Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm (4 page)

“Can I visit my puppy?”

“I don’t think Ned will mind—if it’s okay with your mother.”

Sean sent her a beseeching look.

“We’ll work something out,” she said.

Her son breathed a deep sigh of relief while Joshua rounded the front of the truck and slid behind the steering wheel.

“Actually, Ned lives about halfway to your farm on Old State Road, not too far from Sweetwater Lake.”

“Maybe I could walk to his place.”

“No way, young man,” said Darcy. “When you get your chores done, I’ll drive you. No walking along that highway.”

“But, Mom—”

Joshua backed out of the parking space. “I’ve had a few near misses out on Old State Road. Some people think its straightaway is an invitation to race. Not a safe place to be.”

Again Sean sighed, but he remained quiet.

In a short time Darcy had begun to notice the influence Joshua had over her son. For a boy hungry for male attention, Joshua was a wonderful role model. But what was going to happen when they returned to Panama City in August? She hated disappointing her son. For years he had tried to get his father interested in what he was doing, but Clay had hardly ever been around. When they’d been in the same room, it had been as though they were strangers.

As they drove toward Ned’s, her son thankfully kept up a running commentary about the Sunday school class he’d joined that day, the one Joshua taught. Sean described each of the boys he’d met and gave a rundown on their likes and dislikes. She was glad he had been readily accepted by his peers, especially Brad Anderson and Nate Bradshaw, Jesse’s son. Darcy relaxed and listened to Sean and Joshua.

Fifteen minutes later Joshua drove through an opened gate and down a gravel road that ended in front of a one-story, white, wooden house with an old brown barn nearby. “He’s probably in the barn.”

“Does he raise horses like Grandpa?” Sean exited the truck on Joshua’s side.

That gave Darcy a chance to take her time and allow the two guys to go ahead of her. She heard Joshua say, “No, he takes in strays like I do. He’s a firefighter at the station where I work. He doesn’t have a lot of land, just a few acres. But I must say, he has more room than I do. I’m running out of places to put my animals.”

Dressed in a plaid short-sleeved shirt, a man who appeared to be in his forties came out of the barn. He brushed some dust from his jeans and adjusted his navy-blue ball cap. “Right on time. I just got through feeding the animals.”

Sean raced forward. “Where are the puppies?”

Ned placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder and led him into the barn. Joshua waited for her by the entrance.

“I think your son is excited.”

“A small understatement.”

“I’m glad he enjoyed this morning. How did you like the adult class?”

“Lizzy and Jesse took me under their wing. I didn’t realize there were so many new people since I last attended.”

“When was that?”

“Over ten years ago.”

“You never had time to come with Lizzy when you visited?”

Darcy stepped into the coolness of the barn, the familiar scents of leather, dirt and hay drifting to her. “This is the first time I’ve been home since I got married.”

When Joshua didn’t say anything for several heartbeats, Darcy felt compelled to add, “We were out of the country for half that time.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“I know, but I didn’t realize it was that long until I came home. Lizzy was quick to point that out to me.”

“Not your father?”

Sean’s laughter floated to her. She looked toward her son in the middle of a pen with six puppies crawling all over him. “No, my relationship with my father has been strained for years.” She wasn’t sure why she told Joshua that, but for some reason it felt right to confide in him, which surprised her, but he was easy to talk to and she suspected he didn’t judge a person.

“You returned home when he needed you the most.”

She paused a few yards from Sean so he wouldn’t hear her reply. “I’m not sure my father needs me right now. He is trying to continue doing everything himself even though he is supposed to be resting and learning to take life a little easier.”

“Like the fire?”

“I finally convinced him to let me take care of stabling the mares. But I don’t think he rested much. He had all the book work done when I returned to the of
fice later. But I guess sitting at a desk is better than running around the farm.”

“Sometimes it’s hard for a person to accept help or to even ask for it.”

“That definitely describes my father.”

“My father could be stubborn at times, but…” His voice faded into silence as he glanced away.

“But what?”

“I’d trade anything to have those times back. I miss our…lively discussions.”

