Finding My Way (54 page)

“So you’re not
speaking to me now?” Kat asks as I continue to drink my wine and not look
at her.  When my glass is empty, I go to the kitchen and refill it. 
I take another huge gulp before I finally look in her direction.

“Why the fuck did you
do that?” I practically scream at her.

“You know why I did
that,” Kat replies calmly, walking up to me.  “I was watching you two from
out on that balcony, the sexual tension between you both
is
unbearable.”  I stare daggers at her but let her continue to speak. 
“You were either about to slap him or kiss him so I thought I’d intervene
before you did something you might regret.  I know you’re still with Seth,
but you said it yourself, you’re not sure if he’s the one for you.  Nick
just might be.”

“No.  Nick
doesn’t date.  He doesn’t do relationships.”

“Notice that you
didn’t object to what I said about Seth?  You need to wake up to
yourself.  Besides, I’m pretty sure Nick just said he thought you two would
be great together. 
Sounds like he’s asking for a
relationship to me.”
  I stare at her.  “What?  You have
really thin glass!”  She laughs.

“It’s not
funny!”  I snap.

“Oh lighten up. 
I only invited him to have a drink at the pub.  What’s the worst that could
happen?”

“Are you kidding
me?  Seth will be there, how can you possibly think it will end well?”

“Because
it’s your birthday,
your
lucky birthday
.
 
What could go wrong?”

I walk into the
coffee shop that I have frequented since my first interview at G & C, but
now I don’t sit alone and people watch.  Now I get to meet my girl here
for a morning coffee, or in her case tea, before work.  I lean down and
give her a kiss before dumping my satchel on the floor beside the table and
taking a seat.

“Good morning.” 
I smile at her barely able to contain my excitement over my news.

“Hey,” Emma replies a
little distractedly.  The waitress puts our mugs down in front of us.

“Perfect timing,” I
say to Emma thankful that she had already ordered our drinks.  I was a
little late arriving today.  “Did you have a good night with Kat last
night?”  She flinches.  “Uh oh, I think maybe you had a little bit
too much of that wine you both love, am I right?”

“That you
are,” she replies with a grimace as she reaches for her tea.

“Well I’ve got some
good news that might distract you from your hangover.  You remember a
while back when I told you about that programming job with the finance
company?”

“Your
dream job?”
  Emma asks and I nod.

“I just got off the
phone with them.  They called me for an interview.  Apparently an
opening has come up.”  I cannot contain my smile.  When I got the
call I almost thought it was a wrong number or some kind of joke, that first
interview was months ago.

“Wow!  That’s
fantastic Seth!”  Emma smiles at me, sharing in my enjoyment, I love that
she is so excited for me.

“I
know, I can’t believe it.”

“When is the
interview?”

“Friday
afternoon.  I’m
gonna
have to think of an excuse
to leave work a bit early.  It’s at four o’clock.”

“I’m happy for
you.  That is so great!”

“I was halfway to
their offices when I got the call, I’m so sorry Emma.   I promise
I’ll get there as soon as I can.  I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s okay Seth.
 You’ve already spoiled me enough anyway.”  I try to appease
him.  “So what, you’re at the offices now?”

“Yeah.”

“Good luck. 
I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” he says
as he hangs up.

“What’s
happening?”  Kat asks from seat beside me.  I quickly glance around
at all my friends seated at the table for my birthday drinks before
answering.  Looking at my watch I see that it’s a little after
seven-thirty.

“His interview got
pushed back again.  First it was going to be four o’clock,
then
it changed to six, now the guy won’t be able to see him
until eight,” I say, getting agitated.  “Who does job interviews at eight
o’clock on a Friday anyway?”

“It is kind of
strange,” Kat agrees, nodding her head.  “You don’t think he’s making it
up do you?”

“Of
course not!
  I trust him completely,” I say wholeheartedly. 
And I do.  “I’m going to get another drink.”  I leave the table and
head to the bar.

