Get In Her Mind, Get In Her Bed (14 page)

The majority of the population is visual processors. They process and make sense of the world primarily with their eyes. You would recognize a visual communicator by specific words they use to describe things. That
looks
fun, the beach
looked
awesome,
imagine
that, you
see
what I mean, that asshole is
shady
, that girl is
sexy
, her
ass
is nice, her
boobs
are
huge
,
look
at them
bounce
. It is easy to spot a visual person because everything they say is; see this, see that, is looked, she looked, they looked... Everything is visual in nature. The thoughts visual people have are in a way formed as pictures, and then expressed through visually descriptive words.

Auditory people process the world through sounds. They express their thoughts with sound specific words. That
sounds
fun,
listen
to the ocean, her
voice
is like a bird
singing
, she
sounds
..., can you
hear
the..., that’s
loud
, they're
noisy
, that was
harsh
. An auditory person hears the world. Sight is secondary to an auditory processor.

Take a look at the first example I used for each; that looks fun, and that sounds fun. The message I am trying to get across is the same but the descriptive word I used is different. I used looks as a visual descriptive word, and sounds as an auditory descriptive word. Both examples are saying, "I think that would be fun." However, in each case you are speaking a different processing language. You may have noticed in the first sentence of this paragraph I used the descriptive word look. Clearly I am a visual processor.

Kinesthetic people process the world through touch and feeling. They are more sensitive than the other types. Kinesthetic people would express themselves with words like; can you
feel
it, the
energy
in the room, the sun
feels
hot, the water is
cold
, her boobs
felt
nice, I bet she
fucks
like an animal. In that sense, "fuck" being a feeling. They rationalize the world based on feeling.

Like I said before, it's not important that we understand the actual differences between these types of people. The important thing is to realize people speak different processing language, and that to build chemistry quickly you need be "like" them. It is also important that you are able to identify what processing language they speak. To do this listen to the descriptive words she uses when talking to you. It's not by happenstance that people use the descriptive words they do. They use the words that they think will best express themselves or the way they are feeling. It makes sense that a visual person would chose visual words to express their thoughts to you. That's how they process the world, visually. Same goes for an auditory or kinesthetic processor. Just like in the examples above, the descriptive words used in everyday conversation will reveal a person's main processing language. Seems easy right? That’s the point. It is easy.

So if it makes perfect sense that a person would express themselves in a way that was congruent with how they perceive the world, doesn't it make sense that they would feel more comfortable with someone that perceived the world in that same way? A person that was "like" them. Going back to the example above, of the three women each speaking a different language. You wouldn't try and have a normal conversation with them in another language. So why, in the realm of building sexual chemistry, would you speak in a visual processing language, to a girl who processes information in an auditory way? Or speak auditory to a woman whose predominant way of processing is kinesthetic? You wouldn't.

You’ve opened a girl, maybe a little banter, storytelling, whatever, and you are getting to know each other. At this point, early in the conversation, you should be listening for key descriptive words she uses to determine what kind of processor she is. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you process in the same way. It matters that you identify her main processing language and communicate with her using that language. After you determine what type of processor she is, begin speaking to her in that language. So if she is speaking using visual descriptive words, then you should be trying to speak using visual words too. This will be the basic concept of her feeling an instant connection to you, ultimately building up sexual chemistry.

So here is an example:

Her: I went to Mexico for spring break. 

You: Oh really, where did you go? 

Her: We went to Cabo.

You: I’ve been there twice what was your favorite part?

Here I just asked a question that allows her to answer using descriptive words.

Her: The beach, the way sand
looked
, the
color
of the water, how
clear
it was. 

In that sentence she used looked, color, and clear as clues to the way she dominantly processes information. So you would want to talk to this person using visual comments.

In this case I might respond like this: The beaches there are
beautiful
, the sand is so
white
and the
blue green color
of the ocean. It's not like the beaches here.

I just responded using her processing language. If I continued to speak to her like this she would feel a "closeness" to me and her walls would begin to come down. She will start to feel an unexplained attraction to me. That is because we are building sexual chemistry.

Let’s say she responded in a different way, maybe she said:

Her: The beach, the water was so
warm
, and the sand
felt
incredible on my feet.

In this case she is a kinesthetic processor. She is using words that correspond with touch; water was warm, sand felt.

I may respond by saying something like: I remember that too. The sand
felt
so
hot
though, it always
burned
my feet. The water is nice though. Nothing like here. It’s
freezing
here.

Again, I'm speaking her language.

Her: The beach, the
sound
of the ocean, how the waves
crashed
, even the
noise
of all the people didn't bother me. It was like heaven. 

You: When we were there, some kid was following us with a
loud
boom box. That’s all we could
hear
. 

