Gone (28 page)

I blanch a little bit at her words.

“Yeah that’s why I am here. I need your help.”

“I’m sorry, what? Can I have that in writing please?”

“Faye, come on, I’m trying to be serious.” And I am.

Faye sits on the opposite bench and waits for me to get my words together. They blurt out of my mouth. “I want to move things on with, Bex,” I start to flush. “You know. But I’m worried.”

Faye sniggers a little. “What are you worried about exactly?”

“All of it.” I wave my hands in the air. “Worried I’ve forgotten how, worried it will be too different. Worried that I am cheating. Worried that it will confuse Bex even more.”

“Okay, just to be clear, we are talking about sex here?”

“You’re not helping at all.”

“Okay. Honest best friend opinion. No you’re not cheating, it’s natural and right, and it’s about time you let it all go and moved your life forward. I don’t know if you even recognise this but you and Bex are something else entirely together, you can’t even compare it with anything you knew before.  When I see you together, I see two planets that are orbing around each other. You have never been like that before not even with…” Her voice hesitates and cracks. “Not even before.”

I take a step towards Faye and put my arms around her.  I whisper the words so low I don’t think she can even hear them. “Will you speak to your mum and dad for me?”

Faye’s shoulders heave high and then shudder back down. Pulling away from my embrace she looks up at me. “Yeah. Lets get this sorted so you don’t end up saying goodbye to the wrong girl.”

The wrong girl.

“I need to go and find Bex.”

Faye offers me a broad wink. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I roll my own eyes in response. That leaves me a whole list of stuff to do.

Rebecca

I’ve been staring at the unturned page of my book with my earphones jammed in when I see a foot land on the window sill.

I breathe out the breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding since Joshua and I parted outside the door to the shop. He told me he had to go and sort something out and that he would see me later. I had to battle down the disappointment at being separated from him for even a few moments.

My eyes watch in the half light as he walks towards me. He’s holding his body all wrong, not the usual easy relaxed gait that he walks with.

“Josh?”

Holding a hand out he cuts off any further question I may ask. “Rebecca,” he kneels on the bed and grasps my hand in his. I sit up straighter in response. He is completely freaking me out.

Opening my mouth I go for another question, but the words die before they’ve even been formed as he lowers his mouth to mine and grazes my lips with his own. One hand slides around the back of my neck
and his thumb traces along the edge of my jaw. Tilting my head back I open my eyes and watch him kiss me. His own eyes are gently closed and I can feel a smile against my mouth.

“What?”  I try again.

“No, Bex. I’m going to do the talking.” Josh moves away from me and settles on the bed in front of me. “I realised today, that you’ve told me so much about yourself, all the secrets that hurt you in here.” He touches his fingers to the place where my heart is beating fast. “But I never told you anything, about me.”

“Yeah you have, you’ve told me about your parents and stuff.”

He nods his head in assent and I reach a hand to smooth along the eyebrow and ring.

“Yeah, but I never to
ld you the things I’m scared of. And I know when you were telling me about Emily and what happened that day at the school you were really telling me that your biggest fear for Em is that she will be like you, or having you around will ruin her life.”

It’s my turn to nod my head, any words would get stuck in my tightening throat.

“I understand that, I do.” He hesitates, clearly unsure what to say next.

“But.”

“My thing, is, that I can’t really do goodbyes. I hate them. That’s one of the small reasons why I never interact with holidaymakers. I can never see the point in getting to know someone if eventually you just have to say goodbye to them.”

Okay, I’m not sure this is good. I’m leaving in a couple of days and a goodbye is imminent.

“But,” I start again.

“Wait, Bex, wait.” He chuckles a little and leans in placing his lips against mine. Just a quick short tender kiss the type that I can’t really imagine not having on a daily basis anymore. And for a girl who never used to kiss before and when she did, didn’t enjoy it, that’s a huge statement to make.

“Before you came here I was just existing, every day the same. I didn’t spend time with my friends, I didn’t go anywhere, and I definitely didn’t paint. And then you came and I started wanting to do everything.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Well, Joshua, that’s rather rude.”

A blush burns along his cheeks which I don’t think I’ve seen happen before.

“I’m trying to be serious here, Bex, work with me.”

“Sorry, please proceed with being serious.”

Joshua lunges forwards pushing me back onto the bed, pinning me down with his body. “You are so difficult.”

“I know, that’s why it’s good I’m leaving, so you can live in peace again.”

Leaning back, Joshua stares at me, the greens dark and intense. “Rebecca, I don’t want to live in peace without you. I want to be challenged by you every day. That’s why I don’t want to say goodbye to you.”

“Josh,” I sigh.

“Wait.” He smiles again. “I feel enough for you that I’m willing to learn to try and say goodbye. I want to say goodbye to everything so that I can try to keep you.”

I don’t really know what he is talking about. The words sound like a riddle but the look of determination in his eyes makes me believe him. For the first time in my life I realise that someone actually wants to keep me, to have me for their own.

“Even with all the things I’ve told you?”

“Nothing you have told me has made me want you any less.”

Our eyes lock and my heart starts that erratic beating again. “How much do you want me, Joshua?”

“I want all of you, Bex, every single bit of you.”

A fracture of a pause makes time spin around us like an endless moment, and then slowly because I want to be the one to initiate whatever happens next, I place my lips against his. “I want you too, Josh.”

