Fight for Love (21 page)

Dr. Greenberg figured being away from the house and Dave played a larger role in my newfound control than the calming techniques she suggested. I thought both helped. The calming techniques helped more so because I knew I had something to fall back on. Not being around Dave just made my life easier. If only the nagging guilt I felt for leaving Mom with him would go away.
 

The day before yesterday we went over-time discussing Mom and my guilty conscience. I decided it was time for me to go home and see her. In the end, Dr. Greenberg agreed with me. Now I had to tell Stacey.
 

We sat at the card table eating dinner, and I knew it was time to let Stacey know my decision. “I’m going home.”
 

Stacey choked on her food. “Why?”
 

“Dave’s been stopping by the store. Today was the third time this week. I’m worried about Mom.”

“Are you sure about this? You’re just now gaining confidence when it comes to controlling your anger. Going back to such a volatile environment isn’t going to help you. Besides, Dave’s out for blood. You know that as well as I do. If you go back there he’s not going to give you a break. In fact, he’s probably cleaning the mat for you now.”

“I know. I’ve thought about all of that, but Mom’s been there by herself for a while now. I haven’t called her, seen her, or checked on her. I feel like a failure most days. She could be hurt and I’d never know. Dave’s not going to call me if he hurts her. I talked to Dr. Greenberg and she agrees with me.” I scrubbed my hand down my face.
 
“I know what can happen, but it’s something I have to do. She’s still my mom. It’s been four months. I graduate soon, and then I’m gone. I have no intentions of returning home after that. This is the last time I’ll see her. After I’m away Dave won’t hold anything back, he knows I won’t find out. That scares the shit out of me.
 

“I need to do this for me as much as I need to do it for her. I’m prepared for Dave. Stacey, please tell me you understand. While I’m there I’ll still need your help. I want to keep seeing you. Please.”

“Why for you, Luke? What will you get out of moving home?” Stacey sat her fork down, pushed her plate away, and rested her clasped hands on the table. “And if I say that no, I don’t understand, what then?”

“It won’t change the fact that I’m going home, but I don’t know what it means for you and I since I have a feeling if I leave and you don’t agree with it, then you won’t be very willing to see me.” I didn’t answer her question about what I’d get out of moving home. There weren’t words for what I’d get out of it, it was a gut feeling.
 

Dr. Greenberg and I hadn’t talked about how Stacey would react. But I’d thought about it. After my more recent visit with Dr. Greenberg I spent my time determining how I’d feel if Stacey and I broke things off because of my choice to go home. I needed to figure out if Stacey would hold more clout than my mom. In the end, I knew who’d win the battle. My mom. I couldn’t abandon her to Dave. When it came to her, I couldn’t deny I was more talk than bite.
 

Dating Stacey had been amazing. She and I had fun, and I wasn’t done exploring the possibilities of our relationship
 

“Where are you planning on going to school?” Stacey asked.

The rapid change of subject brought me out of my own thoughts. “I’ve applied a couple of places. I’d like to stay here and go to TSU. Maybe get enough aid to cover room and board. That way I can stay on at the store and be near you. Besides if I’m here and anything did happen to Mom, I’d be able to get to her quickly.”

Stacey tapped her fingers on the table. “So, if you plan on staying in town anyway, why do you feel like you have to move home now?”

I didn’t have a response for that.
 
“I don’t know.”

Stacey slid her chair back and slapped her legs before standing. “Whatever. Do what you’ve got to do.”

“Stace, wait.”

“Wait for what, Luke? For you to get kicked out of your house and come back here? Or would you rather I wait for your stepfather to beat the living shit out of you?” She tapped her chin. “Oh. I know. Why don’t I wait for you to get your head out of your ass and realize going home isn’t the answer? You could just pick up the phone and call her. Hell, stop by the house and see her. But you don’t have to move home.” Stacey threw her hands in the air. “Never mind. Just forget it. You’re going to do what you want to do anyway. It doesn’t matter what I say. You’ve got this all figured out. You and Lissa…go home Luke.”

