For Better or Worse (13 page)

But it was the kind of change in Kelly that hurt him to the core of his being. It was as if she didn’t want to lean on him for help. Didn’t trust him enough to help. For a man who’d spent his entire adult life proving to people that he was a man of integrity, a man of honor, to have his wife not trust him, not be willing to allow him to help her in her time of need—well, it shattered his very existence.

How many times had he heard her almost-silent weeping against her pillow at night? He would try to draw her near to him, but the tears would stop and she would become rigid as a metal pipe. When he hugged or kissed her or even tried to hold her in his arms for only a moment, Kelly’s gaze clouded and her body language screamed of a wall she’d built to keep him out.

So, he’d quit trying. They’d been married just a little over month, and he’d spent the last two weeks focused on his work—even when he could have gone home.

Candy’s words slithered into his mind again.
“It’s not the same.” Would Kelly have welcomed Tim’s touch? Would she have allowed him to comfort her and soothe her through the anxiety and worry?

Forgive me for thinking this way, Lord. The last thing Harold wanted to do was dishonor the memory of a man he didn’t even know. But he didn’t want to battle a ghost, either. He wanted Kelly to allow Harold to be her husband now, to love him and honor him, for better or for worse. She had to trust him with the worst.

But she didn’t.

And for now, working long, hard hours over a heating unit or a plumbing system was much easier.

Friday’s finally here
. Kelly slipped out from under the covers. Harold had left for work two hours before. She didn’t know how the man could get up before five every day, but today she was thankful. He wouldn’t know she’d taken a personal day from school to prepare a special evening with him.

After waking the girls up, she made a list of everything she wanted to get accomplished today. She’d drop the girls off at school, Zoey would spend the day with Cam, and Sadie would take the younger ones home with her afterward, so Kelly didn’t have to worry about any problems with them. Then, Kelly would get her nails done, toenails, too, because she wanted to look extra special for Harold tonight. It made her laugh that her simple man loved her bright pink toenail polish, but paid no attention at all to her fingernails.

After that, she would go to the store, then maybe run by the department store to pick up something special to wear. When he returned home from work, Harold would be overwhelmed by a candlelit dinner and an evening for just the two of them.

Dear God, I can hardly wait. Please let tonight be wonderful. I haven’t given Harold my whole heart lately. Forgive me, Lord
.

“Mom,” Zoey whined as she walked into Kelly’s bedroom. “I don’t feel good this morning.”

“Go get some ginger ale and eat a cracker.”

“I don’t want to go to Cam’s house today.”

Kelly pursed her lips. Zoey’s clinging had almost become unbearable, and though it was always tempting to give in to her girls when they didn’t feel well, Kelly knew she and Harold needed this evening together. “Sorry, Zoey. You can rest at Cam’s just as easily as you can rest here. But while you’re resting, you have to do your schoolwork for today.”

“Mom,” Zoey whined and placed her hand over her stomach, “I really don’t think I can do it. I feel so bad.”

“You have to.”

“But, I—”

“No buts. You’re going to be a mom soon. You have to learn to keep going, even when you don’t feel like it.”

“Mom …”

Kelly looked her daughter in the eye. “I mean it.”

Tears pooled in Zoey’s eyes. “I never asked to get pregnant. Why does everything bad happen to me?”

“‘For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life.’ Zoey, I know you don’t like when I preach to you, and I’m not. But the truth is you sinned. Now, you have consequences. Babies are a blessing, and we will love this baby, but you have to seek God’s forgiveness. You need Him now more then ever.”

Kelly expected Zoey to explode, to tell Kelly that she didn’t want to hear about God and what He could do for her. Instead, Zoey was silent. Kelly couldn’t tell if she thought about what Kelly had said or if she’d completely tuned Kelly out, but Zoey turned and walked out of the room. Once Kelly finished dressing and went into the living room, all three girls were ready. No one, including Zoey, had anything to say as they drove to school and then to Cam’s.

After Zoey stepped out of the car, Kelly opened her cell phone and called Harold. His deep voice sounded over the line when he picked it up, and Kelly felt a twinge of excitement zing through her veins. “Hey, hun.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” His voice sounded confused, and she looked at the clock on the dash.
What was I thinking calling him right now? I should be getting ready to start first period
. So anxious about the evening, Kelly had just wanted to hear his voice, to be sure he was coming home for dinner.

“Uh … class is about to start.” She grinned. She hadn’t lied. She just hadn’t said that she wasn’t there. “I just wanted to be sure you would be home for dinner tonight.”

“Yeah, I’ll be home. Why? No one has practice tonight, do they?”

Kelly cringed at his question. Since they got married, Harold had become the practice-chauffeur king. He never seemed to mind, but again she wondered at the fairness of marrying him when she knew how hectic her life was day in and day out.
Stop it
, she inwardly fussed at herself.
Remember what Cam said. Harold knew about the chaos, and he still wanted to marry me. Just love him, and stop feeling so guilty
.

“No,” she said. “No practices today. I was just planning to cook tonight and wanted to be sure you’d be able to get home.”

“Yep, I’ll be there. I’ll see you tonight.” “I love you, Harold.”

