Get In Her Mind, Get In Her Bed (13 page)

Guys who fear rejection are self-conscious about themselves in one way or another. They consider themselves not very good looking, maybe they have a weight problem, or because they don’t spend two hours in the gym everyday they feel average. They have a problem approaching good looking women because they believe it’s all about physical attraction. What they don’t know is, what women find attractive is body language and confidence, how you carry yourself. All the things we have already been talking about. When they work up the courage to go talk to that girl, they already have it in their head, “She won’t like me because I’m not as good looking as that guy over there.” Those negative thoughts are portrayed in our body language. If we don’t feel confident, it will show in our actions and movements. As we walk up to that gorgeous girl, we are telling her, “You don’t like me, I’m not attractive, I have no value, will you hurry up and reject me and get this over with?” She will read right through you and comply with your wish, completing the cycle and reinforcing the belief that attraction is all physical.

Confidence is all about feeling comfortable in your own skin. When you approach a group of beautiful women, within the first few minutes of talking to them, throw out a funny comment about what makes you feel inadequate. If you are heavy, make a fat joke about yourself, “I heard a wide belt helps make you appear thinner. I went out and bought one only my stomach covers up the belt. I guess I’m going to have to buy a bigger belt.” If you don’t consider yourself overly attractive, tell her you don’t mind being her “eye candy” and that she can stare at you all night long. You are showing these women you are comfortable with yourself, but more importantly that you are comfortable around women.

Compare this to a guy who feels inadequate about himself and has no self-confidence. He will make statements putting himself down, convincing the target that she should not like him. “I understand if you don’t like me because I’m overweight.” “I’m sorry I’m not, very good looking.” Do you see the difference? One shows you are comfortable with who you are, the other has you apologizing for being you.

Being confident and displaying good body language is what will give you a chance with women. You are also showing her that you are someone that has something extra to offer, something worth getting to know. Whether she becomes attracted to you or not, is not really important. What is important is you are displaying qualities that women find attractive. Even though she herself may not become sexually attracted to you, she might know someone who will. She did not come alone and she has friends. You are doing all the right things, displaying all the right body language. You have confidence in yourself and are comfortable around women, and she has noticed this. You have now made a friend with a beautiful girl or group of girls. Just because she is not physically attracted to you doesn't mean she does not like you. She will talk you up to her friends, introduce you to her group, which will lead to girls who want a relationship with you. Even though you were “rejected”, you have now opened the door to other opportunities that would not have been there if you did not make that attempt.

Weeding Out Targets

No matter how good looking you are, how good of a body you do or don’t have, how smart or stupid you are, or how good or bad with women you are, there is a girl in every bar that will go home with you. Let me say this again, every place there is a crowd of people, there is a girl that will go home and have sex with you tonight. All you need to do is learn to determine which girl it is and take her home. She already wants it, she just doesn’t know it yet.

Think of how powerful that statement is. You can always find a girl who will go home with you on any given night. The problem is finding the one that will go with you. It all starts with being able to read the signals. If a target is giving you “No” signals or not responding to you with any interest, then there is no reason to approach her. To do so would only set yourself up for rejection and waste time. If you have approached a target and are making good conversation but you have been unable to break the touch barrier, then you must decide if it is worth continuing the conversation with, or get her phone number and move on to another girl. Rejection happens only because we let it happen by not paying attention to the signals.

We have all seen the guy in the bar that hits on every single girl. The guy that constantly gets shot down attempt after attempt. If you were paying close enough attention, you would have also noticed that by the end of the night that guy is off in the corner with some girl, while you are still watching, waiting to approach a girl. While no one in their right mind wants to be shot down twenty times in one night, those guys have it figured out. There is a girl out there that will go home with him. They use the old plug and chug method, as long as they keep at it, they will find a girl. Even though these guys get rejected many times over, they always find a girl. The reason for this is they try. They are not afraid to approach and are not afraid of rejection.

There are also the guys that deliberately hit on the most attractive girls in the bar. All women are aware of their surroundings at all times. They know who the most attractive girl in the bar is and they take note of who she is talking to. By approaching the best looking girl there he has now put every woman's attention on him. To the girl across the room, all she knows is, if the best looking girl in the bar is talking to this guy, there must be something about him. He then goes down the line to the second best looking girl, third best looking, and so forth. All the best looking girls know this guy, he has status. Eventually he continues down the line until he talks to a girl that has been watching his movements, watching him around all the beautiful girls. She believes she is lucky just to be in his presence. In her mind, because he associates with only the most beautiful girls, he is out of her league. She will do everything she can to be with this guy. She played right into his hands. A girl who twenty minutes ago would have nothing to do with this guy, now is doing everything in her power to win him over.

