Gator (3 page)

Gator

The heat of
the shower eases away none of my tension. I need to fuck hard. My body aches
for a release, but nothing I can give myself or gain from anyone else will
help. I need to know what Gidget tastes like and how her body fits against
mine. I hunger to feel the inside of her, to fill her until I can’t give her
more. Unable to find my release, I stand under the hot water and wait for the
need to pass.

The water
cools before my hunger does, so I leave the shower angry and restless. I know
Gidget won’t tell me no. All I have to do is ask. The answer was in her gaze
when I awoke. I know I won’t be denied.

Opening the
door, I find her in the same spot on the bed. She sits with her legs crossed
and stares at me. Like my neighbor’s old dog that waited all day by the door
for its master to return, Gidget is my pet now.

No, she has
moved. The doll is back in her lap, but the night before she left it on the
couch. Now, she’s waiting. The same gaze from before tells me all I need to
know. She won’t deny me because she belongs to me now.

I hate her a
little for giving in so quickly. She’s a pet with a new owner. No choice in the
matter, Gidget follows one master after another without self-will.
I can’t
imagine being so weak.

“Did you
enjoy being a whore?” I ask, pulling a black tee over my head.

The instant
the words leave my lips, I feel the shift from her. Even before I have my shirt
down and see her expression, I know my words cut her. Gidget stares at the
ground, humbled by my ugly view of her.

“That’s not
what I meant by you’re mine,” I say, needing her to forgive my cruelty. “I’m
not looking to be your pimp. You understand, don’t you?”

Her gaze
lifts to meet mine and I see the questions in her eyes.
If I’m not her pimp,
who am I to her? What does assistant really mean?

I don’t
answer the questions in her eyes. Even if I knew what they were, I’m unprepared
to admit the power she has over me. A power she doesn’t understand or control.
She is my pet, yet also my master.

“I’m tense
and need to take a run. You go ahead and shower while I’m gone. When I get
back, we’ll go to breakfast.”

Gidget nods,
but never stirs. She only watches me with blue eyes like the clear waters of my
paradise.

Working out
my frustrations, I run one mile then another and another. By the time I return,
I’m soaked with sweat. My mind now races with more worries than when I left. At
least, my arousal is no longer driving me insane.

Waiting for
me on the couch is a freshly showered Gidget. In her lap rests the doll. The
expression on her face is one of a lost little girl. My woman is a child in the
body of a beautiful woman. Dumb is tolerable. Infantile isn’t.

Yet, she is
mine and I refuse to give her up. After my shower, I redress and continue with
my plans.

Years ago
when I arrived in New Orleans, I met a man named Devil Doyle. A killer with a
taste for the occult, the guy was a freak. He was also sharp in a way most
people never managed. Doyle didn’t think about the silly shit in life. He was a
man of logic, so he told me first off to get myself to a doctor and dentist. If
you’re rotting at the core, he said, no muscles in the world will make you live
forever.

Gidget is a
child of neglect and she cries when they do her x-rays. I stay with her at
first, just long enough to know what she needs done. Despite her tears, Gidget
only has a few cavities. The dentist wants to do part of the mouth that day and
have her come back for the rest. I tell him to numb her up and fix them all.
Cleaning too because we’re never coming back to the office. If Gidget needs more
work later, we’ll find someone in Nicaragua. I don’t tell them this last part,
but my mind is on preparing Gidget for a life away from the city.

While the
dentist tends to her neglected teeth, I return to work. Carz’s next target is a
crackhead named Tommy Tits. I don’t know why they call him that, but figure he
suffers from moobs.

I find him at
a titty bar, looking as thin as a rail. His nickname likely comes from a sick
habit. I heard one of Carz’s guys liked to take girls’ nipples. Tommy might be
the freak. Didn’t matter if he was or wasn’t. Tommy Tits is a dead man because
I have bills to pay.

When I tell
him to follow me outside, Tommy gets really nervous, just until I say Carz sent
me. Suddenly, the fucker is Mister Helpful. He clearly doesn’t view his boss as
a threat. Tommy learns his trust is misplaced once I get him into an ally and
fill his chest with my blade.

Dumping the
body in Tommy’s shit car, I cover him in lye then set a fire. No one notices.
Not in an area like this one. The locals hate the cops, even when the pigs are
the only ones standing between them and death.

I return to
the dentist’s office to find a miserable Gidget. Her cheeks are bright red from
crying, but her eyes are dry. The chick in the front office starts complaining
about Gidget’s crying until I give her my most evil look. After paying the
bill, I walk out with Gidget holding her little bag of dental goodies.

Once in the
car, she whimpers while holding her mouth. The look she gives me causes a pain
deep in my chest.

