that I know anything about publishing, but I’d say that book seems like a slam dunk.”

“Slam dunk?”

“Home run?”

Sebastian laughs. “I showed Juan the sample you did. He was very impressed. So was I, for that matter.”

“Wait, what? You showed him my translation?”

“He asked to see it. I think we’re all in agreement, though. If you want the job, it’s yours.”

“Are you serious? Because it would be super uncool if you’re fucking with me right now.”

He laughs. “I take that as a yes.”

“Yes!”

“Good, because there’s a very expensive bottle of champagne in the fridge with your name on it.”

I laugh, relaxing back into Sebastian’s arms. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that I’ll actually be translating
Tomorrow, Tonight
. The thought is dizzying. Exciting. Thrilling. And not just a little terrifying.

Because what if I can’t do it? What if it doesn’t come out as good as Sebastian expects?

I push all my doubts aside for now. Let me just have this one night to celebrate. I can panic in the morning. “Do you buy all of your translators champagne when they agree to work with you?”

Sebastian chuckles, flipping me onto my back and then he’s suddenly on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress, his hands gripping my wrists. He gives me a wicked smile. “Only my girlfriend,” he says before kissing me. “Only you.”

Tomorrow, Tonight
is the type of book you don’t say no to. It’s the type of book that doesn’t come along every day and I’m ecstatic that Sebastian is giving me opportunity to work on it. More than ecstatic, I’m over the fucking moon.
Tomorrow, Tonight
has the potential to do for Catalan literature what
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
did for Swedish literature, and Sebastian must be aware of that if he’s willing to briefly step away from poetry and highbrow fiction to publish it. If
Tomorrow, Tonight
is a success, it will boost the entire Catalan series Argo is planning. I don’t ask how much he paid for the American rights and Sebastian doesn’t volunteer the information, but one look the glowing reviews leads me to believe he was willing to drop a pretty penny to acquire the rights.

So yeah, no pressure. And it’s not like I’ve ever translated a 400 page book before.
L’hivern fosc
is only 103 pages and it took me nearly two years.

Sebastian wouldn’t have asked me if he had any doubt about my ability to do it. He may be sleeping with me, but he’s a businessman first and there is no way he’d risk such a potentially huge book deal if he thought I wasn’t ready.

And unlike before, this time I’m working directly with Sebastian on the translation. And he wants a rough draft in three months. Three months!

I’m working when Sebastian calls, interrupting my flow. The truth is, I don’t really mind.

“I have a surprise for you,” he whispers, his voice all husky and soft, like he’s intentionally keeping quiet and I wonder if the door to his office is open.

“I thought we established I don’t like surprises,” I say.

Sebastian laughs. “Don’t worry. You’re going to love this one. I promise.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Baby, I know you. I know what you think. I know what you desire. I know you. And trust me, this surprise, you’re definitely going to want.”