Gone From Me (18 page)

31

Maddie

Slutty, No Good Mitts

It’s late. Dark outside. The wind howls through the trees. A l
ight smattering of snow sticks to the ground and flakes whip against my face, making my eyes water. I hunch against my books and the cold, walking quickly.

No one is out. Lights from the streetlamps show me the way, and I’m grateful.

I quickly make my way across campus and take a back street, a shortcut to Irvine Hall. There’s a small light on a door leading into the cafeteria. Other than that it’s dark. And so cold. I walk faster, feeling my body tremble with the cold and the wet of the snow.

A shadow steps in front of me, about ten feet away. I skid to a stop
, then think better of it and start moving again. My dad always taught me never to show fear. I take inventory of what I have, what I can use as a weapon. My choices are limited: an iPod, a book, and some paper.

Dammit
, I think, berating myself. If my dad knew I took a back street at night, by myself, he’d be furious. I’m only three feet away, but can’t see the shadow's face. He’s wearing a hoodie, the hood pulled over his head. I move to the far side of the street and turn my face to look at him. It’s Evan.

He reaches around and grabs my shoulders. “Are you sure you’re the daughter of a cop?” he asks, his voice liquid smooth.

I try to shrug him off, but he holds tight. “What do you want, Evan?”

He
shrugs. “It’s simple. Don’t mess with my boy. I know the two of you have that piano duet thing happening in a few months. Fine. Whatever. But keep your slutty, low life mitts to yourself. Got it?”

The tight fear in my chest changes to fury. “H
ow dare you? Who do you think you are?” I shove him away with my fists. Unable to believe he’s talking like he knows anything about me.

He grabs my
elbow, making my stuff fall to the ground. My iPod bounces and shatters. I shove him again. He pulls me toward him and I go for the groin, but he easily turns so that I make contact with his hip. Then he backhands me, sending me to the ground. I’m on my hands and knees, forcing the tears from my eyes.

He kneels beside me. “I watched my cousin suffer for years
after you left. All I could think was good riddance, but he mourned for you, with you, when your parents were killed, and you never responded.

“Here’s the thing. Yes, he’s family, but because you’re back in his life he’s asking questions about your parents. Questions I can’t answer. But I’ll tell
you what I told him. Your parents were low life snitches. Chose the wrong people to be loyal to. They betrayed Kyle’s father. And that kind of treachery isn’t looked at with any kind of leniency.” He grabs me by the neck and lifts me to eye level. “So you want to know who I am? I’m the guy who will kill you at a moment’s notice without batting a fucking eyelash.” He pushes me back and I hit my head on the concrete. Then he picks up a piece of paper. I know instantly it’s Kyle’s letter. “Keep your legs closed and your lips sealed.” He squeezes his fingers against the thumb on his left hand. “Or I won’t just kill your sorry ass. I’ll kill the rest of your family, and...” He yanks on my hair. “I’ll be forced to kill my cousin.”

“No. No. No. No. No.” I
repeat the word over and over. Angry. Hurt. Anxious to know what he’s talking about. My dad was a good man.

“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes,”
Evan mocks, interrupting my internal voices. “And I’ll give you a front row seat on the performance.”

“You wouldn’t kill him.” I take a deep breath. Choke on something wet. “What would be the point?”

Evan yanks my hair so hard I think it’s going to come out. “Kyle is my cousin, yes. But I have obligations that go beyond family. And if you screw up my plans—their plans—it’ll be all I have left to do. It’ll be your fault.”

He tosses the letter at me
. An edge smacks me in the lip and I feel it split open.

“Are we clear?” he asks, his face next to mine.

I nod.

He presses his thumb into my lip, splitting it more.
I let out a pained cry. “I’m going to have to hear you say it. Just so there are no misunderstandings.”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He starts to walk back the way I came. “Catch ya later, Pudgy Mudgy.”

I wait until he turns the corner, and then pick up the letter,
the pieces to my broken iPod, and my other things. The book and my papers are wet. I’m going to have to redo them. Otherwise Ms. Spears won’t consider it my best effort. When I’ve got everything, I quickly make my way to the room. I’m shaking uncontrollably.

“What the hell happened to you?” Gina asks, climbing off her bed. I drop my stuff on my bed and stand there, too afraid, too terrified to say anything. I can’t tell her about Evan. I can’t tell her any of it. She wraps a blanket around my shoulders. “You’re freezing,” she adds, tucking the blanket over my hands.

I grab it and hang on. “Thanks.”
I taste the blood on my lips.

“Sit down. I’m going to get a wet washcloth.”
I see her scrutinize my face, my hands.

The worst is my head though. It’s pounding. I do as she says and sit. I’m too tired to
do anything else. Seconds after she leaves my cell phone chimes. It’s from Kyle.

Practice tomorrow?

My hands are shaking so hard I can barely text.
Yes
.

Evan did say we could continue to practice.
I’ll keep the texting and the talking brief. But I need an excuse for the swollen lip and my bleeding hands. I need one for Gina and Kyle.

Sorry about earlier. Maybe we should l
eave the past in the past. Focus on the present?

A smile tries to form on my mouth, but it hurts too much.
I don’t know if that’s possible. I’ll see you tomorrow at 5pm for practice.

Unless… you want to come over tonight.

At his implications, my thighs burn.
I can’t. I have loads of homework. Ms. Spears is a bitch.
I’m about to hit send. At the last minute I add:
She’s fond of you. Seems to know a lot about you.

She is a bitch, and whatever she thinks she knows about me isn’t true.

