Gazelle (42 page)

“
What are you saying, Julian
?
”
 
Michael glowers at his client, sitting in the make-up trailer, getting powdered.

“I’
m saying we broke up.  She dumped me.  Wha
t’
s hard to understand
?
”
              Mike leans against the counter facing Julian, his hands folded in his lap.  He purses his lips with a great annoyance as he struggles to control his building hostility.  Julian glances up at him and then rolls his eyes.

“
Look, Mike
,
” he says
,“
I know you do
n’
t like it.  But it was
n’
t working.  She broke it off, and
I’
m glad.  I just did
n’
t feel it with her, tha
t’
s all.  I
t’
s not really a big deal
.
”
“
No, i
t’
s a little bit of a big deal
,
” Mike sighs, rubbing his eyes.

“
These things happen all the time.  People get together and break up.  I
t’
s good.  Right before I start working. 
I’
m free to focus on wha
t’
s important again
,
” he says.

“
Is this because of your PA?  I was there, Julian, the whole goddamn world was there.  We all saw what happened
.
”
              Julian does not respond.  He stretches his face up for the make-up artist, shifting in his costume and avoiding eye contact with Michael.

“
You are
n’
t serious about her, right?  Tell me yo
u’
re not, please, Julian
.
”
“
Mike, I do
n’
t know wha
t’
s going to happen, okay?  Right now, sh
e’
s taking a few days off,w
e’
re both giving each other some space.  Bu
t…
yeah, you kno
w…I’
m in love with her
.
”
“
JEESUS CHRIST
!
” Mike growls dramatically, causing both Julian and the make-up artist to jump.
 “
Do you even know what yo
u’
re saying right now?
!
”
“
What?  Yeah, I know!  I
t’
s not-is it really
that
shocking?  I mean, really?  Honestly
?
”
“
No, no i
t’
s not shocking, not at all.  What
is
shocking is that you do
n’
t seem to understand that dumping a princess like Sharleen for the
help
is potential suicide.  The
y’
ll rip you to pieces.  I
t’
ll be a feeding frenzy.  One that can destroy you
.
”
“
She dumped me!  Oh, god,
I’
m
so sick
of this
,
” Julian says, shaking his head and laughing.
 “
What am I working for, Mike?  What good is doing all this if I ca
n’
t have wha
t’
s important
?
”
“
What is important, Julian?  Your career, your art, your work?  Or a girl you love today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, but maybe not forever?  Are you willing to sacrifice everything you worked for, everything you
are
for her?  For anyone?  If tha
t’
s true, wher
e’
s all that integrity you maintained until now, through hell and back, fighting to get what you want, do what you want,
make
what you want?  If yo
u’
re willing to sacrifice everything, what was all that fightfor
?
”
              He stares at his own reflection, the chiseled nose, the strong jaw, the deep seteyes.
 “
I
t’
s not about winning the fight, Mike.  I
t’
s about proving I can go the distance
.
”

              Julian pulls his Land Rover into his drive-way, his heart jumping at the sight of her car parked in front of him.  He leaps and barrels into the home.  It has been nearly a week without a word from her, a week of wondering if he ever would again.  The hours he spent filming were hell, digging into him, tearing him apart with their torturous demand.  As soon as he stepped off the set, he went to his home and waited.  He worked out, he watched television, he tried to read.  But mostly, he just waited.  His house was a cold, empty tomb, foreign without her.  He remembered his life before her, how similar it suddenly was to the present, and he became further agitated with impatience. 

              He races through the rooms, through the veranda and yard, through to the kitchen. CeCe looks up at him in surprise.

“
Wha
t’
s wrong
?
” she asks.

“
Where is she
?
”
“
Who
?
”
“
Wher
e’
s Alice
?
”
              CeCefrowns, her face pales.  She glances around, and then at him again, nervously.
 “
What are you talking about, Julian?  Alice is
n’
t here
.
”
“
Her ca
r’
s here, though
,
” he protests.
 “
Wh
y’
s her car here
?
”
              CeCe bows her head and closes her laptop.  She tucks her hair behind her ears and turns to him, standing before him with a hand on her hip and the other on her computer.

“
Julia
n…
Alice left the car.  She quit
.
”

              Julian blinks in confusion.
 “
She quit
?
”
“
Yes, hon, she quit
.
”
              He grabs his phone and starts to dial her number.    A phone on the counter beside CeCe starts to vibrate.  CeCe sighs.

“
She left the car and her phone here this morning
.
”
“
Fucking hel
l
…”
“
Julian, i
t’
s too late
.
”
              Her tone was very clear and foreboding.   His spine stiffens, his arms clench.  His eyes shoot up and lock on hers and she knows it will break his heart.  She looks away.

