Forever Altered (25 page)

“Hi,
Tony,” I responded. 

“Why
didn’t you tell me what Rocco did?” Carla drilled him before she even greeted
him.

“What
did Rocco do, Mommy?” Collin asked. 

“Yeah,
what did Rocco do, Mommy?” Tony also asked after putting the kids down.

“Come
on, Collin and Callie.  How about you guys show me your playroom
now?”  I said wanting to get away before I had to hear his name
again. 

“Yay!”
they shouted running down the stairs again.  I started to follow.

“Alyssa,
hang on a second,” Carla said.  Tony looked confused.  “Did you know
Rocco broke up with her because of that phone call from Vicki?”  I hated
the sound of that girl’s name.  Everyone knew who she was and it really
pissed me off.

“What? 
Why would he do that?” he asked.  I cannot listen to any more of this
without falling apart.

“I’m
going to go downstairs with the kids.  Have a good time and don’t rush
home.  We’ll be fine,” I said. 

“We
are getting a quick bite to eat and going to see a movie.”  Is everyone
doing the same thing tonight?  “I won’t be back too late.  You have
my cell number if you need me for anything.  The kids already ate, but
please help yourself to anything you want.”  Carla had given me the
details of her night, but she didn’t have to. 

Over
the next few hours, the twins kept me very busy and my mind diverted from the
issues that have been troubling me.  We played with dolls.  We played
with all different kinds of action figures from super heroes to turtles. 
We had a tea party that Collin refused to come to.  We used their blocks
to build a small town to drive the small cars through.  They even suckered
me into playing a video game, which I’ve never had the smallest interest in
trying.  Of course, they beat me and enjoyed every minute of it. 
Eventually, we made our way back upstairs when I could tell they were starting
to get sleepy.  They both wanted to watch a movie, so they got into their
pajamas and we made popcorn.  The three of us curled up on the
couch.  I’m not sure who recited the most lines, them or me.  Before
long they were both asleep on me.  My heart melted watching them sleep
like little angels.

All
of a sudden, I woke up to find Rocco sitting in front of me.  It took me a
few minutes to remember where I was and grasp that I wasn’t dreaming.  The
feel of his hand on my leg brought back all of the memories that were
suppressed over the last few hours.  What the hell was he doing
here?  The kids were still sound asleep right where they were when I dozed
off.  Panic set in when I saw Tony coming into the living room to get
Collin.  How could I have fallen asleep when I was supposed to be
babysitting? 

Once
we came back downstairs from tucking the kids in, I was so upset.  I
apologized to Carla for falling asleep.  She tried to assure me everything
was fine, but I felt terrible.  The only thing that cheered me up was when
she told me how the twins haven’t fallen asleep without her in years.  I
was honored they felt comfortable enough with me. 

Being
in the same room as Rocco was starting to suffocate me.  It was getting
late and I needed to head back to campus anyway.  When I announced that it
was time for me to get going, he said he was driving me back.  No way
could I be stuck in a car with him no matter how close we were to school. 
Then he told me it was snowing and he purposely came to get me.  There
would be no chance at getting out of this unless I made a scene in front of Carla. 
Leah called and I briefly considered taking her up on her offer of sending
Tyler and Tommy over to get me.  It was ridiculous for them to come out
when Rocco was right here.  I was just going to have to suck it up. 

When
Rocco went out to start my car, Carla explained how they ran into him at the
movie theater.  She said he looked very worried that I would be driving
back alone.  Tony started to tell me the two of them had a talk with Rocco
on the way home and he understood why he acted the way he did about the phone call. 
I politely thanked him, but asked him not to say anything else about it. 
Carla told me I was welcomed anytime and we agreed to set up a time I’d come
over after Thanksgiving for dinner. 

I
said nothing to Rocco as I walked by him to get in my car.  After he
started driving, he asked me about the radio.  I didn’t answer him, so for
about the millionth time he tried to apologize to me.  Who did he think he
was with this bullshit?  Walking back to campus in the snow and the dark would
have been a better idea than getting in the car with him.  I defended my
decision of letting him drive by explaining how I didn’t want to start a fight
in front of Carla and then asked him not to say anything else the rest of the
way.  What I really wanted him to do was to tell me to shut up and to tell
me how much he loved me.  I wanted him to tell me he made a horrible
mistake and he couldn’t live unless I was in his life.  He said none of
it.  He just drove the rest of the way in silence.

