Gramercy Nights (The Argo Press Trilogy Book 1) (37 page)

Sebastian’s response is almost instantaneous.
What happened? Is everything okay?

Somehow, his concern, even mediated through a text message, calms me. And I can’t help but wonder if some part of me hasn’t been thinking the same thing as Connor, that that’s why his words cut so deep, the thought that I’m just an expensive toy, like those girls in Frankfurt. I saw how Sebastian dismissed them. He forgot about them before they even walked out the door.

What if one day he does the same thing to me?

I stare at my phone, wishing I had answers. But even knowing he’ll break my heart, I’m drawn to him. He’s the only person I want to see right now, the only person I know who will be able to make me forget.

I just don’t want to be alone.

I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hang tight, okay?

I sniffle. I need to pull myself together. I can’t have Sebastian seeing me like this. I’m a total fucking mess.

Don’t worry. I’ll get a cab.

There’s a long pause before Sebastian answers and I don’t know why I’m suddenly nervous, afraid he might change his mind.

Don’t. I’ll see you soon.

I splash cold water on my face and apply makeup, hoping it will cover up the fact that I’ve been crying and my eyes have swelled to the size of golf balls, and maybe for someone less observant, it might have worked, but Sebastian takes one look at me, frowning, and asks what happened.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I expect him to push, but he just opens his arms for me and I stumble into his chest, burying my face in the warm, soothing smell of him so I don’t have to look him in the eyes.

Sebastian rubs my back, and I know if I’m not careful, I’m going to start crying all over again, and when I do, I won’t be able to stop.

“
Petita,
what did Connor do?” His voice is perfectly level, like he’s intentionally trying to keep it calm so he doesn’t panic me. Like I’m some scared little animal he’s afraid will bolt.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sebastian grips my shoulders and steps back so he can look at me. “You’re not hurt?”

I see the concern in his eyes, the fear that something my have happened to me, and I shake my head quickly. It’s a look I know well. It’s the same look Connor gave me when he saw the bruises on my arm.

“Okay,” he sighs, pulling me back into his chest, one hand stroking my hair while the other continues stroking my back. “I know you don’t want to tell me what happened and I understand that. We’re going home but then you’re going to explain.”

I nod my head, knowing he won’t let it go until I agree. Sebastian releases me only to go into my room to grab my suitcases and then we leave, Sebastian taking my keys from my shaking hands and locking up behind us.

As soon as we get to Sebastian’s, I change into pajamas wordlessly and then Sebastian sits me down on the couch, telling me he’ll be right back and I wrap myself in a throw blanket, trying to get warm but I can’t seem to stop shivering.

Sebastian returns, handing me a mug of tea, and settles next to me. “It’s a hot toddy. It should make you feel better.”

I nod, taking a tentative sip. The warm mixture of bourbon and tea has a soothing affect and I take another sip.

“Tell me what happened,” he says firmly and I look at him over the rim of my mug. He’s watching me closely, his hands pressed flat against his thighs. He looks tense. Worried.

I look away.

When it’s clear I’m not going to say anything, he asks softly, “Did I do something?”

I shake my head, then nod then shake my head again. I don’t know. Everything is so out of control.

“Baby, you have to tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix it unless I know what’s going on,” he says earnestly, which only makes me want to cry. I don’t want to feel this way any more. I want Sebastian to make it all go away. To tell me everything is going to be okay. And then I find myself talking, telling him everything, how Connor stormed out, the bruises, the look on his face, I’m apologizing for telling him about the money, mumbling something about the nondisclosure, ten million dollars, and I hear Sebastian curse, but I can’t stop, there are tears pouring down my cheeks, I don’t even know what I’m saying and I can’t bring myself to look at him, can’t bear the idea that he’ll be angry too, not now, not after everything Connor said, and I’m still talking, the words pouring out when Sebastian gently takes the mug from my hands, and then he’s pulling me onto his lap, cradling me in his arms, and I feel his lips against the top of my head as he shushes me gently.

“Danielle, calm down. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

When I finally look at him through teary lashes, he has the saddest expression on his face, and it just makes me cry harder and he lets me, rubbing my back, murmuring kind words into my hair. Telling me that everything is fine, that everything will be okay. To let it out.

When I lose him, my world is going to come apart and Connor won’t be there to make sure I get through it. It took me more than a year to get over Jake, and what I felt with him was nothing compared to how I feel about Sebastian.

At some point, he brushes the tears from my eyes.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” I ask, trying to sit up, but Sebastian just tightens his arms around me.

“What are you talking about?” I can hear the barely restrained irritation in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything to Connor. When I told him, I didn’t think I’d say yes. I thought…”

There’s a long pause while Sebastian doesn’t say anything, and then he asks, “Do you really think I’d sue you?” There’s surprise and hurt in his voice. “Baby, I’m the one who’s sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“But—”

He cuts me off. “No. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that Connor made you feel like you’re just a piece of ass to me, and as much as I’d like to punch him right now, I don’t think that’s going to solve anything. But the fact that you’re so uncertain about us, that you could think that, even for a second. That’s my fault. You aren’t a meaningless fling to me. I thought you knew that. I thought you knew how I feel about you.”

“What about the money?” I sniffle, trying to sit up.

“Who gives a fuck about the money?”

“I can’t pay you back,” I whisper.

“Why would I want it back?” He sounds almost angry at the idea.

“I spent it,” I mumble and Sebastian tenses. Finally, he asks what I spent it on and I can hear the surprise in his voice. It was a lot of money to have spent in such a short period of time and we both know that.

