Gabriel's Gift (17 page)

‘I should be, but I'm not. Tonight I could do anything. You think I wouldn't want to walk through that door and talk and hang out for hours? But my parents are in there, and they think I'm at home in bed.'

‘Who with?'

‘I wish.'

Speedy said, ‘Is it true? Are your mum and dad together? I thought they'd –'

‘Not a word to them about our work.'

‘My lips are zipped, my wings are clipped, my arse is whipped. Give me a kiss – I've shaved.'

‘Just a little one, Speedy, to thank you.'

‘Yum, yum … be my vanilla pillow, baby.' Speedy was looking at him. ‘Come over for supper when you've finished the picture. I know some people who'd like to meet you. People who are more cultured than me – just a silly ol' queen who serves hamburgers and has never read a book in his life. They'll introduce you to all kinds of stuff and you can have conversations that'll open your head up.'

‘Thanks Speedy, I would like that. I will come. Look –'

A car drew up in front of them. The door was opened and crouching Lester got out, fit and purposeful, followed by Karim Amir in a black suit. Lester went to the house, where Jake greeted him. Gabriel saw Carlo in the hallway, watching Lester move towards him.

Karim came to Speedy's car and put his head through the window.

‘Hi, Creamy,' said Speedy. ‘Your hair's getting long again. Suits you.'

‘You sure?'

‘Oh yes. Lovely texture, too. This is Gabriel. He's a film-maker. His dad played with Lester and then with Charlie.'

‘Lucky him. How you doing, Gabriel?' He and Karim shook hands. ‘Coming in, Speedy?' Karim said.

‘On my way.' Speedy hurriedly gathered himself together. ‘Oh God, look – now there's Marianne Faithfull! I'm so excited. I'm in here for a bit with the superstars. Then I'm off to the sauna. You can stay there all night.'

‘I'd like to see those places.'

‘You would? You should see everything. I'd look after you. We'll talk, baby.'

Gabriel said, ‘Speedy, Lester might not remember me, but if he does will you thank him for the picture and for the things he said?'

‘Certainly.'

Speedy went off with Karim, tripping and panting.

Gabriel got out of the car and leaned against the railings outside the house, staring into the furnace of the chandeliers, but could make out little.

‘You see?' he was telling Archie. ‘That wasn't too bad, eh? Didn't we have a good night?'

He wondered again how his life would have been different had Archie lived, and how the two of them would have influenced and loved and hated one another. He missed him.

Gabriel looked up to see a servant coming to close the shutters.

It wasn't as late as Gabriel had thought, and he asked the driver to take him for a spin around London. Gabriel imagined the car's silver grille grinning like sharks' teeth as they ate up the city. When he was older, he would do this all the time, with his friends beside him.

As they drifted past the landmarks, Gabriel fell into a dream of the future, imagining his adventures, the films he'd make and scripts he'd write. He thought of the actors, musicians and producers he'd work with, the interviews he might give and what he'd say on television; he thought of where he would live, the parties he'd attend, the dissipations he'd be prone to and the women he would meet; he wondered whether he'd work in America or not and about the mistakes it might be profitable to make, and those to avoid. Like Lester, he would do fascinating things all the time!

What a bright place London was, he thought. Here anything could be achieved! You only had to wish high enough!

Of course, he wondered if he might fail at what he wanted, as his father ultimately had. A lot of people wanted to be someone, but who had the tenacity, the commitment, the steely determination? For how many people was it a necessity, a matter of life as opposed to death? He was too young to be careful. He was full of hope and the ambition of uncontainable wishes. He was ready,
too, to work. Recently he'd had ideas for two or three projects that he hadn't had time to consider properly. He wanted to write and draw new things. He saw now how bored he'd been recently, at home; he'd just about had enough of being alone and worrying about his parents.

At home he listened to the CDs that Speedy had given him. He went happily to bed but seemed to have only just shut his eyes when he had a nightmare.

He was sitting with his mother and Archie in a bus beside his father's coffin. Other customers sat on the bus as usual. The bus conductor asked Gabriel's mother for their fares but she had no money to pay. The family couldn't take Dad's body to the cemetery in a hearse because they couldn't afford that either. Then his father, as a ghost, was sitting with them, holding Archie's hand and telling them all not to worry. Mum's friend George, surrounded by a swirling halo, was waving through the window.

