Finding June (28 page)

“Don’t think about it that way, think about it as place to gather your thoughts. My home is always open to you.”

“I feel like I’m always trying to figure out the next step and never succeeding.” I said more to myself.

“Stay with me.” Conviction held strong in my voice, it was the strength I needed at his point. “I promise I won’t try any funny business.” He added on.

I smirked. “You know I won’t mind, right?”

“Was that a joke? I knew my June was in there somewhere.” He patted my legs and got up to change the record, putting on the new Washed Out album.

“You can go back to bed, I’m fine. I think I am going to sit here for a while.”

“I don’t mind sitting with you.”

“It’s almost morning. Go back to bed.”

“Well, I do have to work tomorrow.”

“What? I thought you had tomorrow off? Or today?”

“I picked up your shift. Take the day off and try to decide what you want to do. Or not, you can sit here all day and eat ice cream, whatever you girls do.”

“Reece. I need to work, since I now need the money.” I had money put away in savings, but by the time I actually found somewhere to live and put down a deposit I wouldn’t have a lot left for things like a couch or a bed. I had to start all over again.

“June, I can see your head spinning. Relax. Please think about staying here because you can work and save money for whatever you need. If you don’t want me to bother you, I won’t. I will stay out of your way and it will be like I’m not even here.”

“Yeah except for all of your stuff around the house.” I threw my hand over my face and took a deep breath. This was a lot to process at five in the morning. I was wide awake, but I didn’t want to think about what the next step was.

“Talk to me?” I asked Reece.

“What do you want me to talk about?” Reece stilled his hand on my upper leg and started to draw little circles on them. I shuddered at the feeling.

“We never really talked about the whole Caleb thing, him barging in.”

“So you want me to avoid your issues, but instead focus on mine?”

“Yep.”

“You’re lucky I like you, June. That’s the only reason why we are going to discuss it.” I gave him a small smile knowing I had won and took my hand off my face, adjusting and sitting up so I could see Reece as he talked to me.

“What do you want to know?”

“I guess I can turn your question on you and ask how you feel?”

Reece sat there and continued to run his fingers over my thigh, as he stared ahead at the record playing. It was quiet for a few moments as he processed what to say.

For a minute there I was sure he wasn’t going to answer, but he looked back toward me and said, “You know how people say time heals all wounds? That when you lose someone you love or care about, time will take care of it, and as time passes it hurts less?”

My experience with loss … well, of people, was limited, so I just nodded my head.

“That’s a lie. The hurt never goes away. It really doesn’t even lessen. What time does is give you a chance to learn how to live with it. The loss you experienced, the loss that took your breath away and made you feel like you couldn’t move, you learn how to breathe again, how to move. Time gives you a way to learn how to live with it. It never goes away, but you can go away. I left because it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t talk to Caleb after I found out he loved her, and I walked around with people giving me looks of pity. I couldn’t take the looks and the talk behind my back about it all. It was a horrible thing losing Rachel, but I was having a hard time living with it. So I left. When I was gone I felt like I could breathe a little easier. People didn’t know me and they didn’t know my story. I could let people in only as much as I let them. I had control over the situation and I didn’t have that here. There were no looks of pity or talking. I moved around because I was afraid of getting attached again, or losing focus on the people around me as I tried to be successful in life. Because Caleb was right, I was gone the day Rachel took her life, and a part of me hates myself for it. I was so consumed with what I wanted for myself I had blinders on and I didn’t see anyone else.

“At first I treated moving back like I was moving to another city. I didn’t talk to my parents or Caleb. They knew the house was left to me, but they didn’t even know I was in town for at least the first three weeks I was here. Hannah called me and I couldn’t lie to her. So how do I feel? I feel like sometimes I forget to breathe. It all came rushing back to me as I saw Caleb. When you grabbed my hand and I felt you next to me, your presence reminded me to breathe. June, there is something about you. You remind me to laugh and you bring a smile to my face. You make me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to and I haven’t felt that in a long time. You say you’re lost, but you know where you belong and all you have to do is admit it, figure out what it means and I have no doubt that you will succeed. That drive you have is contagious and I hope I can find a way to do the same thing.

“I’m tired of running away from everything. I want to know where I belong and I want to belong with you because with you, everything makes sense. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out.”

I crawled into Reece’s lap and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his jaw, the corner of his mouth, and then on his lips. I felt him shiver beneath me. His arms came around me as together we sat there, finding strength from our embrace.

“I’ll stay,” I whispered.

I rested my cheek on his chest and he kissed me softly on the top of my head as he held me tightly. In the midst of the early morning, we were the anchors holding us in the storm. We fell asleep like that, wrapped in each other’s arms. I woke up when the sun broke through the wooden blinds. My neck was stiff and my legs had fallen asleep. I was sure Reece was more uncomfortable since I was still sitting in his lap. I moved off of his lap, waking him up, and grabbed my phone off the coffee table. It was ten thirty and Reece had to be at work at eleven. When I looked behind me, he was stretching.

“What time is it?”

“Ten thirty, you should get ready for work.”

Reece got off the couch, grabbed me, and kissed me something fierce.

