Get In Her Mind, Get In Her Bed (8 page)

Facial Expression:

Facial expression is the same as eye contact. If she is interested she will be looking at you and smiling, doing the things we have already talked about. If her interest is wandering, she won’t be paying much attention, thus making it impossible to give any kind of facial expression to you. Just like with eye contact all you need to do is something to re-engage her in the interaction.

Body Positioning / Touching Herself:

A woman that is interested opens herself to you with her body language. A woman that is not, will turn away from you. If a woman turns her back on you, that's not good. You may be out of luck if that’s the case. Pay attention to her feet, arms, head, hands, and legs as well. If they are pointed away from you it probably means she wants to get away from you.

Now, if we are sitting there talking and she crosses her legs away from me, she is giving me a no signal. When this, or something similar happens, I will turn my legs or hips away from her. I am reciprocating her body language. Her body language says, "I'm not really feeling you any more," or maybe I said something that put her off. If I respond by saying with my body language, "I see you’re not interested in me but that's ok with me," she will usually respond in a favorable way. If you give the impression that you are not interested, a woman will forget all about the no signal she just sent you and start sending yes signals your way. She wants you to be interested and it kills her if she thinks you are no longer interested in her. It's like she is thinking, "This guy was just totally into me and now he is not. What did I do to turn him off?" She will re-engage herself in the interaction because she wants to leave the interaction feeling good about herself. She feels good about herself by knowing you are interested in her. Remember in previous chapters when we talk about women seeking approval. Same concept here, she doesn't want to leave an interaction thinking you are not interested, she wants to leave the interaction thinking you want her.

Accidental Contact:

If she isn't interested, there just won’t be any. We want women to break the touch barrier. There are many things we can do to position ourselves in a way to make it impossible for a woman not to touch us. But essentially, we want her to touch us first showing she is comfortable with us touching her. If she isn't touching you then you need to work on building sexual chemistry so she feels comfortable touching you. Lack of touching doesn't mean she is not interested. It just means you haven't built enough chemistry for her to want to.

Touch Barrier Broken / Extended Conversation

If you are in an extended interaction with a woman then there is really no way she will up and not be interested in you. If you are interesting enough for her to talk to for the last hour then she is feeling you, you have succeeded in building sexual chemistry. The only thing you can do now to mess it up, is say or do something that pisses her off. In this case she will do one of two things. She will get pissed and walk away, in which case you can let her go or chase her down and beg. Or she will stay but give you one of the no signals we have talked about. This is a good thing because she is using her body language to tell you she didn't like something you just did, knowing full well that she still likes you and isn't going anywhere.

If it is the latter, play the reciprocation game we have been talking about. If she gives a no signal, give her a no signal of the same manner. Example, she turns her hips slightly away from you and crosses her legs away from you. You do the same, while maybe re-engaging in some kind of conversation. She knows she isn't walking away from you she just wants to play a little game with you. She wants you to come after her, so to speak, and when you don't, she will come back to you. That's a metaphor for the mental game she is trying to play, not that she is going to get up and walk away and come back. Remember, she has been talking and laughing with you, having a good time with you for over an hour. She likes you and she isn't going anywhere.

Conflicting Comments

Just as we have talked about dominating an interaction with your body language, you can do the same with what you say. With body language you become aware of the subconscious signals she sends, and react in a way that will give you a favorable result. With body language you match or mirror her body language. With conversation you do just the opposite. You say conflicting things.

The easiest way to explain this would be, you respond to something a woman said with the word yes while shaking your head no. That sounds goofy and you probably wouldn't actually do that, but that is the concept. Here is something I do quite often:

Many times I have been talking with a girl and she will say something like, "My ass looks fat in these jeans, or I don't like the way this shirt makes my boob's look," anything about her body as it relates to her appearance. So let’s say she says something about her ass, I will lean back and check out her ass for a second, and say, "It looks pretty good to me," or if I'm feeling froggy say, "You’re right it does." She will look at you with disbelief. Give her that sly grin and say, "I'm just kidding, it looks good to me." You are doing a couple things here. You are complimenting them for one, but doing it in a way that shows them that you are confident, you are the Alpha Male. I look at their ass and I don't care if that makes them a little uncomfortable or makes me seem a bit overbearing because I'm building sexual chemistry. In the case of the second approach you are giving them conflicting verbal cues, showing even more confidence and building even more sexual chemistry.

When you bag on a woman, or make fun of them a little, you are using cocky smart ass jokes to build sexual chemistry. That can be very powerful. You don't want to be a dick, but you do want to make fun of them a little bit when it's appropriate. It's appropriate when they give you an opening. You want to do this because it is how you build sexual chemistry with the words you say. Just like when you were in first grade, and you were mean to girls you had a crush on, the same theory applies at this age. There is a fine line between poking fun and being a dick. You want to walk it but don't cross it. If you cross it you are just like every other asshole. If you can walk it you have developed a great tool for interacting with women. We will touch on different ways to do this in later chapters.

Over the past few chapters we have given you a lot of different body language signals to look for, and how to respond to them. The important thing to remember is that all these things are done subconsciously. The signals being sent between men and women in a social setting are all done without their awareness. We have made you aware of this and you should be able to use this to your advantage.

The Pick Up

Approach and Open

What is opening? Opening is the term used for when you approach a girl for the first time and begin conversation. It’s the first thing you say to a girl. It is the thing each one of you is sweating over every time you see a girl you are attracted to. You stand there with your buddies, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say, and you never go over and talk to her. It's the reason someone else talks to her all night. It's why she is going home with someone else and not you.