I didn’t know what to say. Her words were full of anger, but her eyes held another emotion. Emotions weren’t my strong point, but I wasn’t an idiot. The glistening in her eyes wasn’t from the right lighting. Tears. I didn’t know how to handle these tears.
 
There was a good chance I lover her, or could lover her. But my mom needed me. No matter what I did, someone was going to get hurt. Mom or Stacey. There was no question I’d be hurt. My only decision was whether or not it’d be emotional hurt, physical pain, or both. Probably both.
 

Stacey stayed in her room the rest of the night. I hung out on the couch finishing up homework and watching TV.
 

Having a roommate was better than I expected. It wasn’t like being at home with Mom and Dave always walking on eggshells, hoping I didn’t say or do something that would push Dave beyond his limits. We split the dishes and cleaning up. Stacey never pushed about where I’d been or about my plans for the day. Even dating and living together didn’t cause problems. Neither of us were the clingy type, so we didn’t push the other to spend all of their time at home.
 

Stacey didn’t have many girlfriends, but she tried to get out once a week with them. When she came home she’d give me the Reader’s Digest version. No complaints here, girl talk still sent me running.
 

The next morning I stood over the sink rinsing my bowl trying to figure out how to deal with everything. Warm arms wrapped around my waist and Stacey buried her head in my back. I dried my hands off and rubbed her arm.
 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
 

“You don’t need to apologize. I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

Stacey backed up giving me room to turn and face her. “And?”

“And, I don’t know yet. You’re right I could just call her or go see her, but there’s more to it. She needs to get away from him and I need to finish things with him. He has to leave me alone.”

“Luke, you know your mom isn’t going to leave him because you’re coming home. Right?”

“She has to. She can’t keep living with him.” My voice rose, not in anger but frustration. Why didn’t she understand why it was so important for me to go home?

Stacey closed the distance between us and pulled me to her. She tilted my chin down and placed a feather light kiss on my lips. “You do what you’ve got to do, Luke. But I can’t sit around and hope that you figure things out before you get hurt. I know we never wanted anything more than an easygoing relationship, but it’s more than that to me. I’m falling hard for you.” Then she walked out. No goodbye, not a word. She pulled her purse off the table and left.
 

Her admission knocked the air out of my lungs. I braced myself with my hands on my knees taking in deep breaths and releasing them slowly. Stacey thought my mom wouldn’t leave and she was falling for me. Holy hell.

I didn’t know what else to do or say, and Stacey was gone, so I packed my things and followed through with my plan. I left.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Half an hour later I walked through the front door. No one met me at the stairs or called out to see who was there. I glanced at my watch, two-thirty Saturday afternoon, I had no idea how long I’d have before one or both of them came home. Upstairs my room was the same as I’d left it. It amazed me that everything wasn’t replaced with free weights or something stupid like that. I figured Dave would have taken over the room as soon as possible. Maybe Mom hoped I’d come home and convinced him to leave my room alone.
 

Who was I kidding? Ever since we’d moved here Mom lost all of her independence and determination. I flung myself on the bed and lay with my hands behind my head staring at the ceiling. “Luke?” Mom’s voice jolted me off the bed. The red light on my clock flashed five fifteen. I’d fallen asleep.

“Luke.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

“Yeah. I’m in my room.” I brushed my hair down with my hands and moved towards the door.
 

The first thing I saw when she walked in was the black and blue circle around her eye. On instinct I lifted my hand to her face but she pulled back. “You have to leave, Mom. He won’t stop doing this to you.”

Mom patted my hand. “Oh honey, this was just an accident. Dave didn’t mean to hurt me.”

I choked out a laugh. “An accident? You have got to be kidding me. Dave didn’t
accidently
introduce your eye to his fist.”

“Luke. That’s no way to talk about your father.”

“Oh fuck no. He is NOT my father.” That’s when my entire body lit up with fury. I clamped my eyes closed trying to remember the techniques Dr. Greenberg and I worked on every week. My anger went beyond counting backwards from ten. I shook with rage. Between clenched teeth I spoke to my mom, pausing between each word, doing my damndest to keep from lashing out. “Get. Out.”