“Did he hurt
you?” I say, throwing the blame on the dentist. “Want me to kill him?”

Gidget’s
exhausted and heartbroken eyes brighten and she smiles awkwardly with her numb
lips. After shaking her head, she looks at the bag in her hand.

“Most places in
Nicaragua don’t have those bells and whistles,” I tell her. “We can afford it,
but I don’t want to be worrying about the dentist for a while. We’ll be busy
settling into our new home.”

Gidget stares
at me until I feel uncomfortable. Finally, she smiles a little.

“You’re
taking me with you,” she says, stating the obvious.

“You’re mine.
You go where I go.”

Gidget’s eyes
nearly glow as she accepts how her life is different now. A man owns her, but
isn’t her pimp. She belongs to someone, but isn’t a slave.

I understood
how it felt to struggle with new truths. After I murdered the monster who gave
me life, I found myself in a world without the rules I knew growing up. Laws
meant different things in the city. A man like me could make money in certain
ways, but we weren’t part of society. We lived on the fringe, something I did
understand. I prefer being on the outside actually. Don’t need anyone digging
their boot into the back of my neck. I’m no one’s bitch.

On an average
day in a city I don’t know, I wander. From stores to restaurants to theaters, I
work my way around the area near my hotel. In a grey city with tall buildings
blocking out the sun, I’m a restless animal. I need to be outside to remind
myself I’m not trapped. I wasn’t powerless against the power of so many people
in such a small space.

While I long
for the quiet of the wild, I’ll never return to the swamp where I was born. A
place where I lived under that vicious boot and left with blood on my hands. I’m
a free man and refuse to be chained to old memories. No, the swamp is a long
ago place. For me, my home is Nicaragua.

Why there rather
than Honduras or El Salvador or any other still untapped part of the world
where a man could hide from the slow death of modern civilization? I couldn’t
answer this question, much like I can’t explain why Gidget is mine. I’m a man
of instinct. My instinct says Nicaragua is my paradise and she is my woman. I
learned long ago to never second guess my gut’s declarations.

Gidget leaves
her doll behind in the car and follows me around for two hours. She says
nothing, but often stops to stare at things alluring to a child. Despite the hungry
look in her eyes earlier, I feel like a babysitter.

In a Dollar
Store, I search for a cleaner I prefer for my kills. It’s something Devil Doyle
taught me and I think back to how clueless I was when I arrived in New Orleans.
I already knew how to take a life, but the hunt and cleaning up afterwards were
things I still needed to learn.

Returning to
the front of the store with a full cart, I find Gidget transfixed by a little fairy
snow globe.

“Want it?” I
ask, running my hand gently down the back of her head. My mind imagines
nuzzling my face in her thick hair.

Gidget stares
at me, but doesn’t answer. Her silence means something and I like how I
understand her.

“You like
more than one and can’t choose.”

No sunrise
ever looked as stunning as the smile she gives me.

“How do I
choose?”

“It’s the
Dollar Store. You get them all.”

Gidget
glances between me and the snow globes. I know she can’t pick. Even now, it’s
too much for her to choose. When someone has nothing for too long, choices can
overwhelm. I remembered how much trouble I had picking a pair of shoes,
choosing an entrée at a restaurant, or selecting a hotel on a street lined with
them.

“Get them
all. What’s that, ten dollars? I think I can manage it,” I say, winking at her.

Gidget moves
quickly, adding them to my cart as if I might change my mind. She’s nervous the
whole time we’re in line. Her gaze remains on the floor and she holds her
breath while the cashier rings up the snow globes. Gidget doesn’t relax until I
dump the bag in her lap in the car.

“Thank you,”
she whispers, staring at me in fear.

“I’m not your
pimp daddy. I don’t play games. If I say you can have something, you can have
it. Get it?”

Gidget
studies my face then nods. She does get it. Her whole demeanor shifts and I
catch her smiling the whole drive back to the hotel. It’s an infectious little
grin and I find myself smiling too.

Gator

Back at the
hotel, the positive mood ends. Gidget lines her snow globes on a side table
then sits on the ground and stares at them. She occasionally reorganizes them
before staring again. All the while, the doll rests in her lap.

I don’t know
what to do with all the need I feel for her, so I retreat to the hotel’s gym.
Two hours of cardio and weight training later, I can barely lift my arms.
Exhausted now, I’m only slightly aroused at the idea of what hides underneath
Gidget’s nightgown.

I find her
asleep on the couch with the doll cuddled in her arms. The snow globes have
been moved, so she can see them from her new position. I consider leaving her
where she is and spend the night in the bed alone. During my shower, I decide
she’s mine and belongs with me. Even if I can’t touch her, I want her close.