Opening is probably the one thing people stress over the most, and it’s the least important part of the pick up. If you think of the pick up in stages, like we are laying it out for you in the book, opening has its place. It's exactly what we described in the last paragraph, when you first approach a girl and begin conversation; the first thing you say. That's it. In the chapters on body language we mentioned that body language accounts for roughly ninety percent of the message you are sending, while what you actually say only accounts for ten percent. Guys, she doesn't give a shit what you are saying.

We want you to think of your opener as the eye contact you make with her. With her eyes she is saying, "I am interested and I am available, get your ass over here!" By holding her gaze you are saying the same. Go over there and be direct. Introduce yourself and have a genuine conversation.

Don’t waste any time either. Some people will make eye contact with a girl then do nothing. Remember, not just eye contact but eye contact that is held just a little longer than normal. Guys will make eye contact with a girl, maybe get a little smile, and then they will wait fifteen minutes before going over and talking to her. Maybe they just wait five minutes. The point is, that is too long. I used to do this. When I first started interacting with girls my body language was very good. I was confident so I had no problem with eye contact, but just like most of you, this was where my game went to shit. Once I got the opener over with I was fine. I could carry on a conversation all night. See my problem was I thought I had to say something spectacular when I approached a woman or she wouldn't be interested. I thought there were some magic words I could say, and if I waited a few minutes and thought of them, I would be able to come up with something good. I didn't realize that she was already interested. That is what she was telling me with her body language, with her eye contact. Don't make the same mistake. As soon as that body language takes place, as soon as she tells you with her eyes, “I’m interested,” take a deep breath, and go talk to her.

Going off my example above, I would stand there with my buddies for a few minutes asking them, "What should I say? Come on think of something, anything." I would continue exchanging glances with her. Finally, I would realize I wasn't going to think of anything good to say and I would go over to her and say, “Hi my name is...” I want to go back for a second and touch on exchanging glances. That might seem like a good thing to some of you, but it’s not. Some may think, you continued to vibe so to speak, kept up good body language, and were building sexual chemistry. Well, not really. After the initial, “I'm interested” look and smile you both share, it is time to approach. When you lock eyes again and again, she is questioning, "Wait, are you interested, when are you going to come over here?" She begins to think, “This guy is not very confident at all,” and she begins losing interest. All that intrigue and sexual mystique you worked so hard to develop with your body language is now gone. Just because you continue to make eye contact doesn't mean it’s working in your favor, but it’s not the end of you either. My point is don't waste time. It’s best to be direct and approach her as soon as you know she is interested. How will you know? Her eyes will tell you, and it's the same look with every girl, every time.

So I have got my initial "I'm interested" look, and I approach the girl and I introduce myself. Now over time and many trials and different approaches, I have come up with a magic script. If that is what you are truly looking for I have found the best approach you can use. Pay attention because this next sentence may be the best piece of advice we give you in this entire book. It is the most important thing in this chapter. When you approach a girl, the best thing you can say is, “Hi! My name is…” I know, it sounds so simple. It can’t possibly work right? She is so hot, and you have to stand out to get her right? Bullshit! You do stand out, and she is already attracted to you and interested in you. That is what she told you with her body language and her eye contact. Guys have been brainwashed into thinking that pick up lines work, that guys are making great impressions on women with the first thing they say. That part is true, but the first thing they say isn't with their mouth, it’s with their body language. If you see a guy walk up to a girl and pull some bullshit line out, and it works. It’s because of something else he did right, with his body language. He was displaying confidence and sexual attractiveness. He already had her interest.

If you are still having trouble coming to grips with the concept that you don't need a good opening line to impress a girl, let’s try a different approach. When you go out, you take a shower, put on some nice clothes, spend a little time trying to look nice, meet up with the guys, and head out. It usually takes what, we'll say on average thirty to forty five minutes to get ready. If this doesn’t sound like you, it needs to be. When I'm going out, I get cleaned up, pick something out to wear that is going to look nice but that is also going to make me stand out. I want the attention on me when I walk into a social setting. You need that mentality, if you want to get better at attracting and picking up women, you need the attention on you. I groom myself, primp myself, whatever you want to call it (yes, guys can and should look there best too). Then I put on some kind of accessory; a watch, some kind of bracelet, maybe a ring, necklace, or sports coat, just one more way to make me stand out. This takes maybe thirty to forty five minutes total. When we go out, by we I mean guys, we go out to find girls. If you don't agree with that, you are full of shit. When we go out we are looking for some kind of female connection. Whether it be female companionship, someone to talk to all night rather than the guys, someone to flirt with, someone to date, a potential girlfriend, or someone to go home with and have sex with, we are looking for girls!

When women go out, they are doing the same damn thing. They may tell you they are out with the girls but that's bullshit. It’s a barrier or a wall they put up. It’s a way for them to go home feeling good about themselves if something good doesn't happen to them tonight. By good, I mean getting a good feeling from a guy. You spent thirty minutes to an hour getting ready. The average girl will spend well over an hour getting ready, sometimes two. She didn't spend all that time getting ready to go out with the girls. She did it because she wants to look good for the guys. When a woman goes out she wants one thing. She wants to feel good about herself. That happens in a couple of ways, both tied to you. The first thing she is looking for, by spending all this time getting ready, is she wants a guy to make her feel good about herself and make a connection. How do you do that? She sees a guy she is interested in, and he talks to her. There are probably a hundred different reasons for why this makes her day or why it makes her feel like this, but it all ends with her talking to a guy she is interested in. The second thing she wants is directly tied to the first. She already feels great because she is connecting with a man, but she is also getting respect from her friends. In her subconscious mind, she gets the guy and her friends are thinking, “What is it about her that is attracting this guy? What does she have that we don’t’?" Women are weird in this way. They are always in competition. By you talking to her, she is perceived as the most attractive female in the group by her friends. A woman will never admit this and it's quite possible she isn't even aware of it. But talking to a guy does make her feel good about herself for many reasons on many levels.