I totally trust Seth,
that’s not what is annoying me.  I feel bad that he is getting agitated at
being
dicked
around.  I hate that he feels bad
for not being here when he needn’t worry.  Seth took me to breakfast and
to lunch for my birthday.  He bought me a bouquet of roses and jewellery
and has treated me like a queen.  What’s annoying me is that my mind keeps
drifting back to Nick and what he said the other night.  Could he really
be interested in a relationship with me?  That’s crazy! 
And why now?
  I’m sure it’s only because I’m
unavailable, that’s all.  Yet I cannot help imagining what it would be
like to be with Nick, as a couple.  I feel guilty that I am even
entertaining the idea and I’m nervous about how I’m going to handle seeing him
tonight.  I’m also desperately hoping he won’t turn up.

I spot her as soon as
I enter the room.  She is dressed in a pair of tight, black skinny leg
jeans and that baggy green shirt she wore on our first date.  Did she wear
it on purpose?  She turns her head and our eyes meet.  She is purely
breathtaking as always.  I make my way over to stand in front of her as
she leans against the bar.  She turns her attentions to the bartender as
he slides a drink towards her.  I reach my hand out to stop her before she
pays.

“My shout,” I say as
I curl my hand around
hers
for a moment.  “I’ll
have a Corona, thanks,” I say to the man on the other side of the counter, my
eyes never leaving
Em’s
.  “These are for you,” I
say as I hand her the bunch of flowers I bought for her.  “And this,” I
hand her a gift bag, “Happy Birthday
Em
.”  I
lean in and give her a peck on the cheek.

“Thanks,”
she
breaths out looking shocked at my presence.  Maybe
she thought I wasn’t going to show.  I pay the bartender and wait for
Em
to say something.

“Open it,” I say,
nodding to the gift bag.  She places the flowers on the bar and looks
inside the gift bag.  She pulls out the three CDs I bought.  I take a
sip of my beer as she stares silently at my gift.  “Well, say something.”

“Thank
you Nick.”
 
She looks up at me
with glassy eyes and I sigh with relief that she hasn’t bitten my head
off.  I wasn’t sure what to get her, but I hoped that the gift would serve
as a reminder that I know her well enough to know what she likes.  I want
to prove to her that I am good enough, that I am boyfriend material. 
Seeing her at the booth the other day was the wakeup call I needed. 
I
want to be with her
.  I have never wanted anything more.

“DJ
Stozie
!  Good to see you again.”

“Hello April.”
 
I smile politely as I finally tear my eyes
off
Em
.

“Happy
Birthday
Em
!”
 April says as she gives her
a hug.

“April, I’m glad you
could make it.  How’ve you been?”  I pick up
Em’s
flowers and drink, as well as my own and motion to the table where I recognise
Kat and her husband sitting. 
Em
only gives me a
slight nod as she listens to April talking.

“Hello Nick, you
remember my husband Luke?”  Kat smiles at me as I take a seat.

I fiddle with the
bracelet that Seth gave me this morning at breakfast and think of Nick’s
thoughtful gift.  The CDs he bought me were the ‘
Zombieland
’
soundtrack, a rare Ben Howard CD and the Pendulum album.  I should have
been mad at the Pendulum one, knowing that he gave it to me to torture me more
about our non-even that night after the club.  Although for some reason, I
found it endearing that he would give me that, a reminder of him, of what could
have been.
 
Oh and the flowers, such a
beautiful arrangement of bright colours, he definitely knows my taste.

“I’m glad we can be
friends again
Em
,” Nick says, interrupting my
thoughts.  He has spent the last half an hour chatting with Ethan at the
other end of the table.  “So where’s your boyfriend?” Nick asks as he
takes the empty seat
that Kat only vacated moments
ago.  “Not joining you tonight?”

“He’s coming later,”
I say quietly as Nick continues to talk as if I haven’t spoken at all.

“Things can’t be that
serious then if he would miss your birthday.”

“He didn’t miss my
birthday.  For your information, he gave me this,” I bite back
holding up my wrist so Nick can see my bracelet.

“Hmm wow,” he
says sarcastically rolling his eyes before turning his attention to April who
is sitting opposite us.  “So April, been clubbing much lately?” he
asks in a flirty and deep voice.

