Falling Stars (13 page)

Starting
to dance around, I got Kat, the choreographer and the rest to abandon the
workout routine. We danced around each other, hopped, and grinded against each
other. Closing my eyes I just let my mind go blank, letting myself get lost in
the music. The tension started to slip away and invigoration took its place.

Opening
my eyes, I saw Laney and Serena had arrived and were dancing around with us.
When a personal favorite song came on, I turned it up louder. Elliott burst
through the doorway singing the words in a high pitch squeal. Laughing loudly
we started dancing and singing with him.

After
the workout session, I ran back to the girl's bus, showered, and changed. Then
we sought out Rob for rehearsal.

"Okay,
so let's first play it as it was written and then we can play around." My
eyes scanned them one by one.

Serena
twirled her sticks in her fingertips with a nod. "Let's do this."

Slipping
my guitar strap over my head, I strummed. Serena tapped out the timing and we
started playing. We weren't using microphones so we faced each other, watching
to keep in time. When finished I took a drink of water.

"What
is that one called?" Laney asked. "I love it by the way."

"Fallen
Love," I answered. "So now that we went through it once, what do we
want to do?"

"I
think it would be pretty if we stripped it down and slowed the tempo." Kat
strummed slowly on her bass.

"I
like the high pumped energy of the song," Laney pouted a little. "I'm
not sure we should slow it down."

"Serena?"
I looked to her.

She
shrugged. "Let's try it stripped and slow," she winked.

Serena
tapped out the timing slower and we began again. It ended up being undecided
still. Honestly, both versions were good and it will all depend on the mood of
the performance.

It
turned out to be another amazing night on stage. Adrenalin coursed through our
veins after the performance, so we hung out backstage for a while. Sitting
around with a few beers, we sang songs from when we were in school and laughed
about old boyfriends. They teased me for the many trips I took to the hospital
during my skateboarding phase and then started in on my dancing background. Una
sat laughing at our stories and at our behavior. She and Xander seemed
genuinely entertained. After noticing how late it had gotten we all said
goodnight and headed to our buses. My heart sank a little when we parted ways
at the buses.

The
bus was empty, which was my personal preference when I was going to change.
Showering away the stage grime, I felt better. I changed into my last pair of
clean pajamas – terry boy shorts and an old band t-shirt. Both were a little
small and tight. Groaning, I threw a baggy sweatshirt over myself. These have
to be Laney's shorts.

"I
really have to get some laundry done." I said aloud to an empty bus.

I'd
been lying in my bunk for about ten minutes when I felt the bus shift and heard
the door swoosh shut. Pretending to sleep, I silently wondered when he would
wake up tonight. Fighting a frustrated sigh, I tried to ignore his movements.
When the sound of the shower filled the bus, I figured it was my opportunity to
fall asleep.

As
I was about to welcome slumber, his footsteps pulled me back. Holding my breath
as he walk by, my muscles tensed. The moment I relaxed, the footsteps returned
and stopped next to me. Clenching my eyes shut, his presence and the weird
unwanted draw of him resonated inside me. He didn't move, didn't speak,
nothing. I suddenly felt self-conscious and shifted uncomfortably. Finally,
there was a shift in his presence.

Long
arms slid under me. Lifting me to his chest, he got me to his doorway before I
found the nerve to speak.

"I
have feet I can walk on." He froze, holding me bridal style.

After
a couple of long minutes, he set my feet to the floor. Squeezing by him, I
reached for my blanket from my bunk. Back through the doorway, I noticed he stood
frozen to the same spot, running his hand through his dark wet hair. Slipping
by him again once more, I lay down on his bed. Facing away from him, I pulled
my blanket up over my head.

He
took a few minutes, but eventually the bed gave way under his weight. Taking a
deep, calming breath, I focused on the beat of my heart instead of the warmth
radiating from his body.

*
* * * *

After
the concert was finished, I hung backstage talking with the guys. It was nice
to just sit and bullshit with each other like we used to. One by one the guys
headed to bed. Therefore, I followed suit and went to the bus.

As
usual, Mia was already in her bunk. Grabbing a pair of shorts, I headed to
shower. Once I was done I walked into my room, took one look at my bed. Anxiety
twisted in my gut and engulfed my chest. Instinctively I went straight to her.
On the verge of hyperventilation, I just stood there looking down on her.

I
have no idea how or why she makes it better, and I told myself, I wouldn't do
this again. It's too damn personal, but she takes it away. The human parts I
swore would never come back seemed to be piecing back together inside me.

The
lights from outside filtered in through caressed the outline of her body. After
a few minutes, she moved just slightly and snapped me out of my own thoughts.
Reaching down I picked her small body up. I knew it was a selfish act, but,
fuck, I was a selfish person.

"I
have feet I can walk on."

She
had never been awake before or hadn't acknowledged she was. I didn't know what
to say or do, so I just placed her on her feet. She squeezed past me back to
her bunk, and an entire mass of anxiousness rose into my throat.

She’s
fed up and refusing to go with me. I'm going to have to face the horror.

As
I contemplated the pills in the table drawer, she slipped by again. Confused I
watched her climb onto my bed. She came back. Lying down next to her all I
could do was stare at her blanket-cocooned body.

Never
what I expect of her was the last thought before my eyes closed and I slipped
into peaceful slumber.

"Christopher?"
The muffled grunt of my name called to me.

Rolling
over to escape the voice, my arm fell over a body. It didn't move.

"Christopher!"

Opening
my eyes, I lifted my head. Nicholas stood in my doorway and he looked pissed.

"What?"
I groaned.

