False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 (38 page)

“She
will be right in with him, honey. Calm down so you don’t upset your baby. He really
is a handsome child, you should be proud.” He touched my trembling hand, but I
pulled away from him.

“Remember,
I did this for you, Ellia,” he said, using a tissue to wipe blood spatter from
the backs of his hands and forearms. “I love you very much. When I saw the
kidnapping on the news, I knew I had to intervene. The FBI doesn’t have the
same connections I do. My people found that bitch and brought her and the baby
to me and Marisha. This is the only way I could show you how remorseful I am
for what you suffered. All I ask now is that you go home and raise your son. Enjoy
a good life and forget about me. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” I didn’t know
what to say or how to respond. Marisha appeared with a bundle in her arms. I
rushed to her and took my baby, cuddling him close as my tears drained on his
face.  I snuggled him and talked to him, forgetting that my murderous father
and his beautiful wife were in the room at all.

Marisha
spoke. “The FBI is looking for you, Ellia, and I am sure they are tracking your
phone. We need to go. The keys are in the Lexus, which is yours to keep. It is
already in your name, and you can leave when you are ready.”

“Live
well,” said my father, kissing my other cheek. “There is a surprise in the
trunk for Cade … to thank him for how well he has taken of you. Don’t open it.
Let him do it. I don’t want to spoil the fun.” The two of them walked hand in hand
out of the building, and I heard the squeal of tires as they sped away. Once
outside, the heat hit me like a wall, and I went to the Lexus. A baby seat was
already in the backseat. I hated to put him down, but I needed to call Cade. When
I dialed him, he answered on the first ring.

“Ellia!”
he yelled. “What the hell are you doing? Where the fuck are you?”

“I
am in Florida, and I have Cayden,” I said, the sobs returning. “He is okay. He
is better than okay.” There was silence for a moment. “I’ll explain it all when
I see you. Where are you?”

“Are
you alone?” he asked, ignoring my question and the news.

“Yes,
I’m at an old warehouse or something in the middle of nowhere.”

“I
want you to stay right there. Do not touch anything. We have a team tracking
your phone, and they are close. I will be there as soon as I can.” He hung up
on me, not seeming the least pleased I’d saved our son without him.

Less
than a half hour later, law enforcement arrived in a cloud of dust, at least
five cars. The first three belonged to Florida State Troopers, and the rest
were federal agents. I sat in the Lexus with the air running to keep the baby cool.
A chopper landed next to the motorcade, and Cade jumped out of it before the
skids were even touching the ground. I got out of the car with Cayden in my
arms and met him halfway across the expanse as the rest of the men fanned out
to secure the perimeter.

He
grabbed my shoulders, looking me up and down, to assess for damage. “Are you all
right?”

“Yes,
no one hurt me, and Cayden is fine too,” I said, handing him his son. He gently
took the baby and held him close, and then he pulled me into him with his free
arm. “What were you thinking, Ellia? Jesus, you scared me. What the fuck?”

“I
did exactly what you would’ve done,” I answered, pulling away from him.

Law
enforcement surrounded us as the questions flew.  “What happened? How did you
get him? Where’s Willow?”

I
told them everything from start to finish, crying my way through the violent
parts. My adrenaline had pooled at me feet, leaving me exhausted and ready to
take my baby home.

Cade
had a rough grip on my arm. “So, he just shot her, and that was it? He didn’t
ask you if that’s what you wanted--he didn’t give you the chance to spare her
life?” Her death had him rattled and angry.

“I’m
sorry, Cade,” I said, prying his fingers from my upper arm.

“Are
you though?” he asked, as he handed our hungry baby back and walked away.

I
wasn’t sure what he’d meant by the remark.
Does he blame me for not saving
her? Oh my God, he is more upset about her death than he is happy to have his
son back. What is wrong with this picture?
His reaction sheared me to the
bone.  I had already explained what happened. It went down too fast for me to
do anything. I got in the backseat of the Lexus to feed Cayden.