“It sounds like you had a good relationship with your father.”

His intense gaze swung back to her. “It wasn’t perfect, but yes, we had a good relationship.”

How could she tell Joshua that she would give anything to have a good relationship with her father? How could she tell him that her father had been disappointed she wasn’t a male and that she was an only child? She would never forget the time she’d overheard her parents arguing and her mother shouting at her father that she was glad they hadn’t had any more children. He didn’t deserve to have the son he’d always wanted, that he would have to settle for passing his farm on to a daughter. She’d run from the house and hidden in the loft of the barn, crying until there were no tears left inside. Her mother’s words had explained a lot to her—her father’s demands to be perfect, her father’s coldness and distance. But still, it hurt to this day.

Joshua’s expression softened. Darcy closed her eyes, afraid the anguish she experienced every time she remembered that day was evident in them. His finger brushed across her cheek.

“You’re crying.” He captured her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Some say I’m a good listener.”

Through a sheen she viewed the tenderness in his expression and wanted to go into the comfort she knew she would find in his arms. With a supreme effort she held herself back, because that wasn’t her. She’d already told Joshua more than she shared with others. She attempted a smile that wavered about the corners of her mouth, then vanished.

“I think the trauma of the fire is finally catching up with me.”

His gaze ensnared hers as though he were delving into her mind to read her deepest thoughts, those she kept hidden from the world.

“I know we don’t know each other well,” he said, “but if I—”

“Mom! Joshua! Aren’t you coming?”

Darcy blinked, tugged her hand from Joshua’s and started for her son. Joshua’s gaze bore into her back and her steps quickened. She had been so close to telling him about her childhood—and that frightened her. She hadn’t even told her husband how hard it had been growing up with warring parents and a mother who—She wouldn’t think about the past. Hadn’t she learned that reliving it only brought her pain?

This time when she smiled, it stayed in place. She’d become good at putting up a front for her son’s sake. She entered the pen and kneeled next to Sean. “Have you decided on one yet?”

“I can’t decide between this one—” he held up a male black Lab “—or this one.” Scooping up the puppy into his lap, he showed her a smaller female with a lighter mark on its brow. “I think she’s the runt. Which one do you like the most?”

“Son, it’s your choice.”

“Yeah, but what if I choose wrong?”

That innocent question brought a lump to her throat. She’d made some wrong choices that she wished she could do over, but life wasn’t like that. She swallowed and replied, “Making mistakes is how we learn, but I don’t think you can go wrong picking between these two adorable puppies.”

The female nudged Sean’s hand while the male licked him, then began gnawing on his finger. “Joshua, what do you think?”

Joshua chuckled. “I agree with your mother. It’s your call.”

Her son then turned his attention to Ned, who shook his head and said, “No, partner, you’re on your own.”

Sean’s face brightened. “Mom, how about taking both? I have some money saved. I could buy the other one.”

“I think, Sweetie, for your first pet we should stick to having only one.” Darcy straightened, aware of Joshua standing right behind her. She always seemed to know
where he was in relation to her. That shook her. “You don’t have to make up your mind right this minute.”

“No, why don’t you play with them for a while? I have some iced tea up at the house. We’ll be sitting on the porch when you’re ready.” Ned headed out of the barn.

Darcy backed away. She watched her son bury his face in the fur of first the female, then the male. She thought about the small yard they had in Panama City and knew one big dog was all they could handle.

“It’s tough making that kind of decision,” Joshua murmured as they walked from the barn.

“If the dogs were going to be smaller, we might be able to have two.” She peered back once more to see Sean lying on the ground with both puppies on his chest. He was talking to them.

“It’s hard setting limits.”

“As a parent all I want to do is protect my son from the world and any problems that might arise.”

“Impossible.”

“I know.”
Better than most
, she added silently, remembering being caught between two parents who had fought all the time, often using her as a referee. She had promised herself when she married that her marriage would be different. It had been, because she had given in to her husband’s wishes instead of standing up for what she believed in.

She didn’t believe anymore that it was possible for two people to be equal partners in a marriage. And so she would never marry again.

