Good Girl (Playroom) (25 page)

I
aimlessly wander for a minute or two, trying to remember where I put my car keys. I curse when I find them in the pocket of my coat. I twist the knob to leave and the door thumps closed.

“Where are you running off to?” Auggie bends his six and a half foot frame over me
, and places a hand on the door, effectively trapping me inside.

“Um- nowhere?”
I stammer.

“Right answer. There are ten cases of water in the kitchen- as you already know. Why are you running?”
Auggie slides my car keys from my hand and pockets them.

I stand lik
e a deer caught in headlights.

“You fucked Devon today, didn’t you?” It’s not accusa
tory, simply fact. I look at Auggie, dumbfounded, trying to process what he’d just said.

“What? No!” I protest.

“Huh? You lying?” Auggie looks just as bewildered as I feel.

“Why would I lie about
something like that?” I sputter.

“Devon
’s flirting. Why is he flirting?” Auggie quizzically asks.

“There are a lot of stunning women out there with hardly any clothing on. Why wouldn’t he?”
I point towards the scantily-clad women as proof.

“Why isn’t Devon
flirting with you, though?” Auggie drawls as he grips my chin and tugs until I meet his scrutinizing gaze. He smiles at me, evidently entertained with the dynamic between Devon and me. I’m not entertained. I don’t find it funny at all.

“As you’ve told me a billion times
, just in case I forget- I’m not a woman, that I’ll never be a woman. Augustus, I won’t embarrass either of us by taking off my clothes and flirting. I’ll look like toddler, and no one wants to see that. I’m humiliated enough wandering around fully-clothed.”

I yank the door with all of my might and for once my size helps me. I slide
out the six-inch gap and run.

“Willow,” Auggie shouts and I ignore him. 

~
Chapter Twenty~

I lurk around the neighborhood for hours
, waiting for the house to go dark. I hate having nowhere to go. I can’t even sit in my car because it’s locked. I end up across the street, huddled on the neighbor’s porch, dreaming of rainbow-swirled ceramic and aromatic smoke. I doze off despite the cold. The past five nights of no sleep finally pull me under.

I wake with a start
, and see that the house is finally dark. I have no idea what time it is. I pray that Auggie didn’t lock the house. The house key was on the ring he took from me.

“Yes,” I say in victory when the door opens with a twist of th
e knob. I tightly lock myself in and run to the shower. I drain the hot water tank until it runs cold. I’ve caught a chill from being outside all night in the December air. I can’t stop shivering. I guess Auggie is right. I make shitty choices. I should have manned up and came back into the house. I didn’t need to be around the Playroomers. I could have barricaded myself into my bedroom. Another lesson learned. At this rate, I’ll be wise before I make it to nineteen.

The mountain lying in the middle of my bed is unexpected. I cowardly step backwards
, hoping Auggie is asleep and didn’t see me come into my room.

“Get over h
ere and get warm,” he gruffly demands.

“What are you doing here?”
My voice breaks.

“It’s my house,” Auggie
teases.

“I mean in my bed.” I crawl under the blanke
ts and try to keep far away from Auggie. It’s futile since it’s a standard-size bed and he’s lying in the middle of it.

“I told yo
u that I wanted you with me.” Auggie pulls me to his side and curls around my body, enveloping me in his heat. Auggie always runs hotter than anyone I know. Tonight, he burns like a furnace against my frozen skin.

“I…” I stammer. “You’re confusing me again, Auggie.”
I shudder when his manly scent hits my nose.

“If you
have to live here while we work, then Rob and I are moving in, too. Rob and some friends cleaned out his room upstairs,” Auggie conversationally announces.

Auggie
playfully nuzzles the back of my neck with his lips. I try not to let it affect me, but who am I kidding… I eat his attention up. “That doesn’t answer why you’re in my bed.” I roll over onto my stomach and scoot to the farthest edge of the bed.

“Your bed…
eh?” He chuckles. Auggie’s thumb and forefinger pinch the fabric of my pajama pants and pull me towards him. I stay on my stomach, trying to avoid him, but he won’t be thwarted. A heavy weight settles over my entire body. Auggie lies on my back and nestles his face in the crook of my neck.

“W
illow, what’s going on with you? We were fine, and I thought we were on the same page and now you keep running off. Why did you run from the loft and why did you run tonight?” Auggie sounds sincere and I want to pour out all the angst that has plagued me for days.

“I’m confused.”
I have no idea where to begin, or what I feel, or why I feel it.

“You’re allowed to be confused, but this is more
. Answer me, please,” he begs.

“I don’t want to interrupt your life, Auggie
. I’d don’t want to be a burden,” I cry.

“
Hey, now, there will be none of that,” he croons. “You aren’t and you won’t. You’ve been in my life since you were born. I’ve seen you every day for six months straight and now you run,” Auggie incredulously says.

“Why don’t you want me to go to the
Playroom
?” I blurt out when I don’t mean to say it.

“That isn’t about you,
it’s about me. You’re too big of a temptation for me. I want you to be a kid before you dive into that sort of life,” Auggie tries to explain, but he doesn’t make a lick of sense. 

“I don’t get it,” tumbles out my mouth. 

“I want you to do the things I didn’t get to do. Willow, I really want you and you know it. I don’t want you to have the same regrets that I have lived with every day of my life.”

“What regrets?”
I’m starved for Auggie to tell me his secrets. He never talks about himself. He always worries about us first.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’m messed up somehow and I don’t see sex and intimacy as the same thing. My friendships provide that aspect for me. I see it as separate- friendship versus sex. Sometimes I mix the two together, but not often. I would love to get married and have kids someday, but what wife would put up with the fact that
I don’t see sex as cheating?”