At
first, the baby seemed disinterested. Willow bottle fed him for over two weeks,
and my spirit dipped further, worrying I’d lost that connection with him. But,
after several attempts, he latched on, and I covered myself with his blanket. A
grateful prayer fell from my lips, and then I then sang to my boy while he
nursed. I watched the agents talking to Cade, and he glanced at me more than
once; but I wouldn’t meet his eyes, not wanting to see his disappointment in
me. I stared at my son instead and felt whole again. Agent Roberts opened the
door and looked in at me.

“Ellia,”
he said, “are you sure your father didn’t tell you where they planned to go
next? What were they were driving? I realize you are grateful for what he did
in getting your son back, but he is a fugitive. Remember, he is dangerous. I
hope you won’t protect him out of some sense of gratitude.”

I
resented the remark, and the anger coiled inside me.
After all this time,
what kind of person do they think I am?
 “I told you all, word for word, every
single thing they said. I gave you every fucking detail of what happened. He
did not tell me where he had been or where he planned to go, and I didn’t ask. I
don’t care, Agent Roberts. Any information about him only makes me a target to
his enemies again.  I have no sense of loyalty to him, and I resent you
implying such a thing. He let a man torture and rape, both my mother and I, and
he ultimately let my brother die. Yes, I am grateful for the return of my son,
since you, nor the rest of the FBI could manage it, but that is only a feeling,
not an action. You, and Cade, and the entire Bureau can go to hell. Leave me
alone, you are letting the air-conditioning out, and it’s hot.”

“Okay,”
he said, looking chided. He closed the door. I burped Cayden and then put him
on the other side to nurse a little more. Lucas pulled up, along with a coroner’s
car, and he was the next one to address me.

“Are
you okay?” he asked. “Jesus, Ellia, you should have let Cade know where you
were going …or me. Taking off like that was crazy.”

“Let
me know if that’s what you would do if you ever have a child abducted, Lucas. Cade
works for the FBI; he’s not just the father of the baby. I couldn’t tell anyone.
Either of you would’ve done the same thing, so don’t lecture me. As I have
already stated to Cade and your colleagues, Marisha warned me not to involve
any law enforcement. You can sit in judgement all you want, but, guess what, I
don’t care. I have my son, and he is all that matters. The rest is your fucking
problem, Lucas.” The joy of having Cayden in my arms tamped down my resentment
to a tolerable level.

“What’s
wrong, Ellia?” he asked, motioning for me to scoot over in the seat. He slid in
beside me as the tears rolled down my face. I looked out the window as Cade
observed the interaction, but I ignored him.

“Why
are you so mad when you should be nothing but happy in this moment? What’s
going on with you?”

“I
am happy, at least to have Cayden, but …” My voice broke. “But the price was watching
two people have their heads blown off in front of me. My dad is so far gone, he
really believed killing them would make amends with me.” The sobbing took over
as the anger drained away from me. “I am sickened by it, and it’s an image I
can’t erase. Cade is disappointed in me because I couldn’t save Willow, or
maybe it’s because he knows me so well. He sees that some part of me is glad
she and Lischka are dead. They were both a threat to my son and me, and now
they aren’t. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty over this, and I am angry at him
for thinking I should. Roberts thinks I’d protect my dad out of a distorted sense
of loyalty. They’ve made me feel like I am the criminal, Lucas.”

He
put his hand on my arm and worked it down my forearm until our fingers locked.
“Don’t apologize for your feelings, Ellia, you are entitled to them. I am sure Cade
isn’t mad at you, he just feels terrible about Willow. He has always believed
that she took Cayden out of some misplaced idea she was saving him, not out of
malicious jealousy against you. Willow was always devoted to Cade, no matter
what they went through, personal and professional, and he doesn’t take that
kind of loyalty lightly. She was not thinking clearly when she took Cayden.
You’ve dealt with enough shit in your life to understand that sometimes people
do crazy things when they feel desperate. Don’t be too hard on Cade.  He has been
through hell.”

