Gator (4 page)

Gator

The next name
on the list is a woman. She’s a whore like Gidget, but older, meaner, and in
the process of beating another prostitute into a coma when I arrive. Too busy
bashing in the younger girl’s head, she doesn’t see me approach. Outside the
alley and only a few yards away, decent folk ignore the violence. They also ignore
me snapping the bitch’s neck.

The younger
whore is in a bad place when I kill her attacker. I don’t know if she’ll make
it and I know I shouldn’t care. She’s not my problem. When I think of Gidget on
the dirty ground, surrounded by trash with her head bashed in, I hesitate
before leaving the alley. I imagine how others might let her die without a
second thought.

After calling
the cops from the dead whore’s phone, I toss it on my way to pick up Gidget.
Making that call isn’t me. Gator doesn’t weep for whores. He doesn’t help
anyone who isn’t helping him. I’m going fucking soft and the girl is the
reason. She’s my weakness, but I can’t give her up.

Returning to
the spa in a rotten mood, I only want to grab Gidget, pick up dinner, and
return to the hotel. I hate the city and feel it crowding me. Normally, I’d
fuck my way to calm, but Gidget doesn’t allow for a normal situation.

I find her in
the waiting room, looking scrubbed and primped. Her short nails are decorated
pink with white stars. Hair a few inches shorter, she is a cleaned up version
of the woman I saw the first day in my rifle scope. Even from a distance, I
know she smells like perfection and I’m rock hard as I approach her.

Gidget
hurries to me, eyes wide again like maybe I wouldn’t return. Those baby blues
study my face and I sense a hint of panic even upon seeing me.

“You done?” I
ask, feeling like hitting something. “I’ll pay.”

Even sensing
she wishes to tell me something, I ignore her. What if she asks me something
stupid? What if she wants to leave me? What if I realize she isn’t what I need
and my gut steered me wrong?

I pay the
huge bill and wonder why women spend so much on so little. Gidget doesn’t look
that different than when I left her. Realizing I’m nitpicking like a hormonal
bitch, I walk outside and stare up at the afternoon sky.

“Jake,” she
says and my skin breaks out in goose bumps. Gidget’s voice is music and I hate
how I might not be able to keep her.

“Yeah?” I ask
without looking into those eyes.

“I don’t like
the name Gidget. You said you need a name for me, so you can get the passport. I
don’t like that one. Idget Gidget means I’m stupid. I want another name.”

“What name?”
I ask, peeking at her and finding the scared expression still plastered on her
face.

“Kayla looked
on her phone for names. I want to be Mia. It’s easy to spell and I can learn it
fast. Also, it means mine.”

Our gazes
meet and she looks so fucking scared that I nearly hug her. Maybe I should hold
her, but I don’t.

“When you say
Mia,” she whispers, “you’ll be saying I’m yours. I want you to say that.”

I finally
understand her fear. She needs me to promise. I showed up in her life and
destroyed the monster controlling her. I said she was mine and we were moving to
a place she never heard of. I paid for doctors, dentists, and spas. It’s all so
fast and she wants to believe. I’m a dream she needs to know is real.

“Mia is your
name now,” I say, rubbing my fingers against my jeans to keep from touching
her.

“I want to be
yours. Not cause of what happened with Rodent. I like looking at you and I want
to look at you every day.”

Fuck.
My
self-control disappears and I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and
tug her against me. I don’t dare kiss her. If I feel her lips on mine, I’ll
likely fuck her right there on the street. A part of me figures we could just
go to the car. Another part of me tells the out of control part to fuck off.

Nuzzling my
lips in her soft hair, I smell coconut. She feels warm wrapped in my arms. Soft
and delicate, Mia is mine, just as my gut promised.

Mia

I’m Mia now.
My old name doesn’t matter. It belongs to the girl owned by Rodent. Mia belongs
to Jake.

When he holds
me, I feel different. Warm and excited, I’m aroused like the men always get
around me. Jake makes me feel like my body is meant for more than to be used
like a toilet. I’m pretty in his arms. I have value because I belong to him.

