Forever Altered (26 page)

Taking
my time, I make my way through the tables of guests and onto the dance
floor.  Everyone else is already gathered around the bride and groom as
the familiar song begins to play.  Jeff is coming towards me with his
outstretched hand and a stupid grin on his face.  The second I place my
hand in his, he tugs on me until I’m pressed up against his chest.  The
smell of alcohol is overbearing.  How the hell did he drink so much so
fast?  We haven’t been here that long.  A cold, distant feeling
settles over me being in his grasp.  It’s hard to remember how at one
time, I felt comfortable being here.

“I’ve
missed holding you,” Jeff says.  “I miss everything about you.  The
way you would smile at me.  How we could talk on the phone for hours even
after we spent a whole weekend together.  I miss my best friend from when
we were kids.”  He pauses long enough for me to say something, but I
don’t.  There is nothing to say.  “So here’s the thing,” he
continues.  “I happen to notice this boyfriend of yours that my sister
keeps telling me about isn’t here.”  Every part of me tenses up.  “My
guess is one of you, maybe it was the two of you together, decided to tell me
you were dating someone to keep me in line tonight.  I don’t give a shit
anymore, Alyssa.  You and I belong together.  You need to put on the
damn ring I bought you and move passed this.  I fucked up and I
apologized.  Get over it.” 

I
immediately broke from his clutch and backed away.  “Are you kidding
me?”  Anger is rolling through me.  I can feel the entire room turn
to watch me.  Unexpectedly, another set of arms fall around me and directs
my attention away from the asshole I want to murder.

“Hey,
Short Stuff.  Long time, no see,” Mike, Jeff’s roommate says.  I turn
to glance back at Jeff and see Mike’s girlfriend is dancing with him.  She
looks just as pissed as I am.  “Don’t worry, Jen will take care of
him.
”  He smiles down at me and as relief falls over
me, I smile back.

“Thanks,
Mike,” I tell him gratefully. 

“When
he told me Lori wanted the two of you to walk together, I knew he’d do
something insane,” he says squeezing me tight for a second.  “Jen and I
miss you, Alyssa.  Weekends just aren’t the same without you
around.”  Briefly I think he is going to continue what Jeff was saying to
me, but he doesn’t.  “I’m so glad you didn’t take him back.  What he
did was unforgiveable.”  He looks around the room before continuing. 
“I’m so sorry about that night.  I feel like I am mostly to blame for what
happened.”

“How
the hell is Jeff cheating on me your fault?” I ask him.  “Did you force
him to sleep with that girl?”

“No. 
I’m sorry it happened and I’m sorry I didn’t do anything to stop it. 
Mostly I’m sorry for sending you into our room that night.  Had I known
what he was in there doing, I would have never told you where he was when you
showed up.  Oh and I really should not have let you leave that
upset.  I spent the rest of the night trying to call you to make sure you
were safe,” he tries to get out without getting choked up. 

“Mike,
none of what happened was your fault,” I try to set his mind at ease. 
“And I didn’t drive back.  I pulled over once I got away from your
apartment and called Leah.  She came with Tyler to get me.”  The song
has ended and everyone finds a spot along the edge of the dance floor as the DJ
directs.  It’s time for them to dance with their parents and Dan is
dancing with his mother first.  Lori comes over to us.

“Are
you okay?  What did he say?” she asks. 

“Go
enjoy the rest of your night, Lori.  She’s fine,” Mike says winking at
me. 

Jen
has now joined us.  She gives me a hug.  “We’ll talk later,” she
says.

“Thanks
for saving me,” I tell her.

“Anytime,
Lyss
,” she says and takes Mike back to their
table. 

I
stand there with Lori as she watches her new husband dance with her new
mother-in-law.  Dan keeps looking over at Lori to check on her.  He’s
been doing that all day.

“It’s
adorable how he keeps checking on you,” I whisper to her.  She chuckles.

“Yeah,
it’s
real
adorable,” she says.  “Ever since we found out I was
pregnant, I cannot do anything without him asking me if everything is okay all
the time.”

“That’s
not a bad thing, Lori.  Be thankful the man loves you as much as he does,”
I tell her.