Because I can’t see his face, I feel brave.
She told me she knows, knows you.
After I hit send I wonder if talking to him like this is wise. What if Evan is around? My lips start to tremble. I quickly type:
Hey, never mind. Also, I don’t think I can meet the rest of this week. After vacation. K.

I turn off my phone.

Gina walks back in with the washcloth and presses it gently to my lip. “Who did this to you, Maddie?” She asks the question quietly, her eyes trained on my bloodied lip.

“N-
no one. I fell coming home from the library. I was running and I tripped over a rock. Fell to my knees, hit my hands on the pavement, and c-cracked my lip.” The lie sounds feasible.

Gina looks at me like she’s waiting for my nose to grow. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe me.

“It wasn’t Kinky Kyle, was it? Because if it was, I swear I’ll kick—”

I shake my head ferociously. “No. Most definitely not.”

“Who, then?” She’s looking at me like she’ll pounce if I try to lie again.

I’m not sure what to do. I need to talk to someone
. I want to talk to her, but I can’t put her in danger. Gina seems to sense my trepidation. “I know I’ve been out of it lately. Collin and… other stuff has been taking up a lot of time, but you can talk to me. I’m your friend.” She pats my hands, and I flinch. “Sorry. You’re a mess.”

I nod, forcing back
the tears that are threatening. “I promise Kyle didn’t do this. He’s been amazing. It’s just… I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I’m not sure I can look past what happened—with my mom and dad.”

She scoots closer. “You mean with his father?”

“Yes,” I say.

“Well I’ll support you no matter what.” She brushes some hair from my face and rubs my back. “You should shower. Get cleaned up. When you get back we can talk about happier things, like
me and Collin. Collin and me, and all the fun we’re having. ‘kay?” She laughs, and I have to smile.

“Okay.”

A shower helps. I change into sweats and a tank
, but I’m freezing. Kyle’s red sweatshirt is still on the floor with the rest of my clothes. I pick it up and throw it on. Gina hands me two small cream-colored pills.

“What are these?”

“Pain medication. They’ll help you feel a million times better.”

I pop them both and fluff up my pillows. Gina
lies next to me.

“Tell me about
Collin,” I say. Anything to take my mind off the recurring scene playing in my head—the one of Evan hurting me, telling lies.

I feel her face light up. “You’ve seen that he’s hot. I’ve already told you he’s a god in bed. But it’s more. I like talking to him. He’s hilarious.” She rolls onto her side. “I actually like spending time with him when I’m sober.
Even kissing him.”

My eyes widen in mock surprise. “Wow!
That’s awesome. He must be great.”

“Exactly,”
she begins, tucking her hands behind her head. “And the feeling seems to be mutual. I mean sure we get high together sometimes, but it’s just for fun. It only enhances everything great about him.”

The idea of her doing drugs freaks me out, but I console myself that at least Collin is keeping her safe. I hope. “What about Thanksgiving break? Are you going to spend time with his family?”

She gives me a hateful glare. “No way. I met his mother once already, and she’s a total hag. Snooty. Pompous. You should’ve seen her shoes.”

I let out a soft chuckle. If she only knew
how much stock I put into a person’s shoes. “So what are you going to do?”

She swallows, clears her throat. “Probably just hang around here. Collin still has to go home for a few days.”

I turn to her. “Want to come to my aunt and uncle’s? It’ll probably be boring, but my aunt makes the best stuffing ever. We watch TV. Hopefully it’ll snow. If it does, we can go snowmobiling.”

Gina sniffles. “I would love to,” she says, and wipes at the edges of her eyes.

“Then it’s settled.”

Someone pounds on the door. My first thought is to be afraid. What if it’s Evan? I sit
up and feel woozy. Whatever Gina gave me has made my head light, like it’s floating above my body. “Whoa,” I say, climbing off the bed. 

Gina laughs and pushes me
so I fall into my cozy comforter. “I’ll get it.”

I lay back, fluff my pillow, and close my eyes. Everything feels so wonderful. The pillow feels better than it
's ever felt. And the covers. And my body? If only I could feel like this every moment of every day.

Evan and his stupid threats seem less scary.
Less impressive. If he thinks he can hurt my family he has another thing coming. And there’s no way he can keep me from Kyle.

I’m bulletproof
, I think, rolling to the edge of the bed so I can get up. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to stand, don’t want to move, breathe… if I hold super still, maybe life will realize how unimportant I am and go quietly on.

“What the hell happened to her? Did she get into a fight?” I feel him touch my face, my lips,
and my hands.

It’s Kyle. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Kyle. Hi.” I try to open my eyes, but I can’t.
My lids are too heavy. There’s pressure. He scoots my body toward the middle of the bed and sits.

“She told me she fell. I thought maybe you did it.”

“Me?” he asks, incredulous.

“Hey, I trust guys about as far as I can throw them. And I know her past, what happened. What she saw. I
was worried she might have told you and maybe you got mad. I could understand, even if I’d have to kick your ass if you hurt her.”

“She told you?” he asks softly.

“Yeah.”

There’s quiet for a few minutes, and I try to open my eyes.
He’s still sitting beside me. I can feel him. Hear the beat of his heart. He’s so close.

I reach out to him
. Feel his perfect arms. “You’re so warm. I love you, Kyle. Always have.”

I hear Gina giggle.

Kyle’s heart speeds up. “So why can’t we practice our duet together?”

I knead his fing
ers between mine. “
Because
I love you, love my aunt and uncle… I have to keep you safe.”

“What does she mean?” Kyle asks.

“I have no idea, but maybe you should leave her be. I gave her two painkillers, which was obviously one too many.”

“Take care of her.
I won’t be long.” I feel his lips gently press against mine. Then I feel his body leave the bed, and I let out a moan.