Gabriel cried out but it made no difference; no one could hear.

Gabriel touched something soft. It was a real person. Gabriel was so disorientated that he reached for the light switch. But someone else's hand had made it first.

It was Dad in evening dress with his bow tie as floppy as an old daffodil. He was crumpled and smelled of alcohol and cigars. Around his mouth was something like chocolate cake.

‘We've just come in from the party. You're safe. Everyone's safe. Angel, you can go back to sleep.'

‘You are here. It's really you. But why are you here?'

‘You'll be the first to hear about it, tomorrow.'

His father was at the table, in his usual place, with mustard and butter, and Branston pickle and ketchup and salt to hand. Underneath was the newspaper, open on the sports page; Dad moved the objects around in order to read the part of the page he required. He was listening to Verdi's Requiem while wondering aloud whether Nottingham Forest would make it to the Premiership.

Occasionally he looked up in puzzlement; he'd never been in the house with Hannah there. Unintentionally, she kept making him laugh. Gabriel could see how nervous she was by the fact that she kept raising food to her mouth, and putting it down again, as if she couldn't believe that the world had tilted once more.

Dad said, ‘It's funny you dreaming about me, Gabriel. I thought I saw Archie last night.'

‘What?'

‘I was sitting there with friends when I became convinced your twin was looking through the window of Jake's house. I even made an excuse, went outside and walked about. There was no one there, of course. Weird, eh? By the way, what's this about you and Archie talking and stuff?'

Gabriel hesitated but said, ‘He's with me, Dad.'

‘Of course he is. He's with me too. That's where the kid should be, with his family.'

‘You talk to him?'

‘Every day.' Gabriel was relieved. Dad went on, ‘Don't tell Mum. It upsets her.'

When Gabriel's mother joined them, Hannah went and stood across the room, folding clothes with ostentatious care.

‘I can't wait to hear how it went last night.' said Gabriel. ‘Did you get champagne at the door?'

‘Champagne and canapés, of course.'

‘Then what did you eat?'

‘Wait a minute. I have to give you good news,' said his mother. She was in her dressing-gown and her hair was everywhere. She must have been tired after last night but she seemed content. ‘Your father was too sensitive to ask about the camera. But I did. It turned out that years ago Carlo's father, Jake, was a camera assistant, and he's got what you want in his garage. He'll show you how to use it.'

‘I'll be able to start my film?'

‘He suggested you shoot it over the summer. The days will be longer. There'll be more light.'

Dad said, ‘Fluffy, you forgot.' She blushed at the name. It had been a long time since he'd called her that. ‘Someone else was there last night, too.' He was looking at Gabriel. ‘A friend of yours.'

‘That's right,' said Mum. ‘Lester Jones turned up, for drinks. He asked how you were getting on.'

‘He did?' Gabriel said, ‘He didn't mention anything else?'

‘He's doing a concert in a small venue in London and has invited us to visit him backstage.'

‘That's great,' said Gabriel. ‘I'm pleased. He didn't mention the picture?'

‘No.' Mum was regarding Dad with annoyance. ‘Oh, God,' she said. ‘I'd forgotten what a noise you make when you eat. You sit back – you're thinking, I suppose – and there's a sort of animal chewing.'

‘I'd forgotten what a noise you make when you're talking,' said Dad. ‘And I'd forgotten the pleasures of living together. Was it like this all the time?' Mum lowered her head. ‘By the way, Christine, I wanted to ask you – who's George?'

‘What?' said Mum.

Gabriel and his father were watching her.

Dad said, ‘Last night Gabriel was shouting in his sleep about George. Who is he?'

Gabriel was aware that Dad knew who he was. Dad was getting himself worked up.

‘No one,' said Mum. ‘There's no George.'

‘There better not be. Is it true, Gabriel? And don't lie to me.'

Mum said, ‘Don't forget, Jake invited us to his country place.
He's had the new indoor pool installed and thinks we might like to try it out.'

‘All three of us?' said Gabriel. ‘Are we going?'

‘Would you like to?'

‘Yes. I can work there.'

Dad got up. ‘We'll see,' he said. ‘Anyway, I haven't got time to gossip.'

