Falling Stars (15 page)

We
sat around for a couple more hours in the restaurant talking about this tour
and past tours; however, the conversation eventually dwindled down and I
excused myself to my room.

After
a quick stop by the restroom, I went to the elevator. Stacia was perched
against the wall practically eye-fucking me. She pushed the elevator button.
When the doors slid opened, she fisted my shirt, pulling me in with her. She
smacked the 'close door' button hard and then my floor number. This time she
didn't have to ask, she had done her homework.

Licking
my mouth first, she moved to my neck all while rubbing up against me. My back
against elevator wall, I grabbed her ass roughly. She moaned.

We
awkwardly made our way to my room and she started removing my clothes.
Directing us toward my bed, my anticipation for release grew. After pushing my
pants down, she dropped to her knees taking me into her warm mouth. The talent
of her mouth had me at full attention within a couple of minutes.

Standing
quickly, she pushed her dress off her shoulders, letting it slide to the floor.
Once she removed the remaining satin and lace, she shoved me onto the bed and
crawled up my body. Hissing filled the room at the contact and grinding of our
bodies.

Stacia
raised her hips once and settled on my hips. The rocking and lifting of her
body on top of me sent familiar sensations through my body. Grabbing her hips
to set the rhythm I wanted, I closed my eyes as she moved above me. Then, out
of nowhere, everything collided in my head.

Sitting
on my bed, knees curled to my chest, I listened to him berate her over and over.
The thud and the scream made me run from my room and rush to her side. His
large, heavy hand found me first, dragging me back until he could throw me in
the closet. He slammed the door shut, moving something in front of the door to
prevent my escape. Curling into a ball on the floor I covered my ears to block
out the sobbing my own cries. The stagnant smell of the closet was hauntingly
familiar. Fear coursed through my veins.

The
door slowly opened and there she was, reaching for m – battered and bruised.
Grasping onto her, we hurried to my room, locking and blocking the door.
Curling into her side, she tried to soothe my trembling. Then the pounding
started and his screaming. Oh God, his screams.

The
thumps grew louder and his screams were deafening. She grasped on to me
tightly, shielding me. Then a louder noise went off and ringing filled my ears.
Her hands clasped around my head and over my ears. Looking directly into her
sad red eyes, I could see her sorrow.

With
the collapse of the door and the dresser screeching across the floor, he
crashed into the bedroom. She shoved me off the bed to the floor, jumping off
the bed. The blaring roar exploded around my head again. She screamed.

"Run
Now" and that's what I did…until she screamed again. "No! Please don’t!"

I
couldn't do it. I couldn't leave her. Running back toward her screams, I got
back to the room as the explosion roared through the air. All I saw was red.

Wiping
my face, I looked down and saw my mother at my feet in a pool of blood. Falling
to my knees sobbing, I pulled her lifeless body into my lap.

"Look
what you did!" He pointed the gun at my head. "That was meant for
you!  This is your fault! You should never have happened!"

Fear,
extreme pain, and utter agony flooded me. My mother fell from my arms when he
slammed me back against the wall. He leaned down and cradled her in his arms.

"Don’t
touch her!" I launched myself at him…

"Christopher!
Christopher stop!" Stacia slamming her fists against my chest pulled me
out of the nightmare.

Tears
were streaming down her cheeks while she feebly attempted to pry my clenched
hands off her hips. I let go and tried to shake off the aftermath of the
horror. She scrambled away from me.

"What's
wrong with you?" she sobbed.

Her
face filled with terror and bruising was already forming on her hips. Standing
to go to her, to make sure she was okay, she flinched back.

"I'm
so sorry. I didn't mean –" I tried to reach toward her.

She
backed away until her back pressed against the closed door. Taking one more
step toward her, her mouth opened wide.

"Don’t
Come Near Me!" She point a hand up. "Stay Away!" Yanking the
door open, she ran from the room.

Grabbing
my jeans, I slipped them on, stumbling as I ran after her to explain and
apologize.

"Stacia,
wait! I didn't mean to –"

She
sobbed harder and screamed louder for help when she saw me. At the sound of her
pleas for help, I stopped in my tracks. Slowly, I dropped to my knees,
remembering her pleas, my mother's pleas and sobs.

Lifting
myself from the floor my eyes landed on a newspaper lying in one of the
doorways. The date caught my eye. Feeling the darkness claiming me, I ran back
to my room and slammed the door shut. Going through all of my things, I tried
to find the pills.

Where
are the damned pills?!

"Fuck!"
I dropped back to my knees. Panic gripped my chest.

Those
bruises were on her because of my hands. Pulling my hands to my face, I slowly
rocked back and forth, as images flashed through my mind. Emotions ripped
through my body. Guilt, anger, and rage, pure unavoidable rage filled every
limb. Standing I caught a glimpse my reflection in the black TV screen. My fist
cracked the screen.

Blood
immediately started to seep from my knuckles. In the bathroom, I tried to wash
my hands. My reflection made me pause. The red marks on my chest from Stacia's
attempt to escape me were clear. It looked like an animal had clawed my skin.
No, I was the animal, the monster.

An
animalistic scream roared from my chest. "I will not be like him!  It
wasn’t my fault!"

My
reflection still taunted me. 'But it is your fault. The blood is on your hands',
it said back. I smashed the mirror with my fists. Storming through the room, I
smashed and flipped anything in my path. Pounding and screaming came from the
other side of my door. Grasping at my hair, I tried to pull the image out of my
head.

The
thumps grew louder and his screams were deafening. Her grasp on me tightened, shielding
me, protecting me.