“You will not talk to me like that. Nor will you order me out of your room, young man. I don’t know why you left home or where you’ve been, but you left on your own. You will remember the rules of this house.”

Now she stood up to someone. To me no less. I turned my back to her, unable to open my eyes and see the fierceness I recognized as hers. She’d show it to me, but not to Dave. That I couldn’t handle. I knew I’d lose the tiny sliver of control I’d maintained to that point.
 

“Please. I need a minute.”
 

“Fine. Dinner will be ready in half an hour. I expect you to eat with Dave and me. Now that you’re back, I’ll warn you. Things are changing. You won’t be able to be the free spirit you were before. That’s the punishment for leaving like you did.”

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. My hands throbbed and a headache settled in behind my temples from clenching my jaw. Tears fell down my cheeks. I didn’t think, just walked down both sets of stairs to the basement.
 

The heavy bag hung from the ceiling in front of me, motionless. I threw a right hook, then left, then right, and left again. Thirty minutes later sweat stung my eyes and slid down my back. Mom stood at the bottom of the stairs with her arms across her chest.
 

“Dinner is ready. Luke, please come eat with us.”

“I can’t right now.” I didn’t look at her. She didn’t deserve my attention. I kept swinging, not missing a punch as the bag swung back in my direction.

“Please.”

I heard Dave’s voice bellow down the stairwell. “Jocelyn, leave him alone and get up here. He’s not worth your worry.”

That was it. Looked like this was going to be a very short trip home. No chance in hell would I stay here and not kill Dave. I stopped thrusting my punches at the bag. “Why do you let him talk to you like that?”

“He’s concerned about me. He knows how upset I was when you didn’t come back home. He doesn’t want that to happen again.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

She shook her head. “No. Now I’m going to eat. I hope you will join us.”

“Not a chance that’s going to happen.” I mumbled and repositioned myself in front of the bag. This time I started with my left foot.

I was leaving, but I had to work out my aggression and make a plan. My pride wouldn’t allow me to run back to Stacey the same day I left. If she’d ever let me back, then I’d have to go to her knowing what I wanted to do. No more confusion, no more indecision. Stacey deserved better than that.
 

I grabbed a hold of the bag just as a foot connected with the back of my thighs.
 

“What the fuck?” I growled as I turned around. Dave stood in fighting stance hopping from one foot to the other.
 

“Come on, boy. Let’s me and you get this over with,” Dave snarled.

“So that’s how it’s going to be. You plan on beating the shit out of me and then I’ll run away and be out of your hair for good?”

“That wasn’t my plan, but it works. So…yeah.” He shrugged his shoulders.
 

Dave sidestepped his way to me and swung with his right. I ducked, but not soon enough to miss the whoosh of air go over the top of my head. No pulling his throws this time. I came up with an uppercut to his stomach, barely missing when he adjusted a step back. We went back and forth for a while. I surprised myself with how long I’d lasted. After working my muscles to mush before he came down for my ass kicking, I didn’t think I’d be able to go toe to toe for long.
 

Of course I distracted myself with my own thoughts and Dave managed to tag me in the jaw snapping my head back. Dazed, I swung blind and landed a blow to his shoulder. Once my punches started connection, Dave came up with a foot to my ribs. I’m not sure what happened next because the only thing I remembered was seeing black and landing on the mat hard enough to knock the wind from my lungs.
 

I awoke to sirens and flashing lights. Muffled voices added to the confusion and my body hurt all over. With the little energy I had on reserve I tried lifting my arm, but a rough hand pushed it down. My eyes fluttered between open and closed. At last the wires and beeping noises pulled my attention from the pain I felt to where I was, in the back of an ambulance. That explained the bumping and lights.
 

“What the hell?” My voice sounded raspy even to me. I cleared my throat and spoke up when no one acknowledged me. “Would someone please tell me what the fuck happened?”

Some guy I couldn’t see thanks to the chick in front of me spoke. The chick had my wrist in her hand while she looked at her watch. “Ahh you’re awake. Great. But I need you to stay calm, okay buddy?”