The
worst part wasn’t until we got back to school.  Rocco followed me through
the side door Leah came out to open for us.  He stopped in front of our
apartment door as I pushed it open.  Leah thanked him for bringing me home
and came inside behind me.  I didn’t even make it into our bedroom before
the tears I had been trying desperately to hold in escaped down my face. 
Feeling myself start to crumble, I ran to my bed, shedding my coat and my wet
shoes before I collapsed into it.  Leah was by my side before my pillow
was wet.

After
thinking about Rocco for the rest of the afternoon, I’m sitting in my car
trying to talk myself into going into the church for the rehearsal.  Jeff
is already inside because his pick-up truck is parked a few spots down.  A
knock on my driver’s side window startles me.

“You’re
going to have to come in at some point,” Lori says through the window. 

“I
was considering turning around and going home,” I admit. 

“You
wouldn’t do that to me,” she pouts.  She’s right.  Unwillingly, I
gather my purse from the passenger’s seat and get out of the car.  Lori
wraps her arms around me.  “So, where is this new boyfriend of
yours?  I assumed you’d bring him with you tonight.”

“Tomorrow
is Thanksgiving, Lori.  He’s going to spend it with his family. 
He’ll be here Friday for the wedding.”  I’m hoping she cannot tell I’m
lying.  She will be so busy and excited on Friday, I doubt she will notice
I don’t have a date.

“I
cannot wait to meet him,” she says pulling me towards the church doors.  “Before
we go in, I do have to mention one small thing.” 

I
stop walking forward and turn to look at her.  “What?”

“Well,
I sort of need you to do me a favor.”  Something tells me I know what she
is going to ask and I don’t like it one bit.  “Everyone else in the
wedding party is a couple.”

“Damn
it, Lori!” I interrupt her.  How did I guess?  “I told you I would
only be in your wedding if you didn’t make me walk with him.”

“I
know and I really am sorry.  I thought one of them would split up and help
me out, but they don’t want to.  I promise you though, Dan and I already
talked to Jeff and he isn’t going to give you any trouble.  My parents
already threatened him, too.  He will be on his best behavior. 
Please, please, please do this for me,” she begs. 

“If
he says one thing to piss me off, I am done.  I don’t care when it is or
how screwed up it makes your pictures look.  Do you understand me?” 
Why am I agreeing to this?  I should be walking away not continuing this
conversation with her.  How could she do this to me?  I start up the
steps to the church not waiting for Lori to walk next to me.

“Thank
you, Alyssa.  This really means a lot to me,” she says.

I
stop just before getting to the top and turn to look at her.  “Lori, I am
so pissed at you right now.  How the hell would you feel if you walked in
on Dan screwing some stranger and then your
friend
did this to
you?”  She has nothing to say.  “Exactly, so please let’s get this
over with.”  I stomp into the church knowing I’ve just upset the bride on
what’s supposed to be a fun night for her.  When she enters behind me, I
go over to hug her even though, pregnant or not, I’d really like to slap
her.  “I’m sorry for snapping at you, but this is really going to suck.”

“I’m
sorry,
Lyss
.  I assumed since you had a new
boyfriend, this really wouldn’t be a big deal.  I should have talked to
you before tonight about it,” she explains.

“Let’s
go,” I say before I end up telling her the truth.  “Everyone is waiting.”

When
we meet up with the rest of the wedding party, they all stop talking and turn
their attention to me.  Maybe I should have been early to avoid
this.  Lori breaks the silence by announcing to everyone that it’s time to
get started.  Dan is the first one to come over to me and say hello. 
The rest of them follow behind him.  I haven’t seen this group of friends
since the housewarming party Lori and Dan had back at the end of July and I
suddenly realize how much I’ve missed them. 

