Finding June (31 page)

“Umm …” Reece looked down at Morrison, obviously not wanting to answer the question.

“Reece. Who slept in this bed?”

Reece sighed. “Jolene and Caleb.”

“What!”

“I know, but they both couldn’t drive so I threw down some blankets, thinking they would each take a couch, but no. They didn’t. Then for some reason Hannah got really quiet and kind of mad. She left pretty quickly after that. Weird.”

Oh Reece. He was blind when it came to the fact that Hannah had a crush on Caleb. Do I burst that bubble?

Reece got up to grab more coffee. From the kitchen he said, “I’m glad Caleb came out last night, but I hope he knows what he is getting into with Jolene. And I should probably call Hannah and make sure she is okay. She isn’t usually that down.”

“You don’t see it, do you?”

Reece sat back down on the couch, grabbing my legs and draping them over his lap. “See what?”

“Hannah has a crush on Caleb and Caleb couldn’t keep the stars out of his eyes anytime he looked at Jolene.”

Reece scoffed. “No. Hannah does
not
have a crush on Caleb. She is way too young. And Caleb and Jolene … not my place to make judgment. They are both adults and can do what they want, maybe Jo will be good for him.”

Or ruin him even more. Jo was my best friend, but she wasn’t a flightily thing, she could be extremely real and honest and that had moments of pushing people away. I had also decided to let Reece live in his happy world where his younger sister didn’t have a crush on his best friend. That would, I was sure, come crashing down at one point.

Reece and I fell into a routine. We both worked, and when we were home together we would cook, laugh, and make love. It was easy to be with him and easy to live together. It was a totally different experience than when I lived with Owen. Owen and I had a large adjustment period and that should have been a red flag, how difficult it was for us to live together. Hindsight was a beautiful thing.

As October turned into November, the cold was becoming more common. I was saving money to move out, or so I was telling myself. I did like the company and I felt if I got my own place, Reece and I would still be spending our nights together. I had become addicted to his comfort and warmth during the night. I liked waking up next to him. I was an addict and I needed my Reece fix.

I had received my check from my insurance and with that I bought essentials. The rest I put into savings; it was enough to maybe put a deposit on a place, but not enough to furnish it as well. I didn’t want to put myself into too much debt since I was about to leave my grace period for my student loans. All reasons I used to justify my lack of finding a place to live. I might have been living in the world of illusions.

I bought mostly clothes and a few pairs of shoes since living with Reece made it so I had everything I really needed. Reece had learned the art of living with not a lot of stuff through the years in his travels. Most of what he had in his house was his aunt’s or things he had picked up on the way.

I was in a blissful state, this bubble I was living in. Reece and I were wrapped up in each other and I was ignoring the real world. I was ignoring the fact I had little to no worldly possessions. I hadn’t made any progress on the job front nor was I anywhere close to figuring out what I actually wanted in life.

Reece made me extremely happy, but I was still on the journey to find myself. I was a woman in the 21st century, I didn’t need to depend on a man or need a man in my life to feel complete. However, looking at the situation, that seemed to be the case. I knew that Reece was part of my story, but there had to be more. What that was, I didn’t know.

In all reality, I was exactly where I was when I graduated in May, but with a different guy and a lot less stuff. It didn’t really settle well with me, but I did love Reece and I knew I wanted to be with him.

Which led me to the conclusion that I was madly in love, but still a little lost. I was okay with that instead of feeling like an empty shell. It was okay to not know exactly what I wanted, but I couldn’t live in this limbo forever. Why did life feel the need to tease me? Why couldn’t I have it all? Probably because I was being naïve as hell right now and hey, at least I could admit it.

Growing up sucked.

It was mid-week and Reece and I were working opposite shifts. He had just gotten to work to close when I was leaving from the day shift. I had decided to pick up a milkshake because it had been one of those days. It had been a shitty shift. I dropped a plate and it broke in a million pieces. Of course, the whole restaurant went silent, and they all looked at me. I smiled and shrugged as I grabbed a broom to clean it up, even though on the inside all I wanted to do was hide. I had a lady scream at me over the fact she had to be somewhere in twenty minutes and her food took too long. Typical server shit I wasn’t in the mood to deal with. By the time I was done with work, I was actually glad I had the house to myself tonight.

I walked by the same empty building and the ‘For Lease’ standing in the window. I stopped because it was like this empty space was calling me in. I might have had a degree in business, but I didn’t even know where I would begin on opening my own. Was that what I wanted to do? The idea was appealing, more so than others. It would be my own, my place and my story. And honestly, it still seemed like a lot right now. Maybe one day.

After getting home, I grabbed my laptop and started to do a little bit of research on permits and opening a business. It was a little daunting and I didn’t have a huge idea about what it would be. After searching and reading for an hour, I was overwhelmed. My email dinged and I opened it up to see a new message from Daniel.

