Fallen (17 page)

“Over time, yes… We were together for twenty-seven years before I lost her in childbirth.”

My eyes widened. “You have a kid?”

His gaze lowered. “No. The baby died along with Mary.”

My mouth snapped shut and I wanted to kick myself. “Oh.” My heart ached for him. To have everyone you’d ever loved ripped away from you like that… It was a miracle he was still standing. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“I know. It’s not a time of my life I like to remember.”

“Was she the only relationship you’ve had?”

He nodded. “Anonymous sex is the only type of closeness I can handle.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” I rested my head back on his shoulder and hooked my arm around his waist, looking up at the dark blue skyline. There was a dot of orange beginning to rise over the city’s horizon, illuminating rooftops with a peach glow. “You seem to be handling our closeness just fine.”

Appearances could be deceiving. Inwardly, I was in an almost constant state of turmoil when it came to this girl. She had me second-guessing the very foundation of my being. Emily was a game changer, and to someone as set in their ways as me, that could be a terrifying thing. 

The rational side of me said to keep my distance. You couldn’t get hurt that way. But this smaller, insistent side liked the way she felt in my arms at night and the way she said my name.

“Where do you think our kind goes when we die?”

Her question brought me out of my thoughts, and I shrugged. “Who says we go anywhere? Maybe when we die, that’s it—we’re just dead.”

I’d had a lot of time to think about this—
centuries
, in fact—and I was no closer to a definitive answer. 

Was I bad for killing humans? I mean, it’s not like I did it “just because.” I did it to survive. If you didn’t eat, you died, simple as that.

Did I deserve to go to hell because I did what I could to survive? I didn’t think so, not that it really mattered. See, in order to have a hell, you had to have a heaven, and in order to have a heaven, you had to have a god, and well…I think my life has proven there’s no such thing. Either that, or he just hated me. I wasn’t sure which was worse.

I
wanted
to believe, though. I wanted very much to believe that Mary and our son were happy and in heaven, instead of just rotting in the ground for the rest of eternity.

Em shook her head emphatically. “No, we definitely go somewhere. There’s too much beauty in the world for it to all be in vain. It has to mean something.” Her nose scrunched up as she bit her lip. “Does that sound stupid?”

I shook my head. “It’s never stupid if it means something to you.” She shivered next to me, and I ran my hand up and down her am, trying to warm her. 

“When I died, there wasn’t just
nothing
, there was—”

“Wait, when you what?” Did she just say “when I died”?

“Oh… I guess I forgot to tell you,” she said, sheepishly looking down to the stretched cotton over her knees. “When I matured, it was kind of…forced. Because I died in a, um, car accident.”

“You
what
?” I heard the words that came out of her mouth. My mind just didn’t want to process them.

“It was raining, and somebody hit a deer. I didn’t see the backed-up cars until it was too late,” she said, simultaneously flustered and defensive. She looked up at me, saw the fury written all over my face, and rolled her eyes. “I came back, didn’t I? That’s all that matters.”

“You better be glad you did, or I’d kill your ass all over again.” I leaned forward, bringing my knees up onto the chaise lounge and rested my elbows on them. I shook my head, giving silent thanks that she was okay. “Goddamn it, Em…”

“It was an accident, okay? Geez, you’re almost taking this as bad as Thomas did.”

My head swung around, my angry glare landing on her. “Was he with you?”

She nodded, but didn’t look like she wanted to elaborate too much. 

Well, too fucking bad. “Why the hell wasn’t he driving, then? Our reflexes are shit before we mature.” And that miserable sack of shit would know that. How could he be so careless? If Em were my girl—

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
My
girl? Where the hell did
that
come from?

I didn’t have “girls,” and I sure as hell wasn’t about to start now,
especially
not with Em. She was too good for someone like me. She deserved flowers, and dates, and babies—not five minute quickies in public bathrooms. 

All of that was moot anyway, because she didn’t want me. She was still hung up on Thomas. Probably would be for the next few decades. Or for the rest of her life, if she was lucky, like me.

Em sighed and rubbed her hands over her face, growing agitated. “It doesn’t matter why he wasn’t driving. He just
wasn’t
, okay? I was trying to tell you something before you went off on this diatribe and sidetracked us.”

Oh, shit, she was, wasn’t she? I’d forgotten. “I’m sorry I’m concerned about your well-being. Please, continue.”

She shot me a glare and said, “
Like I was saying
, there’s definitely something after you die. It was like I was dreaming, but I couldn’t remember what. Once I woke up in the morgue, it totally vanished.”

She ignored my none-too-pleased reaction to the word “morgue,” and I couldn’t help but think—again—that none of that would’ve happened if she’d been in my care. I took good care of what was mine.

Her brows pinched as she chewed her bottom lip. “Maybe it was some kind of purgatory, you know? Since I didn’t actually stay dead.”

No, I didn’t know. I’d never died, and if I had, I sure as shit wouldn’t be sitting here talking to her. I’d be in a coffin, six feet under. Reanimation was strictly a Healer thing, and something I’d always been curious about. 