Clearly this person is an auditory processor. If you noticed, I even worked in some story telling there. These concepts are not complicated you just need to practice using them. Practice identifying people's processing language and then speaking to them in that language with anyone you have a conversation with; at work, at your coffee shop, at the grocery store. The more you practice doing this, the better you will get and before long you will do it automatically. This is a skill that will help you in all facets of life, not just pick up. If you are still having trouble understanding why this would work, stop worrying about that. It doesn’t matter why it works, and the why is very complicated. Instead, just accept it as true. You are connecting with this person on a subconscious level. You are building, creating rapport, or "sexual chemistry."

At this point some of you may be a bit skeptical. Maybe the concept is a little confusing, or it doesn't make sense that this would work, or maybe that it's just too easy. That's the point. It is easy. It's a skill many of us possess and have already perfected. You have used this skill everyday, but were just unaware of exactly what it was you were doing. For others, you have the tools to use the skill, you just need to practice. To put those tools to use. For the people who still find this hard to believe, let’s try a totally different approach. Have you ever been to, or heard a psychologist or counselor talk to someone. If not, how about a TV show or movie in that setting. They always say, "So what your saying is" and then they repeat what you just said. Or they will say, "Let me get this straight. I want to make sure I understand what you mean," and repeat what you said. That is what they are trained to say. They went to school for five years to learn how to talk to someone in a way that would allow that person to open up to them, let their guard down, strip away the walls. That is the same concept we are introducing to you.

Mirroring

The other night I was at the bar and I started observing two girls dancing together. These girls were dressed a bit sluty, a little sexy, they looked good. A guy approached them and started dancing with them. He was just an average guy, but he was dancing like a jackass. Upon first glance I thought this guy had no chance. The girls were paying him no attention and were kind of making fun of him, sort of stringing him along. They put up with him for a while and it was easy to see they weren't really into him. He seemed like he was picking up on that and just before one of the girls grabbed the other and walked off the dance floor, he started moving his hips and shoulders in conjunction with the other girl. He was mirroring her. As the girl grabbed her friend to walk away the one wanted to stay and convinced her friend to do the same. Not ten seconds before, the girls were done with this guy and ready to walk away from him, and now because of this seemingly meaningless body movement the one girl is now interested, or at least wanted to keep dancing with this guy. They continued to dance with him and I stopped paying attention to them, but the point is his mirroring the girl's body movement built an instant rapport or sexual chemistry with her.

I’m quite sure the guy had no idea what he had done to gain the girl's interest, and neither did the girl. It was his dancing, the dancing that initially was killing him, that ultimately led to this instant chemistry we have been talking about. By mirroring the girl's dancing, he was matching her body language. Mirroring is another way to build instant rapport or sexual chemistry.

Hopefully by now you have accepted that talking to a target in the same "language" she speaks will help you build sexual chemistry, and you are applying that to your skill set. So if you can build sexual chemistry by talking "like" someone else, remember, on a subconscious level, people like people like themselves, wouldn't it also be believable that you could build sexual chemistry by matching her body language; i.e. mirroring? I think by now we have made it clear that body language is super important in pick up. I mean we did devote one third of the book to body language.

Mirroring is something everyone does on some level and they don't even realize it. If you go to watch a movie, how do the rest of the people in the theater act? Most people sit to themselves, and for the most part everyone is quiet. Throughout the movie there will be times when it is appropriate for the entire audience to make noise, like laughter, or maybe a scream. Everyone basically acts in harmony with everyone else. You are all mirroring each other. Everyone knows courteous theater behavior and their actions reflect that behavior for fear of conflict. Now if one person was constantly talking throughout the movie and being disruptive you would get pissed. In fact, everyone in the theater would be unhappy. The reason is, that person's behavior is not consistent with everyone else's behavior. He is not mirroring the other people and for that reason is in conflict with everyone. He doesn't have chemistry with anyone.

If you are at a football game most of the crowd is standing up cheering. Everyone in your section is standing up, being loud, joking, cheering, just having a good time. Everyone is in harmony with each other and on some level a bond has formed between you. Now try and picture that same scenario with two people sitting down and being quiet. The two sitting appear to be hating this experience. They are in conflict with the rest of the group. This would actually decrease the level of fun everyone in the section was having because there would be an internal conflict within the section. The two people not having any fun are actually dragging down the morale of the rest of the group, and on a subconscious level you resent those people for ruining the fun time you could have had.

We have talked a great deal about body language and different signals to look for. We have even talked about how to respond to those signals using your body language. If you will recall the last chapter in the body language section titled Push and Pull, we introduced the concept of mirroring. Look how closely the concept of mirroring as it relates to NLP resembles the concept of push/pull. Remember, these are things we are doing to tap into her subconscious to create attraction, or sexual chemistry.

The most important thing to remember when mirroring is that you are not copying. What I mean by that is that mirroring works because it creates an instant chemistry on a subconscious level. If you are copying her body language she will become aware of that, and that won’t be good for you.