Fight for Love (20 page)

“What happened with your brother? I mean, does he still have problems? Was it the divorce that set him off? You seemed pretty pissed a minute ago. Why?”

“He’s better. I think it was the divorce, but I don’t know for sure. He didn’t really talk to me much even after he started seeing Dr. Smith. Thinking about my parents and Cody pisses me off. I want to blame them for what happened, but then I feel guilty. Cody turned into a complete jackass, so I get mad at him too. We talk sometimes, but not very often.”

Maybe there was hope for me after all.
 
Knowing her brother was better now helped. It gave me something to work towards. I could, no I would, control the anger.
 

I stood up and gave her a hug, a long hug.
 
There weren’t words I was comfortable using to express my thoughts. “Thank you.”

She hesitated but finally hugged me back. “You don’t hate me?”

“Nope.”

“You’re something else, Luke. I don’t know the girl lucky enough to have you, but if she ever lets you go. Well, I’ll still be here.”
 

Chelsea walked out to my car with me, and I felt like she and I finally understood each other. From now on her come-ons wouldn’t bother me somehow. I knew she wouldn’t stop, but that was fine with me.
 

On the way back to Stacey’s place I replayed my visit. I still felt alone and scared. Scared that the void Stacey filled in my heart would soon return. That fear led to another revelation and damn if I wasn’t tired of those. I loved Stacey. Loved her like I’d never loved a person before.

If only she could love me back after the way I treated her.

Stacey’s car sat in its usual spot. The little VW bug hid in the shadows of the night. I pulled in next to it and waited. For what, I wasn’t sure. This time when I shook, it wasn’t from anger or embarrassment. Okay, maybe a little bit of anger, but not as it had been hours before. I was about to do the one thing I’d never dreamed of doing.
 

The green numbers on the clock illuminated the car, and I counted as the minutes passed. One then two, finally five minutes passed and I knew I had to go inside.
 

“Hey,” Stacey said when I walked in. Her voice was distant, subdued.
 

“Hey.” I looked at her before continuing to the couch where she watched TV, waiting for some indication she’d talk to me.
 
The unknown sucked. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t know, Luke.” Her eyes stayed glued to the TV.

If I had to get on my knees and beg her to listen to me, I would. “Please Stacey. I fucked up. I know and I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. You didn’t deserve the way I snapped at you. I know you were only trying to help me. It’s just that I was embarrassed and mad and damn it…”

Every step I took felt like one step closer to my entire world falling apart. Before moving in here and getting the job at the store everything I did was impulsive, spur of the moment, and I didn’t care who I hurt in the process. Now, people cared about me. If I acted without thinking someone ended up hurt. Today Stacey got hurt and that ripped my heart in two, and I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. When I reached where she sat I fell to my knees in front of her.
 

“Baby…” Her hand shot into the air stopping me cold.
 

“No. You don’t get to call me baby. I know you’re sorry and I understand why you reacted the way you did. But it doesn’t mean your words didn’t hurt. You made me feel like shit. You’re right. I did want to help you. You needed comfort and I was there to give it to you. Instead you yelled at me and ran to Chelsea. How do you think I’m going to react to that? Did you believe you could come in and crawl to me on your knees with apologies and I’d open my arms for you?”

Yeah, I kind of had, or at least hoped.
 
“No, I didn’t. Do you know why I went to Chelsea’s?”

“Honestly? I have no clue. I thought after what I told you, she was the last person you’d have gone to when you needed someone.” Tears welled up in her eyes, her voice cracked, and my chest tightened until I couldn’t breathe. If I didn’t explain it well enough for her to understand, then I’d lose Stacey. My rock, my angel—gone. I took a deep breath.
 