Lori’s
mom reaches me before I notice she is coming and I can already see she is
starting to cry.  “I miss you so much, Sweetheart,” she whispers in my ear
as she holds me so tight I can barely breathe.  “I am so sorry about what
he did to you.”

“I
miss you, too,” I tell her honestly.  She was always very sweet to me.

“Mom,
you promised you wouldn’t do this,” Lori reminds her.

“I
know, I know,” she says pulling away.  “Please don’t be a stranger. 
Let’s have lunch or something the next time you are home,”

“That
sounds nice.”  I smile for the first time all night.  It doesn’t last
long because Jeff is standing behind his mother. 

She
notices the change on my face and turns to see what I’m looking at.  “Not
one word, Jeffrey.  Not one word,” she warns.  He only nods, but the
sadness he feels is all over his face.  “Come on, Alyssa,” she says
bringing me with her. 

The
rest of rehearsal went fairly well.  No one else mentioned Rocco or what
happened between me and Jeff.  He kept his distance, just like Lori
promised, and only walked silently the two times we practiced walking out of
church.  Originally, I planned on skipping out on dinner, but since things
went so well and I was actually having fun with my friends, I changed my mind
and went.  It was the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and enjoyed
myself.  Some of them were going out afterwards and asked me to go. 
I decided not to go knowing my luck wasn’t that great. 

It
wasn’t until I went to leave that Jeff spoke to me.  “Alyssa,” he called
as I walked to my car.  I ignored him, but he caught up to me as I was opening
my door.  He grabbed it before I could get in.  “I just wanted to let
you know I’m going to make Friday as easy as possible for you.”  He
stopped talking, but I knew there was something else he was going to say. 
“I’m glad you found someone to make you happy because you deserve nothing less.
 I’m still pissed it’s not me, but it’s my own fault.  I have to
spend the rest of my life regretting what happened and hoping someday I’ll get
the opportunity to make it up to you.  I still love you.  I will always
love you.”

“Jeff,”
I cut him off shaking my head.

“I
know.  That’s all I have to say.  Have a good night,” he backs away
without another word and I get into my car as quickly as I could.

Thanksgiving
at my house was quiet for the first time in years.  For as long as I could
remember, my aunt and uncle would come over early and watch the parade with
me.  This was the first year of my entire life I watched it without
them.  It wasn’t until Santa Claus made his way up the steps of the Philadelphia
Museum of Art that I cried.  That was my aunt’s favorite part.  My
dad and Jill came over to watch and they ended up crying right along with
me.  The three of us spent the rest of the day cooking and watching the
football games.  I couldn’t stop myself from peeking at my phone in hopes
of getting a text from Rocco.  It never came.

The
next morning, I met Lori and the rest of the girls in the wedding party at the
hair salon.  Lori being pregnant was a bonus for all of us.  She made
sure we had plenty of food and drinks while we sat around getting our hair and
makeup done.  We laughed.  We reminisced.  We cried.  We
had a great time.  By the time we made it back to her parents’ house, I
was relaxed and ready to face the day where I would have to be around
Jeff. 

The
dresses Lori picked out for us to wear were very simple and pretty.  They
were a clover green color and came to just below the knees.  The dresses
were strapless and the flowing chiffon material fit all four of us very
comfortably.  Naturally, they matched Lori’s full length, beautiful, cream
gown.  How she was able to pull all of this together in such a short
amount of time was unbelievable.  The ceremony at the church was short and
sweet.  We had pictures taken at the photographer’s studio rather than outside
because of the time of year it was.  She couldn’t have asked for a more
perfect day.            

The
moment I’ve been dreading for days now is here.  The wedding party
dance.  Part of me wants to run and hide somewhere, but they will only
wait for me.  It’s best just to get it over with now.  The DJ is
making the announcement for us to come to the middle of the dance floor. 
My dad says he would gladly kidnap me and make me disappear if I ask him
to.  While the offer is almost too tempting to pass up, the idea of Lori
hunting me down and suffering her wrath forces me to decline.  There
really is no grounds for me to be overly concerned since Jeff has done
absolutely nothing to upset me today.  I can get through this as if I was
paired with a stranger.