Placing
my head back down on my pillow, a pleasantly soft scent surrounded me. Mmm, is
it flow...
Oh Shit! Mia!
I shot up to a sitting position looking at
Nicholas's wide angry eyes.

"Christopher
Tobias," He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"It's
not what you think." Putting my hand up to halt his lecture, I needed to
explain. He would understand.

"Crap,"
Mia groaned.

At
the sound of her voice I looked down, face filled with shame and fear. Mia
looked toward my barely dressed body before she groaned and sat up.

"Nicholas
it's not –"

"Mia,
please excuse me and my son." He nodded to her and then looked at me with
disgust. "Christopher?" He walked out of my room.

"Fuck,"
I mumbled and stood up, grabbing my jeans from night before. Sliding them on as
I walked to the couch where Nicholas was standing near.

"Nicholas
nothing happened. It's not what you think."

"I
didn't agree to this arrangement just so you could get her into bed." He
started shouting but brought his voice back down, remembering Mia could
probably hear.

He
was about to start into me again when the bedroom door slid open. Mia stepped
out biting her lip. Grabbing a pair of jeans from her pile of clothes she
walked by us saying 'excuse me' as she went out the door. Wish I could get out
of here that easily.

Nicholas
turned his angry glare back on me.

"Nicholas
I didn't 'get her into bed'. We were just sleeping –"

"Do
you think I'm stupid? You do realize I know you better than that?" He
sighed. "I love you, but you can't do this –"

Knowing
the full truth would be the only thing that would save this situation. I gave
him the truth.

"I
can sleep when she is there, really sleep." Resting my forehead in my
palms, I waited for him to hear what I just said

"I
hope you…Wait…" Now he's finally catching on. "You slept?"

Raising
my head, I nodded.

"Without
alcohol and without the pills?"

"Without
the nightmares," I answered him.

His
mouth was slightly open and conflicting emotions spread over his face. He didn't
know what to say.

"Somehow
she keeps them away." Not being comfortable with 'heart to heart'
conversations, I kept my voice low.

"Damn
it Christopher." He sighed, sitting next to me on the couch. "I don't
even know what to say right now." He took a deep breath through his nose
and looked me in the eye.

"You
can't use her to keep the nightmares, the memories, away. It's not fair."

I
nodded only to appease him. There was no way I was giving her up. Not now.

"I'm
glad you were able to do it without using pills or alcohol, but you do realize
you're just using a person now, don't you?"

"You
don't understand." I shook my head. "With the pills and the alcohol I
still had the dreams, the nightmares. They would still overpower. With her they
don't!" Unwanted tears formed in my eyes. "Fuck Nicholas, I just want
to sleep."

Slamming
my hands on the table in front of me, Nicholas jumped. Then he put a hand on my
shoulder.

"Why
won't you let me get you some real help so that you don't have to –?"

Standing
up, I stalked away to my room leaving him on the couch by himself.
Why does
he always think he can 'fix' me? You can't change a monster. No head shrink can
'fix' what I've done. You can't reverse death.

*
* * * *

I
sat back on the bed as long as I could. Trying not to overhear them, but it was
pointless. Quickly grabbing some jeans, I excused myself before leaving the
bus. Once on my old bus, I curled up on the couch.

My
mind was racing. I could just imagine what we looked like in bed together. Last
night, I hadn't paid attention to Christopher's lack of clothing, but this
morning Nicholas and I noticed his bare tattooed chest. Groaning quietly I
covered my face with my arm.

Now
that the thought was there, I couldn't help but think about each tattoo
covering him. There was a large three-swirl tattoo just over his heart, which
got most of my attention. Quickly shaking my head to clear my train of
thinking, I forced myself back to sleep.

"Mia."

"Go
away," I groaned. Didn’t I just get back to sleep?

"Mia,
dear."

Opening
one eye, Una's fuzzy face slowly came into focus...

"Hey"
I yawned. "What's up?" Stretching my arms over my head, a grunt
slipped out of my mouth.

"Everything
okay?" She looked at me nervously.

"Yeah,
why?"

"Well,
you aren't on the other bus and I thought maybe –"

"No,
Nicholas came in to talk to Christopher so I gave them some privacy, that's
all." Silently I prayed Nicholas didn't tell Una about his 'discovery'
this morning.

"Oh,"
she looked unconvinced. "Okay." She forced a smile and I curled back
up on the couch to try to sleep a few more hours. No such luck.

"Mia,
come on get up!" Laney groaned.

"Why?"
Rolling over I glared.

"Come
on, it's past noon, get up." She jabbed me in my stomach with her finger.

"Humph,"
I breathed out and stood to stretch out. Changing into the jeans I brought with
me, I ran a brush through my hair and climbed off the bus.

First
was sound check and then we practiced the new song, which we decided to play
tonight at the original faster tempo. We were ushered off stage so
The
Forgotten
could rehearse. His presence when we pass them by was
unmistakable, but refused to look in his direction.

After
the concert was over, we went back to the bus to celebrate our last days on the
tour buses. Tomorrow we would arrive to the airport and fly back to Seattle,
where we have three days scheduled studio time.

A
routine seemed to establish with Christopher. The third night I arrived to an
empty bus, lay down to sleep, was woke up by Christopher, and put into bed with
him. Then I woke up by myself the next morning.

Packing
up my clothes, they were loaded onto the label's private plane. After a deep
cleansing breath, I stepped aboard the plane. This should be interesting.

Once
we were off the ground, I put on my iPod and lounged back in the seat. Pulling
the hood of my oversized sweatshirt over my head and sleeves down over my
hands, I was cozy. Then asshole had to ruin it.