Fandango in the Apse! (27 page)

‘I think it’s great to see you motivated about something at last.’

I smiled. ‘It’s my latest survival strategy.’

‘Well, go for it… do you want me to come with you?’

‘No, I’ll manage. You have Mark’s big four-oh to arrange... are you still
keeping it as a surprise party?’

‘Don’t think so, too much hassle.’

‘Well, yell out, if you need help.’

You know what’s coming next, don’t you?  Hold onto your hats it all about
to kick off!

A sign outside
the church hall advertised the meeting and judging by the cars in the car park,
it was going to have a good attendance.  Another sign pinned to a notice board
proclaimed tea, coffee and cakes were on sale, the proceeds of which, would go
to the church.  That’s the thing about the Catholic Church, they never miss a
trick to squeeze money out of their parishioners. 

The hall was almost full, although not everyone was seated yet.  A group
of people were milling around the stage at the front of the room, and I assumed
that was where I would find the priest.  I was just wondering if I should
approach him before or after the meeting, when a familiar face emerged from the
group and walked towards me.  He stopped dead when he saw me, which was good,
because I wasn’t capable of moving either.  Jesus H Christ… it was Father
Michael!

He was the first to recover and he started to move towards me again.  I
could see his emotions flit across his face in the few steps it took to get to
me.  I had this horrendous flashback to naked romps in the bluebells and
judging by his red face, he was thinking the same thing.  All thought of what I
had gone there for vanished.  Then, he was there, not a foot in front of me. 

I shoved out my hand, which he took with some surprise.  ‘Hello Father,
very pleased to meet you,’ I stammered.

‘Hello Ka…’

‘Oh, look, they’re starting, I better get a seat.’  With that, I turned
on my heel and grabbed an end seat in the last row.  I could see Michael out of
the corner of my eye (I couldn’t look directly at him) still standing where I
left him.  As soon as he turned to the stage, I leapt from my seat and out of
the door.

Sitting in the car outside my house after breaking every speed limit in
my rush to get home, I stared out of the windscreen.  This couldn’t be happening. 
I looked skywards and curled my lip.

‘You bastard!  Why are you doing this?’  For some reason a saying of my
mother’s came into my mind. “God only gives us a burden we can carry”’

‘Utter bollocks,’ I shouted skywards, imagining a grinning deity having a
laugh at my expense.  Wasn’t I going through enough at the moment, without
throwing my guilty past into the mix?  I’m telling you, this was just way out
of order. 

‘So… did you speak to the priest? Alison asked the next morning as soon
as she arrived in the shop.

‘Alison, you won’t believe what happened.’ She, in the process of making
our morning coffee, stopped to stare at me.

‘Do you remember years ago when we went to Tracey thingy’s hen do in
Blackpool?’

Alison frowned. ‘Yes, but what has…’

‘Shush and let me tell you.’  Alison stared at me curiously then sat down
motioning the action of zipping her lips.  I took a deep breath and forged
ahead.

‘Do you remember we were all discussing the strangest places we had ever
done it?’

‘Yes,’ Alison laughed. ‘And Fran said she and Mike had done it one night
at Stonehenge and swore they had been disturbed by a ghost and had run down the
hill naked.  Do you remember?  None of us believed her.’

I sighed.  ‘Are you going to let me tell you this or not?’

‘Sorry.’

‘OK, well, if you remember I said mine was in a bluebell wood.’  Alison’s
eyebrows shot skywards as she covered her mouth with her hand.

‘With a priest!’ she said, wide eyed from behind her hand. 

‘Yes.’

Alison dropped her hand and dragged her stool closer to mine. ‘Oh-my-God,
it wasn’t him, was it?’  I nodded.  ‘But I thought you’d made that up for a bit
of fun… it really happened?’

I nodded my head again.

‘And he’s the priest you saw last night?’

‘The very same.’

Alison roared with laughter, so much so she had tears rolling down her
cheeks.  Personally, I couldn’t see what was so funny.

‘So what did you do?’ she asked, mopping her eyes on the edge of her
tabard.

‘What do you think I did?”  I said crossly.  Alison’s reaction to this latest
debacle wasn’t what I’d hoped for.  ‘I ran out of there and didn’t stop ‘til I
got home.’

‘Guess we won’t be leaving our cards with the priest then?’

