Fight for Love (8 page)

“What questions can I answer?” She walked to her chair.

“Is there a name for what happens to me? An explanation for why I’m always fighting this urge to hit someone or something?”

Dr. Greenberg scooted forward in her chair and rested her chin on her steepled hands. “Yes, I think there is.

“So I can stop it?”

“Maybe.”

I slumped back onto the cushions of the couch. “But you aren’t going to tell me?”

“It’s not that. I want to help you, but before we take that next step I need to do a little more research, learn a little more. You need to learn more, too. If it’s what I think it is, then you’re going to have to come to terms with some areas of your life you prefer to avoid.” I started to say something but Dr. Greenberg held a finger to her lips.
 

“I know you don’t tell me everything. I know you hold back. If you want my help you have to tell me everything.”

“I do tell you everything.” Everything I wanted her to know anyway.

“Really?” Her voice rose and she slanted her head to the side. “I suppose you want to tell me why you’re favoring your right shoulder and where the black eye came from?”

Nope, wasn’t planning on it. “I talked to Chelsea today. She said something that made me think maybe I’m not crazy and I’m not an asshole.”

“Chelsea?”

“Yeah, I told you about her yesterday. She saw my fight and went to the station to talk to Belmont.”

“Ahh yes. What did she have to say?”

“She said I act like her brother and there’s a way to help me.”
 

Dr. Greenberg placed her pen on the desk next to the yellow notepad she used for taking notes and released a sigh. When I looked at her, really looked, I saw the black circles forming just under her eyes. I hadn’t noticed them before and wondered what could keep her from sleeping. Assuming of course the rings were from lack of sleep and not something like a beating from someone. People often mistook Mom’s black eyes for extreme fatigue.
 

“Did she tell you what it was?”

“No, just that she could help me. Can she? Help me, I mean?” I leaned forward, hoping, wanting to believe there was a cure for whatever my problem was.

Dr. Greenberg took so long to answer I wasn’t sure she’d let me stay much longer. I watched the second hand on the clock make its way around once, twice, three times then braced my hands on either side and pushed myself off the couch. She’d never avoided my questions in the past, no matter how much the truth hurt. I had to keep hope alive. With Dave at home I had very little hope left, there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d let go that quickly.
 

“Luke, sit down.” She gestured with her finger.

“No, I’d rather you not tell me that there isn’t any prospect of me finding answers. I’m at my wits end right now and that would tip the scales. I don’t want to hurt you or Stacey.”

“I said sit down. I’m not done talking to you.” Her voice was sharp.

“How do you do that?” I asked at the same time I followed her command and returned to the couch.

“Do what?” She sounded put out with me.

“Order me around. Anyone else who does that pisses me off, but not you.”

“I don’t know. If I had to speculate, though, I’d say it’s because you trust me. That and I don’t force you to do anything that goes against your instincts. It’s not a challenge either.” I thought about that for a moment and nodded. “As I said before, yes there is a chance to help straighten things out for you.”

I sat up and listened. “And.”

She sat back, crossing one leg over the other. Her clasped hands rested on top of her knee. “Okay. I’ve spent some time with my colleagues the last couple of weeks. We’ve evaluated everything and have come to a plausible diagnosis.”

My heart raced, my hands became clammy, and I took a deep breath. She deflected the first time I asked, but this time it seemed like she’d answer. My persistence paid off and I’d have an answer. Maybe I’d be able to do something with my future if I knew how to control this rage. Dr. Greenberg flipped through her yellow notepad. The makings of a knot began low in my gut, this was supposed to be good, and yet, everything screamed the opposite.
 

The heel of my foot tapped the floor in anticipation. “Why do you keep holding back? Can’t you just tell me?”

“Yes, but you have to understand that this is something I’m not all that familiar with. It will take both of us, Luke. You have to be honest with me at all times if I’m going to help you. I’m here to help you. You understand that, correct?” I hesitated then nodded. Could I really tell her everything? Including the shit I put up with from Dave? “Now is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Luke, I know there’s more going on with you and Dave, and I know you refuse to tell me. Family abuse is my specialty. I recognize the bruises you come in with and the way you carry yourself when you’re in pain. You think you hide it and from most, you probably do. But not from me. You know I called CPS.”