Rejection is all about appearance. The biggest fear is the Hollywood rejection, the girl that screams out “Get away from me!” and throws a drink in your face, letting the whole world know. This has never happened, nor will it ever happen, as long as you walk over in a confident manner. If things do not go your way, shrug it off. Tell the girl it was nice to meet her, and walk back to your seat in a confident manner. If you take every rejection personally, you won’t be inclined to move on to the next target. It will also show in your body language. If you walk back dejected with your head down in shame, the girls across the room will know that you were rejected and they will follow suit. For every girl that you do not make a connection with, you are setting yourself up for the next. Maybe she turned you down, but she liked you enough to introduce you to her friend. Or you were turned down by one group of girls, only to have another group across the room notice you talking to them. You now have status in their eyes and when you talk to them, they will accept you. Pick up is a game, full of strategy and strategic moves. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a few men to win the war.

You must get in your head that rejection is not a bad thing. Being rejected means you tried. Being rejected means whatever you just tried didn't work. You learn from rejection. Most importantly you succeed with women when you place yourself at risk of being rejected.

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)

What Is It?

Do you know anyone you would describe as "good with people." Someone whom everyone likes, is easy to talk to, is outgoing, and easily becomes the center of attention when introduced to a new group of people. Sure you do. We all know someone like that. Whether it be a friend, someone you work with, or someone you run into from time to time. On the flip side, we all know someone on the other end of the spectrum, a person no one really likes. Maybe it is someone at work that doesn't really get along with anyone; an outsider. It could be a person in your own group of friends. Someone that you just don't like and don’t know why; a person that rubs you the wrong way.

Now if I was to ask the first person, "What is it about you that everyone seems to like?" He would probably say, "I don’t know... I guess I've always just been good with people?" If I was to ask the latter, the person that no one seems to like, the same thing, "What is it about you that everyone seems to dislike" He would say something like, "They just don’t," and would probably describe himself as shy or an introvert. The difference between the two, the reason one is well liked and the other isn't, is that they have differing skill sets when it comes to communication. These skill sets could have been developed through personal experiences, environmental surroundings, the way their parents raised them, any number of things. One of them has developed a good skill set in communicating with others and one is lacking. One thing they both have in common however, is that neither of them are aware why they have the skill set they do. In other words, the first person, the one that is charming and gets along with everyone, "has always been good with people." While the second person, the one that rubs everyone the wrong way, people "just don't" like him. Neither of them know why they are, or are not, communicating well with people.

I was just like this. I was always good at talking to and making a connection with people. I had a way with people that made them feel comfortable. If I could just get into a conversation with a girl I didn't know, I knew she would be hooked and at worst I would get her number. I knew this based on previous experience. I was just good with people, more specifically good with women. There was something about the way I talked to them, whether it be at work, school, people I had just met, long time friends, I was always able to make them feel comfortable with me. What I didn't know is why. I thought it was because I had a natural gift at interacting with people; something I was born with. It wasn't until I started doing a little research on NLP (neuro linguistic programming), that I realized it was because I was interacting with people on there level. We will get into that in more detail a little later.

For the purpose of this book, we are going to take a very small part of NLP, and apply it to interacting with women. More importantly, we are going to use it to build sexual chemistry on a subconscious level. We have referred to sexual chemistry a lot in this book. It is the number one factor in determining if you are going to have a relationship with your target, regardless of if that relationship is going to be a date, a long term thing, or a one night stand. But what is sexual chemistry? Sexual chemistry is having rapport with that person. It is creating a likeness between the two of you that will drop her guard, and her panties. When you build sexual chemistry, or rapport, you are making that person (your target) feel comfortable with you in a way that will allow her to drop her walls of defense; to remove her mask. We are going to break it down, and give you a skill set to create an "instant bond" between you and your target, or with anyone for that matter. Think of it in terms of developing your skill set in communication.

You may need to read the following chapters on the concepts of NLP a few times to get a handle on the process.

Processing

Over the course of your life you have met people that you get along with really well, people that you “click with,” people that it was easy to be around from the very start. When building chemistry or rapport, people are drawn to others that are the same as them; people like other people like themselves. You and your good friends probably enjoy doing the same activities. You all like to play sports or enjoy working on cars. You probably like the same kinds of music. That is why you are all good friends. It is easy to be around each other because you like the same things. It's the same thing with women. You usually get along with women you have things in common with. That makes sense. What you may not be aware of, is that you are probably communicating in the same processing language too. Meaning that you both process information in the same dominant way. You are both visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. You have also met people that you don’t like for whatever reason or you clash with. People whom from the first few minutes of meeting them you didn’t like them, but didn’t really have a reason for not liking them. With these people you were most likely having trouble communicating with them in the same processing language.

The first thing you need to understand is that people process the world in different ways. The way they perceive and interpret stimulus is different. The three main ways people process information is visually, auditory, and kinesthetically. It is important to note that people process information predominantly in one of these ways, but everyone uses all three ways to process information. The why is not important to us. What is important is that you understand people process information differently. Think of it in terms of speaking a different language. You are in a group of three people. One speaks Spanish, one German, and the other French. You can speak all three of these languages fluently. You wouldn't speak Spanish to the German girl, and you wouldn't speak French to the Spanish girl. You would speak to each of them in their own language. Same concept here. To connect with someone quickly, build sexual chemistry quickly, you need to find out how each person processes information, and communicate with them in their dominant processing language.