Jake likes to
walk and we wander around the city for a long time. Into one store then
another, we look, but never buy.

I want
nothing more than Jake now. He is like the sun. In my old life, I slept all day
and worked all night. I never saw the sun or felt its warmth. I lived in
darkness. Since Jake swept into my life, I can see the light.

He never
touches me. Not like he held me at the spa. Jake doesn’t ignore me though. He
always knows where I’m at, even in a crowded place. His mind is alert and I
know he will keep me safe. I never wander far from him. The darkness would
swallow me up, if not for Jake’s light.

After
stopping myself many times, I finally reach out and touch Jake. At the Build-A-Bear
Workshop, when he stares at the bears as if confused, I make my move. My
courage soaring, I reach up to touch where a scar runs along his chin. The
scarred skin is soft while the bristles are rough. They both feel wonderful
against my fingers. I don’t know why, but I shiver and breathe too fast.

Jake’s gaze
locks on mine and I think he might hurt me. The look in his eyes is full of
emotion. If he hurts me, I won’t leave him. I’ll always stay because nothing in
the world has value like Jake does.

His big hands
hold my face, cupping it gently. I think he might kiss me. I even think he
might fuck me. The look in his eyes isn’t anger. It’s lust and he wants to fuck
me right there. I would give Jake anything if he’ll let me remain in his
presence.

Jake doesn’t
kiss me. He only holds my face and stares at it like I might go away and he
needs to memorize what I look like. Jake leans down and presses his lips
against my head. I want more and reach for him, but he’s gone.

Jake turns
away and walks from the store. Outside, I find him staring at the traffic. I
want him to see me again. I want everything because this is a dream and I never
want to wake up.

“I’m Mia,” I
whisper, hoping he’ll touch me again.

Jake glances
at me and smiles just a little. “I know,” he says then gestures for me to
follow.

I do follow
him and I always will. Jake is my sun and I can’t bare the darkness ever again.

Gator

The hotel
concierge brings Mia three bikinis to try on. While she’s in the bathroom, I
stand on the balcony and fight a desire I can’t quench. I need to make Mia mine
in every way. It’s not enough to have her follow me around like a puppy. I
don’t want an assistant. I want a woman who accepts me in every way I accept
her.

“Jake,” she
says quietly behind me.

Turning
towards her voice, I really wish I hadn’t decided to take her swimming. The
sight of her in the pale green bikini nearly undoes me. I grip the railing and
hold on to avoid grabbing her and tearing off the skimpy fabric keeping me from
the satisfaction I desperately need.

“Can I have
this one?”

I say
nothing, pushing past her into the room. The concierge stands nervously at the
door like he’s nearly pissing himself in terror. I grab the two she doesn’t
want and toss them to the guy.

“Take them
back.”

I hand him
cash and he disappears out the door like I’m chasing him. I like his fear. It
distracts me from my erection as I change into swim trunks and a tank.

With a towel
wrapped around her waist, Mia follows me into the elevator and down to the
indoor pool. A young flirty couple is goofing around in the water until they
see me. Their splashing stops immediately and they make a quick getaway. Now,
I’m alone with a barely dressed and soon to be wet Mia.

My nasty
glare has led me into a trap.

I yank off my
shirt and rush into the water, hoping a few hundred laps will douse my hunger
for all the flesh I know she’s hiding under her towel. After a dozen laps, I
stop and stand at the five feet level.

I know by her
expression that Mia can’t swim. Yet, her eyes aren’t on the water. They’re on
me. She’s staring at me in horror like I’m the monster emerging to ravish her.

Seeing
through her eyes, I hate myself. I’m too big, dark, and scarred. I’m a beast
and a thug. She is the lily white damsel terrified of the knight who came to
save her.

I’m ready for
full fledged self-loathing when she sets down the towel and returns her gaze on
me. Gnawing on her lower lip, she’s still staring, but I understand now.

The rock hard
nipples are a dead giveaway. It’s not cold in the room. Balmy in fact, but
she’s aroused at the sight of me. The swamp rat I wanted to berate fades and
the powerful man she’s admiring takes his place.

