Finding Acceptance in His Arms (15 page)

Upon
accepting this conclusion as best for the both of them, her heart began
palpitating wildly inside her chest and she became dizzy. A nauseated feeli
ng permeated her stomach. Her knees slowly buckled and she
sank down in the tub under the warm spray of water to sob uncontrollably.

Why
did life have to be so unfair?

He
was the man for her. The only person she’d ever felt completely connected to.

He’d
al
ways exemplified the perfect gentleman and she had
done nothing but continually lie to him like a deceitful bitch.

She
remembered on the first night they’d met how Evan had called her a problem
solver. She strained to come up with a solution to her conundr
um. Underneath the emotional pain consuming her, an idea
presented itself. There
was
a way for them to stay together. An
ideal way, if she could only get him to accept it.

This
little sliver of hope gave her the strength to rise from her despair. All of he
r tears disappeared as her mind raced in a flurry of
activity.

Chapter Nine

“What
made you start writing porn scripts?” Kara asked. She and Evan sat across from
each other in the back corner booth of a trendy donut shop. Although many
customers ste
adily filed in to pick up to-go orders,
there were only a trio
of young women in the dining area along
with them. This trio sat on the other side of the shop so she felt no danger of
them being able to eavesdrop.

Evan,
occupying the seat against the back w
all, took a sip
of his soda and shrugged. “I just thought I could do it. You see, once I
started performing I noticed pretty quickly that all of the scripts we followed
resembled cheesy porn. And since I’d taken a semester of creative writing back
in colle
ge I believed I could come up with something
a little more interesting without compromising the key elements the voyeurs
wanted included within the performances.”

“Of
course you’d think that.” Kara smiled, admiring his self-confidence. So far on
this Thurs
day’s evening date, he’d been talkative and
happy, like he was as pleased as she was with how last night had turned out.
However, as of yet, he hadn’t brought the subject up. And neither had she. The
mood was so relaxed between them that she didn’t want to
do anything to ruin it. But, of course, at some point during this date
she wanted to discuss it, as well as a few other things. Although presently,
basking in the glory of all that made him spectacular was perfectly fine with
her.

“Why
all the sudden
interest in my writing? That’s the
second time this evening that you’ve brought it up. If I didn’t know any better
I’d think you have designs on taking my job. So what gives?”

She
made sure her face displayed open honesty. “I assure you that I don’t have t
he talent or the inclination to be a writer. I’m just
curious about you. You seem to be one of those people with a lot of hidden
talents. Most people, if they possessed only half of your talents, would be
promoting themselves on the Internet to no end.”

Ev
an frowned. “Fame isn’t worth anything to me. That’s why
you won’t find me on the Internet. I don’t want to get famous, to then wake up
one day down the road to find out no one cares about what I have to offer any
longer. I think that would be the most awf
ul thing
ever. Because I’m certain fame, like heroin, is very addictive. And I’m not
looking to get addicted to any kind of drug that I may not be able to get
tomorrow. I’m smarter than that.”

“That’s
makes sense, I suppose.” And she thought it did. It als
o lent a bleak outlook on her career as an up-and-coming mainstream
actress. She couldn’t help wondering how she’d deal with it if she didn’t
achieve stardom like she’d envisioned. Or even worse, achieved it for only a
short spell and then had to go back t
o working in
advertising. She couldn’t keep her doubts and fears about the future from
showing.

Regret
immediately plastered Evan’s face. “Hey, that’s just my opinion of fame, and my
opinion is suited specifically to my wants and needs, so what I think isn
’t worth too much. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t put
any stock in it at all. You can have a wonderful and fulfilling career in the
adult industry. I’m certain of it. I never meant to imply it wouldn’t work out
for you just fine. I personally just don’
t want fame
and all the bullshit that goes along with it. That’s what I meant to say.”

“How
do you know it will work out for me?” She needed to know this most of all now.

“Well,
if it doesn’t, I’ll be extremely shocked. Because I’m going to pull every stri
ng I can for you after you come through for me on Saturday.
And I’ll have you know that I’m friends with some very influential people in
the industry. You’ll be on movie posters. I guarantee it. And you will become
rich and famous. So disregard everything
I said a
moment ago.”

“Okay.”
She forced all of her doubts and fears aside to make her mind return to her
original question. “Now please finish your story about how you got into writing
porn scripts? I’d really like to hear it.”

“Well,
after thinking I cou
ld do it, I mentioned my wanting
to write a script to Trevor. You remember him from Tuesday night, don’t you?”

“Yes.
I won’t forget my night in the house of slaves if I live to be a thousand.”

Evan
chuckled. “Nice description of Trevor’s place, indeed. Tho
ugh you wouldn’t guess it from looking at his apartment,
he’s worth millions, along with his brother Brian. Brian runs the day-to-day
operations of their porn empire but Trevor is actually the wizard behind the
curtain. He’s the one who got them started in
porn
back in the day. He’s also a freaking genius when it comes to marketing their
movies.”

“I
see.”

“Anyway,
after I asked, Trevor gave me the specifics of what the patrons wanted in their
next performance and I wrote it up. He was very happy with it, so
he made the pitch for me. The patrons loved it. He then
encouraged me to write a movie. I did and he made it into a very successful
feature film. I was blown away by my good fortune.”

“Success
happened pretty fast for you, huh?”

“Yeah,
it kind of did. Sometimes I wonder if I’d still be engineering if my co-worker
at the firm where I used to work hadn’t needed an alibi to keep his marriage
intact. Or if my sister Bethany hadn’t gotten sick would I have eventually
asked my co-worker
to help me get into the business
out of sheer curiosity. Or, what if my co-worker wouldn’t have returned the
favor by introducing me to Brian and Trevor so they could take a liking to me
and invite me to join their family?”