“M
om, I don’t know which puppy to take. I liked playing with both of them,” Sean said, popping his last french fry into his mouth. “What do you think, Joshua?”

“Listen to your heart. You can’t go wrong.”

Yes, you can
, Darcy thought, remembering her marriage. She’d been in love with Clay, but over the years his indifference had eroded her feelings until they had been two strangers living in the same household—much like her parents. Now she relied on her head rather than her heart when it came to important matters. Much safer.

Sean downed the rest of his soft drink. “Then I think I want the runt of the litter. She needs me.”

Darcy cocked her head. “Why do you say that?” “Because she’s small like me. Probably no one will pick her. She’ll need a home and someone to love her.” Her heart twisted at the pain behind her son’s words.
She knew why he felt that way. Clay. Her husband over the years had made more than one comment about how small their son was. Clay had wanted Sean involved in sports and hadn’t been sure if that would be possible.

“Size isn’t important, Sean. It’s what’s inside that counts,” Joshua said as he gathered up their trash and stacked it on the tray. “Until I was fifteen, I was several inches smaller than most guys in my class. Then all of a sudden I began to grow and didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties. I more than made up for my lack of height as a child.” Joshua slid from the booth and rose, all six feet and a few inches.

Sean craned his neck and looked at Joshua. “You think I’ll be tall like you?”

“Can’t say. You’ll be as tall as you need to be.”

Darcy slipped from the booth, followed by her son who beamed from ear to ear. Seeing Sean with Joshua only reconfirmed that her son needed a man’s influence in his life. Clay hadn’t been around much for Sean, and a mother just couldn’t offer certain things for a boy.

“I still want the girl puppy. Maybe one day she can have a litter. I could sell all the puppies except one.”

“Hold it, young man. I’m only agreeing to one dog at the moment.”

“Aw, Mom, I don’t mean right away. That’ll be
years
from now.”

“Then I’ll call Ned and tell him that’s your choice.” Joshua held the door open for Darcy and Sean.

“Will you ask him if I can come visit her tomorrow?
I want her to get to know me so she won’t be so scared when she leaves her mother.”

“How do you expect to get over there?” Darcy asked while walking toward Joshua’s truck in the parking lot of the fast-food restaurant.

Sean’s smile grew. “You?”

Remembering how demanding her father had been about her first horse, she never wanted her son to feel he couldn’t live up to his parent’s expectations. “Only after you do your chores. When you’re responsible for animals, their needs come before yours. If you want that horse this summer, you have to show Grandpa you can take care of it.”

“It’s a deal.”

Joshua unlocked his truck, and Sean climbed into the front seat, followed by Darcy. Joshua backed out of the parking space and waited to pull out into traffic.

“Joshua, can I see Arnold today?”

Joshua glanced at Darcy, a question in his eyes. She shrugged, realizing she’d like to see where he lived. Did his house fit the man? She could tell a lot by a person’s surroundings.

“Sure, if you promise to play catch with him. That’s his favorite thing, next to TV.”

“Yes!” In his excitement Sean bounced on the seat.

Ten minutes later Joshua pulled into the driveway of a one-story white cottage with a beautiful, manicured yard. Red and yellow impatiens lined the bed in front of a rock garden surrounding a century-old oak tree that
shaded the house. A bird bath with several cardinals in it graced the middle of the rock garden.

Darcy followed the round stepping stones from the driveway to the porch. Off to the side sat a white wicker table and two comfortable-looking chairs with striped forest-green-and-tan cushions. A perfect place to enjoy a cup of coffee in the early morning, she thought while Joshua unlocked his house.

For a few seconds she pictured herself sitting in one of the chairs with Joshua in the other, discussing a favorite book or a movie they’d seen. He would laugh at something witty she’d said and she would—whoa. Where had that fantasy come from? She hurried inside before her thoughts took her any further.

Darcy hadn’t been sure what to expect, but when she walked into Joshua’s house, surprise flickered through her. One small brown dog, a mix of four or five breeds, bounded from the back of the house, yelping and jumping into the air. A large white cat stirred from the navy-blue sofa, stretched, then lumbered toward them.