Yeah, I knew. The night of and day after were hell for me. “Since you knew and called them, why didn’t you press harder when they didn’t do anything?”

“Because you’re the one that lied. You gave them the out, Luke. Why did you do that? ”

Mom. I did everything for her. Even sent CPS off, they would have taken me. I could have finished high school without dealing with Dave. He would have been investigated and sent to jail like he should have been. But no, I sent them away. I convinced the lady that my bruises Dr. G saw came from working out. I thought they’d ask more questions, but they didn’t.
 

“You want my help, and to get that I need you to be open and honest with me. This is something that needs to be said up front. Otherwise, I have to recommend you to one of my partners.”

The threat of losing her was my last straw. I bolted from the couch. My fist came down hard on the desk, rattling her pencil cup. She leaned back in her chair, just out of reach. “You cannot hand me off. I won’t let you,” my voice low and menacing.
 

Dr. Greenberg’s next words came out soft and calm in contrast to mine. “Luke. I don’t want to
hand you off
as you say. I want to help you. Right now you need to step away from my desk.” The lack of emotion in her voice brought me down a couple of notches, but my muscles ached from the tension humming through them. “Luke, look at me.” I raised my head slowly. “I
will
help you. I promise.” Dr. Greenberg reached out and grasped my shoulder, her touch warm, and comforting. Beneath her hand my shoulder trembled, and my vision blurred.
 

Without moving her hand, Dr. Greenberg walked around the desk to my side. I propped myself up, my head hung to my chest. Tears flowed down my cheeks to her desk, the drops pooling on my own file. “Go home and come back tomorrow. We’ll talk more then.” She handed me a Kleenex and remained by my side until I gave her a quick nod and wiped my face with the back of my hand one more time.
 

CHAPTER NINE

I walked past Stacey’s desk without even a look over my shoulder; I couldn’t- wouldn’t- face her right then. Friend or not, I wasn’t about to let her see me with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. When I grabbed a hold of the door handle she called my name. I ran my hands through my hair, grabbing and pulling out a couple of strands in the process.
 

For a second I ignored her call and kept going, but something about the sadness in her voice stopped me. The way it cracked even though she spoke so softly I almost missed it. If I wanted a chance to win her over, despite her resolve, I couldn’t leave. I had to face her. I wanted to talk to Stacey. I wanted to hear her opinion. What she thought mattered to me, maybe more than what Dr. Greenberg thought.
 

Without turning around I took a bold step, “Go to dinner with me.”

“You know I can’t.”
 

“Yes, you can. You just don’t want to. If you want to talk to me, then go to dinner. Otherwise, I’m outta here.” This time my resolve didn’t falter. I pushed through the door and out to the sidewalk.

Within minutes a whoosh of air hit the side of my neck. I twisted around. Stacey stood in the doorway, one hand clutched around the round doorknob. She glanced to her left, then right and found me. I leaned against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. A smirk spread across my face, I didn’t fight the excitement of the hunt nor the fact that I’d won, at least this round.
 

“You knew I’d follow you.” Stacey replaced her plea filled voice from earlier with anger at my deception. Her words were sharp, and her cheeks puffed out like an angry chipmunk.
 

“No, I didn’t know. I hoped.”

The corners of Stacey’s lips turned upward creating a blanket of warmth around my chest. She was gorgeous. Her smile made her eyes brighten to electric blue.
 

“So, dinner?”

Stacey tapped her earpiece and held up a finger, but she didn’t back away. “Yes, hold please.” She ran inside. Before I had a chance to follow her she was back out front with me. “Okay. But just friends.”

“Sure. If you say so.”
 

Stacey crossed her arms. “Luke, I’m serious.”

“Me too. When are you done here?”

She flicked her wrist and the watch rotated around. “Five minutes. I’ve gotta turn over the phones and let Dr. Greenberg know I’m leaving. Wait here?”