Evan
took a sip of his drink a
nd glanced around the donut
shop. “When I think of all the positive things that happened for me it’s
mind-boggling. Except for Bethany getting sick, I can only describe the last
few years of my life as a series of fortuitous accidents. Any one thing having
been different and I might never have taking up performing
and finally writing.”

“Some
people have all the luck, I suppose.” Kara couldn’t keep the awe off her face.

“Yeah,”
Evan said in a low voice, “I’ve been really lucky. But I would gladly go back
to
engineering and leading a normal life without a
moment’s hesitation if it would keep Bethany from ever having gotten sick. The
chemo treatments were brutal on her body. By the time the cancer was eradicated
she looked like a skeleton and had lost all of he
r
hair. I couldn’t even shave my head along with her for emotional support
because I needed my hair to keep getting the callbacks. It was a tough ordeal.
But she made it through it and is perfectly healthy now. That’s the most
important thing to me these d
ays.”

“I’m
very sorry that happened to her.”

“Me
too,” Evan whispered. Then, all of a sudden, he brightened up. “Would you like
to meet her?”

“You
want to introduce me to your sister?” The hope of their having a future
together filled Kara’s heart to near
bursting.

“That’s
what I said.” He appeared confident and sure of his asking.

“In
that case, I would love to meet your sister.” If not for the underlying guilt
stemming from her deception, this forthcoming evolution in their relationship
would have been pe
rfect.

“Good.”
He grinned. “She called me this morning and asked if I would stop by to see her
tonight. That she has something she needs to talk to me about. She’s kind of
high-strung since her ordeal, but it shouldn’t take over thirty minutes for me
to so
rt out whatever emotional dilemma she thinks
she’s in. There’s somewhere I’d like to take you afterward.”

“Count
me in.”

“Great.”
Excitement dominated his eyes. “And just so you know, you’re going to be blown
away by what I have planned for us later tonigh
t.”

“Is
it another public exhibition?”

He
smirked. “You wish. After last night I was thinking of something a little more
intimate than public masturbation.”

The
words ‘a little more intimate’ echoed in Kara’s ears. She discreetly licked her
lips as her jui
ces started to flow. The thought of
telling him about her successful training exercise this morning crossed her
mind, but before she could bolster the courage to speak up, a hot flush of
embarrassment enveloped her face. She glanced around the shop to offs
et it.

In
doing this, she noticed the trio of young girls on the opposite side of the
shop looking her way. One of the girls, a pretty brunette, waved.

She
waved back and the girls went back to their sodas and pastries, giggling
happily.

Dismissing
the
girls as only being friendly, Kara returned to
courting the happiness in Evan’s eyes. It overflowed onto her to encapsulate
them inside a protective bubble. She suddenly felt like any confession of
wrongdoing on her part would be easily forgiven by him now
. She decided to test this belief before she could talk
herself out of it.

“You
know something? This has been the most exciting week of my life so far.”

“Has
it now?” Evan took a sip of his drink, the happiness in his eyes growing more
intense.

“It
certain
ly has.” Kara became determined to see this
confession to its inevitable conclusion and not let anything stand in her way.
“You know, before meeting you, I never liked being Kara Gibson. I always wanted
to be someone—”

“Excuse
us? Miss Karan Gibbs? Can we
have your autograph?” a
soft, feminine voice interrupted. The trio of young women now stood in a
semi-circle around Kara.

“Do
what?” Kara mumbled, shocked to the core at these strangers addressing her by
her stage name. She glanced up in growing horror at
the
girls, at Evan, and then once again at the girls.

“I’m
Claire, and these are my friends, Tina and Jess,” the brunette said. “We all
went to see your award-winning plays
The Lonely Room
in Chicago last year and
Last
Chance Winner
in New York a few month
s ago. We’re so excited that
you’re going to start filming your first movie in New Zealand soon. We can
hardly wait to see it.”

“Uh-uh-uh.”
Kara glanced at Evan again, fearing he
would quickly connect the dots.

“Yes,
Miss Karan Gibbs. Please take a few mom
ents to sign
autographs for your adoring fans,” Evan prompted. From his indulgent
countenance it was apparent that he believed the trio suffered from a case of
mistaken identity.

Kara
smiled beautifully. “Of course, I’d love to. Do you have paper and pen?”

“We’re
always packing.” The pretty brunette withdrew a small spiral bound notepad and
pen from her purse. She quickly handed both over. “We know you’re from Atlanta
originally before you moved to Chicago three years ago. Now you live in New
York. I’ve alw
ays told Jess and Tina here,” the
brunette shoulder-bumped both of her friends from her standing position in the
center, “that you would finally come back to visit Atlanta and if luck were on
our side that we would somehow get to meet you. To think it’s in
a donut shop is almost surreal. People won’t ever believe
us. We almost went across the street for ice cream instead.”

“What
a coincidence. We almost went across the street for ice cream but changed our
minds too. So this must be fate.” Kara said this to
be
personable. “Now who do I address this first one to? Claire, isn’t it?”

“Yes,
it’s Claire.” The brunette nodded, sneaking a smile at each of her friends.

Kara
spoke as she scribbled. “Claire, may luck always be on your side, Karan Gibbs.”

“Thank
you! Th
ank you! Thank you!” Claire gushed once the
pad was handed back over.

“And
what is your name?” Kara asked the friend on the left. This girl was blonde
with a thin face and wasn’t quite as pretty as the brunette.