Five Television Plays (David Mamet) (12 page)

A
LBERT:
Well, no, I uh . . .
I'm flattered
but . . . I really should be getting . . . home.

T
IMMY:
Wide-open
field . . .

A
LBERT:
Uh, no, I uh . . . I mean, my father was a Republican.

H
ARRY:
He outta work?

T
IMMY:
Well, if you ever change your
mind . . .

A
LBERT:
Yes. Thank you. Thank you very much.

(
A tableau. Both groups, obviously taken with each other, are loathe to part.
)

Well I guess we really should be getting on.

(A
LBERT
and
C
LORIS
start to walk away.
)

H
ARRY:
Y
OU
take it easy now, Brother.

A
LBERT:
You
,
too, it's a pleasure to have met you.

(
As they walk away the voice of
T
IMMY
haranguing the
M
INERS
can be heard.
T
IMMY
shouts after
C
LORIS.
)

T
IMMY:
Cloris, where was I?

C
LORIS:
“The way to get strong is to be strong.”

T
IMMY:
Right. (
To
M
INERS:
) The way to get strong is to
be
strong. Country wasn't founded by a bunch of sissies: “What's in this for
me” . . .
founded by a bunch of men and women not afraid to take a chance . . . (
His voice fades out.
)

A
LBERT:
What nice guys.

C
LORIS:
You said it.

A
LBERT:
And you support them, huh?

C
LORIS:
They support us.

(
Their stroll takes them through the turn-of-the-century street.
)

‘Member you got a boomerang thrown at you?

A
LBERT:
Yes. I do.

C
LORIS:
Potawatamies. Neo-Potawatamies. Bunch of nowhere creeps. Trying to knock off Rudy.

A
LBERT:
Why?

C
LORIS:
For his pension check. Everybody in here lives off the pension checks of the old folks.

A
LBERT:
Oh.

C
LORIS:
So prices go up and Pierre and his Neo-Potawatamies come up with the bright idea that if we whack out the old folks and take their checks, there's more food for the lot of us.

A
LBERT:
That's terrible.

C
LORIS:
The terrible thing is that Pierre has been talking with John and the Farmers, trying to get their help getting rid of the old folks . . .

A
LBERT:
(Senior citizens.)

C
LORIS:
(We just call ‘em old folks) . . . and John is starting to come around.

A
LBERT:
No
.

C
LORIS:
Yes. Pierre comes in there with all this garbage about Survival of the Fittest, Natural Selection, The Law of Life, and so on, and the Farmers listen. (You can convince an intellectual of anything, ever notice that?) (
Pause.
) It's terrible. I mean, growing old is no joke . . .

A
LBERT:
No . . .

C
LORIS:
But it's not a
crime,
huh? How you going to beat Entropy? It's a surefire losing proposition. (
Pause.
) Had a guy used to live here, used to be the office boy for Robert Todd Lincoln. Used to tell us stories Robert Todd told him, his father told him. I mean, we're talking about the transmission of infor
ma
tion, here.

A
LBERT:
Yes.

C
LORIS:
I mean, we're talking about
real
history here. (You don't get
close with the old people, who's going to tell you about life, Nevins and Commager?) What are you going to do when
you
get up there, jump off a building? It's very adolescent.

A
LBERT:
Uh huh.

C
LORIS:
Best goddamn organizer in the Country. John L. treated him like a son.
I'm
glad to have him here. (Sonofagun knows a lot of
songs.
) Goddamn Potawatamies should be ashamed of themselves. What kind of a society is frightened of its history? (
Pause.
)

A
LBERT:
I like the way you talk.

(C
LORIS
shrugs.
)

I like it a lot. You impress me. Would you like to come home with me?

C
LORIS:
I live
here.
And besides I hardly know you.

A
LBERT:
Oh. (
Pause.
) It's been a very rough day.

C
LORIS:
That doesn't necessarily mean that I should go to bed with you.

A
LBERT:
No
,
you're right. I got stood up.

C
LORIS:
I'm sorry.

A
LBERT:
I like the way you look.

C
LORIS:
I'm glad. (
Pause.
)

(A
LBERT
sings the sad song of “The Myth of Free Love and the Myth and Reality of Promiscuity.”
C
LOKIS
joins him. At the end of the song there is a

long pause. The two look at each other.
D
IETER,
a wizened man in a somewhat military-looking fatigue costume approaches. He is in his sixties.
)

D
IETER:
Guten abend.

C
LORIS:
N'abend.

A
LBERT:
N'abend.

(
Pause.
)

D
IETER:
Someone srew a boomerang at me.

C
LORIS:
They're starting.

D
IETER:
Zis is terrible. Terrible.

C
LORIS:
I know it.

D
IETER:
Somesing must be done.

C
LORIS:
The question is but what. (
To
A
LBERT:
) This is Dieter Gross.

A
LBERT:
Albert Litko.

D
IETER:
Enchanted.

C
LORIS:
He got locked inside.

D
IETER:
He didn't.

A
LBERT:
Yes, I did.

D
IETER:
That is too bad.

C
LORIS:
Dieter used to work on the U-505 submarine.

A
LBERT:
Yes? What, as a janitor?

