For Better or Worse (11 page)

Her heart broke at the coarseness of her thoughts. When had she become such a negative thinker? When had she lost her faith in God, her trust that He would take care of everything in their lives?

God, I haven’t lost my faith in You. You are my anchor, my core, but I feel so desperately guilty, so selfish for forcing Harold into all this. I’m not worth all the frustration and confusion and
—she lifted her hands then smacked them down at her sides—
-just everything
.

And a baby? What would they ever do with a baby? Zoey wouldn’t be able to go to college; she’d have to get a job. And who would watch the baby? And what kind of job could she possibly get?
The thought of diapers and bottles and formula and all the things a baby needed swirled through Kelly’s mind.
Babies were expensive
. Zoey would be completely dependent on Kelly and Harold for financial help. The whole thing was overwhelming—and unfair to Harold.

She knew Harold loved her. It was evident in the gentleness of his touch, in the way he helped her in every aspect of her life—from the mundane of changing the air filter to providing a new outfit for Brittany’s school dance. She couldn’t question he cared for her and the girls.

But what will he think when I tell him?

She stood and shrugged at herself in the mirror. “He has to know.”

“Know what?”

Kelly gasped when the bathroom door opened and Harold stepped inside. Her hands started to tremble as tears pooled in her eyes.

He pointed to the floor. “I forgot my sandals in here.”

Kelly’s gaze traveled to his shoes then back to his eyes. She bit the inside of her lip as her hand found its way to the diamond stud earring. Twirling it around, Kelly’s heartbeat raced.

“Tell me, Kelly. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, Harold.” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m so selfish.”

He wrapped his arms around her, and Kelly felt safe in his embrace. Harold was strong, so strong, and she wanted to lean into him, allow him to be her strength through the time that lay ahead of her. But he shouldn’t have to deal with a new baby. He was a forty-year-old man. He’d been a father for only five days. In less then nine months, he’d be a grandpa. The idea was absolutely preposterous.

He released his embrace, gripping her arms gently in his hands. “Tell me, Kelly. We’re in this together.”

Yes, they were in this together. If she’d loved her husband as much as she believed she did, she never would have dragged him into this. But he had to be told. Taking a deep breath, she peered into his eyes. “Zoey’s pregnant.”

“Zoey’s pregnant.” Kelly’s words from a few days before washed over him again. He leaned back against the airline seat. The announcement had put quite the damper on the rest of their honeymoon. They’d gone through the motions, lying on the beach, eating Hawaiian cuisine, and trying to enjoy their time together.

But the announcement had changed things. Kelly emotionally pulled away from him. He didn’t know how to explain it exactly, but he felt it in her gaze, in her touch, even in the way she talked to him.

She’d said that she was selfish, and he knew what she meant. They’d discussed it many times before during their premarital counseling and on several of their dates. She felt guilty dragging him into a house of crazy teenage women.

He didn’t know how many times he’d told her that he loved them and that he wanted to be a part of their crazy house, but she simply wouldn’t believe him. To him it was a matter of her not taking him at his word. And Harold lived by the integrity of his word. His business thrived because if he told someone he would do something, then he would do it. He didn’t understand why Kelly didn’t believe he meant what he said. He’d proved himself many times over to her.

And what would they do with a baby? He didn’t think he’d even held one. Anytime he’d ever been around one it was screaming its head off.

He looked at Kelly in the seat beside him. Her head was tilted to one side, her mouth slightly open. She’d fallen asleep. He knew she was exhausted. She hadn’t slept much since she told him.

She smelled like that purple lotion she was always putting on. He loved the smell of it. And she looked so cute, probably ten years younger than she was, with her just slightly burnt nose and cheeks. Everything in him wanted to take her hand in his, lift it to his lips, and kiss her knuckles. But he couldn’t.

He looked forward, staring at the gray plastic tray attached to the back of the seat in front of him. He unlocked the tray and let it rest as a small table in front of him. He’d get a drink of ginger ale when the flight attendant came by. His stomach was a bit queasy. If he were honest with himself, he’d admit it wasn’t from the plane ride, but from the fact the woman he loved didn’t trust him.

Nearly two weeks had passed since they’d returned from the honeymoon. Kelly had been overwhelmed with schoolwork. As one of the senior trip sponsors for the school, she’d been doubly overwhelmed planning the trip to South Carolina—the trip she’d hoped would bring her and Zoey together. Instead, Zoey wouldn’t be going, and she and Zoey were together on some emotional level every night.

Jamie, the much older boyfriend that Kelly didn’t know about, seemed to have left the state of Delaware. Though Zoey mourned about it all day, every day, Kelly couldn’t help but be thankful the guy was gone. From the pictures she’d seen of him in Zoey’s phone, the man did not appear to be the kind of son-in-law she hoped to have.
I know. I know. Appearances can be deceiving
. She inwardly scolded herself.
But I’m not sure I can take much more, and the guy has already proven to lack a good deal of integrity by getting his teenage girlfriend pregnant and then leaving the state
.

Kelly took a deep breath. The bitterness she felt for the man threatened to set in on a daily basis. She constantly took her feelings to the Lord and begged Him to help her feel His mercy.

“Are you ready, Mom?”

