Gone From Me (7 page)

11

Kyle

She’s As Broken As I Am

Maddie is so drunk I have to carry her to my Jeep. She keeps touching me, mumbling incoherently.

If I didn’t care about her, I’d be com
pletely turned on. Which makes no sense, but that’s the truth.

I buckle her in and drive. Her dress is hiked up to her hips, revealing way too much.
Or not enough. I try to be respectful, but the girl is stunning. Every magnificent inch of her.

“Where are you taking me?” she mutters, her head flopping from side to side.

“My place,” I answer, and put a hand in hers.

She tightens her fingers around mine, places her other hand on top.
“I’ve missed you Kyle. I’ve missed home. I miss my mom and dad. Member when I was going to marry you?”

The last part makes no sense.
Marry me? I don’t recall that conversation. But the idea that she ever considered her and me together in that way does something to my insides. I’ll be damned if I don’t melt a little.

“Shot. Blood everywhere.” Tears fall to her cheeks
as she gabbles.

“I’m so sorry
.” I can’t even feel sorry for myself, or mad at her for the way she’s completely ignored me the last seven years. There’s so much pain rolling off her I can feel it as if it were my own. And I realize she’s as broken as I am.

She laughs, and I’m s
urprised until I understand why. There’s a guy standing on the curb, peeing into the street. “Gross,” she says.

I chuckle. “
Hold tight.” I place my arm across her body, protecting her. Make a right and pull into my apartment complex.

“You live here?” she asks when I open the door on her side.

“Yep.” I unbuckle her and she falls against me, her cheek on my chest.

“
You smell good. Mmmmmm. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle.” Her voice breaks, and I realize she’s crying again. “Why?”

“Can you walk?” I ask, clearing my thro
at. I haven’t shed a tear since my dad died, and even then it was out of relief. A little sadness too, for what could’ve been. But seeing her cry, recognizing all of the sadness in her, is choking me up.

Maddie wraps her arms around my neck. “I left without saying good-bye. I shouldn’t have done that. But you stopped calling.”

I want to tell her my dad made me. Instead I lift her into my arms. “Hang on.”

She weighs next to nothing. Her body settles into my arms.
Her head lying against my shoulder. She snuggles her face into my neck, and I feel the wetness of her tears. Every ounce of resentment I still harbored vanishes.

My apartment is at the top of the stairs. When I reach the landing I set her down so I can unlock the door.
She keeps her arms around my neck.

Evan walks out of his apartment
, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. “Looks like you got your hands full, bro. Want some help?”

“Nah, it’s all good.” I lift Maddie into my arms and carry her into my apartment, shutting the door with my foot. At least I think it’s going to shut.

“What’s her name?” Evan asks from behind.

“It’s Maddie,” I say, annoyed that he’s followed me in.

“The bitch will break your heart all over again. I thought you were going to blow her off.”

“Get out,” I growl,
annoyed. Maddie takes a deep breath and sighs; her lips press against my neck. There are so many things I want to do to her right now. Instead I carry her into my room and lay her on my bed.

“Whoa, she tramped it up tonight. No m
ore Pudgy Mudgy, huh? Look at those legs. And that ass. ” He drops the butt of his cigarette into his beer bottle. His eyes rake over Maddie’s body.

“I’
ve asked you nicely once. Don’t make me ask again.” I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. Grab a beer. Twist off the top. Evan follows me. Sets his empty bottle on the counter and grabs himself a new one from my fridge. He’s shorter and less broad than I am. He’s also a senior and a two-time kickboxing champion. I push him toward the door. “Move.”

Evan
lifts an eyebrow, daring me to challenge him. “You gonna break your hand on my face again, cousin?”

“If I have to,” I say
, thinking about the last time we fought. It was in the ring, right after my dad died. Sure, I broke my hand, but I also broke his nose. He may have two championship trophies, but I have three. “Leave.”

Evan smirks. “I don’t think so. This is too much fun.”
He takes a pull on his beer.

