Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (26 page)

I couldn’t fall asleep. Too much excitement had happened that day. I wish I had. I wish I’d fallen asleep and never heard my phone. That I’d never seen the text. I wish I could go back and have never made the choice I made that night.

Bro, call me. Please. 911.

It was Kevin. I wasn’t sure how he’d managed to text me. He was in rehab. He wasn’t supposed to have access to his phone. He certainly wasn’t supposed to be texting and communicating with people at damn near midnight.

I got out of bed quietly, moving my arm from under her head so gently she wouldn’t notice. She was out. I doubted anything would wake her up. But I wanted to be sure.

“How are you texting?” It was the first thing I thought to say.

“I’m out.” The words hit me like a blow to the face. He was out? How? He had a good month left.

“What?”

“I was doing so well. They let me out.” He sounded pleased with himself.

“At midnight?” I asked, still unsure why I had to call him.

“No,” he tried to laugh, but I heard him gasp for air. “Yesterday.”

“And you are just now telling me?”

The room started to spin. I knew. He had been out for more than a day and was just now calling. He hadn’t scared himself at all. He had left that place and went right back to it. He was high.

“I’m sorry,” he offered, both of us knowing what he was apologizing for.

“What do you want Kev?” my voice was hard, rigid. I didn’t want to have this conversation.

“I”m scared,” he confessed. “My heart— it’s really fast. I’m dizzy. I’m scared bro.”

I pulled the phone from my ear, almost throwing it across the parking lot. I’d stepped outside so Avery didn’t overhear anything— just in case. My fear had been that it was something to do with our parents. I’d had no idea that Kevin would be that fucking dumb.

“And I do what Kev? I come there. Take care of you again. Watch you destroy yourself again?”

“Just tonight man,” he promised. “I won’t need you again. I’ll stop. I promise. Please. I need you tonight.”

“I wish I could believe that,” I looked down. “I really do.”

“I don’t have anyone Spence,” he began to cry.

“Why?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Why’d ya do it?”

“They let me out. I did it. I made it. I fuckin’ did it.”

“Not for long.”

“I went home. Not the hood. Home. To Ma’s.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Kev— why?”

“I wanted to tell ‘em. I did it. I did good, ya know?” I could hear the pain in his voice.

“And?”

“Whaddya think bro?” his voice was almost a whisper.

“Not a good reaction?”

“She fuckin’ hit me. Three fuckin’ times. Told me I embarrassed ‘em. Now people knew I was a fuck up. She didn’t want me there. I shoulda just died.”

“So she’s Ma,” I tried to ignore the bile that rose in my throat.

“She wanted me dead Spence,” he was crying. “Said she’d be better off if we both died.” The bile rose further. “I hit her man. Knocked her on her ass. Walked out.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. The idea of him punching that bitch made me happy.

“Hit her huh?”

“Yep.” He sounded proud again. “But then — I felt bad. I wanted it to stop. The words. The voices. The pain from the bruises.”

“I know.” He didn’t need to tell me anymore. He’d wanted approval. Again. And been disappointed again. So he’d gone straight to the only thing that made him feel good.

“Help me man,” he begged. “I’m scared.”

“I’ll call ya back in a sec,” I told him, hanging up the phone.

Tears fell as I looked down at her. Innocent and trusting. A smile on her face. Sweats that were way too big and her hair a big mess. That was Avery. Happy as she was. I loved her so much.

But the baggage I carried would be far too hard on her. She’d never seen this kind of life. And Kevin needed me. When it’d been me— when I was the one in the corner terrified and crying— he’d come for me. Standing up to her. Now he was there, and he needed me.

It was more than I could tell her— and keeping secrets would hurt her just as badly. So I did what I had to. I packed what little I had into a bag. I almost stopped to leave a note— but I knew I couldn’t. She didn’t need hope. I just needed to disappear for good.

I leaned over and kissed her cheek, whispered words of love as tears splashed against my cheek. What only hours before had been so perfect — so right— had fallen apart without any real effort.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I shut the door on my way out. Grabbing my phone and typing the text, I pulled my keys out to get in the car and leave the only one that’d ever believed in me. Her mistake I told myself. I was a fuck-up. She deserved better.

I’m on my way Kev.

I hit send and pulled out onto the road, heading toward South Chicago and away from everything that had ever mattered.

Chapter 27

“You okay?” Luke was standing in the doorway, looking at me with concern.

“Fine.”

It wasn’t really his business, but I didn’t want to be rude. Luke had been a good friend. He’d helped me out when I’d needed it most. He didn’t deserve an attitude. It wasn’t him. It was that look. He wanted more. He felt more. It made me uncomfortable.

I was never going to want what he wanted. I’d told him that. But he still looked at me like that.

“You were out for a while.” He replied.

“It happens. You should know that.”

“Avery” he walked into the room, sitting on the chair across from where I was. “What’s going on?”

Luke only knew part of the story. When I’d come to him that night— the one Colby had left— he only knew I needed to get rid of feelings. So he’d brought me something to help. He’d done it with me.

I wouldn’t say it really helped. I mean I guess it did. The feelings were gone. All of my feelings were gone. Until it wore off. Then I was back to where I’d been. Unable to cope. Only worse. So it was rinse and repeat so to speak. I’d slept and then woke up and tried again.