Dear Sister Who Does Not Drive Me Crazy,

Mom called me about your apartment burning down. Shitty deal, June. Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped you. Mom and Dad are worried about you and aren’t too happy you are living with a boy, but they said it is just temporary and that he is a coworker? Is he really or is there more? I worry about you, June, but I know you’re strong and I won’t try to interfere. I can’t say the same for the parentals and Michelle is too involved in her own life to care.

I just got back into town after backpacking through British Colombia with some friends. Mom says I have to come home for at least one holiday. Which one will you be at so I am not fending off Mom and Dad alone? Thanksgiving would work better for me, but I can swing either one.

Anyways, after Mom called I received an email from my friend who is living in South America, Jenny. Remember her? The brunette I spent time with in Seattle when she lived here? You met her once when you came to visit. She sent me some information about an opportunity. She wanted me to go down there and help with her non-profit she works with that helps families in communities become self-sustaining and work toward having fair trade businesses. I would love to go down, but I don’t have enough time to take off without losing my job and I need to replenish my savings before I head off to travel again. So I sent her your information. And she loved you. She wants you to come down and spend six months beginning of the year. You would be back by July. She is located in Chili so you would be based there, but traveling over most of the country. Since you don’t have really any worldly possessions accept for your car I figured it would be perfect timing. Don’t have to worry about your stuff or your place. She is willing to pay you, not a lot, but enough to get by. We can figure something out with your car.

I know, I know, best brother ever. Jenny is looking forward to hearing from you and she needs to know in the next two weeks your decision. Then she can start working on getting paperwork in order and what not. Here is her contact information and the website for where she works.

Love, Daniel, Your Favorite Sibling.

South America. Six Months. And I get paid? Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

I stared at the computer screen as I slowly processed what I had just read. I don’t know for how long, but I did eventually click on the website and took a look.

I had always wanted to travel and it wasn’t a secret the jealousy I had of my brother and his travels. Daniel had attached the original email Jenny had sent him and it had said they were working with a larger community so they needed some temporary help to get it set up and work with the families there.

My first thought was,
Hell yes
! What a great experience and it would be so much fun, plus it would look good on resumes and buy me some more time to figure out my life. My second thought was Reece. Did I want to leave him for an extended period of time? And then I mentally kicked myself because didn’t I just get mad at myself since I felt like I was depending on him? This was my opportunity to be on my own, to figure out who I was. How many times did I hear leaving the country was one of the best things you could do for yourself?

But there was still the little voice in my head saying Reece’s name over and over again. Yes, we loved each other, but in all regards our relationship was still new and would it survive being apart for six months? I didn’t even know how much communication we would have in those six months. If I stayed here, what would I do? Continue to look for jobs I wasn’t interested in? At least this experience might help me figure out what I liked and what I didn’t. And it was there, waiting for me.

A mixture of excitement and dread settled in the pit of my stomach. I glanced at the time. It was six, right when the dinner rush started. I couldn’t text Reece about it. And this was probably something I needed to tell him in person. Or maybe I should wait to tell him, give myself some time to think about it. I had a couple of weeks to figure it out.

I emailed Daniel back saying I would think about it and I would try to come home for Thanksgiving, which was only a couple of weeks away.

The rest of the night I tried to focus on anything else beside the email I had received. I tried to watch TV and read a book, but I couldn’t stop thinking. I made dinner and put the left overs in the fridge for Reece, but then I got depressed about not being with him for six months. I then started to Google information about the non-profit and South America in general and got excited over being in the country. I was so torn right now I was antsy, conflicting thoughts battling in my mind. I needed to get out of the house, so I threw on a jacket, put in my headphones, and blasted Two Door Cinema Club to drown out my thoughts. I ended up walking to Camels Back Park and started up the steep hill. My breath was labored as I hit the top of the hill, the city of Boise splayed out in front of me. In the summer this was one of my favorite places, you see the whole city and all of the trees were full of lush, green leaves. Now with winter taking hold and the leaves gone, the city seemed a little less lush, but still beautiful.

The wind was blowing slightly, making it a bit cooler, but I loved it. The cold air was the quickest way to break through my weighted thoughts, bringing me out of my mind. It was like a step away from everything and focusing on my surroundings.

After sitting in silence for a while, I couldn’t help but think about the opportunity facing me. I could make an old fashioned pros and cons list. The pros were I would get to travel, I would have time to maybe think about the next step, the job sounded like something I would be interested in, I got paid, and Daniel was right about it being perfect timing since I really didn’t have a lot of obligations. I was pretty sure I would have my job back at The Shack, and even if I didn’t I could easily get another serving job.

The cons. Reece.

Fuck. Why was only one variable making this decision so hard? One really hot, sweet, kind, and loving variable was making this decision extremely difficult. And why did I hate myself a little bit over it? I was woman, hear me roar. Unless it was Reece, then I just got all googly eyed over him.

Even as Reece and our new relationship was weighing heavily on my mind, I couldn’t help but think that this was something I should do. I wanted to go. When I came back last summer I had wanted to be my own person, make my own decisions, fill my life with a story that was rich with experience, things that made me happy. This was an experience, a way for me to see the world and learn more about myself.