Fiendish: A Twisted Fairytale (62 page)

My leaving him apparently didn
’t affect him at all. He didn’t care, and he wasn’t sorry. That fact was made very clear because he didn’t try: no calls, emails, texts, or attempted visits. Not even with the built-in excuse he had because of the business. He’d contacted Kerrin. When she’d asked why, I’d just told her we were trying to keep business and personal separated. Not sure if she bought my excuse, but she never pushed for more.

For the second time in my life, I
’d done something for a man that didn’t really give a shit about me. I felt the tears threatening, so I took a deep breath, inhaling the freshness. I always loved the smell after a fresh rain, crisp and clean, even in the city. Clean was something I wasn’t feeling at the moment.

The streets were mostly empty because of the weather, but a woman walking by with her dog made me think maybe I should get a pet
, something small to keep me company, especially on the nights Macy was gone. I really hated the emptiness of the house on those days.

A crack of thunder rumbled through the sky
, making me glance up; a fresh raindrop hit my face. I hoped I could make it home without getting soaked. Thankfully, I’d left my iPod at the house since there was a threat of more rain.

“How was your run?” M
acy asked as I walked in. She dropped her overnight bag on the floor and quickly pulled her buzzing phone from her pocket.

“Invigorating, but slightly wet,” I answered, stepping out of my wet shoes.

“I told you not to go.”

“I know, but it was only a sprinkle really. I just unfortunately stepped in a puddle. Are you heading out now?”

“In a bit. He texted me saying he just left the hospital, but if this rain starts up again, I’m not going to a damn fair. Mitchell will have to be a big kid some other time.” 

I laughed
, heading into the kitchen for a drink of water. Macy followed me propping up in the doorway.

“So, what are your plans for tonight?”

I fingered my necklace and gave her a little shrug. “Watch a movie maybe, or do some work.”

She eyed me carefully
, looking doubtful over my answer. “Why not call him?”

“Who?”

“Santa Claus,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Seth. You know you want to.”

I simply shook my head in protest.
 Some days, I really wanted to, because I needed to just hear his voice. Other days I was angry, so very angry. He was fine with me walking out on him, and I was not about to make myself look any more pathetic by crawling back to him. I’d attempted to call him twice on nights the hurt became too much to bear but quickly hung up when the phone started to ring. The last time was on my birthday. I just wanted to hear his voice on that day but got nervous like the first time and hung up after the first ring. As much as it hurt, it was for the best. I’d only sacrificed ten months of my life instead of four years, so at least I wised up sooner this time around. I had to hold onto that thought; this was for the best.

“Why
no? This ‘needing space’ thing does not sound like you. I know I haven’t always been his biggest fan, but you were so over the top in love with him I could see it and still do. You wear that necklace every day, not because it’s the most expensive piece of jewelry you own, but because it came from him. And on top of that, given his somewhat
controlling
attitude, I can’t believe he agreed to it.”

 
She gave me a pointed look, and I knew she saw through my feeble lie. I couldn’t tell her why I’d really left. I was so ashamed that I’d allowed myself to be talked into that situation. I didn’t want to do it. I’d told him I didn’t want it, yet I did it anyway, for him. But it was the after that made the whole thing that much worse. I closed my eyes against the brief assault of memories, the look on his face, the way I was scared, but on some level wanted it, needed it, needed him. I shook my head to clear the thoughts away. I was not going to rehash that for a second time today.

“You
’re right, Mace, but me picking up and moving my life wasn’t like me either,” I replied, walking past her towards the bathroom.

I needed a shower and an escape from the interrogation I felt was coming.

“I know that, Lee, but...this feels different. You left Charlotte because of Paul.”

She wore that look, the same look she
’d been giving me since she first asked me when I arrived home from work on the bus. She’d been gently trying to prod to get to the bottom of things without being overly pushy. 

“Macy!” I
snapped, my tone full of annoyance. “It was a bad week, much worse than I’d prepared myself for; dealing with Dorian, and then the whole thing with the broach. Add to that Paul with Jess and more babies. I was left feeling very...inadequate.”

My voice faltere
d, I knew that if I kept talking that little internal box I had been shoving my feelings into would break free at any moment. I took a slow breath to calm myself before continuing. “Then I got the call about Paul dying, and that was sorta like the last straw. So, I asked him for some time to deal with everything, to figure some things out for myself. And...he agreed. Somewhat reluctantly, but he agreed. Okay? Now, will you drop it? Please?”

She pulled me into a brief hug before scrunching her nose up and pushing me away.

“I told you I was wet,” I said laughing.

“Yeah, I know, and I
’m sorry, Lee. I should’ve realized...I’m sorry. You’ve just looked so lonely, like the last time he left. I didn’t know what to do to help. I hate not being able to help.” 

“It
’s okay,” I said, giving her a weak smile. “I know you’re concerned.”

“Yeah, but still I shouldn
’t be so damned pushy all the time. It’s just…you with Seth, I don’t know, I worry more. I can’t explain it...but as long as he makes you happy and doesn’t hurt you, I need to back off and let you make your own choices.”

That statement sounded like it was more directed inwardly in an attempt to talk
herself into it than for me.

“Macy, you
’ve always been pushy, but in a good way. Mostly,” I replied laughing. “But seriously, you know I don’t think I could survive half of what I do without you.” 

“I think you are wrong there,” she replied, giving me a warm smile. “You
’re stronger than you think, and one day, you’ll prove it to yourself.”

Her phone started buzzing
, stopping my reply. From the way her face lit up, I knew it was Mitch.

“Hey, B
abe, I’m leaving now,” she said, throwing a wave at me as she picked up her bag and walked out the door.