“I went to Chelsea’s because I didn’t care what she thought about me. I didn’t care if she thought I was a pussy for crying. None of that mattered to me. But it matters what you think. Before you go off on how I should know you well enough to know you wouldn’t pass judgment, let me say this. I know you wouldn’t, but it doesn’t change anything. There are three people in this world that care about me. Three. One of those three knows more about me than anyone I know, my mother included. Who do you think that person is?” I lifted her chin with my finger and held her gaze. My voice lowered. I didn’t want to yell at her, but I needed her to know how serious I was. “It’s you. You are the one person that knows everything about my mom, about Dave, and what I’m scared of the most.”

“Don’t forget Chelsea knows what scares you,” she whispered.
 

“No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t know any of it.” Stacey looked up at me, her brow furrowed. “I didn’t tell her anything. We listened to music and talked about her brother for three and a half hours, that’s it.
 
I needed a place to cool off and since you had to finish working I didn’t want to come here and be by myself.”

Stacey’s hands were clasped in her lap. I lifted them and gently kissed her knuckles. She slumped against the back of the couch. “You really didn’t tell her?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t want to. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn’t ask you to leave work, especially after the way I treated you.”

We stayed like that in silence. Stacey had to make the next move. I apologized and told her the truth about everything.
 

“I’m going to bed. This is too much to handle right now, and I’m still pissed at you.”
 

I pushed off the floor and stood up. I whispered good night as Stacey walked past then closed myself in the spare bedroom.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“Stacey, what are you doing?” She’d avoided me all day. Call it insecure, childish, whatever. I needed to know what she was thinking.
 

“Your laundry. You live like a pig. I can’t believe your mom allowed this.”

“She didn’t. Look, you don’t have to do this; I’ll take care of it.”

“Don’t you have to go to work?” I thought maybe we could joke and flirt, but the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.
 

“You’re still mad.”

She threw my favorite pair of jeans in the washer. “Yep.”

“Is there anything I can say that’ll help you forgive me?”

The laundry basket fell to the floor with a thud and Stacey held herself up with the washer. She spoke to the wall. “I’m trying Luke. You don’t make it any easier. First you yell at me, and then you run off to Chelsea. I understand why you yelled; we talked about that last night. And yes, you told me why you went to Chelsea. The problem is you don’t seem to understand how difficult it is for me to just look past that.

“I told you I have issues. You knew what you did would piss me off. If you hadn’t know, you wouldn’t have come home ready to beg for forgiveness.”

She waved me off. “Just get to work. Your laundry will be done when you get home.”
 

“Can we go out tonight and talk? Please?” Stacey had to understand that Chelsea meant nothing more to me than a friend. Somehow I needed to make her see where I was coming from. After my blow up in the office it embarrassed me to go to Stacey. How could I turn to her for support when I’d just yelled at her?

“Fine. But we eat here. Now go to work.”

I hustled out the door. I had five minutes to make the ten-minute drive to work. In the last week I’d been late three of the five days they scheduled me. My boss warned me if I kept it up they’d fire me. He wasn’t all that convincing, but I didn’t want to risk it.
 

Recently she started letting me help out with the bills. I pitched in half of the rent and utilities and we traded off on groceries.
 

Lucky for me when I drove up the street to the store, the closest parking spot was empty. I whipped into it, shut off the car and ran through the front door. I’d made the ten-minute drive in exactly six minutes and thirty-five seconds. A smile spread across my face and I wiped the sweat off my forehead. Joe, one of the cashier guys, guffawed at my entrance.
 

“Late again.”

“I know. Anyone here?”

“It’s your lucky day, they left twenty minutes ago. Jim told me to let him know if you showed up late. What do you think I should do?”

“That’s easy. Keep your damn mouth shut, or I’ll tell them about your smoke breaks. We both know you aren’t smoking cigarettes.” Joe’s cheeks faded from pasty white to cherry red.
 
It made my day seeing him squirm.

The hours passed without trouble or too much business. I stretched on the stool and glanced at the clock, halfway through my shift. Once I finished my shift, I’d stop and grab some food, a movie, and maybe Stacey and I could talk, then curl up on the couch and chill.
 

