Fix Up (7 page)

"Yes. She can't wait to see you and apologize in person."

"She doesn't have to apologize. She couldn't know Sean would abduct me after she saw me."

Duke grabs my hand as soon as we leave the coffee house and kisses my fingers, his goatee scratching my knuckles and making me sigh in the process. I really hope he'll never shave it off.

"My sister is very emotional. She hides it under her tough behavior sometimes, but she's got a soft heart. Once she sees you and sees us together, she'll get over her guilt."

"You sure?" I ask him as we stop at his car.

He cages me against it and leans his forehead against mine, his thick and now too long hair brushing my face. "I'm sure." He kisses the tip of my nose, and when I think he's about to give me a proper kiss now that we're mostly alone, he opens my door and chuckles. Giving him a dirty look as I climb in, I don't like it all that much when he makes fun of me.

*  *  *

SKYE

"I'm so glad to see you're fine, Skye," Duke's mother, Mrs. Ashdown, tells me as soon as the door opens. She takes me in a huge hug before she even glances at her son.

"I see you've got a new favorite. Nice, Mom."

She glares at him and shakes her head, her thick black hair flying everywhere around her soft-looking heart-shaped face. Her thin arms release me. Her embrace was very soothing, almost like my own mother's hugs. God, I miss my parents. I can't wait to see them again. They should be here in a couple of weeks to meet with my lawyer and see what happens after having my complete statement. Apparently, they want to know more about the battle to come. A weird kind of funk overwhelms me, but I push it away and walk inside to let mother and son properly embrace.

Mr. Ashdown walks toward me with a kind smile, but he doesn't try to initiate any kind of contact. He's very perceptive, and I don't think he's the kind of man to push someone if he's not sure of the person’s reaction. Once again it hits me to see how much Duke looks like his father. Both are very tall, well-built with thick dark hair quite unmanageable. Same perfect nose, same full lips, but I don't dare think the word sensuous when I'm currently looking at Duke's dad.

He stands in front of me with a nervous smile, his eyes wandering between me and Duke. Duke is situated behind me, answering all his mother's hushed questions with a calm temperament I'm jealous of.

"How are you, Skye? We wanted to come see you at the hospital, but Duke told us it'd be best to wait until you recovered," he says finally, his voice not as deep as his son's, but even softer in a way.

"I'm better. It's not always easy, but Duke, my friends and my parents help me."

Duke's hand comes to my shoulder, and he leads us all to the living room, which is not different from the last time I came here. It's not long ago, just a few weeks back, but since then many things have changed. So many that it feels like an eternity since I met Duke's parents for the first time.

"And your therapy," adds Duke as he takes a seat beside me on the couch, his thigh touching mine. He immediately takes my hand in his, and both his parents are beaming. It's great to have them so glad to see me with their son. They could have been more cautious like his sister was at first, but they're just happy and proud to see Duke finally moving on and opening his heart to someone else after all the drama they went through after Juliet's death.

I entwine my fingers with his, securing my lifeline. "Is Alana coming?" I ask, looking back at Mrs. Ashdown about to go check dinner in the kitchen.

"Yes, she should be here any moment."

As soon as she finishes her sentence, knocking at the front door preceded the sound of the door opening and closing loudly. Alana hurries in to the living room, spots me and runs to hug me with all her strength. Not only is it unexpected, it's also kind of painful and freaking me out.

I'm frozen, my hands squeezing Duke's way too hard. Consequently, I don't move. I'm not sure I'm even breathing, and my ears are buzzing. It's just a hug from someone I know! I shouldn't still be so messed up when someone I know is initiating body contact.

"Alana, that’s enough. It's too much," Duke says, his strong free hand now forcing his sister away from me.

From the corner of my eye, I can see Duke's dad frowning, but he says nothing. I know what I must look like, and I hate it. I hate to be once again so weak in front of them, showing how much Duke does for me when I'm doing pretty much nothing for him besides bringing worries into his life.

I force a smile for Alana who now looks ready to cry. She's still as beautiful as I remember, but she looks extremely tired. Under her brown eyes, slightly lighter than her brother's, dark rings make her look older than she really is. Even her clothes―simple skinny blue jeans and a cream blouse―are wrinkled and not as pristine as I remember them to be the other times I’ve met with her.

"I'm so sorry, Skye." Her voice is wobbly which brings tears to my eyes. I can't stand it when people are about to cry. It always makes me very emotional even if it has nothing to do with me.

"It's not your fault, Alana. You have nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend. It's his fault what happened to me." I take a deep breath, gaze at my hand still in Duke’s, our skin contrasting against each other. "If anything, I should have done something before it got so out of hand with Sean."

"Don't say it's your fault!" Duke admonishes me, his free hand now against my jaw to force me to look at his fierce eyes. "It's not your fault, Skye."

It's amazing of him to be so supportive to the point to being blind. If anything talking with Dr. Marshall is teaching me to be honest with myself even when it hurts. It does no good to ignore things or look the other way just because it's easier. Healing is painful, but it's also needed. I think Duke needs a reality check right now.

"Let's be honest, Duke." I glance at his mother now back from the kitchen, his father with one arm around his wife's shoulders, and Alana still standing in front of me looking very pale when she should have a natural tan like her brother thanks to their mother's origins. "I had plenty of occasions when I could and should have gone to the police to report Sean's behavior. I had proof of his abuse, but I was scared. It was just easier to shut up and resume my day to day life while burying my head in the sand. It's not brave, it's not responsible and that's partly why it went south when it could have been prevented. I know it and you know it even if you won't acknowledge it aloud because you don't want to upset me or do anything that could hurt me."

