False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 (35 page)

Cade
looked exasperated. “If you care about me like you say, you wouldn’t do this.” He
listened with his jaw clenched and twitchy.

“I’m
not trying to hurt you. If you leave Ellia, we could be together. She is a
terrible person, you must see it, and her father caused all of this danger to
you and your son. The two of us could raise Cayden and keep him safe forever.
Don’t you love me at all anymore?”

The
tech guys were listening and recording. “Willow, I loved you, but that was
years ago, and you walked away from the relationship. Everything is different now,
and I won’t leave Ellia ever again. You’ve always known how I felt about her,
so why are you dredging all of this up again. Please bring Cayden home. I am
begging you ….”

“Bye
for now, Cade. I will keep your son safe, I promise.”

“Don’t
hang up on me. Let’s meet and work through this.”

“Are
there agents listening to us right now?”

“You
abducted our child. What did you expect?” I watched his hand fist into a ball
as she disconnected. He threw the phone, and it smacked into the wall, a hard
case the only thing protecting it from shattering.

“Fuck!”
he yelled, pacing again. I went to him, but he turned away from me and addressed
his colleagues. “What do we have?”

An
agent at the bank of computers spoke. “We traced the cell to a central location,
and it seems she is near the Mount Pleasant area right now. We will alert the
local authorities.”

“Good,”
said Cade. “Let them know I am in route. Let’s go Roberts.”

He
headed for the door without so much as acknowledging me. I ran up behind him, “I
want to go with you.” He turned to look at me as if he’d forgotten all about
me.

His
face softened, though, and he put his hands on my shoulders. “You need to stay
here, and rest. You are in no condition to be running around the state. I can
handle Willow, and I will be back with Cayden soon. She won’t get far.” He
kissed me and told me he loved me before he flew out the door.   

I
turned to find a room of feds staring at me. A breakdown of mammoth proportions
was about to occur, and they didn’t need to stand witness. I ran down the
hallway and deposited myself back into Cayden’s nursery where I screamed into a
stuffed animal until I lost my voice. I reached into the crib and picked up his
baby blanket again, holding it to my face to breathe in his scent. Sitting in
the rocking chair, cradling an empty blanket, I rocked the rest of the day away
while silent tears fell like endless rain.

 It
was nightfall before the need to urinate and change my saturated maxi pad drove
me from my vigil. I was tired but too afraid to sleep. I went to the kitchen
where agents were eating pizza. One of them offered to make me a plate, but I
refused. I didn’t want to eat. The depression was consuming me again, and it
felt like a crushing weight that threatened to decimate me. I was all alone as
my hands roamed my tummy where my baby no longer lived.

 My
phone was still on the floor, and I picked it up to check for missed calls or
texts, but there was nothing. I dialed Cade’s number, but it went to voicemail.
I hung up, not able to think of anything to say. That awful black numbness was
swallowing me whole. I felt like a complete zombie, and I wondered if Willow was
right. Maybe I was unstable and didn’t deserve to be a mother.

 I
went to the bathroom and took a shower. When the steam cleared, I looked at myself
in the mirror. Dark circles rimmed the underside of my eyes, and I was stark
white.  I hated my reflection in that moment, knowing I’d caused all the discourse
in Cade’s life either directly or indirectly by being related to my father. In
rational thought, I understood it wasn’t my fault, Camerson’s men were gunning
for Cantrell’s whether I was in the picture or not, but it was my father who
started the whole war from the beginning. There was culpability in being the
child of a monster.

I
was bleeding hard again, and the cramping was fierce.  Thinking it was normal, I
lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I fell asleep at some point, only
to be woken by Lucas as I flailed and screamed from a nightmare.  

“Ellia,”
he said holding my arms.  I sat up in the bed, feeling the beads of
perspiration rolling off of me.

“Sorry,
I guess I had a nightmare.”

“Don’t
be sorry, this has been traumatic for you. Are you okay now?” he asked.

“Yes,
I will be fine. Thank you. Have you heard from Cade?”

