Gazelle (44 page)

“
Then what?  Let her go
?
” he asks softly.

“
Yeah, man.  Let her go.  Let her find her footing.  Sh
e’
s not the type of person who handles conflict like that well.  Shit got real between you two.  She loves you,
I’
ve never actually
seen
her love anybody, including Anthony.  Sh
e’
s scared shitless and all this, with you, i
t’
s too much.  Let her get her footing, let her come to you
.
”
“
What if she does
n’
t
?
”
“
Well, tha
t’
s the risk, is
n’
t it?  Tha
t’
s what makes it so very, truly, gut-wrenchingly exciting in the end
.
”

              Julian looks down the street, to the rows of car lights disappearing into building, disappearing with her in tow.  He feels so insignificant and free, like the day he stood beside her in her world, blending into the background and disappearing into the set, as if never to existed at all.  He is stripped of his shield, his character, and understands the absence is now her, and it is truly unbearable to imagine. 

              Alice groans and rolls the espresso press in her hand, locking it in place and hitting the button.   Her hair is cropped into a shoulder length bob that falls perfectly around her high cheeks and soft jaw line.  Her thick, black glasses slide down her nose as she foams milk against the wand.  She pushes them up again and yawns, leaning her head against the machine as it dispenses espresso in the tiny, metal cups at either spout heads.  She pours it into the mug, fills it with foam, and then weighs it in her hand.

“
Look at that!  New World Record!  Lightest dry cap ever!  My lif
e’
s ambition realized at last.  I think
I’
m seriously gonnaretire early, kids.  Ther
e’
s just nothing more to live for
,
” she smiles proudly.

              Her coworkers grin up at her. 

“
Dry Cap, extra, extra dry.  Like, the Sahara dry
.
”

              A woman in her late 30s with a small dog in her arms comes to the counter and smiles her appreciation, taking the drink and shuffling away.  Alice yawns again, and stretches.
 “
Next victim
!
”
“
Triple soy latte, no foam
,
” her coworker calls back to her.
 “
Why are you so tired?  Wha
t’
d you do last night
?
”
“
I went to a party in SF last night.  One of those warehouse thingies.  It was fun, sort of.  I think I might be getting too old.  Like, if I was thizzi
n’
, I would have felt it, I suppose.  But I do
n’
t like that shit, so it was just loud dub step and a few beers
.
”
“
Wh
o’
d you go with
?
”
“
Aaron, his man, Mark, and a couple of other people.  It was okay.  I gave it a try.  My mo
m’
s been on my case to get out more.  Sh
e’
s sick of my face
.
”
              The cashier tisks.
“
No, sh
e’
s not
.
”
“
She is.  She threatened to put me up for adoption the other night.  I told her her fideos were hella crunchy, like, not cooked all the way kind of crunchy.  She told me that she was sick of my face and that the next time I complained she was gonnaleave me on the doorsteps of St. Andre
w’
s so a nice white couple would adopt me and feed me the gringo food I like so much
.
”

              Her coworkers all laugh as she turns around and starts making the drink.  After six months, her life is completely normal again.  Los Angeles seems like a dream, like a distant part of history that happened to someone else.  She spoke with Trina, Will and Chris every so often, none of them ever mentioning him.  She promised to visit them soon, feeling almost ready to return.  And with the exception of his latest release, she never let herself think about him.  His movie was good, really good.  Watching him on the screen was surreal.  It was
n’
t him, it was like another person wearing his face and body.  She felt no connection to that person up there, no heartbreak or longing, no regret.  Part of it was her not allowing herself those luxuries.  Another part of it was that he transformed himself on the screen so completely that it was not recognizable as himself.  Like a great actor would.

“
Triple soy latte!  Extra foam
!
” she says, swinging around with the drink.

              The customer frowns and looks from the cashier to her.  She winks and grins
,“
Gotcha.  No foam, Larry, I know
.
”
              Larry chuckles and shakes his head before taking his drink and leaving.

“
Next
!
”
“
Double cap, almond milk, dry
.
”
“
Oooo, a challenge.  You got it.  What about you, did you do anything last night, Marsh
?
”
              The cashier, a flamboyant, eccentric young boy riddled with piercings and bright, red hair ponders the question as he counts change.
 “
Hm, sort of.  I went with Tiger to get his nipples pierced.  Then we drank forties off the pier.  And then we took Bart up to Triad, and I made out with a hot boy and his boyfriend in the bathroom.  And then Tige
r’
s nipples swelled up over the piercings and we went to the emergency room because he would not stop crying.  They gave him some antibiotics and took out the piercings. Pretty normal shit, I guess
.
”
 
His customers all look at one another in awkward astonishment, trying to appear unaffected.
“
Are you kidding right now
?
”
 
Alice laughs.
 “
They took the piercings out!?Tha
t’
s like, 80 bucks down the drain
!
”
“
Try 160!  He got them both done!  He was
so
bummed.  He begged them not to do it but literally, it was like he had two little titties puffing up on his chest.  Any longer and I woulda had to take him to Walmartto get a training bra.  Can I help you
?
”
              He hits the counter twice, a signal to them all that an attractive customer is at bat.  Very slyly, the girls move towards him and steal glances, judging the hotness for themselves.  Alice smirks, struggling with the almond milk. 