She
sighs.  “I am bummed you won’t be my sister-in-law.”  I turn my glare
to her.  “I’m not saying I want you to take my brother back.  Only
you know what’s best for you, Alyssa.  My baby would have been really
lucky to have you as an aunt.”  There is no time for me to respond because
it’s her turn to dance with her dad.  She smiles at me before walking out
to meet him leaving me standing alone.

There
always seems to be that moment in romance novels where the heroine says how she
can feel the guy before she sees him.  She talks about getting goose bumps
and feeling a change in the air around her.  Every time I read one of
those lines, I think how crazy that sounds.  It’s not possible for that to
happen, right?  Wrong.  Out of nowhere, it feels as though I’m stuck
in a wind tunnel.  I find myself looking around the room thinking I’m
going to see everyone’s hair flying all over the place.  That’s not the
case.  No one even seems to notice anything is different.  Then, I
feel someone step right up behind me.  My body is completely frozen. 
I couldn’t run if I wanted to.  My breath is caught in my throat.

“If
your friend wanted to be the center of attention on her wedding day, she
probably shouldn’t have asked you to be a part of it,” he says at my ear. 
He had rested his hand on my shoulder but is now running the tips of his
fingers slowly down my bare arm leaving the recognizable blazing hot trail I
have missed desperately over the last month. 

“What
are you doing here, Rocco?” I ask nervously staring straight ahead.

“You’re
here.  I’m right where I should be,” he answers confidently.

“Go
home,” I tell him.

“No,”
he says.

The
biggest mistake is turning around.  How could I forget how absolutely
mesmerizing this guy is?  Just like for the charity dinner, he is dressed
all in black making his blue eyes stand out even more.  “Go. 
Home.”  I have to focus on each word individually in order to tell him a
second time. 

“No,”
he repeats. 

“I
get that by coming here, you get to go back to school looking like a hero to
our friends.  Don’t worry.  I’ll tell them you were a knight in
shining armor and they will leave you alone,” I snap trying to walk away. 

Rocco
grabs my arm.  “Why would you think I give a shit about what our friends
think of me?”

“Why
else would you be here?” I fire back. 

“I
just told you.  I’m here for you.  Not for anyone else,” he
says.  He looks confused.

“Knock
off the bullshit, Rocco.  You’ve been torturing me for weeks because they
are giving you a hard time for breaking my heart.  Just leave me alone and
go the hell home.”

“Alyssa,
you need to come out in the hallway right now and talk to me,” he demands.

“I’m
not going anywhere with you,” I tell him.

“So
help me, if you don’t get your stubborn ass out in the hallway, I will make an
even bigger scene right here.  Everyone will hear everything I have to say
to you.  I’ll even get the microphone, so no one misses a word,” he
threatens barely keeping his voice down. 

“I
cannot just leave.  I have to be here in case Lori needs something,” I say
afraid he will do exactly what he just suggested.  “I’ll talk to you back
at school Sunday night.”

“I’ve
watched every guy in this place stare at you.  I’ve watched you walk in on
the arm of that son of a bitch.  I had to witness whatever that was
between the two of you on the dance floor without running out there to kill
him.  I think you can give me five minutes of your time before I explode,”
he insists.  When I don’t move, he raises his eyebrows and reminds me he
will have no problem talking to me right where I am if I choose. 

I
brush by him, my shoulder hitting his upper arm, and hightail it out of the
room.  He is right behind me when the door slams shut.  “So let me
get this straight,” Rocco begins as he spins me around, so he can look into my
eyes.  Anger, confusion, and pain are registered all over his face at
once.  “You think I’m purposely torturing you because our friends are
making me feel bad about breaking up with you?”

“Don’t
play dumb with me,” I lash out at him.  “I hear them all the time talking like
I’m not even there about how you are out drinking all the time, doing God only
knows who.  How you leave for days and don’t come back.  Then once in
a while you show up and try to be nice to me.”  I stop and take a deep
breath.  “Look, Rocco,” I say more calmly.  My eyes are everywhere
except on him.  He won’t see me cry.  “I get it.  We didn’t work
out.  I will tell them to back off, so you don’t have to hear them bitch
at you.  You don’t have to feel guilty or worry about anything.  Now,
can I go back to my friend’s reception?”