“He
checked in an hour ago. There is nothing new to report. I’m sorry,” he said,
keeping his hand on my arm.

“Didn’t
he want to speak with me?” I asked, knowing how pathetic it sounded.

“You
need to understand that sometimes in our jobs, we have to set our personal
feelings aside to complete the task at hand. Cade is in that mode. He is trying
hard to think like an FBI agent, not a father. Don’t take it personal. He did
not ask to speak to you, but he inquired about you. We informed him you were
sleeping. He’ll call you when he can, otherwise, we will relay the information
to you as it comes to us. Try to go back to sleep. You don’t look well. If you need
medical care, please let me know.”

“Thanks,”
I replied, as he rose to leave again.

“If
you need anything at all, ask. Work aside, Cade is my friend, and he asked me
to watch over you. Now rest.” He shut off the light and closed my door, but I
had no intention of going back to sleep. I turned on the night table lamp and
pulled my blanket back. Blood soaked through the sheet. Wooziness crept over me
as I stood up, but it passed once I acclimated to the change in position. I
showered again and changed my clothes after stripping the sheets and tossing
them in the hamper. The sun rose on the second day of Cayden’s disappearance as
I opened my laptop and contacted the local news, requesting they come to my
home. I wanted to make a public plea for Cayden since there was not much else I
could do. A confirmation arrived in an hour, and I attempted to fix my hair. My
oversized pad had saturated through again, and I still wasn’t sure if so much
bleeding was normal, but I tossed the concern aside.

Two
news crews were out in the front of my home within the hour.  Lucas, was not
pleased that I’d gone behind his back to arrange a conference before his office
prepared a statement, but I didn’t care.

“This
is an in-house problem, Ellia. There was no need for a press conference. We
would’ve liked to handle the publicity ourselves.”

“I
don’t care if you want to cover the ass of Agent Mendiola. She stole my son and
people should know she’s a fugitive. Fuck the Bureau and your reputations.” I
stormed outside to meet the reporters, but Lucas grabbed my arm and whispered
in my ear.

“That’s
not what I meant. Yes, we need her picture out there, but you should’ve given
us notice to prepare, that’s all I am saying.”

“Too
bad,” I replied, yanking myself from his grasp. This was my child missing, and I
wouldn’t sit on my hands any longer.

Lucas
dialed someone on his phone as I stood in front of the microphones the media
set up for me. “As many of you know, two days ago, a woman abducted my son from
our home,” I said through angry tears, and I explained who took him. “If anyone
has any information on this woman or my son’s whereabouts, please tell the
police.” I held up his hospital picture and answered endless questions. Lucas
introduced Director James, who had arrived during my statement, and I turned to
step away, letting the FBI share their version of events. The vertigo hit me
again, and I stumbled. Roberts tried to catch me but missed, and I fell onto
the concrete smacking my head.  I heard someone yell, “She’s bleeding,” just
before I blacked out.

When
I woke, I was in the hospital again. My mother was by my side. “What happened?”
I asked, confused.

“Honey,
there was a complication, something about part of the placenta still inside
you, and you lost a lot of blood. They had to do a little surgical procedure to
stop the bleeding, but you are fine. It happens sometimes. You should not have
waited so long. They had to give you a transfusion since your hemoglobin was so
low. You should be better soon,” she said, trying to fake a smile for my benefit.
“You’ve got a nasty goose-egg on your head from the fall, but it wasn’t
serious.”

I
bolted up in the bed. “How long was I out? Did they find my baby? Where is
Cade?” I asked in rapid fire succession.

“No--no
news on the Cayden yet,” said my mother, who was restraining her own tears.
“Cade is still out looking. I talked to him on the phone though. He was so
worried when he saw you collapse on TV, but I assured him you are fine. He told
me to tell you he loves you, and he will call you soon. You’ve been here at the
hospital about ten hours now. You slept a long time due to exhaustion. The
doctors said you can go home in the morning.” She stroked my hand. “I am so
sorry, Ellia. How I wish your life wasn’t so difficult.”