‘Not funny, Alison.’

All that day she kept bringing up the subject.  ‘I can’t believe you
actually bonked a priest.  I mean Katie… a priest!  That’s really bad .’

By the time we were ready to close up, I’d had enough.

‘I swear Ali, if you bring it up once mo… Oh!’

Alison turned from locking the door.  ‘What’s the matter?’

Michael, in all his splendour was standing in front of me.

‘Hello, Katie.’  He still had his great smile, I noticed.

‘Michael.’ 

Alison was gawping from one to the other of us.

‘Oh… Alison, this is an old friend of mine, Father Daly.  Fath…Michael.’
Oh, fuck!  I started again.  ‘Michael, this is Alison.’

Alison reached out to take Michael’s proffered hand and murmured a
stilted greeting before beating a red-faced retreat from the shop.  We both
stared after her as the silenced stretched uncomfortably.  Michael turned,
gesturing his thumb over his shoulder.

            ‘Does she know?

            ‘Yes… sorry.’

            ‘Oh…’

            ‘So…’ I said into the lengthening silence.

            ‘You disappeared last night.  I looked for you after the
meeting.’   Oops!  What did I say now?

            ‘I’m sorry, Michael, that was so rude.  It was the shock of
seeing you, I think.’

            ‘I understand.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing myself.’

            ‘Do you want to come in for a coffee?’ I asked, turning
towards the shop.

            ‘I’d love to, but you were just on your way home.’

            ‘Oh, don’t worry about that.’

            ‘You’re sure?’

            ‘Michael, shut up and come inside.’ I turned the lights back
on and Michael followed me into the back room. ‘So how did you know where to
find me?’ I asked, while sorting out the coffee.

            ‘It was a fluke really.  I don’t know how many times I’ve
been to the bookshop next door and never seen you, but today you were serving
someone next to the window.  Rather than bother you while you were busy, I came
back at closing time.’

            All the time he was speaking, I was accessing the changes in
him.  He was still amazingly good looking, but thinner, less muscular and now
his sandy hair was peppered with grey.  There were a few lines around his eyes
but they still twinkled as I remembered.  With a start, I realised he had
stopped speaking and to my acute embarrassment, he was looking at me waiting
for a reply.

‘Oh…well, I’m glad you did.’  Liar.

‘You haven’t changed, Katie.’

I gave a very unladylike snort. ‘Thank you for that, but I think you may
need glasses.’ 

He laughed.  ‘Ok then, you haven’t changed much, is that better?’

‘It will do.’

There was another stilted silence before I opened my mouth and brought
the whole thing to a personal level.  It was just bloody typical of me.

‘So you stayed in the church, they didn’t kick you out?’  I could have
bitten off my tongue.

‘It was touch and go for a while, but in the end I stayed.  It was the
right decision, Katie.’

‘I’m sure it was, but I’ve often wondered what happened.’  Liar, again.

‘I came looking for you… when I got back.  I even got as far as your
gate, but I couldn’t go any further”.

‘Why?’  I watched as he picked up his cup and took a sip of his coffee
before answering me.

‘I came because I needed to see you, I left, because I thought if I saw
you again I might never be able to leave.’  A self-depreciating grin lit up his
whole face and then just as quickly he sobered. ‘It took a long time to get
over you, Katie.’

‘Michael, I…’ 

Michael shook his head. ‘Don’t worry,’ he laughed, ‘I did, eventually,
but they were a difficult couple of years.’

‘Years?’ I almost screeched.

‘I take it from that reaction that it was a might quicker for you,’ he
smiled.  ‘I’m glad… I wouldn’t have wished what I was going through on you.’ 
He shook his head.  ‘I’m not explaining this right.’

 He sighed and moved so he was directly facing me and abstractly, I
noticed he wasn’t wearing his dog-collar.  ‘I made the decision to stay in the
priesthood quite quickly – I knew that was what I wanted – but that didn’t stop
my feelings for you, I had to work on that.’

‘I’m sorry, Michael.’

I felt sick.  What a selfish, callous bitch I’d been.  I had scarcely
given Michael a thought once he’d left and all the time he was going through
what I was now going through over Robbie.  Well, maybe not exactly the same,
because I knew if I had the choice between being a nun or being with Robbie,
there was no contest.