“Later …” he said as he kissed me again on my forehead, softly blowing. While I was still dealing with the current shock of everything, the single word of ‘later’ made my heart race as I thought about the possibilities.

Reece jumped into the shower while I sat on the couch, trading my tea for coffee. About ten minutes later Reece came out of his bedroom, ready for work. He grabbed his keys, walked over to where I was sitting on the couch, and leaned down next to me. “I should be home around four or five depending. Hannah said she would come over after school with some clothes. Feel free to use my toothbrush or anything like that. If you need me to pick up anything I will on my way home. But other than that, do whatever you need to today.”

Reece looked like he wanted to say something else, but he decided not to. Instead, he grabbed me and kissed me. I put my hand behind his head and pulled him to deepen the kiss.

“If you keep doing that I will be late,” he murmured against my lips. I smiled and gave him one more quick kiss before pushing him away playfully.

“I will see you when I get home.”

And with that, Reece was out the door.

Home. He had said he would see me when he got home. My home was gone but was my new home with him?

I was sitting on the couch—drowning in Reece’s sweats and shirt—an hour after he left when I heard a knock on the door. I felt weird answering it, still not feeling completely comfortable in Reece’s house. I got up and looked through the window to see Hannah with a large bag in her hand.

“Heard a cat ruined your life?” she said, smiling.

That was one way to think about it.

Hannah held out a plastic bag to me. “Here, I brought you some clothes that are a lot better than my brother’s gross sweats.” I looked through the bag to find jeans and shirts. A bag from Target had new underwear and a few bras inside it.

I glanced up to Hannah. “How did you know my bra size?”

“Ummm ... Reece told me?” she said like it was a secret.

Well, wasn’t he observant. After further investigation I found a new brush, toothbrush, hair ties, and a pair of flip flops.

“Reece said this should hold you over while you wallow away in the house.” Hannah sat on the couch and made herself comfortable.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” I grabbed the toothbrush and opened the packaging. I ignored the wallow dig because she was pretty much right, plus I was sure Reece hadn’t stated it exactly that way. I was only going to sit in this house all day in Reece’s “gross” sweats, which I actually really liked. It had his smell, which made me think of our time at the top of the mountain.

Hannah answered my earlier question. “Yeah, that’s what Reece wants me to do, but sometimes you need a distraction. So here I am.” Hannah reached into her bag and pulled out season four and five of Gilmore Girls and popped the first disc in Reece’s blue ray player. How the girl knew I loved Gilmore Girls was another mystery, but being Reece’s sister I wasn’t as surprised. Either I was really easy to read or the whole family had psychic abilities.

I spent the next five hours watching Gilmore Girls with Hannah, laughing at the witty Lorelei Gilmore and wishing I was at least half as witty as her.

Hannah left shortly after three since she had volleyball practice. I cleaned up the empty ice cream containers and wrappers from the sandwiches we’d had delivered. I decided it was time for me to actually get dressed for the day. I jumped into the shower, and afterwards put on the clothes that Hannah had dropped off.

I was almost done throwing my hair into a bun when I heard the front door open. I walked out of the bathroom that was connected to Reece’s room at the same time Reece came in, throwing off his black work shirt. The man was not wearing an undershirt and I was quite appreciative of that. He threw it in the hamper, walked up to me and kissed me gently on the mouth, then walked past me and started the shower.

It all seemed so … homey and comfortable. Of course that made my heart race at the easiness between us. We hadn’t even spoken a word, but we didn’t need any. Reece had this effect on me, the words he spoke woke something up in my soul, but the quiet times were the calm that I needed in times like this.

I went into the kitchen and searched through his fridge, trying to find something to cook for dinner. I didn’t make it far in my search when I felt strong hands on my waist as I was leaning up, looking into Reece’s cupboards. I lowered my heels and turned around to find him with a small smirk on his face. Our lips met; at first a light kiss, but it quickly deepened as I felt my insides melt at the tenderness of it. I moved my hands up to his face and kissed him hard enough to push him back a few steps, but he caught me and swung me around so I landed with my back against the fridge. I moved my hands through his hair and his moved down as he grabbed my thighs, making me grip my legs around him. Our lips were in a frantic rush to find each other’s, and when we did it was a race to see who would cave in first and let go. My hands gripped his gorgeous hair and his body smelled like fresh soap and rain. Reece reached up and took out the hair tie, letting my hair fall free, as he walked, with me in his arms, back to his bedroom. I moved my hands down to his shoulders, running my hands down his chest to reach for his jeans, wasting no time to unbutton them.

Reece lowered me onto the bed and I knew this time there wouldn’t be anyone knocking on the door interrupting us. Mostly because I wouldn’t let him leave. I sat up slightly and helped Reece with taking off the shirt I had only put on less than thirty minutes ago. I reached behind and unsnapped the bra. Reece took notice and moved his mouth down, lightly blowing kisses on my breasts, then taking my nipple in his mouth. The force of his light touches and hard sucking was like fire and ice, an intense feeling setting my senses on high alert. I couldn’t talk, but made small sounds of approval.