I didn’t know for two days that Colby had left. When I went back to the room she was gone. I had no clue how long she’d been gone. But that bitch had left me. As if I didn’t matter. She didn’t even tell me. They were both gone. Both of them walked out on me. So I’d packed my shit, checked out and went back to Luke’s. That’s where I’d stayed since.

Other than his creepy looks and innuendos, it hadn’t been bad.

The day before had been one of the worst days since I’d been at his place. Seeing them. Both of them. Together. What the fuck? They wanted me to come back. They wanted me to what? Pretend they didn’t abandon me?

But then again— God I still loved him. I didn’t feel much at the restaurant. But after— when the shit had worn off— I’d felt it all. Including jealousy that he was with her. She was his type, right? Always had been. The two pretty people. They made a much better looking couple than he and I ever had.

Her hand on him. Him chasing after her. It was more than I wanted to ever think about. But it was all that absorbed my mind.

I’d come home that night and almost fucking lost it. So I’d grabbed the shit and done it and went out. Looking for a party. Any party. Otherwise I’d just sleep it off and there’d be no point. I needed to be active. To see people. To feel good about myself for a few. I didn’t really tell Luke where I went or why.

Actually I hadn’t told Luke a hell of a lot. He knew Colby had left me. She was mad. He knew my ex had left me. He didn’t know details. I refused to discuss Spencer. Still stuck on that don’t hurt him thing.

I couldn’t believe he’d let Luke come to dinner. I saw the way it hurt him. Seeing Luke look at me. Fuck it annoyed me. I didn’t want him looking at me like that. That’s why I didn’t look at him. Spencer hadn’t been able to stand it. But he had. It almost gave me hope. Maybe I was right. Maybe he’d loved me after all.

Colby was the one that’d surprised me. She was upset. As if I’d fucking done anything to her. She should have gotten on her knees. Groveled. Begged me for forgiveness. No, she stormed out like the spoiled little bitch she was. Luke watched her go. I could see it from the corner of my eyes. He liked her. They’d make a good couple. Neither very real. Both self absorbed. But she was too good for him. He wasn’t pretty people. That’s why she hated me. I had what should have been hers.

I shouldn’t say those things. Luke had been a decent friend. He’d given me a room and anything else I needed. I wasn’t going to stay in South Carolina. I just needed to get my head straight. Or whatever it was you did with all the fucking drugs. Forget life? I guess that was more like it.

He’d paid my landlord for a few months so I didn’t lose the apartment. I just needed a break. But the diner wouldn’t give me an extended leave, so I’d quit. Fuck, waitress jobs were a dime a dozen. Who needed it?

Luke tried to take care of me while I was there. As best as he could under the influence.. He made me promise not to do shit alone. I didn’t know what I was getting into. He’d keep me safe.

He wasn’t lying that I didn’t know what I was getting into. The parties were full of drugs. People doing drugs. People offering me drugs. All kinds of names. Everyone had a different story for how they made you feel. I didn’t understand them so I just passed and enjoyed what I was on.

What Luke gave me was good. It wasn’t the most exciting. For the most part I’d get tired and itchy and zone out. But it numbed me. That’s what I’d wanted.

But the day before I’d spent almost all day on another planet. That was what I called it. I didn’t know how else to describe it. I wasn’t really on earth. I was zoned so far out it didn’t matter.

I passed out about eight at night and had only been awake for an hour. It was what? Ten at night? When I woke up I’d been pissed off. I was going to call them. I thought I might go on back. But they were gone. Hell they’d been leaving at three. They were already home.

Fuck.

“They left today,” I answered. The drugs were gone and the pain was there. I wanted it gone. I wanted the Avery that was there before gone. She wasn’t good enough. She never would be.

“I know” He put a hand on my shoulder. I had to give him credit. He never pushed me. Not verbally or physically anyway. Just those creepy looks. “Do you want to go?”

His question threw me off. How do you answer something like that? I wanted to go more than anything in the world. But I wanted to go as I was then. Not the person they’d both hurt and used and walked on. I was stronger. More confident. I walked into a party and I was the center of attention. Not Colby.

Granted, I didn’t care. I had no interest in any of that. I just wanted to party. Drink. Forget. Whatever it took. But it was nice to hear. It was nice to see. It was nice to feel like somebody.

“Yes,” I said— my answer as honest as I could be with Luke.

“Then let’s go,” he smiled, standing up. “I’ll go with you. Don’t worry— I have a place to stay. But I can be there. Help you readjust. We can go out. Meet people. Make sure you are okay.”

He was avoiding the part he didn’t want to mention. Maybe I’d fall in love with him. Maybe he’d become more important than Spencer. It wouldn’t happen— but why discourage him. He might change his mind if I did.

He’d went after Colby. Spencer had. It blew my mind. He cared about her being upset. What the fuck had I missed? When did he care more about her feelings than mine? He left me at the restaurant with another man and chased down the bitch he hated. I had to know why.

I packed my bag and wondered if they’d want me back. They’d left. They’d given up. But did they understand?

Spencer should know me better. He should have known Luke wasn’t important. He should have been able to see it. Hell, I’d loved him so long he should know what the fuck I look like when I love someone.

But he’d been jealous. I’d seen it. His fists all balled up. Colby’s hand on his arm. Stopping him. Like she had any business touching him.

I hated her. I didn’t want anything to do with her. Spencer— well I didn’t know. Love doesn’t just go away. But he’d hurt me. Broken me down. Turned me into what I was. Avery was gone. The one he knew. She was gone. I didn’t want her back.