“
Damn almond milk never foams right
,
” she growls without looking up.

“
Hey
,
” Erin, her coworker whispers to her
,“
you have to see this one
.
”
“I’
m-in the middle of something.  This milk wo
n’
t give it up!...Hey, take the next one, okay
?
”
“
Oh, for sure
,
” Erin grins.
 “
Next victim
!
”

“
Iced green tea, large, no sweetness
!
” Marsh calls.

              Alice frowns and drops the pitcher.
 “
Dammit
!
”

              She grabs another and fills it up quickly, calming herself, and focusing.  She rests the pitcher against the wand, pulling it gently until a nice foam builds.

“
Tha
t’
s right, baby.  Gimmethat head
,
” she murmurs.  She quickly pours the drink into its cup and wipes her hands on her apron.

“
Double cap, almond dry
!
”
              She turns and smiles triumphantly, the blood rushing from her as her eyes lock on Julia
n’
s.  The customer pushes up to the counter and reaches for the drink.  She holds onto it, even as the customer grabs and pulls.  Her eyes blink and she looks at the confused customer.

“I’
m sorry.  Here you go
.
”

              He moves away, leaving Julian and Alice facing one another.  Julian smiles and drops his gaze.  He is thinner, not as muscular, almost lanky now.  His hair slicked back is long, stringy, hanging around his ears, down to the light stubble across his jaw.  He wears a black jacket and a t-shirt over jeans.  Nothing fancy, nothing glamorous, but still radiant.  Her coworkers, realizing they know one another, slowly come to a stop, watching them.

              Alice is the first to speak.  Her brow furrows.  She tucks the loose curl of her short hair behind her ears.  Her heart beats fast and hard, her mind twisting with the exposure and vulnerability of the situation. 

“
What are you doing here
?
”
“
Green ice tea, large, unsweetened
,
” Erin says, coming up alongside her.  Alice shoots her a look and Erin slinks back. 

              Julian reaches slowly for the drink and draws it into his chest, his free hand tucked into his pocket, trying to make him look unaffected.  The sight of her leaves him completely unable to focus, to calm himself.  He has practice the speech a thousand times, rehearsed again and again in front of the mirror, in front of CeCe, in front of anyone who would listen.  And now, his mouth runs dry, his lines fade away.  He blinks against the twinkling ca
f
é lighting, watching her scowling silhouette, her adorable head and large, fierce eyes behind those silly frames.  He had
n’
t counted on her being so real.  He feels the stares, the audience, stripping him of his character completely beneath her gaze.  Yet, outwardly, he seems so self-assured and confident, not a single part of him out of place.
 “
I came to get a tea
.
”
“
Yes, I see that.  Well, you got your te
a…
s
o
…”
“
You cut your hair
.
”
“
Yep
.
”
“
It looks good
.
”
“
Thank you
.
”
“
You look happy.  This is a great place
.
”
“
It i
s…
and I am.  How are you
?
”
“
Terrible
.
”
“
I doubt it
.
”
“
I
t’
s true
.
”
“
Well, you do
n’
t look it.  I ca
n’
t imagine you ever looking terrible, though, right
?
”
“
It does
n’
t matter.  I am.  I miss you
.
”

              She stops and bites her upper lip, scowling, tilting her head up similar to Roland
o’
s manner but in a much cuter way that melts him.  Her coworkers struggle to return to work while still eyeing them.  The customers around them gap openly, completely riveted by the scene.

“
Well, that must be hard.  But I do
n’
t really want to discuss this now. 
I’
m at work
.
”

“
I know
,
” he nods, glancing around.
 “I’
m sorry about that, I really am.  This incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for both of us, believe me.  I know you hate it. I know making a scene is the last thing yo
u’
d want.  But ther
e’
s a reason this is such a clic
hé
, I think.  I know this is the only way you will talk to me.  You ca
n’
t run away here
.
”
“
I do
n’
t have to run away
.
”
“
You do
n’
t have to, yo
u’
re right.  But you wo
n’
t talk to me any other way, either. I know you wo
n’
t.  I know, because
I’
ve been waiting for you, ever since you left.  And honestly, I just could
n’
t wait one more second.  I waited for you to call or write or something, anything.  Nothing.  Not a word, like we never knew each other, ever.  Which is
n’
t possible.  Since I had
n’
t heard from you, despite our definitely knowing one another and you promising to contact me once I gave you your space, I started to worry
.
”
“
Naturally
.
”
“
Right.  I started to worry that maybe I made the wrong choice
.
”