"Honey, it's difficult to report such violence. It’s normal that you couldn't," Mrs. Ashdown says softly, her low voice very soothing.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't have any responsibility."

"Don't even start blaming yourself for everything, Skye. I won't let you do this again," Duke warns me darkly, his voice shocking me by its harshness.

"Duke," Mr. Ashdown says loud enough to catch his son's attention for a second, but not long enough to extinguish the fire inside of him. It's devastating, and it's going to burn me.

"No! I'm not going to hear this bullshit." He stands up and Alana moves away, biting her nails. He paces in front of me, never even sparing me a glance. He's focusing on his heavy black boots and on the grey-brown rug. "Since I met you, you've always minimized Sean's actions. I can't stand it anymore, and the only reason I think you're doing such a thing is because you still have some kind of twisted feelings for that piece of shit."

Everybody gasps and shame and anger battle inside of me. He stops, and I stand up. I'm shaking from anger. My breathing is louder than normal, but not faster. He's towering over me, his dark eyes hard on me, but I don't back down. "Maybe you’ve forgotten, but we're at your parents' to have dinner. I'm not going to argue with you in front of them, but I can already tell you that I can't wait to see you leave me the hell alone. And don't come with me tomorrow for my lawyer's appointment."

"Skye—"

"No! Just ... let's just have dinner," I reply now, looking at his parents and sister, all uneasy and unsure of how to react or what to say. I don't even know what to think of what Duke just told me. How can he think I still have feelings for Sean after everything? Why is he being so irrational? I'm fed up with all this. Fed up of the arguments, the questioning and the doubts. I'm just so fucking tired right now ...

***

DUKE

She doesn’t want to look at me, even less talk to me. She’s plastered against the passenger door in the car, ready to bolt as soon as I stop the car. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, my fingers getting numb from the strength of my grasp. I keep my eyes focused on the road, careful of the other drivers passing by, but I can’t shake all the emotions warring inside me. I’m angry that she’s so fast at blaming herself, I feel guilty for my harsh reaction, I’m afraid of the way she retracts from me and I’m furious that I didn’t put that son of a bitch in the ground. I hate that she’ll keep those scars all her life, no matter how much good it does her to see that Dr. Marshall. Therapy can’t erase scars; it only makes it easier to live with them.

I grit my teeth when all I want to say is sorry. Keeping my hands on the steering wheel, I just want to shake her and make her see how all of this isn’t her fault. On the other hand I want to pull her into me in order to keep her there, close to me and safe. Instead, I keep on driving back to campus and force myself not to beg for her to let me come with her tomorrow to see her lawyer. I know when I can’t fight. I know when fighting would only lead to more argument, so I drop it and let all these feelings, these emotions, wear me out even more while my heart is still beating painfully hard for her.

*  *  *

SKYE

"Do you need to take a break, Skye?" Mrs. Garowsky, my lawyer, asks me more kindly than I expected when I first entered her office. Alone. Yes, Duke and I didn't exchange a word on the way back last night, and he never called me this morning. I took Kate's car to drive to the law firm. And just after this appointment, I have to go to Dr. Marshall's office for my next session. I think it's great it's scheduled today because I'm not sure I can keep this state of control for very much longer.

"I told you everything that happened. What more do we need to talk about?" I ask with a tiny voice. I cross my legs and cross my arms over my chest. Whenever I talk about the incident, I always end up trying to make myself into a tiny ball of protectiveness. It's difficult when in an office, facing a tough lawyer.

"I know. You did amazing, but now we have to go through what is going to happen next." She looks down at all the new notes she took, her light wrinkles more pronounced with the seriousness she's showing. She taps her acrylic nails on the black desk and nods to herself. "I'll accuse him of rape, abduction, sexual assault, attempted murder with premeditation and battery. Now we have to hope he's not going to plead mental illness because it would mean that he'll spend his sentence in a medical center instead of a high security prison."

"Wait a minute." I uncross my arms and cover my face with both palms. It all feels so surreal. I feel like I'm in an episode of some police TV show like NCSI or Criminal Minds. But it's reality, and it's not as fun and distracting. “Attempted murder? Isn't it a little too much?"

"Not with the extent of your injuries and how he threatened you. You even told the police you thought he'd kill you."

"But it was—” 

"Skye, he could have killed you." Mrs. Garowsky's words are making me dizzy. It's all crashing back on me. I can see again the afternoon light on Sean's blade when he forced me in his car. I can still feel the bite of the flashlight on my head. Yes, maybe he intended to kill me once he had what he wanted. Or maybe not.

"I ... do whatever you think is best."

She closes the heavy file of my case. "Are you still seeing a psychologist?"

I fight back the dizziness and focus on her face. She looks, not concerned, but rather questioning me. "I am. And I need to go. I have an appointment in twenty minutes, and it's on the other side of the city." I stand up without waiting for anything more. I shake her hand without really realizing it and leave the building deep in thought.

I don't know why, but for some reason after the time I spent at the hospital, I convinced myself he wouldn't have killed me. Maybe Duke was right. Maybe I was again minimizing Sean's actions and attacks on me. What does that really mean? I can't possibly still care about him either way. It's just not possible, not for any sane person. Maybe that's what I should talk about with Dr. Marshall because maybe I'm not as normal as I want to think I am.

***

DUKE

“And you agreed not to go?’’Derek shakes his head and frowns at me. “It doesn’t sound like you.’’

Leaning back in the uncomfortable chair of the coffee house, I finish my third Espresso. Soon, I’m going to be unable to keep a tight leash on my emotions, and at that point things will go awry.

“Last night she told me not to come, and after that she didn’t even spare me a glance.’’