“
CeCe, wha
t’
s too late?  What happened
?
”

“
Julian, listen, hon, i
t’
s what she wanted.  She made it very clear that she needs this space and distance
.
”
“
What kind of distance?  CeCe, where the fuck did she go
?
”
“
I do
n’
t know.  She would
n’
t tell me.  She only told me she was going, moving out of L.A.
.
”
“
Fucking hell
!
” he growls, turning and running out towards the door.

“
You better hurry!  She dropped the car off an hour ago
!
” CeCe calls after him.

              He slams on the brakes in front of her house and races up the small hill of grass and furniture, ignoring the confused stares of her neighbors stringing up their laundry.  He bangs on the door and listens for the sounds of Dirt Bag.  There are no sounds, no noises of any kind.  He peeks his head in the windows.  All of her paintings and posters are gone, everything but the couch and television removed.  For a moment, his mind skips, searching desperately for any kind of information that would lead him to her.  He frowns and squints at the skyline before remembering Rolando.

              The doors of the dark pool hall swing open, blinding the occupants with the setting sun.   Rolando shields his eyes and squeezes his pool cue, watching the large, charging form approaching him.  It is not until Julian is in front of him that he sees his face and smiles.

“
Look it who it is!  Lincoln, the famous movie star
!
” he laughs, taking Julia
n’
s outstretched hand.
 “
I knew you were
n’
t no spinner.  Although, I might argue ther
e’
s little difference
.
”
“
Rolando
,
” Julian nods, breathless.

“
You want a beer?  Eddie, get him a beer
.
”
“
No, thanks. 
I’
m in a hurry, actually. 
I’
m looking for Alice
.
”
              Rolando nods, smiling slyly as he takes a swig of his own beer.
 “
Ah, yes.  My little Alice the Wonder.  She said you might be coming by, looking for her. 
I’
m personally kind of impressed.  Did
n’
t think you had the balls.  I still do
n’
t.  But showing up, looking for her, that says something, I guess
.
”
“
Do you know where she went
?
”
“
Yes.  Yes, I do know.  And no,
I’
m not telling you.  I promised her I would
n’
t
.
”
 
He sets his beer on the table and leans over, taking a shot.  The balls slide into pockets and he moves like a panther around to the other end, lining another shot.  He looks up at Julian and smirks.

“
But tha
t’
s not why I wo
n’
t. 
I’
m no
t‘
no
t
’
telling you because she said not to.   I am not going to tell you because yo
u’
re not good enough.  Alice deserves a man, a real man, unafraid, unafraid to love openly and honestly, who does
n’
t give a shit what anyone thinks and does what he wants to do
.
”
“
Yo
u’
re making a lot of assumptions about me, Rolando.  And I do
n’
t appreciate it
,
” Julian says.

              The men surrounding them shift their weight and hiss, shaking their heads.  Rolando smiles and takes his shot again, knocking the balls into their pockets.  He stands up and leans on his stick, his eyes down cast at Julian.
 “
Is that right?  You think my opinion is based on assumptions, huh?  You think I get to be a man in my position, making assumptions
?
”
“
Tha
t’
s not what I meant
,
” Julian protests.

“
No, no it is, tha
t’
s okay.  I would
n’
t expect any less from an ignorant fuck like you.  But just so w
e’
re clear, le
t’
s go over a few things as to
why
I do
n’
t think yo
u’
re good enough.  See, Alice tells me everything.  The times she is
n’
t working for you, sh
e’
s here, sitting right at that table, reading, drawing, talking to me about everything.  I told you when I first met you, she was my favorite.  What I meant was that sh
e’
s my favorite woman, not including my mother.  And I have six daughters and more ex wives than I can count on my hands.  Do you know what that means to me, then?  I love that girl like my own
blood
.   And she told me all about you.  I know more about you than any man should know about another man.  I know what kind of fucki
n
’ yogurt you hate, how you love spaghetti westerns and Korean movies, what kind of fucki
n
’ sake you like with your sushi.  I know your brother and you do
n’
t get along, and I know that your hot girlfriend is total putaAlice ca
n’
t stand.  Hours and hours, sh
e’
d sit there, her little dog at her feet, talking about you like you was some sort of royalty.  And one thing was real clear.  She loved the shit out of you the whole time.   For months, probably from the moment you met.  Clear as day, clear as fucking crystal.  So I ask myself, if i
t’
s this clear to me, not even there, in person on a daily basis to witness this, how is it not clear to you?  I
t’
s your job to read people, to get in their heads and transform into them, no?  So how can it
not
be clear to you
?
”