“If you were honest with her
, and she was built like you, it wouldn’t be an issue.” We both hear what I am offering.

“Alright, honesty it is
, and you may not like it. I see you as my wife, but it’s years from now. I can’t do it now because I love you too much. I feel ashamed of myself. I can’t in good conscience take a young woman and twist her into something that fits me. I wouldn’t respect you if you allowed me to do it. I won’t squelch you like that. When you’ve experienced more life and can accurately decide, then we will revisit this conversation.”

“What now then
, because I am seriously confused. That is what is bothering me. I know I’m not your girlfriend, but what the hell am I to you?”

“You’re my good girl. This is what I want until you can come to me and look me in the eye and say, ‘Augustus, I’m ready to be your wife.’ I don’t mean that you love me or want me in your life. I mean kids and all the crap that goes
along with it. You’re not ready and you know it. So your bed will always be our bed, no matter what mattress is beneath us or what house it is in. We will sleep together every night. We will always be honest with one another. You may find someone else that you can say those words to, and I want you to take the chance and be with them, even if you love me. It’s the price I’m willing to pay for your happiness.”

“You’re ready for that
life right now, though. What if you find someone while you’re waiting for me to grow up?” The silent
what if I never grow up?
echoes throughout my mind.

“Don’t worry about me, Willow. What good would a marriage be if we weren’t true to our
selves first? We’d be miserable,” Auggie sadly says.

“What are the rules?”

“No sex between us until you’re with someone else first. It’s not that I don’t want you. If we went down that road, I’d have a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly. You have no idea what I feel when I hold you while you sleep. When we had sex, it was the first time I made love to a woman, really made love. It scares the shit out of me because what will it be like when we don’t have to worry about hurting you, and we just let go.”

Auggie
rolls me over to face him and looks deep into my eyes. He bores his thoughts into my mind with the strength of his willpower. “Don’t do anything out of fear or retaliation. Don’t have sex with someone to get it over with. Don’t rush because you worry I’m with someone else. It’s not about getting back to me. It’s about growing into the woman who loves herself. Willow, it’s not that you aren’t enough for me. It’s that I crave the thrill of playing. I will always play, and if we have a future, you have to accept that.”

“I’m not allowed to play.
” Not a question- a statement.

“You are most definitely allowed to play. I loved having you pick someone out for me. I loved you playing with us.
It was exciting to see how happy and comfortable you were, and watching you experience everything for the very first time. It was intoxicating, and it gave me hope for the future. Not many people can separate emotion from play. Yes, playing with you will always be emotional. It’s the reason why I avoid my friends and they avoid me during play. Someday, I’d love to pick people for you to play with, too. After we know each other better, we will be able to perfectly choose for one another.”

“Then why can’t I go to the
Playroom
?” I hide my face against Auggie’s chest. This is what really hurt me. If I’m not allowed in the
Playroom
then I’m not Mr. Kline’s pet.

“Ah! I finally get it.
” Auggie leans away from me so I can’t hide my face. He smiles down at me and tenderly caresses my cheek. “I said no about the club because of the alcohol flowing like water. You’re not legal to be there or to drink, and you’re highly susceptible to addiction. When the
Playroom
is in the attic, you can live up if you want.”

I bite
my lip and burst out bawling. Auggie doesn’t offer me comfort. He chuckles as I snot all over myself. He gently wipes my face with the sheet. “Ya didn’t think I knew you as good as I do, did ya?” He arrogantly asks. “You think I didn’t smell the pot on your clothes or the alcohol on your breath?”

“I’m sorry,” I say in shame.

“Shush with the apologies. Nothing is wrong with either. It’s the dependency. You’re working awfully hard here at the house. I noticed that your need to keep busy started when I took your buddies away. Having a hard time, aren’t you? Admit it to yourself,” he coaxes.

“It hasn’t been too bad. But tonight when I was outside
, it was on my mind, and it was agonizing at the concert. Tonight if someone offered me a hit or a drink I would have gladly taken it. A lifetime without either seems like a very long, boring life.”

“It won’t be boring for you
, and it won’t be a lifetime. Let’s get you weaned, and then I’ll see if I can trust you around it. I’m not sure either of us will survive your mood swings and cravings, though,” he snickers. “But you’re going to wait until you turn twenty-one for both. I’ll have your boyfriend arrest you if I catch you doing either before then.”

“Devon
won’t arrest me. He believes that we should be able to drink if we can serve our country or vote.” I smugly smirk. Auggie smirks back and I know I’ve been out maneuvered.

“Yeah, but I’ve already told Devon
that you were barreling towards addiction. Devon didn’t seem surprised. None until twenty-one. Don’t push me on this, Willow. This rule is nonnegotiable. You will not like the consequences. I’ve been very nice to you. I’m sure Rob has warned you to behave.”

“I’ll behave. I promise,” I vow.
“I’m not the only one with issues with this, Auggie. Devon and I had the same start. Those parties hooked us. He was my buddy at parties. While everyone else learned how to mate, we were getting high and drunk. We made a pact to help each other. I’m sorry that I’ve been so erratic. I didn’t equate the addiction with my rapid mood swings. I’m sorry. I’m trying my best.”

“We’ll see. It won’t be as easy as saying it. It will get harder for you. Now you have so
me punishment coming to you.” Auggie evilly smirks at me, causing me to shiver.

“What’d I do?”
My voice quivers. “I thought we didn’t play,” I use as a defense.

“The better
question would be,
sir, what haven’t I done?
”  Auggie’s hands close around my arms to pull me out from beneath him. Auggie yanks a ruler from his back pocket and waves it in my face. “What do you do when you need to talk, need advice, or feel insecure? You go to your master. But not my Monster. No, my Willow Monster runs like a coward, like a bratty child.”