“Yep, I’ll wait.” I propped my foot against the brick wall.

True to her word we met outside five minutes later. “Where are we going?”

I pulled the strap of her dress back to her shoulder. She flinched at my touch, but when I didn’t linger she relaxed. “Let’s go up the street to the pizza place. Have you tried them?”

“Not yet, but I’m always up for something new.”

“Good.”

Stacey tried to walk in front of me, so I pulled her back by her arm and wrapped my arm around her waist. She tensed. Since I was ready for it this time I snagged her closer rather than letting go and bent my head to her ear, “Only friends. You can relax.”

“Luke, you’re treading a very thin line right now. I suggest you stop.”

I chuckled, but pulled my arm away. It wasn’t that I wanted to irritate her, but the more she resisted the more exciting the chase was. I ached for the chase. Stacey was the first girl I’d actually become friends with first, and there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d let her off the hook that easy. Just friends…more like just an excuse.
 

At the restaurant Stacey chose a booth in the back. The brick building reminded me of an old warehouse, but it wasn’t confining like I expected. The décor was interesting to say the least. Then again with a name like The Mushroom I shouldn’t have been too surprised. Mushrooms hung from the ceiling, and a painted cow sat outside on the lawn. Just inside the door a child posed for a picture next to a wooden mushroom statue.
 

Stacey giggled. “She’s cute.”
 

“You like kids?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

I nodded toward the little girl. “I don’t mind ‘em. Don’t plan on having any.”
 

She shook her head and made a clicking noise with her teeth. “Of course you don’t plan on having any. You’re a guy.”

“It’s not really that. I… well, I wouldn’t want to risk a kid having to deal with the shit I’m dealing with. Unless someone can guarantee that my problem isn’t genetic, I don’t foresee kids in my future. Ever.”

“That’s curious.”

“What is?” I asked as we weaved around tables and sidestepped moving chairs when people scooted across the floor.
 

“Because you’re the first guy I’ve met that’s put any thought into having kids. And I’ve met a lot of guys. Besides, you’re still in high school. I wouldn’t expect you to have thought about that kind of stuff. Not that in depth anyway.” She tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear.

“Oh really?” I knew Stacey dated. None of the guys I knew would have missed an opportunity to spend time with her. But I didn’t want to think about it.
 

“Yeah. I’m the only girl in a family of six kids.”
 

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. So her brothers and their friends were the guys. What the hell was this girl doing to me? I’d not only let my guard down numerous times, now she was singlehandedly making me an emotional wreck. “Ahh that would make sense then.”
 

Stacey threw her head back and laughed. “Well, well, well. It appears to me that Mr. Sullivan is jealous.” She rubbed her chin and tilted her eyes up to look at me. “Now why on earth would a
friend
be jealous when I said I had a lot of experience with guys?”

I couldn’t help the smile that turned the corner of my lips up. The humor in her voice sent my stomach flipping. I grabbed her hand and pulled her the rest of the way to the booth. Stacey’s laughter lingered on as we walked. It was nice seeing her outside of work. Nice and dangerous. I wanted to at least try and give the illusion that friendship was all I wanted from her.
 

We split a Magical Mystery Tour pizza and talked until the waiter kicked us out to close. I kept an eye on the time, my curfew being midnight, and made sure I walked through the door with five minutes to spare.
 

“You have a good time tonight?” Dave’s chilled voice echoed through the room.
 

“Yep.” I didn’t stop to talk, just moved past my stepfather and headed straight for the stairs.
 

“You want to tell me where you’ve been?” It wasn’t his question that stopped me, but rather the sound of his fist hitting his hand. Dave was primed for a fight. Within the flash of a heartbeat I was too.
 

“Nope.” Smack, smack, shuffle, smack. My stepfather stood so close I felt the moist warmth of his breath on my neck. “You sure you want to do that?” I asked.
 

“Son, this is my house. I can do whatever I damn well please.” With my back still to Dave, my words were pointed and low. I wasn’t about to wake up mom. “Don’t. Threaten. Me.”