I
swear silently and try another tactic. “Look, man. I want to be alone with her.” I smile, letting him believe I have less than honorable intentions. “We have a lot of catching up to do, if you know what I mean.”

He smacks me on the arm. “Why didn’t you say
that in the first place?” He peeks around my shoulder. “Damn, she’s fine. Mind if I have a turn when you’re through?”

It takes every o
unce of self-discipline I own not to haul off and kick his ass. But I want him gone. “We’ll see,” I respond.

He ruffles my hair. “Have fun, little bro. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I snort and smack his hand away. “Oh, I’m sure I will.” I walk him to the front door.

When it’s closed
, I lock it. “Asshole.” I can’t help but smile though. Since my father died he’s treated me more like a brother than a cousin. But Evan’s got no respect for women—for anyone, really. Most of the time I go along with his idiotic plans.

With Maddie, it’s different. It always has been
.  

12

Maddie

We Made a Pact

I’m not sure how we get to his room. My vision is blurry. I think four Jell-O shots were two too many. My stomach is in knots, rebelling against the sugar and the alcohol swimming inside. A moan escapes my throat.

“
How you feeling?”

My head snaps in his direction. “Kyle,” I whisper. The room spins, and he helps me sit
up.

“Give me your feet, I’ll help you with your shoes.” His voice is tender.
Smooth, like chinchilla fur, and I think about petting him.

Instead I focus. He wants to help me take off my shoes. And I realize my feet
are killing me. There are probably a thousand blisters. “Please.” I lay down. The pillow smells like him. It’s earthy, manly, with a hint of vanilla. I take a deep breath through my nose.

He unhooks my shoes, slips them off. “These are deadly.” He chuckles.

“They’re Gina’s.” I close my eyes, but the blackness spins faster. “Whoa.”

“Hang on.”

I hear him move away, and I miss him. Water runs in the background. He returns quickly.

My eyes peel open. “You’re back.” My hand
s find his arms. He helps me up.

“Take these.” He hands me a plastic cup and two white pills.

“What are they?” I try to gauge his facial expressions. “You aren’t trying to drug me, are you?”

He kneels so I can see his face without looking up. “
I wouldn’t do that.”

I focus
on his eyes and sigh. They’re such a strange shade of blue. Like the way ice looks at sunset. “Why don’t you know who I am?” I slide off the bed, onto his knees.

He catches me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me against him. My dress is around my waist but
I can’t make myself care to fix it. His body feels so good, and I promise myself that I’ll stay here forever.

Kyle shakes his head
. There’s something in his expression. Like he’s trying to make a decision. His movement spins my head on a merry-go-round.

“
It’s been too long.” He pushes some hair off my shoulder, sending tingles over my skin. His hands are so tender, and I can’t help but imagine them everywhere. Against my hip, dragging along my thighs.  

I shudder. “Kyle.” I close my eyes, tilting my face toward his. “Kiss me. I’ve waited so long.”

He inhales. Touches my lips with his fingers. “When I kiss you, I want you sober enough to remember it.”

“My first,” I say and giggle. “You’ll be my first. We made a pact.”

He lifts me onto the bed. I feel a blanket cover me, and I want to be sad. I’m no longer in his arms. But I can’t keep my eyes open. Too tired to be mad at myself.

This doesn’t seem very kinky
.
It’s more heavenly.

Kyle

My heart’
s pounding, and I’m at a loss. Maddie is here, in my bed. Her hair lies across her face like a silk scarf. Her hands are tucked under her cheek. She mentioned the pact we made. A long time ago. When we barely understood what we were promising each other.

“Why is my dad such an asshole?” I wipe angry tears off my face. Stare up at my boring white ceiling. Watch the light flicker. The bulb’s been about to die for weeks.

Maddie
shuts my window and plops next to me on my bed. “I watched him leave. He seemed… um, grouchy.”

I snor
t. Rub my jaw in the spot where my dad hit me. “That’s an understatement.” But that’s Maddie. Always kind. Always tries to see the best in people. Including me.