“Student loans,” I admit, biting my lip.

“Jesus, didn’t your dad help you with college at all?”

I shake my head. “I don’t talk to him.”

“Never?”

“I haven’t spoken to him since mom’s funeral.”

“Oh.
Petita,
I’m so sorry.” He hugs me tightly and I let my head rest on his shoulder, thankful for his presence right now. “Are we okay?” Sebastian’s question surprises me but not as much as the uncertainty I hear in his voice.

I let out a shuttering breath. “Yes.” He squeezes me close.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers and I feel my chest tightening.

We stay like that for a long time, clinging to one another in silence.

At some point, Sebastian shifts beneath me. “Babe, I’m going to order us some food. What do you want?”

“I’m not hungry.” Also, I don’t want to move. I don’t want to let go.

“You have to eat. You barely ate on the plane.”

“I don’t eat plane food,” I say stubbornly.

I can tell he’s frowning from his tone of voice even though I still have my face buried in his chest. “I don’t think the food in first class is exactly the plane food you have in mind.” He slides me off his lap and onto the couch. “So, what do you want?”

“Chinese,” I say finally. “Not fancy Chinese,” I add. “Dirty, gross, MSG Chinese.”

He smiles. “Sure thing.”

We sit on the floor, surrounded by containers of takeout. Sebastian ordered enough food to feed an entire football team, but I guess that’s what I get for not being more specific. I think he ordered one of everything, just to make sure there was something I’d eat.

I’m piling moo shoo pork onto a pancake when my phone rings. I start to get up, but Sebastian gives me a stern look and tells me to ignore it. We both know it’s Connor.

“I can’t just ignore him,” I whisper, my voice quivering.

The phone continues to ring and Sebastian gets up and silences it. “You can talk to him tomorrow. For now, just eat.”

And I know he’s right. I can’t ignore Connor forever, but right now, I’m not ready to speak to him.

As Sebastian puts the empty cartons of food away, I keep replaying everything in my head. It’s on an endless loop. Torturing me. I know he’s right. That I can’t talk to Connor right now. I’m too emotional. But I can’t keep thinking about it, either. I’m going to go insane.

I stand up with renewed determination and Sebastian must notice it, because he pauses what he’s doing and stares at me. “What’s up?”

“I need you,” I whisper.

“I’m right here,” he says but I shake my head.

“No, I
need
you.”

Realization dawns in Sebastian’s eyes and he shakes his head. “Danielle…”

“No, Sebastian, I need you. I need to feel something other than this because I’m going insane right now. Please.”

He dries his hands on his pants. “Get undressed,” he says finally and I feel a ribbon of desire snaking through me.

My clothes are a pile on the floor and Sebastian looks me up and down, making my whole body quiver with anticipation.

“Danielle,” he whispers as his eyes stray to the bruises on my arms.

“Sebastian,” I counter. “Please. Don’t make me beg.”

He considers me briefly before nodding. “Get your ass into the bedroom. I want you touching yourself when I get in there.”

I sag with relief before practically running into the bedroom. I’m naked, my legs spread provocatively, when Sebastian saunters in minutes later. He pauses at the door long enough to make my breath catch and pulse quicken, and then he’s undressing, his eyes never leaving my face.

“Turn around and face the headboard. Hands and knees.”

I scramble into place, hearing Sebastian’s movements as he moves around the room. I hear a drawer opening and I wonder which wonderful toy he’s going to use on me.

When his palm cups my ass, I groan into the sheets.

And when he releases me, only to have that hand come crashing down on my ass, I scream out, my body bucking in shock.

“Is this what you want?” he asks fiercely and I nod frantically. Because this is exactly what I want.

No, not what I want. What I need.

“Babe, I have to go to work but I’ll be home early.” My eyes flutter open to find Sebastian, fully dressed, leaning over me. I scoot over, making room for him and he perches on the edge of the mattress. “Are you okay?” I can see the concern flood his eyes and I struggle to sit up but my whole body feels like it’s been hit with a ton of bricks. That’ll happen when you dry heave tears for the better part of a night. And then afterwards, the way Sebastian took me. Over and over again until we both collapsed.

My muscles are tight and sore.

“I’m fine, just a little embarrassed. Go. I’ll see you later.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Easy for him to say. He places a firm kiss on my lips before standing to leave. “Go back to sleep.”

I know I have to turn my phone on and deal with the fall-out from last night, but I really, really don’t want to. At some point this will probably be really funny and we’ll all laugh at how foolishly we behaved, but it’s too soon for laughing and all I feel is a sinking dread at the pit of my stomach.

Connor and I have never fought before. Sure, we’ve bickered over stupid shit, everyone does, but this isn’t some stupid argument over where we should eat dinner or if the newest Murakami book is worth reading. Connor actually thought Sebastian was hurting me, and worse than that, he believed I’d just let him. Stand by my man and all that bullshit I’ve never believed in.

I turn my phone on, tapping my foot anxiously. I don’t know what to say to him. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to say anything. The way he stormed out of my apartment last night…He had no right to speak to me that way. On some level, I know he was just concerned, but he should have let it go when I told him everything was okay. Instead, he all but called me a whore.

Not that he said anything that wasn’t true, exactly…I shake my head. It doesn’t matter how many times Sebastian tries to reassure me, I know how our relationship began, but hearing it from Connor…No, I’m definitely not ready to speak to him.

There’s another message from him, begging me to call him back. I erase it. I’ll deal with Connor later. When I’m not so hurt. When I can think a little clearer. There’s also a message from Margot seeing if I want to get drinks tonight.