 
The silence and emptiness engulfed me almost instantly. Sighing heavily, I walked over to lock the door before heading into the shower. Peeling off my damp clothes, I tried to force away the thoughts of that night, but they seemed intent on sticking around. I stepped into the steaming shower, hoping the hot water would finally wash away all the conflicting emotions that plagued me.

I laughed at the idea of me being strong. A strong person didn
’t abort her baby because it was inconvenient timing for the father. A strong person certainly didn’t allow herself to be treated like Seth did me that night. Strong? Nope. Definitely not a word I would use to describe myself. Sometimes I wished I were a little more like Dorian. She was a bitch, but she was assertive and stood up for herself, and would never find herself in the sad situations I couldn’t seem to stay out of. I shut off the water, wrapping a towel around me and not feeling any better than I had before. 

Wiping the steam off the mirror, I qu
ickly blow dried my hair, wishing I could be in one of those movies that let you see how your life would have turned out if you had made choice B instead of A. My reflection mocked me. It knew it didn’t matter what choice I made, because it would always be the wrong one. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten, willing the tears to stay away. I was tired of crying.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, he was standing there on my porch.
Waiting. Our eyes met through the glass, and I felt as if the air had been knocked out of my body. I chewed on my lip as I hesitated. I didn’t have to let him in; I could send him away. I should send him away, but my legs weren’t being controlled by me. They acted under the invisible control Seth seemed to have on my very soul and carried me towards the door. He closed his umbrella, leaning it against the wall before he stepped inside. I felt a constriction in my chest from his close proximity, causing me to take a step back. I wasn’t prepared for him to just show back up.

“Give me a minute to get dressed,” I said softly, wrapping my arms around my body
, feeling very exposed standing in front of him in only a towel. 

I turned to make a hasty escape to my room, but he grabbed my arm
, stopping me. Seth wrapped his arms around me then his lips covered mine. I should have pushed him away, but my lips responded to his, falling into the comfort of that familiar dance. The spicy scent of his cologne surrounded me like a warm embrace that I didn’t want to break from. 

My lips parted, and his tongue wasted no time in taking advantage of the opportunity. His hands traveled down my waist until they cupped my bare ass underneath the towel
, lifting me slightly. I moaned, wrapping my arms around his neck. My hands fisted in his hair, deepening the kiss, not wanting him to let go. I’d missed him. My body craved him like a drug, and I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms as I was at that moment.

My senses returned when I felt the cool air against my h
eated skin. He’d removed the towel. With one hand firmly around my waist, his other hand snaked between our bodies. His deft fingers wasted no time in finding their way into my entrance. He trailed little kisses down my neck. His fingers moved in and out of me at a painstakingly slow pace, stroking my inner walls, making me weak in the knees. I pushed against his chest frantically, needing to stop this before things went any further. His grip tightened around my waist in response, claiming my lips again. He lifted me with ease, and I felt my back hit a wall. Panic filled me. I pushed harder against him; I couldn’t let him do this to me. Seth grabbed my wrists, breaking from the kiss. He stared at me, my entire body started shaking. It was the same look from that night when he had me pinned in the shower. I thought I knew what was coming next, but he released me. 

I wrapped my arms around my body in an attempt to cover my nakedness. Without taking his eyes off of me, Seth slowly kneeled down to retrieve my discarded towel
; letting it dangle from his outstretched hand. I reached out and quickly snatched it from him. He took a step towards me. I put my hand up, shaking my head no to stop him, before fleeing to my room. Once inside, I locked the door then let out the breath I had been holding. A loud crack of lightning flashed across the sky followed by a deep roar of thunder. The downpour started, and the heavy raindrops could be heard beating against the roof.

 
A storm was raging outside, but it wasn’t nearly as tumultuous as the one taking place inside of me. He was here, after two weeks of nothing, he just shows up. I should have known, I should have been prepared for him to come back. Yet, seeing him standing at my door took me by surprise. Another flash of lightning illuminated the darkness as the rain continued its relentless assault outside. My wobbly legs gave out, and I sank down onto my bed drawing my knees to my chest. 

He was here, he kissed me. He didn
’t seem angry, but I’ve learned that could quickly change. He’d kissed me, and I kissed him back, wanted to kiss him. My shaking fingers traced around the outline of my lips. I could still feel his presence lingering on them. He hadn’t spoken a single word, just walked in, kissed me, and sent my world spinning.
Would I have fallen back into bed with him that easily?
Is that why he was here? Was he simply horny and came to me for a quick romp? The doorknob wiggling followed by the sound of knocking on my door made me jump.

“Open the door, Calida,” he called out. His tone sounded even, calm almost.
 

“I...I
’ll be out in a minute,” I replied nervously, scrambling off the bed to my dresser.

My hands were still shaking as I quickly pulled on my clothes. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My pale skin looked flushed, my lips appeared redder than normal thanks to his intense kiss. My hair hung around my shoulders in its natural loose wavy pattern. I stood there for a moment then quickly decided to put my hair up. A mini act of defiance, or to keep it from being used as a weapon, I wasn
’t sure which. Maybe it was both.

“Keep your distance. Keep…your…distance,” I commanded quietly to my reflection. That was the only way I would make it through.

***

I waited patiently for her to open the door. Calida looked startled to see me standing at her door, but I
’d stayed away long enough. I watched and waited for her to be alone. I thought about picking her up from work and taking her home, but I couldn’t be certain of her reaction in public. So, I waited. Watching her friend leave with an overnight bag in hand presented me with the opportunity I’d been waiting for. I heard the click of the lock, and moments later Calida emerged from her room. She kept her eyes downcast, biting on her lower lip. I smiled at the sight of her hair up in a messy ponytail. I reached out to take it down, but she stepped back just out of reach.