She pats my stomach
, and I tingle. Maddie has a way of making me feel better, no matter what’s happening. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

“Yeah, me too.” I shrug.
Push the pillow behind my head into a ball and lean against it. “But what can I do?”

She rifles around in her bag
, pulls out an ice pack, and hands it to me.

I’m su
re shock is the expression plastered across my face. How does she always know exactly what I need? I press the cool pack against my jaw, and sigh. It feels good. “Thanks.”

“
Wanna listen to my new CD?”

I smile.
Because despite my ass-of-a-father, being around Maddie makes it impossible to be sad. “If it’s a song about bringing sexy back, Freckles, I swear I’ll snap it in half.” I laugh, and she smacks me on the arm with the case.

“Rude! I guess I’ll just put it away.” She goes to stuff it back in her bag, and I grab it
from her hands.

“The Fray?” I ask, looking at it while holding it above her head so she can’t reach it.

“Give it back.” She giggles. One of my favorite sounds.

I stand
on the bed, holding the CD out of her reach. She stands too. Tries to get it back. Her hands pulling on my arm as we jump. She trips in the covers and falls into me. We both go down, and she ends up on top of me. Our faces are inches apart.

“Give it,” she says again, her voice quiet.

I can feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest.

“Kiss me first,” I say
.

Her gaze takes in my lips
. Focuses on my eyes. I’m mesmerized by the way her features change so I can almost always tell what she’s thinking. Like right now she’s thoughtful. And just as turned on as I am.

“Like on the mouth?”
she asks. A finger absently strokes her bottom lip.

I grab the finger and kiss it. “Yeah.”

It seems like a perfectly natural thing. She’s my best friend. The person I care about most in this world. Kissing her would be awesome.

Her eyes find my lips again. “Um,”
she says, climbing off me and the bed. I sit up, waiting for her response. Hand her the CD. She walks to the player, puts the disc in. Turns up the volume. When she turns back, she’s smiling. “I—Okay,” she says, tucking her hands in her back pockets.

“Let’s make a pact.”

The music blares from the speakers. Maddie sits next to me. “What? Like a kissing pact?”

Love is an emotion I’m not familiar with, but as I watch Maddie’s eyes, the way her cheeks scrunch when she smiles, I think that’s what I feel for her. But I’d never tell her that. It’s uncool. Unmanly.

“Kissing.” I pause, considering how I want to say what I want to say. “Everything. We’ll be each other’s first. At it all. We can practice, get really good. You know, for when we’re older.”

She
squashes her eyes shut, then nods. “Okay.”

“Repeat after me.” Maddie opens her eyes. Smiles. “
Ready?”

She nods.

“I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley. Including, but not limited to…” I trail off, and wait for her to copy my words.

“I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley.
” My breath hitches when she says my name. She’s beautiful. Maddie continues, “Including, but not limited to.” She blushes, and the shriveled mess that is my heart swells.

“Kissing. Hickeys. Uh, touching,
” I say.

“Kyle, don’t be a
perv.”

“I’m just trying to cover all the bases,” I say, realizing I really want to cover all the bases
, with her and no one else. Maddie is the best person I’ve ever known. More than just beautiful, she’s kind and fun and sweet.

“Fine.
” She shakes her head. “Kissing. Hickeys. And touching.” She repeats. “Anything else?”

“Sex, for sure.”

Her face gets even redder. “Holy crap. I had no idea.”

“Say it.” My body is warm, and so, so turned on.
Never in all my eleven years have I ever felt so much for one person.

“Sex.”
Maddie covers her face with her hands. From behind her hands she clears her throat. “Repeat after me.” She peeks around her fingers. “I, Kyle Hadley, do swear never to tell anyone about this pact.” She smacks my thigh, and I grab her hand in mine.

“I, Kyle Hadley, swear never to tell anyone about this pact.”

She nods. Then surprises me. “When should we start practicing?”