I see April’s eyes
light up as she answers him.  I tune them out and turn my attentions to
Ethan and Luke’s conversation about the footy.  The last thing I need is
to witness Nick flirting with Kat’s cousin.  He has every right to flirt
with whoever he wants and April is lapping it up.  It really irks me that
April can’t keep her eyes off Nick.

“Can I get you
another?” Nick asks after a couple of minutes, nudging me with his knee to
get my attention while motioning to my empty glass.  Just that small touch
alone sends a jolt through me.

“Sure, thanks.”
 
I smile at him as he stands.  I glance
around the room as he walks over to the bar, purposefully avoiding April’s watchful
eye.  She gets my attention anyway.

“Nice catch
Em
, Nick is a
hottie
!  I’m
jealous.  I wish I could snag someone like that!”  I turn back to her
as she looks at me, her blue eyes beaming.

“He’s not mine,” I
say at her under my breath.  Unfortunately, she hears me.

“What?  So you
and he… you’re not in a relationship together?”

“No, Nick is just my
friend,” I explain.  “I’m in a relationship with Seth.”

“But what about when
we went clubbing that time?  He was all over you.  I just presumed-”

“He’s interested in
hooking up with
randoms
- not relationships.” 
I’m not sure why I told her that.

“So you and he have
never…?”

“No,” I snap at her.

“But-”

“I have a boyfriend,”
I reiterate.

“Well I wouldn’t mind
a piece of that then.”
 
She eyes him
standing at the bar.  Her suggestive look kind of repulses me.

“Actually April, you
are probably just his type,” I say snootily.  “You should go for
it!” I snap and promptly leave the table.

I make my way to the
bathroom full of noisy women.  I push my way in to find all the stalls are
taken.  Taking position at the end of the queue, I lean against the wall
and let out a sigh.  Why did I just snap at April like that?  It’s
not her fault Nick is a hopeless flirt and she happens to be his type.  Nick
and I can only be friends and I have Seth.  I have no right to feel so
jealous of the attention April’s getting from Nick.

I get a tap on the
shoulder and turn around to find April standing behind me.

“Are you
okay?” she asks with genuine concern.

“Yeah, sorry I
snapped at you,” I say to her, embarrassed at my outburst.

“You know I wouldn’t
make a play for Nick if you were interested.  I don’t do that to friends.”

“I know April, I’m
sorry, and I don’t have a problem, if you
wanna
… you
know…”

“It would be a waste
of time. 
Em
, that guy
ain’t
interested in anyone but you,” she says with a smile on her face and a
raised eyebrow.  My jaw drops at her statement.  “The way he looks at
you, I’m sure of it.”

“Nope.
 
Sorry April you’ve got that all wrong.”  I shake my head.  “We’re
just friends.”

“You can think that
all you like, but I know what I see.”  Then she adds with exaggeration,
“he is
sooo
into you!”

“Bullshit,” I say
with a false laugh, trying to hide that excitement I’m suddenly feeling. 
If April can see it too, then maybe…
  The door opens to
the stall in front of me and I realise that I’m next in the queue.  I toss
a, “I’m with Seth anyway,” over my shoulder at her as I enter the stall. 
Sitting on the toilet my mind snaps back to reality. 
I am with Seth
. 
I need to stop this.

When April and I
finish our business we meet up again at adjoining sinks to wash our
hands.  She bombards me with questions about Seth and I answer every
single one.  We take our time making our way back to the table.  When
we are almost within earshot of Nick, April puts her hand on my forearm and
whispers in my ear.

“Nick
is
into
you.”
 
She nods in his direction and I
lift my head to find his piercing blue eyes on me, “and you may or may not be
into him but-” I look back at her, my eyes wide, “but I won’t interfere because
it’s obvious that it makes you uncomfortable.”  Her hand drops from my arm
and she gives me a wink and a sly smile before walking off.  I stand still
for a moment dumbfounded at her directness.  I watch as she takes a seat
next to Ethan, “So tell me all about the party I missed out on.  So sorry
I couldn’t make it.”