Kelly turned at the sound of her oldest daughter’s voice. The child no longer wore the darkest makeup she could find. Her face was scrubbed clean and her hair pulled back in a ponytail instead of falling over her eyes. Her attire had changed dramatically, as well, and Kelly knew her oldest wasn’t spending all her time with her old peers. Instead, she spent all her time with Kelly. Usually crying. Always moping.

“I sure am.” Kelly forced herself to smile. Heading to the obstetrician for the first time, she and Zoey would learn how far along she was in the pregnancy and if everything appeared to be fine.

“I’ll be in the car.” Zoey walked out the door. Kelly grabbed her purse and followed behind her. Kelly had hoped the pregnancy would encourage Zoey to return back to God, and she had stopped “doing” the things she’d been doing before, but her heart was still hard. So hard. The truth of it wounded Kelly’s spirit.

Visions of watching Zoey raise her grandchild in an ungodly environment plagued her thoughts. Watching her daughter slip into the front seat of the car, her expression sad and a bit sickly encouraged the worry to well in Kelly’s heart.

“Trust in the Lord in all your ways and lean not on your own understanding.”
She paraphrased the proverb in her mind. She had to trust God in this.
Besides, after the appointment, we’re going to tell the family tonight. All of them
.

The reminder that her entire family was coming for dinner that evening made her wrinkle her nose. She couldn’t even imagine what everyone would think. Sadie would understand, as she’d experienced an unexpected pregnancy and gave up the baby for adoption. As circumstances would have it, years later Sadie married the adoptive father, Kelly’s own brother Cam, almost two years after his wife died of cancer.
But what would the girls think? Candy and Brittany?

She shook the thought away.
One thing at a time
. She pulled into the doctor’s parking lot.

“Are they going to examine me?”

Kelly looked at Zoey. Fear wrapped her daughter’s features. “Probably.”

Zoey studied her hands. It reminded Kelly of Zoey’s first day of kindergarten. It was Zoey’s telltale sign of being nervous. Her oldest was just a child, and she was having a baby.

Kelly placed her hand on Zoey’s. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll go in with you if you’d like.”

To Kelly’s surprise, Zoey nodded. “I can’t do this alone, Mom.”

Truer words had never been spoken, and it pained Kelly’s heart that her daughter wouldn’t have a loving husband by her side to go through the pregnancy and birth of this baby. She squeezed Zoey’s hand. “I’ll be here. But more importantly, God will be here. You’re not alone.”

Kelly expected her daughter to sigh or roll her eyes or make a smart-aleck comment at Kelly’s mention of God. Instead, her daughter nodded, unbuckled her seat belt, and quietly slipped out of the car.

Hope welled in Kelly’s heart.
Draw her back to You, Lord. Draw her back
.

Harold had been in a sour mood all day. He’d snapped at Rudy for leaving a tool in the wrong spot when as it turned out Harold was the one who’d misplaced it. He’d apologized to his long-time employee, but he still felt miserable.

And he definitely didn’t want to go home.

He passed by his old house. Technically, it was still his house. Having been a bachelor for so long, Harold had paid it off some ten years before. Kelly didn’t owe anything on her, well their, house because she’d paid for it with an insurance settlement after Tim’s death. The two of them didn’t need money, so he’d leased his house to a young family in their church who needed it far more than he did.

They still paid him a little bit of rent, just enough to cover the insurance and taxes, and part of the agreement was they’d do the upkeep on the house. Harold noticed the shoveled sidewalk and driveway as well as some kind of wreath on the front door. It appeared they were doing as they promised.

Life had been so much simpler when he lived in that house. After a long day at work, he’d have gone home, changed out of his work clothes, heated up a TV dinner, and settled into his recliner for a night of basketball or football or whatever sport was playing.

Now he returned home to a most-of-the-time home-cooked meal, which beat out the TV dinner, but then on Mondays and Thursdays he took Candy to dance. On Tuesdays and Thursdays he also took Brittany to basketball conditioning practice, not to mention picking her up from regular basketball practice on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. If Brittany had a game, everything changed, and if she had it the same night as church or Candy’s dance practices, then it really threw everything off.

He had no idea how Kelly had done it as a single mother. He was the family chauffeur, and while he ran the girls to their various activities, Kelly did laundry, cooked dinner, cleaned the house, and all the other household activities that had to be done. The girls had chores, but they were often running so much they didn’t have time to do them.

“Welcome to the life of the modern-day family,”
Kelly had said to him a week after they’d gotten married. She’d been teasing, and he loved spending time with the girls, but his life had taken a real turn after they returned from the honeymoon.

He turned onto their street, noting that Cam and Sadie had already arrived. He blew out a breath. Zoey’s appointment had been today. If everything was fine, they were going to tell the girls and Cam’s family tonight. Ugh, he dreaded this. He pulled into the driveway and took his keys from the ignition.
Might as well get this over with
.

He walked into the house and spied Kelly in the kitchen. She looked so pretty in her light blue sweater. It was one of his favorites. After making his way to her, he couldn’t resist placing his thumb beneath her chin and lifting her face so he could give her a kiss. He released her and she smiled up at him, her expression one he remembered from a month ago—before Zoey’s news had turned their world upside down.

“How did everything go?”

“Everything is fine.” She lightly nodded her head, and he knew she was letting him know they’d be sharing the news tonight.