With a low groan Joshua lowers his body so he fits against every contour that I have. His hand moves from my hair and down the length of my body. Rocking himself away from me slightly he gives his touch space to slide up my thigh, and along my belly which quivers under his firm fingers. Slowly he carries his determined hand all the way up to the top of my halter neck tie. Arching my neck so he can grasp the bow and pull it undone I hold my breath as he trails his lips along my throat. The sensation of the softest butterfly kisses landing on my sensitive skin makes me break out in goose-bumps everywhere.

“I’m not going to be able to stop this time Bex.” His voice is low and by my ear which makes the goose-bumps intensify.

“I don’t want you to Josh. I want this, I want you.”

With a firm tug the bow unravels and with gentle fingers Josh pulls the top down until I am free of clothes on my top half. Pressing himself into me he lowers his body back into mine and it feels amazing. The stab of longing in the pit of my stomach flares at the sensation of my bare skin pressed against him. Wrapping my arms around him as tight as I can, I kiss him and try to express every emotion I have in the movement of my lips and the flick of my tongue.

“You do bad things to me, Rebecca Walters.”

He laughs against me and the motion rocks us together.

“Well I am a very bad girl.”

For the first time in my life I don’t feel like a bad girl at all, well not in the way I used to. I feel like a good girl about to come right.

I shift to roll us over, and he watches me with dark green pools as I sit up and slide off the top no longer doing what it was designed for.

Pulling him up I straddle his lap and yank his T-Shirt up and over his head. Grasping my arse he anchors me close to him and I can feel his desire for me as our naked skin meshes together.

Gently I push him back against the pillows and work at untying the tie of his shorts. I can’t stop my damn fingers from shaking though so after a few fumbled attempts Josh’s own fingers take over. Undone I lever the shorts over his slim hips and try not to look too alarmed or scared as I see him fully naked for the first time.

Tentatively I reach my fingers for him and trail them along the length of him hearing him sigh with my touch. Leaning forward I softly follow my fingers with my lips and the sigh turns into something else, a groan tangled with a gasp. I kiss my way along his flat stomach until I reach the tattoo that hides on his hip. It seems like an age ago that we were in his studio and I first placed my lips again
st it. I repeat the action now as my hand grasps him firmly and starts to move up and down.

Surprising me with a sudden moment Joshua rolls us back over and smiles as he leans down and kisses me. I keep the motion of my hand steady as he undoes my shorts and dips his fingers under the waistband. My entire body holds itself tight as I wait for his fingers to go to the place I most want them. I’m not disappointed, as his fingers slide between my legs creating a sensation I’ve never felt befor
e. My own hand stops it’s rhythmic movement as I concentrate on Josh’s long slim fingers delving deep inside me.

Desire washes over me and I writhe against his fingers willing them to probe deeper.

I still want more though and I know there is only one way I’m going to get it. Lifting my hips off the mattress as Joshua’s fingers keep up their quick dance I wriggle out of my shorts. Pulling him gently by the shoulder I slide my legs either side of him as I wait for him to replace his fingers and work his way inside my body the way he has worked his way into my head, heart and soul.

“I should put something on.” His voice is so low I can barely hear it over the wild thudding of my heart.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it.”

And I have with the small white pill that my parents insisted I start taking after my Dad found me at that party.

I block the nasty memories from my mind and concentrate on the here and now which is how it should be. Now, not the past. Good, not bad.

“So it’s just us then, Bex.”

I nod my head and open myself up to him as he guides himself inside me and it feels all at once like I’m going to explode. Instinctively we start to create a natural rhythm unique just to us, and as I concentrate on the feel of him pushing deeper and deeper with each movement he makes, a molten hot lava starts to spread from the pit of my stomach and around the whole of my body. 

I grip my legs and arms around him as tight as I can and push my body up higher towards him. A gasp escapes me as the pace increases and Josh looks at me quickly reading my face with his green gaze.

I can’t even concentrate on his face as I climb higher and higher on what feels like a roller coaster with every movement of our hips. I clutch at his shoulders and dip my face into the crook of his neck trying to hide my emotions which must be all over my face. The steady climb doesn’t lessen, it just grows and grows and I rake my fingers along his back as I try and cling on.

I can hear him whispering something in my ear but it is deafened by the whimpering noise I am making with every movement he makes inside me. In and out, either way, every motion creates a physical response in me.

“Look at me.” Josh moves himself away from me a little and the roller coaster starts to crash back to land with his movement.

Oh god, it feels like I am going to die.

“Look at me, Bex. Don’t hide from me anymore.”

And I do, I force my eyes to remain on him as he begins the whimper inducing rhythm again. Faster and deeper, higher and higher until finally I know I am at the top and I start to panic. It’s too soon, it’s not supposed to be this soon.

My entire body goes rigid as Joshua reads me like a book and starts driving even deeper and I spin out from what feels like the very top of the sky, my entire being lost in space as waves of pleasure roll out of me. I cling tighter and tighter onto him as I feel him stiffen and pause for one moment before driving himself home one final time.

Minutes tick by and we lay still and together
, neither of us moving as we wait for the moment to pass. Then slowly Joshua pulls himself away from me, kissing me all over my face until he reaches my lips.

“I’m going to say this once. And once only.” He voice is deep and low. Content and satisfied.

“What?” I croak back.

Smoothing a piece of hair away from my face he scans me over like he is reading something there. “I don’t want you to go.”

I laugh, a chuckle of hope and optimism brimming to the surface. “Really? You want me stropping around the place making everyone stare at me, and you, and specifically at the two of us together?”

Right in this very moment I don’t want to go. Could I stay? What if I stopped running and faced up to who I was and what I’d done? What if I showed people who I really am, not the labels that other people had put on me. What if I should show people the person Joshua has helped me find? Maybe I could stay with my family after all, stay with Josh.