A moment of silence wrapped around her after she said those words. How long had it been since she’d told her new husband she loved him—a couple of weeks, maybe—and they’d only been married a little over a month. Her heart ached at her foolishness.
God, forgive me. Help me show Harold how much I love and appreciate him
.

“I love you, too, Kelly. So much.” Harold’s voice sounded somber and serious, and Kelly’s heart pained at the tone. She clicked the phone off and gazed at herself in the rearview mirror.
Tonight will be special. No more pushing Harold away. No more feeling guilty for making his life crazy. I’m simply going to love him
.

Hours later, Kelly stomped the snow off her boots before she walked into the house. In addition to having her nails done, she’d also gotten her hair cut and colored. The style was quite flattering and a bit sassy, and she couldn’t wait to see Harold that evening. She glanced at the clock. She waited five more minutes so she could call Harold without him wondering what she was doing. She clicked his number again. After only one ring, his deep voice resonated over the line, sending a thrill down her spine again.

“Hey. How has your day been?” she asked.

“Believe it or not, kinda slow.”

She peered outside. The sun shone bright, glistening against the snow-covered ground. “I wouldn’t think there would be any central heating units in the state left to fix. You’ve worked a lot lately.”

Harold chuckled. “I think you’re right.”

“So, when will you be home?”

“I’d say five—five thirty.”

Kelly looked at the clock again. That gave her two hours to prepare filet mignon, baked potatoes, fresh rolls, and whip up a salad.

“What’s for dinner?” Harold’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“It’s a surprise.”

Harold laughed. “Okay. Just make sure Brittany doesn’t eat it all before I get home.”

Kelly smiled at the joke Harold and Brittany often bantered over. Her nearly six-foot-tall daughter, who was as big around as a twig, could eat every bit as much as Harold, and they loved to compete to see who could eat the most. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He clicked off and Kelly set to work. She took out the filets, seasoned them, and secured bacon around the steaks with toothpicks. She washed and scrubbed the potatoes and wrapped them in aluminum foil. With the meat and potatoes cooking in the oven, she mixed Harold’s favorite ingredients for salad. She glanced at the clock again.
He’ll be here in an hour
.

Finishing in the kitchen quickly, she picked up the fresh red roses she’d purchased, tore off the petals, and allowed them to fall in various places. She changed into the new outfit she’d purchased, then took the food from the oven. After setting the table with care, she glanced at the clock on the microwave. He would be home any minute. She lit the candles.
God, bless our evening together
.

Harold trudged up the sidewalk toward the house. It was nine o’clock, and he was beat. Just before he was heading home for the night, a woman called. Her pipes had burst. Walt hadn’t been able to stay to help, but Harold and Rudy spent the last four hours working at the woman’s house. Kelly had called six times or more before he’d finally had the chance to answer and tell her what was going on. She sounded a little strange on the phone, but Harold figured Zoey was just driving Kelly crazy.

His favorite apple-cinnamon scent assaulted him as he opened the front door. The lights were off, but as he walked toward the kitchen, he saw the dining room table was set for two. Candles that looked to have been lit for hours, but were now dark, sat in the middle of the table. Rose petals covered the floor. Realization dawned on him and his heart dropped.
She planned a special evening for us
.

He strode into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and noted the filet mignon and baked potato wrapped in cellophane. Regret wrapped around him as he followed the rose petals down the hall. He should have answered her calls. He should have come home. They could have rigged the woman’s pipes until the morning. He didn’t have to fix them completely.

Standing in the bedroom door, he took in his beautiful wife curled up in the bed. She gripped a pillow at her chest. He could only see her profile, but he could tell her makeup had smeared down her cheek.
From crying, because I didn’t come home
.

Slowly, he made his way toward the bed, then gently sat beside her. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. She jumped, her eyes widening in fear.

He stroked her hair. “I’m sorry, Kelly.”

Her expression softened, and he was surprised to see she wasn’t angry. “I’m sorry, too, Harold. I’ve been unfair to you.” “I should have come home.”

Kelly smiled. She reached up and traced her fingers through his hair. “You’re home now.”

Contentment filled his heart. “I love you, Kelly.”

She sat up. “I know you do, and from here on out, I’m going to let you.”

The comment washed over him like a soothing balm. She trusted him. She would lean on him. He would be the husband he wanted to be, the one she needed him to be. And, he wouldn’t let her down.

A week passed since Kelly had let down her guard, and Harold enjoyed every moment of sensitivity. He hadn’t realized just how emotional Kelly had become since finding out Zoey was pregnant. The woman cried at the drop of a hat, and her stomach often felt queasy. But now she allowed Harold to comfort her. At night she nestled into his arms and allowed him to pray over their family. They also spent time in the mornings sharing what God had shown them in His Word, and he’d grown to treasure the beginnings and endings of each day. Sure, he got to work thirty minutes later than he used to, but most people didn’t head out before six a.m. The extra half hour wouldn’t hurt the community or his business.

He walked up behind Kelly, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the back of her head. “I had an idea this morning.”

“Well, I have to be at work in forty-five minutes and I haven’t fixed my hair.”

She winked at him, and he chuckled. “I was thinking I’d take Zoey shopping today.”

Kelly’s eyes widened. “What?”

“She can do her homebound schoolwork when we get home. I’ll probably only make it until after lunch anyway, but I’d like to take her to get some maternity clothes.”