Fallen (13 page)

“Does it get better?”

He shrugged, giving me a rueful smile. “Not really. But the pain you’re feeling right now will get easier over time. I know you don’t believe it now, but it will.”

As I stared at Gabriel, I couldn’t help but wonder what his story was. He obviously had someone that he’d cared for and lost. I wondered where she was now, and why they weren’t together anymore. 

I sighed. “Part of me doesn’t want it to get easier. It wouldn’t be right.
I
did this, it’s only fair that I should have to live with the heartache.”

He scowled. “That’s an awful way to look at it.” He took a swig, grimacing as he swallowed. “It was an impossible situation, Em. It’s not your fault that it didn’t work out. It’s nobody’s fault. And it’d be silly to spend the rest of your life unhappy because of it. That’d be like getting upset because a square peg won’t fit inside a round hole.” Frowning, he looked down. “Eternity’s a long time to dwell on something that never could have been.”

My brows pulled together as I folded my arms over my chest. “When did you get to be so smart?”

Gabriel smiled. “I have my moments.”  He set his drink on the bar. “You’re never going to move on sitting around the house. You know that, right? It’s not just going to magically happen one day.”

I dropped my gaze. “I know…”

“
Do
you?”

“Yes,” I said, letting out a long sigh.

He held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go get good and shitfaced.”

Em and I ended up at a club around the corner from my apartment. I sat on a barstool at the bar, watching her as she danced in the crowd of humans. It looked like she was finally having fun, for the first time in weeks.

Em stumbled as she walked toward me, spilling some of the amber liquid in her glass. My hand shot out to steady her. “Whoa, there. You okay?”

She nodded, her ponytail bouncing with the movement. “Fine.” Opening her mouth, she tried to take a drink from the little red straw floating in her glass, and missed. 

Laughter erupted out of me. “ ‘Fine’ my ass, girl. You’re drunk. How many of those have you had?”

She shrugged and slurred, “Loss count.”

I rolled my eyes and took the drink from her. “What’re you drinking?” I took a whiff of it, wrinkling my nose as the overwhelming scent hit me. “Goddamn, this smells like gasoline. Since when do you drink Long Island Iced Teas?”

She grinned. “Since it’ll get me fucked up.” 

I took a big swig of the drink, relishing in the burn as it slid down my throat, and set it on the bar behind her. “Come on, let’s get you home.” I pulled out my wallet and set some cash on the bar to cover our tab.

“ ’Kay, Gabriel.” She giggled. “Thassa weird name.
Gabriel.
G-a-b-r-i-e-l,” she murmured, drawing it out. “Hey, can I call you Gabe?”

“Not if you expect me to respond.” I stuck my wallet back in my pocket and held her arm, leading her through the crowded space.

She laughed. “Gabe it is. Gabe the babe.”

Now
this
was interesting. I paused and turned to face her. “You think I’m a babe?” I couldn’t help but smirk as I cocked an eyebrow at her. 

She rolled her eyes. “You know you’re goreshous.”

My smirk grew as I crossed my arms, rocking back on my heels. “You didn’t answer my question.”

She gave me a confused look. “What queshion?”

My smile dissipated. I’d easily forgotten how difficult drunk people could be. “Damn it, Emily,
focus
. Do you think I’m attractive?”

She grinned and reached up to tap a finger on the tip of my nose. “I should be asking
you
that queshion.” 

I frowned and pulled her hand back to her side. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll screw anything with a vagina, but you’ve never looked twice at me. What am I, chopped liver?” She broke into laughter. “Chopped liver, that’s gross,” she mumbled to herself, giggling as she stepped around me to walk away.

She didn’t think I was attracted to her. That was…
ridiculous
. I’d either have to be blind or gay for that to happen. And as I watched her slink away, her hips swaying with each step, my cock twitched a little in my pants.

Nope, definitely not gay.

I reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her back to me. “Are you kidding me right now? You don’t think I’m attracted to you?”

Her brows drew together as her mouth opened, then closed. She looked like a confused trout. “No?” 

Damn it, this was not the time, nor the place. She could barely even focus, and this techno garbage was starting to give me a headache. “Come on,” I said, scowling as I led her outside. “This is a conversation we need to have when you’re sober.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Monday, February 15th

EMILY

“How do you feel?”

I tried not to glare at Gabriel and his stupid smirk as I plopped into a chair at the breakfast bar. “I threw up in the shower. Does that answer your question?”

That stupid smirk grew into a self-satisfied grin as he poured me a cup of coffee and slid it to me. 

As I drank, the requisite “I hate alcohol, I’m never drinking again” speech ran through my head, but I knew damn well this was one breakup that wouldn’t stick. It never did.

I felt Gabriel’s eyes on me and glanced up, seeing him stare at me over the brim of his mug as he took a sip. “What?” I asked.

Setting his cup down, he leaned his elbows onto the counter across from me. “How much do you remember from last night?”

Oh, God. What did I do?

He ducked his head, trying to hide his smile. “I can tell by your expression that it’s not much.”

I ran through last night’s events, trying to pinpoint the apparent asshattery I’d committed in my drunken stupor, and came up empty-handed.

“So you
don’t
remember asking me why I never made a move on you.” The tone of his voice implied it wasn’t a question, and that he already knew the answer.

I, however, just about fell out of my chair.

Oh, no, I
didn’t
.

But the look on his face told me that I most certainly did.

Shit.
Why
would I ask him that? I didn’t even care! 

I tried to compose myself, while mentally ripping drunken Emily a new one. That bitch had always gotten me into trouble. “Is this going somewhere?” I asked. “Because, newsflash: I’ve done worse things when drunk.” Worse, yes. Stupider, no. 