“No,
you cannot,” Rocco snaps.  His hand runs through his hair drawing my
attention to how perfect it still looks.  How does he do that?  “Yes,
I’ve been drinking a lot, but I haven’t been out.  The only time I leave
my apartment at school is for some of my classes or to go home to be
alone.  The night you babysat for Carla was the first time I went out with
the guys.  The only reason I went was because Shane stole my phone and he
wouldn’t give it back unless I did.”  His anger subsides.  “I don’t
feel guilty because they give me shit over what I did to you.  I deserve
every remark, insult, or whatever else they throw at me.  I feel guilty
because I shouldn’t have let my fear of not being able to protect you throw
away the best thing that has ever happened to me.”  Well, that was not
what I was expecting him to say.  “When I got the phone call that morning
from Vicki, I panicked.  In my head, the only way I could protect you was
to get you to stay away from me.  I knew if I explained the situation to
you, you would never walk away.  Sunshine, I thought my only choice was to
make you hate me.” His use of my nickname starts to relax me, but I remind
myself of the heartache he has caused over the last few weeks.

“Guess
I never meant that much to you if you felt like throwing me away was your only
choice,” I say.  “Goodbye, Rocco.”  He flinches.   

He
almost lets me get across the hallway to the door before he stops me
again.  “No.  I’m done letting you walk away from me.”  The door
swings open and a waitress walks out of the room.  She looks at both of
us, tells us dinner is being served, then continues down the hallway into
another set of doors.  “Come here,” Rocco says lightly grabbing my wrist
and walking us down the other end of the hallway.  “You mean everything to
me,” he whispers as we come to a stop.  He reaches up to touch my face,
but I step back.  He frowns because I won’t let him touch me. 

“Don’t
do this,” I say fighting back tears. 

“Don’t
do what?” he asks reaching for my face again.  This time I don’t pull
away.

“Don’t
make things any harder for me than they already are.”

“I’m
not trying to make anything hard on you.  It’s just the truth,” Rocco
sighs.  “I came here tonight to tell you that.  I want you to know
how much I miss you.”  I start shaking my head and divert my attention out
of the window.  Do I really need to listen to this from another person
tonight?  “Please, just hear me out.  I know I fucked up.  I
should have come to you and told you what was going on.  There were plenty
of opportunities for me to discuss Vicki with you and I didn’t.  In my
screwed up head, I was only trying to protect you.  You have to believe
me.  You’ve had so much bullshit to deal with, I thought if I took the
burden of worrying about this, it would be one less thing bothering you. 
I am so sorry I hurt you.”

“What
exactly do you want from me, Rocco?” I ask throwing my arms up in the
air.  Frustration has gotten the best of me at this point.  I wish he
would just tell me whatever it is he has to say and let me get back to the damn
reception already. 

“What
I want is for you to understand that you altered me just like you said I did to
you.  I haven’t been the same person since the first time I saw you. 
I have no idea how you did it, but somehow you brought me back to life.  I
told you before, no one has been able to come close to doing that since the day
my dad died.  The way you make me feel when we are together is beyond
words.  Partying with the guys, hanging out in bars, and whatever other
crazy shit we used to do no longer mean anything to me.  Spending my
nights with you, doing whatever it is you want is all I care about.  It’s
where I belong.  I want you to tell me you forgive me or at least you’ll
try to forgive me.  I want you to tell me you’ll take me back and let me
make it up to you.  I want you to know how much I have thought about you
every single second of every single day.  Do you know how hard it has been
to stay away from you when I want nothing more than to be with you all the
time?  I am constantly trying to figure out a way to make all of this
better.  What I want most of all is for you to know how much I love
you.  I have never stopped loving you for one second, Sunshine.  I
will never be able to stop loving you for as long as I live.”  He pauses
long enough to wipe the tears that have begun falling down my cheeks. 
“But, what I want doesn’t matter.  You have to tell me what it is that you
want.  What you need.  Whatever you need is what I’ll do.  Even
if you need me to walk away and never turn back.”  He sheds a tear of his
own and I ball my fists as tightly as possible, so I don’t reach up to wipe it
away the way he did for me.  “If what you really need is for me to walk
out of your life, I’ll do it.  For you, I’ll do anything.”