Backing
up against something, I slid to the floor waiting for the noise, waiting for the
smell, waiting for my turn. To pay for what I had done.

Jackson
was the first to rush to me but I didn't want him to get in the way when it was
my turn. I shoved him away roughly. Nicholas halted his next approach and tried
to talk to me. I don't want them here.
What if they become my fault too?
I shouted for them to leave. They were stubborn, stupid, and relentless.

Fuck,
go away! Run! Please!

"Christopher
it will be alright," Nicholas tried to step closer.

"No
it won’t! It never goes away!" He stopped. "It’s
my
fault
she’s gone!" The sobs poured from my chest. "It’s
my
fault!"

"No
Christopher, nothing was your fault." Nicholas tried to get close again.

Burying
my head, I didn't want to hear them, didn't want them here.
They didn't know
what I had done. If they did…

"Christopher?"

Jackson?
Not again. Fucking leave before it's too late.

"Get
the fuck away. Get out!" Not allowing him to touch me, I slammed my head
back repeatedly, trying to get rid of the horror. Jackson's presence appeared
again.

"Get
out! All of you!" A red haze blurred the outline of his body. "I said
to go away!"

Just
let it be my turn, please let it finally end. I deserve it after what I've
done.

"Christopher."
The voice was soft, feminine.
Why won't they leave?

It
was her. She looked terrified. She cringed back a little because of me. She was
here. She spoke again.

"Christopher?"

Waiting
for the images to come or for her to disappear, I could only stare. It had to
be a hallucination. She couldn't be here. What sane person would willingly walk
into this?

"Don't!"
She shouted, but her gaze didn't falter from mine.

Dropping
my head in shame, I waited for the guilt and rage to surface again. She would
leave if she knew what I had done, what I was. I was no better than he was.

The
lure of her closeness washed over me, and then her hand rested on top of my
head. Relief filled me. She sighed and moved.

No
not yet! Don't go yet! Please be real.

Scrambling
to my knees, I wrapped my arms around her. Reaching for her hands, I made
contact with one and placed it back on my head. Her other hand joined. Calmness
coursed through my body. Her body twitched, but I couldn't let her go. Knowing
the bed would be easier on her than standing. I locked my arms around and
lifted her. She gasped as I carried her across the room.

Once
on the bed, I just needed silence in my head. Burying my face in her body and
scent, the horror was gone. She made it better.

The
tugging on my hand surprised me, and I pulled away quickly. Rage about to
unleash again, her hand, soft and warm, touched my face, stopping me. Drawing
my head back, my eyes met her kind, dark eyes.

"It's
okay Christopher. Let him look at your hand."

Drowning
in her haunting eyes, all I could do was nod.

"Okay?"

Her
thumb rubbed slowly against my cheek. There was still tension in her voice. She
was still afraid I would hurt her or someone. Burying my face, I let the
pulling, poking, stinging, and burning in my hands continue.

With
on last sharp sting in my arm, everything silenced.

*
* * * *

Once
the paramedic gave him the shots, I waited until his breathing slowed. Running
my hand through his hair one time, I began to remove myself from him.

"Mia,"
Nicholas spoke in a hushed tone.

Wiggling
out from Christopher's hold, I stood from the bed. Stumbling slightly when my
equilibrium protested my vertical ascent, Nicholas grabbed my arm to steady me.

"Thanks,"
I whispered.

"Jesus
Mia," he shook his head in disbelief, "if anyone should be thanked it's
you." Pulling me into a tight hug, a soft whimper escaped him. Rubbing his
back lightly, I tried to comfort him.

Once
Nicholas released me, I looked around and saw everyone looking at me, confusion
in their eyes. Serena pulled me into a protective hug, not letting go of me.

"Nicholas
–" Una broke through the silence.

"Una,
I know, I'll deal with it all." Nicholas snapped. He sat next to
Christopher on the bed, placing a shaky hand on his son's arm.

"No
Nicholas," Una placed her hand on his shoulder. "I will get things
taken care of in the hotel and see if we can move the next concert to a later
date to give you time to decide what you would like to do."

Nicholas
turned to her with a look of relief and appreciation. "Thank you Una."

Tears
glistened on her cheeks, she walked away motioning for Xander to follow her. He
moved quickly to her side and they left the room in a huddle of hushed words.

"Mia?"

Using
the last of my strength, I look up from Serena's shoulder. I wasn't sure what
Jackson was going to say or how he was going to react. He furrowed his brow.

"Thank
you." Leaning toward me, he kissed my forehead. I just nodded slowly and
buried my head back into Serena.

"Let's
get you out of here" she whispered and pulled me along with her.

After
climbing into bed and spooning with me, something we hadn't done since I was
very little, she spoke.

"Are
you okay? Do you need anything?" she rubbed my arm.

Shaking
my head, I let exhaustion swallow my consciousness.

The
next day I woke unsure of how long I'd been asleep. Serena was still behind me,
but at some point, Laney and Kat joined us. Laney was lying at the end of the
bed watching TV and Kat was in front of me. Laney turned from the show she was
watching when I sat up and stretched.

"Hey
there sleepy head," she smiled and rubbed my foot, "You hungry?"

My
stomach grumbled in agreement.

Laney
jumped up and left the room. Kat wrap her arm over my shoulder. I was waiting
for the questions to start, but they didn't and I was thankful. I still wasn't
sure what the hell happened or why I was so drawn to help him.

It
should've terrified me, he should terrify me, but I wasn't afraid of him. There
really was no rationale behind this, no reason. Truthfully, I didn't even know
where to begin explaining any of it. Moments later Laney wheeled in a silver
cart full of silver dome covered dishes.