My heart is racing
. A thickness surges in the back of my throat. “Saturday night?”

“Okay. Just kissing though
.” She smiles, her huge, dazzling smile. “Brace-face.”

I
swallow, squeeze her hand lightly. “Freckles.”

“Frizz Head.” She smacks me in the arm.

“Fish Lips.”

“Hey,” she says, and laughs.

“I’m teasing. You have the most beautiful lips…” I trail off, my eyes focused on them. I want to kiss her now. Right this second.

As I watch her sleep, I realize the feelings I had for her at the age of eleven have grown. And I still want to kiss her. More than anything. The emotions are stronger than I ever believed possible.

We never got the chance
to practice. Her parents were killed a couple of days later, and she was gone. 
  

Regret momentarily bruises my chest.
I didn’t keep my promises. But I know there’s no sense dwelling on it. I can’t change the past any more than I can fix it.

I pull off my pants, slip off my shirt, and slide into
bed beside her. She rolls over, facing me. Still fast asleep. I can’t help but study her, the angle of her jaw and the arch in her brows. Her long lashes. Even with smeared makeup, she’s so beautiful. One of her hands reaches out. I take it and wrap it in mine. Kiss each fingertip.

“Maddie. Can you hear me?”

She nods slightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Please let me be
a part of your life.”

She sighs
, and I can’t help it. I rub my thumb against her lips. Stroke her jaw, brush the hair off her face. The urge to kiss her is almost unbearable. But I resist. Not yet.

I close my eyes. Allow myself to relax.
It dawns on me I’m content. Happy. With that knowledge comes apprehension. In my life contentment equals change. And that usually isn’t good.

Maddie

I wake abruptly, my head pounding. Open my eyes and push back a scream.

Where am I?

There’s pressure across my middle, and I look down. Even in the dark I can make out an arm.
A guy’s arm. It’s resting across my stomach. I turn my head ever so slightly and see him.

It’s Kyle. He’s lying on his stomach. Half his face buried in a pillow.
Nervous dread swallows me whole.

What have I done?

Carefully, so carefully I try to scoot out from under his arm. I can’t be here. I can’t. I can’t. But I have no idea where
here
is. I don’t remember leaving the party. Did we walk? Drive?

Everything after the fourth Jell-O shot is wiped. Panic sets in. Did he drug me? Did we do it?

Please, no.

And, Gina! I ditched her again. She probably thinks I’m the worst friend. She wouldn’t be wrong. Sick horror fills my throat.

I scoot further away.

His hand tightens around my waist. “Don’t go,” Kyle mumbles.

“I-I. How did I get here?”

His eyes open and he lifts up.

My eyes register he isn’t wearing a shirt. His hair is beautifully rumpled. His face is soft, young, and I see the boy I love in his features.

Oh my.

He seems to notice where his hand is and grips my waist tighter, pulling me closer. “Nothing happened,” he says, probably reading the terrified look on my face.

“Okay,” I answer, grateful. Every part of my body wants to believe he’s telling the truth.
My first time is definitely something I want to remember. My heart is beating so fast I fear it’ll burst through my chest, my skin, and reveal all my secrets.

His face shifts closer to mine. My first thought it to reach up and trace his jaw line, his nose, and those lips. Run my fingers through his
untamed hair, down the muscles on his back, his arms, and his chest.

“You asked me to kiss you
.” His face is close, so close I can almost taste him.

My face flushes hot as the sun. I’m afraid I’ll burn him with my humiliation. “I’m sorry.” I peer at him. “I shouldn’t have.”

“I can do it now.” His voice is gruff, coursing with the desire I feel but can’t show.

My heart is bleeding, tearing itself into pieces. I want him to
kiss me. I do. More than anything. But if we were to go there, then what?

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, looking away.

Kyle blows out a frustrated breath, and stands. I can’t help but notice he’s in nothing but boxer-briefs. They hug his legs, his butt in all the right places. He picks up a shirt and jerks it over his head. His body fascinates me, the way his back muscles flex when he moves.