Gidget nearly
screams when I pick her up. Once her wide eyes notice it’s me, she instantly
goes lax in my arms.

“You came
back,” she mumbles.

“I was
working out.”

Gidget rests
her head on my shoulder. Once I lay her on the bed, she watches me and waits
for the fucking. I turn off the light, climb in, and turn my back towards her.
She must get the message because I hear her breathing soften and know she’s
asleep.

For me, sleep
is elusive. I hurt all over like when I was a kid in the swamp, hunting for
food. Killing little animals is a hell of a lot harder than killing people.
Some days, I could barely move and ended up sleeping out in the mud, rather
than crawl back to our dump of a house.

As my mind returns
to the swamp, the memories corrupt the man I am now. I feel dirty like I need
another shower. Hell, the thought of ever touching Gidget disgusts me.

The girl is
digging her way out of hell. She shines now. Smiles easily as if it’s something
she’s done forever. The way she rested her head against my shoulder when I held
her means more than empty words. She’s learning to trust me.

Me. Gator. A
man who kills without a second thought. A man with no heart. A man who claims
her as his property.

I doze off
thinking I should let her go in the morning. Take her somewhere safe and leave
her to live a good life without me. I really believe I’ll walk away from her.

When the sun
wakes me hours later, I find Gidget curled up against me and instantly know I
can never let her go.

We remain in
bed for another hour before she wakes and smiles at me. She looks like a sleepy
child until I see her notice I’m in only boxers. There’s a wary look in her
eyes that a child shouldn’t know.

I tell her to
shower first. Gidget obeys while I rest in bed and think about how willing she
is to spread her legs for me. She would obey my request for fucking like my
order to take a shower. She wants to please me, but that doesn’t mean she wants
me inside her. I refuse to watch her go through the motions like I’m any other
man. By the time she appears from the bathroom, I’m under control again.

After I clean
up, we go downstairs for the breakfast buffet the hotel offers. This morning, Gidget
is quicker to fill her plate and doesn’t look to me for permission before
adding food. Trust is something she wants, but I catch her sometimes watching
me with a look that says I scare the shit out of her. I don’t blame her. During
her shower, I wasn’t sure I could stop myself from taking her whether she said
yes or not. I feel like a starving animal and only she will sate my hunger.

We don’t
speak during our meal. Gidget looks around and I see a few business types
checking her out. Before I can make my claim on her and scare them off, she
frowns really ugly at them. I’m surprised to see that from her and it makes me
smile.

When she
catches me smiling, Gidget stares like she’s seeing into my soul. I stare back,
pushing her out of there and keeping my distance. She smiles bigger like I’m
funny.

We leave the
hotel in my other rented SUV. Before I deal with the next name on the list, I
stop at a spa the hotel recommended. Gidget is all wide-eyed and open mouthed
as we enter.

The chick
behind the counter flinches at the sight of me. After looking me over, she
decides I’m worthy of her approval.

“The hotel
called,” I mutter, uninterested in the lust of a nobody like her. The only
woman of importance is hiding behind me. “Someone named Kayla is supposed to be
here.”

The lusty
chick nods and scurries off to get Kayla. I turn to Gidget who clutches at her
shirt since she doesn’t have the doll to soothe her.

“This place
is going to give you a haircut. Clean up your nails and other girl shit. I have
work to do.”

“Can I go and
be your assistant?”

“No,” I say
in a grumpy tone and she flinches.

When I first
met her, Gidget rarely flinched. Now, I frighten her with little effort. I
guess that means she’s waking up from the daze she lived in for so long. Or she
no longer expects people to hurt her.

“I’ll take
you on the next one,” I say, appeasing her. I step closer and lean down to
whisper in her ear. My breath on her skin causes Gidget to shiver and my
already hard cock thickens. “Don’t tell anyone who we are. Don’t say shit about
the past, present, or future. You just nod and smile. Assistants don’t blab.”

Gidget stares
into my eyes with a look that nearly tears away every ounce of my self-control.
Steely determination shines from her fair blue eyes and I know she won’t blab.
She’ll make me proud and do as she’s told.

Fuck.
I want her
on the floor, up against the wall, over a chair. Anything will do. I just need
it now.

Fortunately,
Kayla arrives with a big smile. She’s cute and I might normally give a shit,
but this blonde doesn’t distract from the blonde eyeing me like I’m candy.

“She needs
that whole package thing the hotel talked about. I’ll be back in a few hours,”
I tell Kayla who smiles like she thinks I’m candy too.

Needing to
get the fuck out of the place, I leave without saying goodbye. Gidget watches
me leave. She actually stands at the window as I pull away. Her little kid
routine helps with my hard on, but not much.