I
didn’t get a chance to respond. Cade was at the car door and opened it. Lucas
dropped my hand like a hot poker. “Lucas, can I speak to Ellia, alone please?”
he asked. I couldn’t tell if he was red from anger or the blazing Floridian
sun.

“Sure
no problem,” Lucas said, getting out of the car. He looked back and gave me a
smile and pat on the knee. “Hang in there, El.” The two men exchanged a look
but nothing was spoken between them.

Cade
slid in and shut the door, watching me as I moved Cayden to my opposite
shoulder to burp him.  He put his hand on the back of my head and pulled my
face close to his, kissing my lips carefully. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You
were crying again when Lucas was in here, so tell me the truth. Please talk to
me, not him. I want to be here for you if you’ll let me.”

“Oh
really? It seems clear I can’t converse with you about Willow. We see her in strikingly
different ways, and you will always defend her as a good, misguided soul. After
everything she put us through, you have the nerve to act disappointed in me for
not saving her. Should I have jumped in front of that bullet, Cade? Would that
have been a more satisfying ending for you?” I asked.

“Of
course not,” he said softly. “God, Ellia, I didn’t mean it like that, but I
don’t hate Willow like you do because I knew her better than you did. I would
never want you to give your life for her, though, and if I implied that, then I
am sorry.” He growled and ran his hands through his hair. “Shit, I don’t know
why I even said that to you.  I guess I just never imagined things ending like
this, and it hurts because I genuinely cared about her. Best case scenario, Willow
came to her senses, gave Cayden back, and then got some help.” He paused and
took my hand. “El, she was my rock through some of the darkest days of my life,
the only thing keeping me alive at times. Even though you can’t understand it,
I cared about her, and I don’t feel she deserved to die.” I didn’t respond. Even
though I understood his pain, I couldn’t reach out to him on this.

Cayden
finished burping, and Cade smiled down at him, rubbing his hand over his son’s
hair.  He looked up at me, his eyes full of the love. “Let’s get him home.” I
nodded as he said, “We’ll find a vehicle and get out of here.”

 “Cade,”
I said, stopping him. “My dad and his wife said the Lexus was mine to keep.
What am I supposed to do with it?” He opened the passenger side door and got in
the glove box, locating the registration and the insurance. Both documents held
my name. He called a state trooper over and gave him the paperwork.

“Run
this and see what you get” He told the officer. “Why would they give you this car?”
he asked me while motioning another officer over to us.

“I
don’t know, they just said it was mine,” I replied.

“Ellia,
go put Cayden in that black Lincoln over there,” he ordered, back in full FBI
mode. He grabbed Cayden’s car seat, checking it over thoroughly, and then strapped
it in the backseat of the government issued vehicle. “Stay in there, okay?” he asked,
looking serious. He spoke to the officer whom he had summoned. “I want that Lexus
fully detailed. Get a dog in here.” The man nodded and went to do as ordered.
Cade commanded everyone to move their vehicles back until someone cleared the
car.

“What
are you doing?” I asked, once I had Cayden safely tucked away in the cooling
interior of the Lincoln, ignoring his directions to stay inside the vehicle.
“What do you think is wrong with the car?”

“I
have no idea, Ellia, but I don’t trust your father. Please get in the Lincoln
until we know it’s safe.” The trooper returned, and the documents for the Lexus
were valid.

“Cade,”
I said, drawing his attention back to me. “Everything was so chaotic, I forgot
that my dad said he left a surprise in the trunk for you. I didn’t even think
of it until now, I’m sorry.”

“Everybody
stand clear until the dog gets here,” yelled Cade to his colleagues. “Apparently,
Meyers left a gift for me inside the trunk.” The police and FBI agents cleared
a wide perimeter around the potential danger while Roberts called in a bomb
squad with the dogs.

“Why
would he put explosives in there, Cade? Why go to all this trouble to make
amends with me, only to turn around and kill all of us?” I asked, confused.

“Who
knows why that bastard does anything? He wants to kill me, not you. Isn’t that obvious?”
He seemed impatient with me.