While Gabriel sat next to his mother and asked her to describe the previous evening's food, as well as the plates, clothes and conversation, Dad picked up his bag and went to the door.

‘I've got a lot of work to do today,' he said. At the foot of the stairs he turned. ‘I'd like to get started while I'm here, if that's all right, Christine.'

Mum was looking at him. She wasn't sure.

‘All right,' she said at last. ‘There can't be too much harm in it.' When Dad had gone upstairs to the bedroom she said, ‘I did invite him here, but he seems to be getting comfortable again.'

‘What's wrong with that?'

She got up and walked about restlessly. ‘I loved him for a long time. I loved him far more than he loved me. But it was hopeless. He was kind of gone. So I turned it off. Now he's decided he wants to start again. I was about to begin a new life.'

‘Maybe you will, now, together.'

‘You're soppy, Gabriel. What makes you think I'm such a pushover?'

‘Give him a chance. He's trying to do something now.'

‘Why the hell should I?' She relaxed a little. ‘Just tell me – whisper – what “work” is he doing in there? After breakfast in the old days, when you'd gone to school, he'd read the paper on the couch, and ask what was for lunch. How do I know he's not doing that?'

‘He'll be playing music and making notes about his pupil's progress. He keeps a file on each one. I've seen them.'

‘He's taking it very seriously.'

Gabriel said, ‘He's decided that making music and talking about it – the whole thing – is therapeutic.'

‘How can it be? I've known musicians who've been playing since they were teenagers and they're still a bunch of deadheads.' She sighed. ‘Still, have you noticed how much Rex's limp has
improved? He's become a fortunate man, your father. He's found something at last that he's good at. I'm jealous.'

‘How can you be? Of what?'

‘I suppose I believed that only talented people had a vocation or were important, while the rest of us were slaves. Your dad isn't exceptionally talented and often he's paralysed within. But it doesn't mean he can't be useful.'

‘He is very useful,' said Gabriel. ‘He's gone off the dole. He's even given me money. Maybe he'll give you some, if you beg nicely.'

‘D'you think so? How much does he get paid?'

‘I'm not sure –'

‘Aren't you? Per hour, right?'

‘I think it's –' Gabriel told her the figure.

‘Is that it? That's not much more than I earn,' she said.

‘Jake pays more. He just gives Dad what he feels like giving him. I don't think Dad knows how much to expect. He feels ashamed, asking every time.'

‘He shouldn't have to put his hand out. He must send a bill. I'll do it on the new computer we're getting. I bet he's not paying any tax. He'll get into trouble. I'll sort it out. Now I'd better go and see my girlfriends. It's our coffee morning. They'll want to hear about last night.'

There was a café near by where she and her friends had met for years. They'd talk about husbands, kids, movies and TV; they'd compare what they'd bought in the antique market, and they'd give one another advice.

Before she went out she said, ‘Last night Rex was really sweet and polite. He held my hand – he knows I love that. He even talked to me and took an interest in what I have to say, probably because he was too scared to talk to anyone else. He promised to buy me some new clothes. If only it could always have been that way.'

Later that morning, when Dad emerged from the bedroom and left to give Carlo his lesson, Gabriel accompanied him to see Jake's camera.

Dad had a hangover. On the way they stopped for coffee. The café was on the main road and it wasn't warm, but they sat on iron chairs outside, drinking juice and watching people. Dad liked to count the lunatics.

‘There's one,' he'd say, nudging Gabriel. ‘And look at that nutter, chattering and gurgling! He's got no chance, poor guy.'

It seemed to reassure him to realize he was less messed up than other people.

Then Dad said, ‘It was really good last night, Gabriel. You might have guessed, your mother and I have been meeting a bit, just to see what's there. To see if we get on.'

‘And?'

‘Yeah, we do get along, at times. Anyway, last night, after she invited me to come home with her, I was getting undressed. I found her dressing-gown behind the door, where it always was. I showered and cleaned my teeth and all that. I started to think: she's in bed, she's waiting for me. She'll be hot in there, practically boiling – she's a high-temperature woman, at night – and soon I'll be snuggling up to her back, her legs, her arse, which is like a two-bar electric fire. Her feet will be on my legs, touching me, and that's where I want to be, kissing her neck. Excuse the details, but I'm telling you, Angel, that's what a man wants at the end of the day – and at my time of life – when he lays his tired head down. To know that a woman has chosen you, that she wants to be with you – it's an achievement.'