“Missy, sit.”

The brown mutt immediately obeyed Joshua’s command. The cat weaved in and out of her legs, rubbing his body against her while purring. Another smaller cat, various shades of gray, came from the hallway at a lazy pace.

“You
do
have a lot of animals,” Darcy said, bending over to pet the white cat with two different colored eyes.

“What can I say? I can’t turn away a stray.”

Sean kneeled on the hardwood floor next to Missy and stroked her. “Where’s Arnold?”

“Out back with my other two dogs. Come on. I’ll show you.” Joshua started forward with Sean next to him. Joshua paused at the entrance into the kitchen and glanced back at Darcy. “Make yourself at home. I’ll only be a sec.”

While he was gone, Darcy scanned the living room, a large open room with a high ceiling. Beautifully carved built-in bookcases, filled with books and Indian pottery, graced one whole wall, while the others were painted a rich, deep burgundy. The room should have been dark, but the large windows with plantation shutters along the front of the house allowed sunlight to pour in. The hardwood floor in the entryway continued throughout the living room with one area rug of burgundy-and-navy between the couch and two cushioned chairs with ottomans. On the massive coffee table sat a large, black leather-bound Bible that probably had been handed down for generations.

Comfort came to mind as Darcy looked around. And a sense of warmth. A lot of care had gone into Joshua’s home. The man was continually surprising her. Clay had never wanted anything to do with their houses. She’d always thought it was because they had moved so much that he had found it hard to become attached to any one place. But in reality, her husband had never viewed their houses as home.

“Grab a seat. I’ll get us something to drink.”

Joshua’s voice startled Darcy. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry. I’ll whistle my approach next time.”

“No, you just caught me thinking.”

“About what?”

“Your house. I love it. I can tell a lot of thought went into it.”

A shadow clouded Joshua’s eyes. His mouth firmed into a hard line. “It did.” He turned away, a rigidity to his stance. “I’ve got some iced tea.”

He was gone before Darcy could say anything. She wondered about the sudden tension that had sparked the air. She made her way to the couch and sat. The white cat jumped up and lay in her lap. Darcy buried her fingers in his soft fur and rubbed, still pondering the change in Joshua’s disposition.

“If Ringo’s bothering you, just put him on the floor. He loves people and likes to make himself at home in their laps,” Joshua said, coming toward her carrying two tall glasses.

She saw none of the earlier, tense expression. Maybe she had imagined it. After all, she’d given him a compliment. But some people were uncomfortable with compliments. Taking an iced tea from him, Darcy sipped, relishing the cold drink.

“I’ve never seen such beautiful craftsmanship before. Did these bookcases come with the house?” Darcy placed her glass on a coaster on the coffee table, wanting to recapture the ease they’d had when they’d talked earlier.

“No, I made them.”

Her gaze shifted to him. “You did? How long did it take?”

“Months, working on my days off.”

“Have you done other pieces of furniture?” Such craft had obviously gone into his work. There were many facets to this man.

His mouth tightened into a frown. “Yes. My bed.”

Darcy almost asked to see it, but an undercurrent flowed between them as though she had journeyed into forbidden territory. Again she felt the tension take hold of Joshua and wondered about it. “You’re gifted. If you ever want to stop being a firefighter, you could make a living carving furniture.”

“It’s just a hobby.” Joshua took several large swallows of his tea, draining half the glass.

“You’re a man full of interesting surprises. Most don’t go to this much trouble when it’s just them living alone.”

His grip was so tight that his knuckles whitened on his glass. “It wasn’t supposed to be just me.”

“Oh?”

“I was engaged once.”

“What happened?” Her teeth dug into her lower lip.

Joshua carefully put his drink on a coaster, his gaze lifting to hers. For a few seconds she glimpsed pain, until he veiled the expression and averted his look. She shouldn’t have asked. She’d overstepped her bounds with the question, but she wanted to know everything
about him. He interested her—more than she should allow, she realized.