“Come,” I say
in a low deep voice.

Mia inches
into the water. I see the struggle between her lust and the fear of the water.
When it reaches her waist, she stops and looks at me like she’ll cry.

I reach out
my hands to her and say as softly as I can, “I won’t let you drown. Do you
trust me?”

Mia smiles
and the fear is gone. Reaching for my hands, she moves forward until I’m
holding her against me. She looks at me and knows what I want. She’s a little frightened,
but mostly curious.

My fingers
test the loop on her bikini top then slide down her back, making her shiver.

“Mia,” I say
and she understands.

“I’m yours or
I’m dead,” she whispers.

“No,” I say,
my hands resting on her hips. “You’re just mine.”

Smiling, she
stares at my chest then starts breathing so fast I think she’ll hyperventilate.
Suddenly, her hands rest on my skin and I think I’m the one with breathing
problems. Her fingers barely get a chance to explore before I step back.
Turning away from her, I swim to the other end of the pool. One lap after
another, I try to work out my frustrations because fucking her in the pool
isn’t an option.

When I
finally come up for air, Mia is doggy paddling around the midway point of the
pool. She takes to water quickly, but I suspect she’d drown after a minute in
the ocean. Still, I enjoy seeing her smiling so much.

“Having fun?”
I ask, slicking back my wet hair.

“Yes,” she says,
jumping up and down.

“Can you stop
doing that?”

A smiling Mia
lowers herself until the water reaches her chin. “Does this help?”

I can’t
believe she’s messing with me. “Be careful about teasing the bear.”

“You’re so
beautiful.”

“I’d fuck you
right here,” I nearly growl. “Is that what you want?”

“No.”

The look on
her face kills my passion. I hate when she returns to the hell of her past. A
past she’s only been free from for a few days.

“I’m not
going to fuck you in the pool,” I say, but my mind is already imagining our wet
bodies moving together.

Mia pops up
from the water and looks me over. She’s torn between fear of the rough fuck I need
and the lust at gaining access to the body she admires.

“You scared
those people out of here. I thought that was funny,” she says, moving to the
shallow end and sitting on the steps.

“Do I scare
you?”

Mia nods.
“Most things scare me.”

“You touched
me,” I say, walking past her and climbing out of the pool. “Did you think you
had to?”

“No.”

“You ever
have a boyfriend?” I ask, handing her a towel.

Mia doesn’t
really want to leave the pool, but I need a shower. I plan to give myself a
little relief to avoid having her give it to me.

“I don’t like
men,” she whispers, wrapping her body with the towel.

Staring down
at her, I mutter, “Why did you touch me?”

“Because you’re
not a man.”

“What am I
then?”

Mia glances
over my wet body then back to my face. “More.”

I give her a
little grin then head for the door. “You have no idea.”

Mia

Jake flinches
when I touch him. I doubt he knows this, but he shrinks away from me like I
disgust him. I think he doesn’t like gentle until I notice how he leans into my
touch after a moment of uncertainty.

I imagine him
running wild as a boy in the swamp. I don’t know what a swamp is really, so I
dream of a hot and muddy place. He hunts for his food because no one feeds him.
I imagine him hungry and dirty. I think of those open wounds on his body and
how no one tends to them.

There are so
many things I wish to tell Jake. I wish I had a way to explain how I feel, but
my words are dumb. I also think he doesn’t want my pity. He’s too strong for
sympathy. The boy I imagine is gone and the powerful man he became stands
before me. This man doesn’t want to admit he misses gentle.

Jake is
restless and I realize the city bothers him. I sometimes worry he’s growing bored
of me until I catch him watching me like I’m everything he wants. I keep
offering, but he’s waiting for something special that makes it more than
fucking.

I don’t care
about special. I just want to make him happy by soothing his restless nature.
He wants to fuck. I see him adjusting his pants often and he looks at me like I
can fix it all. Every time I offer to fix it, he says no. I don’t know what it
will take for him to say yes.

Jake is
complicated and I’m not smart enough to understand. I won’t let him go though.
He deserves better, but he is mine.