That godforsaken smirk was still glued to his face. “I just thought you might like to know my answer, seeing as how you didn’t get it last night.”

My teeth clenched together, and despite my best efforts, I went for the bait. “Why didn’t I get it?”

His smile slowly faded. “Because I wanted to make sure you’d remember it.”

Crap. That couldn’t be good. I stifled a sigh and gestured for him to continue, the “let’s get this over with” look on my face as clear as if I’d said it aloud. 

Prepare to be humiliated in three, two, one…

“You want to know why I never made a move? Because I care about you too much to do something stupid like that and mess it up. You deserve more than a sleazy pickup line and thirty minutes between the sheets with the likes of me. You’re better than that.”

His words floored me, and it dawned on me. “You think I’m too good for you.”

He blinked and lowered his eyes. “I
know
you’re too good for me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I mean, yeah, I knew in his own special way that Gabriel cared as much as he could, but I hadn’t known there were, like,
real
feelings involved.

Before I could manage some kind of reply, he picked up his coffee mug and began to head out of the kitchen. “Get dressed, we’re going out.”

“What do you want to see first?”

I bit my lip, hearing the train’s whistling approach. “The Mona Lisa, I think.” Craning my neck, I stepped up to the ledge of the Metro platform, peering down the dark tunnel. The rush of hot air blew my hair back as I saw the dim light of the train grow brighter.

When Gabriel suggested we go to The Louvre, I jumped at the chance. It was a good way to take my mind off things, and it didn’t hurt that it was the freaking
Louvre
. This place had been around for centuries, and it housed some of the world’s most famous art. I’d be crazy not to go.

The Metro stopped in front of us, and I stepped back to let people off. As I glanced around the crowded platform and to the people already onboard, I wondered how everyone was going to fit.

Gabriel glanced down at me and frowned. “It’s gonna be tight.” 

As a “that’s what she said” joke ran through my head, Gabriel placed his hand on my lower back and ushered me in as a swarm of people flooded the tiny entrance, bumping and pushing into me. I reached back and grabbed his hand to keep us from getting separated. His fingers gave me a reassuring squeeze as the flow of people pushed us to the side of the cramped car.  

I stepped on someone’s foot and looked over my shoulder, about to apologize, when the doors dinged and an impossible amount of people pushed their way onto the Metro. Others shoved me as they tried to make room, and Gabriel pushed our way off to the very edge of the crowd. He guided me till my back was against a cold glass window and released me, resting his hands on the wall. His arms boxed me in, providing a nice barrier between me and the hustle and bustle of everyone else. 

With the limited amount of space, our bodies were only a few inches away from each other. I grabbed the open ends of his jacket and stood on my toes, so my mouth was by his ear. “Thank you.” 

He laughed, low and throaty, and said, “Don’t thank me yet. I didn’t do this entirely out of the kindness of my heart.”

I was just about to ask what he meant when his nose brushed my hair. “If anybody’s got to be pressed up against you, I’d much rather it be me.” 

I swallowed and looked past him, to the sea of unfamiliar faces. “If I had to choose being this close to a total stranger or you, I’d pick you. So again…thank you.”

I heard the smile in his voice when he spoke. “Then you’re welcome.”

The train lurched forward as we started to move, catching me off-guard. I grabbed Gabriel’s waist to steady myself, then let go once we leveled out. 

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

The next stop wasn’t too far away, and I was relieved to see so many people getting off. That relief didn’t last when I turned to look out the window behind me, at all the people waiting to get on. 

“They won’t all fit, will they?”

Gabriel sighed. “No, but they’re gonna try.”

People pushed their way onto the car, packing everyone in like sardines. The few inches of space between Gabriel and I vanished, until our chests and hips were pressed together.

He cleared his throat. “I didn’t think we’d be
this
pressed together.”

I didn’t think it was possible for Gabriel to be uncomfortable. I smiled and said, “It’s okay. I know you don’t have any other choice… Although maybe next time we should drive.”

He laughed, and I felt it through my chest. “Deal.”

All the warm bodies tightly packed made the temperature rise. My skin heated and I heard the blood rushing through their veins, their hearts pounding. I closed my eyes and breathed it in, tasting the salt on their skin and the coppery undertone of the rich liquid coursing through them. 

Gabriel stilled. “Are you…
okay
?”      

I rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s that obvious, huh?” I sighed and said, “I’ll be fine, it’s just…tempting.” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been around this many humans. If I didn’t stick to my daily diet of raw animals, this car would probably be a bloodbath right now.

“I’d say it’s almost over, but the next stop isn’t for a while… You sure you’ll be okay?”

I nodded. “Just distract me.”

The train jostled as we went over some rough tracks, causing Gabriel to rub up against me. “That’s not exactly what I meant…”

“Very funny,” he muttered. 

I laughed. “What, you’re not enjoying this?” I lowered my voice, and said into his ear, “I thought you
wanted
to be pressed up against me.”

His voice came out hoarse. “Please, stop.” 

The car bounced again, moving him against me. My breathing hitched when I felt his erection against my belly.

He stilled. He knew I felt it. 

His strained words tumbled out close to my ear. “I’m sorry, it’s the bouncing and the rubbing and you just smell so…”

I shook my head. “It’s my fault. You were trying to tell me and I wasn’t listening… Gabriel, it’s fine. It’s—”

His head thumped against the glass. “Please stop talking. It’s embarrassing enough as it is.”

I wanted to tell him that he had nothing to be embarrassed about—that it was a perfectly natural response and I didn’t blame him, nor was I grossed out. But he didn’t want to hear any of it. So I offered him the only form of comfort I could: I reached inside his jacket and hugged him to me as I rested my head on his chest.