She was about to rise when he finally said, “It’s not really a big secret. In fact, the whole town knows. My fiancée left me at the altar last year because she was having another man’s baby.”

His words caught her completely by surprise and wrenched her heart. How awful. But she suspected he didn’t want to hear those words. She let the silence grow while he wrestled with his demons. The clenching of his jaw and the stiffening of his body spoke of the emotions gripping him.

“I’d spent six months getting this house ready for Carol. I’d wanted everything perfect. The problem was, while I was lovingly carving the bookcases and bed, she was seeing another man. I…” His voice trailed off into the silence. He swallowed hard and reestablished eye contact with Darcy. “I should have spent the time with Carol. But I love working with my hands and this—” he swept his arm to indicate the whole house “—was my way of expressing my love for her.”

“She didn’t want to help?”

“She did a little, but she didn’t like physical work. Computers were more her thing. She would spend hours in front of one. I need to be up and working. Sitting for too long drives me crazy.”

“About the only time I sit is to read a good book. That’s what I do when I have the time.”

The corners of Joshua’s mouth lifted in a lopsided
grin that eased the tension momentarily. “Since you’re a librarian, that makes sense.”

Darcy chuckled. “I guess I’d better like books or I’d be surrounded by something I don’t like every day at work.” She shifted on the couch, leaning back against the cushion. “Does Carol live in Sweetwater?”

“Yes. She married the man and they have—” he cleared his throat “—a seven-month-old son.”

“Do you see her much?” There was a part of her that was shocked at the boldness of her questions; the other part wanted to know the answers, wanted to know Joshua.

“Not often. She used to go to the same church, but now goes to a different one across town.”

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out, but maybe what happened was for the best. If you aren’t right for each other, it’s better to discover that before the marriage rather than after.”
Like I did
, Darcy thought, folding her arms over her chest.

“I keep telling myself that. The worst part about the whole situation is that it makes me doubt my judgment. How could I be so wrong about Carol? We’d known each other for years—dated for three of them.”

How many times had she asked herself that very question concerning Clay? “Maybe you didn’t see the true Carol. People have a way of putting up a front. The problem is, that front won’t last forever. A person’s true character comes out in the end.”

Joshua picked up his drink and finished it in several swallows. “Speaking from experience?”

She wished she could tell him. But she wasn’t used to sharing much of herself with anyone. She’d tried with Clay and he’d rejected her feelings. Between her experiences with her father and Clay, she’d learned to keep everything buried deep inside. “I was just making an observation. I’m sure everyone has dealt with people who aren’t always who they seem to be.”

He studied her. The silence in the room stretched to an uncomfortable level. Darcy crossed her legs, then uncrossed them.

“I suppose you’re right,” he finally said.

His words cut through the silence, but did nothing to relieve the tension building in Darcy. She pushed herself to her feet. “I probably should check on Sean, make sure he’s staying out of trouble. It’s been awfully quiet for the past twenty minutes.”

“He’s got three dogs to play with. When I left him, he was smiling from ear to ear while they licked him.”

“That’s my son. Give him an animal and he can entertain himself for hours.”

“Then Sean and I have something in common.”

Darcy followed Joshua through the kitchen, a sunny, cheerful room decorated in yellows and reds with dark walnut cabinets polished to a rich sheen. The tan tiled countertops and floor contrasted with the plaid wallpaper, complimenting each other.

When she stepped out onto the deck, she was taken by its beauty. A rose garden graced the east side, while a garden full of wildflowers stood along the west fence.
A pond fed by a fountain was the focal point in the rock garden along the deck. Several maple trees with two stone benches under them presented a place to seek shade in the heat of summer.

“Do you like to do yard work, too?”

Joshua glanced around, his gaze touching each garden. “Yes. I do draw the line at housework, however. I have someone come in once a week to clean for me.”

“Frankly, I don’t know when you would have time to do that anyway. You do like to be busy.”

“There’re so many things I want to do and so little time.”

“Mom, watch this,” Sean shouted from beneath a maple tree.

Her son held up a Frisbee and sent it sailing through the air. Arnold leaped up and caught it, then trotted back to Sean.