I thought we’d have pizza, but I wanted to do something special. Making up seemed easier if you included a little romance. If I ordered pizza I’d lose the romance, but what should I get to take home? My heart jumped into my throat when Stacey agreed to dinner and I didn’t want to screw things up more by not being thoughtful with the food choice.
 

An idea came to me. “Hey man, you know any place around here I can order a killer dinner?”
 

Joe rubbed his chin. “You mean like gourmet take out?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

With an hour left I ordered dinner and downloaded a movie from Netflix. Joe made his way back from his break and I prepped the store for closing; dusting shelves, straightening cases, wiping down windows. I’d just finished the last window when the bells on the front door chimed. He marched in. My heart pounded hard enough to jump out of my chest. Dave never even acknowledged Joe.
 

“You need to come home.” His fingers tapped the counter.

I threw a paper towel in the trashcan. “No. We’ve had this conversation before. I’m not coming back and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”

“Why not? Your mom misses you. She wants you to come home.”

“Then she can call and talk to me. I don’t have to put up with your MMA bull shit, which is why I’m not coming back.”

He cracked his knuckles and flexed his fists. “We could settle this right here.”

“We could, or I could have Joe,” I flicked my hand in Joe’s direction, “Call the cops for attempted assault. I’d prefer your ass sitting in jail for the night.”
 

Dave lowered his eyes and took a step back. “Not here, not now. But soon. Soon you will come crawling back to the house and you and I will discuss this. I hope you’ve been keeping up on your workouts because you’re going to need them.”

“Not likely. Have a great day asshole.”

Joe looked at me while he rolled his next “smoke” between his fingers. “Who was that?”

“That would be my stepfather. Don’t ask what he was doing, I won’t talk about it.”

The clock punched my time card and Joe locked up so I could pick up dinner. Stacey sat at the table working on homework. Her hair was pulled up in two ponytails, one on each side. She had on one of my sweatshirts and a pair of her shorts. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, even dressed like she’d just crawled out of bed.

“What did you bring to eat?” She looked up from her books.

“Huh uh. You’re going to have to open it up and see.” I went to the table and started pulling to-go boxes out of the plastic bag.
 

I lined everything up side by side so Stacey could open them one at a time. She didn’t like surprises and she was very picky about her food. Not so much with what she’d eat, but how the food was arranged on her plate. Nothing could touch and she placed everything in a circle in the order she planned to eat. When she ate, she ate in a clockwise circle. Very peculiar for most, but to me it made her that much more fascinating.
 

Joe recommended an Italian restaurant on the South side of town that stayed open later and had pick-up. Our menu consisted of chicken Parmesan with a side of fettuccini and seasonal vegetables. I didn’t want the veggies, but Stacey liked them so I took ‘em.
 

With each box Stacey opened her eyes grew wider and her mouth dropped lower. “Oh my God, Luke. This looks and smells delicious.”

“I’m glad. I wanted to do something nice for you.”

She turned and the look on her face scared me. No longer a joyful smile, but a frown. Her eyes arched in a scowl. Me…clueless.
 

“Is this because of last night?”

Busted.
 
“Maybe, a little. But not totally. I did want to have a nice dinner with you.”
 

“I know. Luke, I forgive you for yelling at me. But it will take more than one day to forgive the rest.” I started to speak, but she held up her hand. “That doesn’t mean there’s a problem with us. It just means I’ll be wary, which isn’t anything new for me. Okay?”

I nodded, not convinced. “I guess.” I’d take what I could get.
 

“Good, let’s eat. I’m not letting this food go to waste.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I didn’t tell Stacey about Dave’s visit or the next two after that. They’d all been within the last week. She didn’t need to worry about something else, and I wanted to focus on her. Not me.
 

The problem was I wanted to talk to someone about it. So I went to the professional, Dr. Greenberg. We spent at least one session talking about him, and how I handled it when he showed up at work. My improvement impressed her, I think. I no longer felt the undeniable need to lash out at someone or something.