D
IETER:
No
,
I vas radioman and forvard damage control. (
Pause.
)

A
LBERT:
When did you work on it?

D
IETER:
Sirty-nine srough forty-sree.

A
LBERT:
Oh.

D
IETER:
I vent home on leave, I get sick, I am separated from ze ship.

A
LBERT:
Oh.

D
IETER:
I rejoin ze ship in 1959 as Janitor at her present moorings in Chicago. In 1964 I am retired, and now I just hang out.

(A
LBERT
nods.
)

C
LORIS:
Show him your medal, Dieter.

D
IETER:
Nooo
.

C
LORIS:
Go on.

(D
IETER
grudgingly and ceremoniously takes a felt pouch from his clothing, and removes a medal from it, which he shows to
A
LBERT.
)

A
LBERT:
What . . . what is it for?

D
IETER:
Oh, nosing special. Ze North-Atlantic. Forty-one. Nosing Special.

C
LORIS:
It's the Iron Cross.

D
IETER:
I von it on dat ship. (
Points toward submarine. Pause.
)

A
LBERT:
And now you just hang out here?

D
IETER:
Ya. I like it here. You like it here?

A
LBERT:
Well, uh, yes.

D
IETER:
I like it here. It has some assmosphere, ya?

A
LBERT:
Yes.

D
IETER:
It has some . . .
weight.
Zis building is a Monument to Science.

A
LBERT:
Yes.

D
IETER:
Zis building is a Monument to Orderly Understanding, and a Stark Affront to all ze ravages of Time.

C
LORIS:
You think so, Dieter?

D
IETER:
Ya, I sink so, else I vould not live here. (I live here out of choice) . . .

A
LBERT:
. . . uh-huh . . .

D
IETER:
. . . to be close to ze ship I love . . . of course . . . and out of respect for ze larger principles on which ziz building stands.

(D
IETER
sings the song of his attempts to find “A Reasonable Life.” He sings of his youth in Germany, of the Depression, of the Nazis, of his life in the navy, of the end of the war. At the end of his song he turns to
A
LBERT.
)

So, you are locked in here, eh?

A
LBERT:
Yes, I . . . I'm on my way out.

D
IETER:
Hmmm. You know Szoreau? Szoreau is in jail, Emerson comes to visit him. Emerson says “Szoreau, vat are you doing in a Museum?, “ Szoreau says, “Ralph, what are you doing
not
in a Museum.” Ziz is how I feel.

A
LBERT:
But I have to get home.

(D
IETER
nods. The air is rent by the screams of the
P
OTAWATAMIES.
The camera peeks over the second level balcony to reveal the
P
OTAWATAMIES,
paunchy types in Glaneagles raincoats, herding the M
INERS
with spears.
)

C
LORIS
(
shouting
): Pierre, you sonofabitch, you leave those men alone.

T
IMMY
(
shouting up
): We're alright, Honey.

(T
IMMY
gets whacked on the head with a spear.
)

C
LORIS
(
sotto voce
): FUCKING CREEPS. (
To
A
LBERT:
) Come on, we gotta do something.

D
IETER:
I go for help to ze
landsmenschen.

C
LORIS:
Good luck.

(D
IETER
goes for help.
)

C
LORIS
(
shouting
): Dammit, Pierre, you leave those guys alone.

(C
LORIS,
with
A
LBERT
in tow, runs down the stairs and after the
P
OTAWATAMIES.
A chase throughout the museum. A reprise of “The Song of the
Thirties”
[
as it would be sung by the Soviet Army Men's Chorus
]
is in the background. The chase takes them through a large part of the museum and culminates in a remote part of the first floor, where
C
LORIS
and
A
LBERT
encounter
P
IERRE
and his
P
OTAWATAMIES
about to do harm to the
M
INERS.
)

C
LORIS:
Okay, Pierre, give it up.

P
IERRE:
This is just
dialectic,
Cloris, this is the Law of life.

C
LORIS:
I'll
give
you the Law of life, Pierre, pick on someone your own age, for Chrissakes.

P
IERRE:
It's not for nothing that we're younger than they are . . .

C
LORIS:
No?

P
IERRE:
There's a plan in this.

C
LORIS:
This is strongarm and robbery.

P
IERRE:
That's a very limited view, Cloris.

C
LORIS:
Well, you just let ‘em alone.

P
IERRE:
Or you are gonna what?

(
The shouts of
D
IETER
are heard.
)

C
LORIS
(
shouting
): Dieter! We're over here. Now you're gonna get
yours,
creep.

(D
IETER
appears with the
F
ARMERS
behind him.
)

C
LORIS
(
to
J
OHN
)
:
Alright
alright alright. And about time, too. (Thank God.)

J
OHN:
What, uh, seems to be the trouble here?

P
IERRE:
Hi, John.

J
OHN:
Pierre.

C
LORIS:
They want to whack out the miners.

J
OHN
(
to
P
IERRE
)
:
This true?

P
IERRE:
Yes. (
Pause.
)

J
OHN:
You don't, uh, really want to do that, do you, Pierre?

P
IERRE:
Yes.

J
OHN:
But, why?

P
IERRE:
Money.

(
A
pause.
P
IERRE
and the
P
OTAWATAMIES
advance on the
M
INERS
brandishing blunt instruments.
)