I
cried again, and she moved to the edge of the bed, rocking me back and forth
like a child, just as the bedside phone rang. My mom disentangled herself and
answered it. “Hello? Yes, she is awake. Hold on a second.” She handed me the
phone. “It’s Cade. I am going for the night, but I will come in morning. Sleep
well and eat something.” She kissed me on the head and left the room.

“Cade,”
I said, fresh sobs awaking, “Please tell me you found him?”

He
exhaled. “Not yet. Are you okay? God, I am so damn worried about you, but I
need to be out here looking for him.”

“Yes,
you do, and I am okay. Please don’t worry about me. All I want you to do is
find our baby. I could kill that bitch for taking him from me; I swear to God I
will bury her!”

“Easy
El, she won’t hurt him. Willow is not a bad person, at least not in the context
she would harm Cayden. She believes she’s doing this for his protection. Cayden
is safe so just keep calm.” He seemed almost passive, which infuriated me.

“Bullshit!
 Don’t you dare defend her! This isn’t about doing something noble. All of this
is because she can’t have you.  Anyone who is insane enough to steal a child
from its parents, is a danger, Cade. She is the unstable one. What the hell is
wrong with you? I don’t care if you still have feelings for her, Cayden is MY
child, and I want him back. Don’t call me again until you are ready to stop seeing
anything from her misguided point of view. She doesn’t get one.”

 I
slammed the antiquated hospital phone down in its cradle. The nurse came in to
check on me, but by then, I was off the bed trying to remove the IV. I was mad
and didn’t want to sit by in a helpless state a moment longer.

“You
need to stop, Miss Meyers,” said the nurse, pressing the call button for a backup
nurse.

“Screw
you!” I yelled. “I’m getting out of here to find my son.” Another nurse arrived
and Lucas followed her into the room.

“Ellia,”
he said, putting his hands on my arms to restrain me. “Stop this. If you want
to be in any shape to care for Cayden, then get your ass in that bed. You can
leave in the morning when you’ve been hydrated and eaten something. Cade has
enough to worry about without you adding more stress. You’re being irrational.”

“To
hell with Cade,” I yelled, the tears still streaming. “He thinks Willow is a
good person. He actually said that, Lucas. How could he defend her? She stole
my baby from me!”

“She
stole his baby from him too, don’t forget that. I am sure he was trying to
reassure you, Ellia, not infuriate you. He doesn’t want you to be so afraid.
It’s not about defending her; it’s about helping you through this the best way
he can. Please calm down and get back in the bed. I will come first thing in
the morning and personally escort you wherever you think you need to go.”

His
voice was so composed and soothing, I wondered if he was hostage negotiator or
something. I did as he said, and the nurse re-taped the IV in place before
leaving the room. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not trying to make things more
difficult for anyone. I just want Cayden home. I don’t even know where to look,
but I can’t stand sitting here and doing nothing.”

“None
of this mess is fair to either of you, but you need to let us do our jobs. I
understand that you are feeling helpless, but putting your life in danger helps
no one. Cayden will be home soon. Trust Cade and trust me. But for now, please
rest and regain your strength. You are not alone in this.” He put his hand on
my arm, and I found comfort from the small gesture.

“Thank
you.” We said good night, and he left. The nurse came in and offered me a
sedative. I took it, knowing I needed to shut down and heal.

I
woke the next morning to rain pouring down outside my window while a
thunderstorm raged over head. Branches scraped the glass like witches claws. I
shivered, though the room was warm.  A tray of food arrived, but I didn’t want
it. My OB doctor appeared shortly thereafter.

“Ellia,”
she scolded, seeing the plate of untouched nourishment. “How long has it been
since you have eaten?” I shrugged, I couldn’t remember. She read through my
chart on the computer. “On top of the bleeding and the anemia, you have dangerously
low blood sugar. I cannot release you until we get you eating. I have ordered iron
tablets for you too. Take them—no excuses. Are you pumping your breast milk regularly?”