‘You don't live together.'

‘We'll see about that.' He went on, ‘People are rarely a perfect fit. These days they walk away from one another too quickly. Why does everyone have to break up? If you can sit still through the bad bits you can find new things. For me, being with her again is like having a new girlfriend. Your mother suffered a lot over Archie. She deserves a break. I don't like her being a waitress. What I want is to support her financially, so she can do what she wants. I'd be proud of that.' He looked at Gabriel. ‘You're not listening. You're thinking about something else altogether.'

‘Yes. I can concentrate on the things I really want to do.'

‘But I still don't know whether she'll have me back. I'll have to keep thinking of what might seduce her.'

At Jake's, Dad and Carlo went upstairs to work.

Gabriel was standing in the hallway when Jake himself, accompanied by a uniformed servant, and wearing a suit and shoes so elegant they were, in effect, golden slippers, led Gabriel
into the low garage at the side of the house. There sat two green Lotuses, a Jag and a Bentley.

Behind the cars, Jake found the big camera. He removed his jacket, put a sheet down, opened his tools, and took the camera apart on the floor. He wanted to ‘reacquaint' himself with it. As he rebuilt it, he talked of the films it had been used on and the famous actors it had photographed. Then Jake asked Gabriel about the film he intended to make. Gabriel recounted the story, becoming excited as he talked. He hadn't forgotten it; in fact the little movie had become clearer in his mind.

‘Sounds like a pretty good contemporary movie to me,' said Jake, nodding. ‘Full of funny detail, too.'

Afterwards, in Jake's office, surrounded by movie posters, awards and an Oscar – ‘Everyone should have at least one of these,' he said, patting it – Jake showed Gabriel stills from the films.

‘Why don't you take these with you?' he said, wrapping them in tissue paper. ‘They're more use to you than they are to me.'

‘Jake, why didn't you become a director?' Gabriel asked, putting them in his bag.

‘Good question,' began Jake. ‘I think it's because I knew Jimi Hendrix, when he lived in Notting Hill.'

Gabriel almost choked. ‘What?'

This was how Jake liked to talk, impressing the kid. For Gabriel it was like someone saying they'd been on holiday with Shakespeare.

Jake said, ‘I'm that old, I saw Jimi play a lot of times, at the Marquee and those places. I thought, I'll never be a genius like this guy. Who do we have to turn to these days for spiritual guidance? Not the priests, politicians or scientists. There are only artists left to believe in. So: I am a supergroupie. I love those artists who pant after chimeras. But I'd rather puff a cigar in an easy chair myself. It's my loss – doing art gives a man big balls. It's probably never occurred to you that you can't do things. But I never had the confidence to believe I could be talented, or had an imagination.'

‘Where did it go?'

‘I had it once, you think? As a child, perhaps. I don't know. I was sent away to school. Must have been refined out of me.'

‘Jake –'

‘Something on your mind? You're looking tense today.'

‘Yeah … Mum's got this strange idea.'

‘What's that? Tell me, Gabriel.'

‘She's started thinking that I should be a lawyer. A show-business lawyer, you know. Doing contracts for bass players and stuff.'

‘Yeah.' Jake seemed to understand immediately. In fact he found it funny. ‘That's what I was supposed to be.'

‘And you'd recommend it?'

Jake stuck his tongue out. ‘What's the point of doing something you hate?'

Gabriel said, ‘I want my work and my life to be the same thing.'

‘That's what the successful people – like Lester Jones – have. Most people don't find out until it's too late what they want to do.'

‘Or who they want to be?'

‘That's right. Why don't I talk to your mum? I'll take her out and explain what your prospects might be if you work hard and do well.'

‘Have you got time?'

‘I can't think of anything that's more important than the future of young people like you.'

When Carlo and Dad had finished and came downstairs, looking relaxed, Jake said that when Gabriel was old enough he would get him a job on a movie as a ‘runner'.

To Gabriel's surprise, Jake did keep his word about Mum.

A few days later Gabriel returned from school to find her at home. Her face was flushed; she'd been drinking but she was cheerful. Dad was in the kitchen, making tea.