‘So how long have you been in Retford?’ I asked.

‘Just coming up for two years.’

‘I’ve been here nearly six years.  I’m amazed we haven’t bumped into each
other before now. Alison and I opened the shop just before Christmas; I’m here
nearly every day.’

We talked a while longer, I filled him in on all my news, good and bad, including
my heartbreak over Robbie. Then as dusk began to settle, we made a move to go. 
It seemed perfectly natural to hug him goodbye, so I did. 

Standing in the confines of the back room hugging Michael, held none of
the excitement of all those years ago.  He felt like an old friend, nothing
more.  But when he released me, Michael kept his hands on my shoulders.  I
looked into his eyes and realised I was seeing the same smouldering passion as
before.

‘Michael?’

He took a step closer and I was mesmerised by him.  I watched his mouth
come closer and closer until his lips, warm and familiar, covered mine.  Just
for one brief second, it felt good to be in his arms, it felt good to be
wanted. 

‘Oh, excuse me.’

‘Robbie!’ I jerked away from Michael, appalled. 

Robbie was standing rigidly in the doorway.  ‘I saw the light on and as
that’s unusual at this time of night, I thought there might be a problem.  I
see I was mistaken.’

‘Robbie…’

‘Goodnight, Katie.’  He inclined his head towards Michael and then turned
on his heel and left.

I stared at the place where he had been standing, unable to believe what
had just happened.  A moment later, I felt Michael’s hand on my shoulder and
twisted round to face him.

‘Was that him?’

I nodded.

 ‘Katie, I’m so…’

I held up my hand to stop him. ‘No, don’t, Michael, please.’

‘I’m sorry, Katie.  I don’t know what came over me.  It’s you… every time
I’m near you, I…’

‘I think you should go and please, please don’t come back.’

‘Katie…’

‘Now, Michael.’ 

He stood looking at me, then just as Robbie had moments before, he walked
through the door.  I stood rooted to the spot until I heard the outer door
close and then picked up the nearest coffee cup and smashed it against the
wall.

The phone was ringing as I opened my front door, I knew who it was before
I answered.

‘Hi, Ali.’

‘Where have you been?  I’ve been ringing every ten minutes since I got
home,
you switched your mobile off.’

‘I had a coffee with Michael.’ I searched in my bag for my mobile, ‘Oh,
you’re right it is off, I wonder when I did that?’

‘Never mind about that now, I want to know what happened…word-for-word.’

‘I just told you, we had a coffee.’

 I can see why you fell for him… he’s gorgeous.’

‘I did not fall for him, I had a fling… there’s a big difference,’ I
said, while fiddling with the button to switch the mobile on.

‘Well, whatever, I can see why you did it.  I’d have been tempted
myself.  So what happens now?’

‘In what way?’  I dumped the phone back in my bag to deal with later.

‘Well, you know…’

‘Ali, we’re not taking up where we left off, if that’s what you’re asking.’ 
Did she really think I could think about another man when the gaping hole
Robbie had left was still festering painfully in my chest?

‘Did he suggest anything?’

 Jesus, Christ!
 
‘No Ali, he didn’t, and he’s not likely to
either.’

‘I’m sorry, Katie, I’m being insensitive aren’t I… I’ll just shut up.’

I sighed.  ‘It’s not that Ali, it’s just – he told me he had a rough time
of it when he went off.  It took him two years to get over me – I feel bad
about that.’

‘But that’s not your fault is it?  He was the one who left.’

‘I feel guilty because I hardly thought about him at all once he’d gone.’

‘Do you think it really did take him two years?’

‘Ali, he’s a priest.  I don’t think he’d lie about it.’

‘Oh, of course, I forgot.   Well he’s happy now isn’t he?  So what’s the
point in beating yourself up about it.’

‘He kissed me, Alison.  He kissed me, I kissed him back and Robbie walked
in and saw us.’

The line went silent.  Ali?’

‘I’m coming over.’

I was sitting at the kitchen table twenty-five minutes later, when Alison
walked through the back door.  I got up and poured two cups of coffee.  Alison
had barely dragged her coat off before the questions started.

‘Start at the beginning and don’t stop until you get to the point where
you pick up the phone to me.’

When I’d finished, Alison got the coffee pot and poured us both another
cup.