It must be nice to be truly immortal. You didn’t have to worry about losing anyone, then. Emily would probably disagree, but still…

“What was it like?” I asked. “Dying?”

“It was just like falling asleep.”

“That’s good,” I said, clearing my throat. “Seems peaceful.” This conversation had gotten entirely too real for my liking. It was time to disengage.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed.” I stood and stretched, raising my arms toward the pink and orange sky, then held out my hand to Em. “You coming?”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Saturday, July 3rd

EMILY

Gabriel thumbed through the racks of clothes with distaste. “
This
is where you want to shop?” He held up a pair of black yoga pants, with the word “luscious” emblazoned on the ass. “I mean, really?”

Glaring at him, I grabbed the pants and hung them back on the rack. “I didn’t say I was getting
those
, okay?”

He picked up a shirt, sneering at it with equal disdain, and said, “Don’t get me wrong, your ass
is
luscious and all—”

I yanked the shirt out of his hand. “Stop. Talking.”

He put his hands up in surrender and grinned. “Fine, but I get to help you pick out underwear.”

My lips pressed together as I fought the smile threatening to form. “You’re incorrigible.”

His eyes lit up as he grabbed another shirt. “Ooh, get this!” It was a tiny scrap of sheer fabric that left nothing to the imagination. 

I rolled my eyes and took it from him. “If you’re gonna help me pick out clothes, then I get to pick out some for you, too.”

He smirked. “Do you have a problem with the way I dress?”

“No, you look good in a suit. But I think you’d look good in jeans and t-shirt, too.”

He didn’t look so convinced.

At his skeptical look, I said, “It’d be nice to see you dressed casually for once. You always look so…prim.”

His brow arched. “You think I’m
prim
?”

“Uh, no, definitely not. You just
look
prim.” I glanced over at the men’s department and grabbed his hand, pulling him along. 

Payback was a bitch.

Gabriel stepped out of the dressing room, wearing the faded jeans and t-shirt I’d picked out. He walked over to the mirrors, and I saw he was barefoot.

Lifting up the hem of his shirt, he inspected himself in the mirror. “
This
is the style nowadays?” he asked, turning around to face me. 

The jeans sat low on his hips, revealing just a trace of his boxers. My eyes lingered on the dip of his muscles and the trail of light brown hair just under his belly button.

I finally managed to tear my eyes away, muttering, “Yep,” as my face grew warm. 

He didn’t seem to notice my ogling, and turned back to the mirrors, mumbling to himself, “Why would anyone
pay
for pants with holes in them?”

He ended up buying everything I picked out for him, including—
gasp
—some shorts, despite his claims that “real men” didn’t wear them. And, true to his word, he “helped” me pick out underwear, but I drew the line when he held up a pair of crotchless panties.

As we headed for the exit, he paused and said, “I dare you to go play that piano.”

I looked up at him incredulously, then over to the baby grand off to the side. “What are you, twelve?”

“Are you chicken?” He made clucking sounds, trying to egg me on.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even know how to play.”

His hands rubbed together, like some cheesy movie villain. “That’s even better. I dare you to go play that piano horribly.”

I glanced around the department store, then back to the partitioned-off piano. 

Eh, what the hell.

I ducked under the stanchion and sat on the bench. I made a show of cracking my knuckles and hovered over the black and white keys. My palms started to sweat as my stomach fluttered, the distinct pins and needles feeling of intentionally misbehaving coursing through me. 

My fingers landed on the keys, indiscriminately dancing across any and all that I saw. The result sounded akin to an animal dying. Slowly. And painfully.

“Miss? Miss!” 

I stopped and looked up into the disapproving face of an elderly woman. “That’s not a toy, young lady.”

Gabriel snickered behind her, bringing his fist up to his mouth to cover it. 

My face flamed as I stood. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.” She stood to the side, holding the partition as she waited for me to leave the restricted area. Customers stared—some laughing, like Gabriel, and some giving me a stern look, like the old lady.

Gabriel shook his head as we started to walk away, a look of mock austerity on his face. “What are you, twelve?”

My lips pursed as I smacked him on the arm. “I hate you.”

He laughed and wrapped his arm around me. “C’mon, Liberace, let’s go get you something to eat.”

* * *

“Can’t we stop yet?” I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees as I gasped for air. Sweat trickled down my back as I stood back up, fanning myself as my chest heaved. 

“No,” Gabriel said, watching me wipe sweat from my brow with disdain. “You’re
weak
, Em. We’re not supposed to sweat, or be short of breath. You need to feed.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen.” I took off my tank top and tossed it aside, feeling the air hit my overheated skin. My black sports bra was soaked from sweat, and I had a major case of swamp-ass going on in my knee-length workout pants. 

Skintight spandex was not the way to go.

Gabriel stood in the center of the cleared-out living room, bare-chested and wearing only a pair of plaid navy pajama pants. He motioned me forward, looking entirely too calm and collected for my tired, sweaty ass. “Come on, let’s go again.”

I groaned and came to stand in front of him, taking the stance he’d taught me.

“Now hit me.”

He grabbed my wrist mid-punch, flipping me around as his arms clamped around me, pinning my arms to my sides. His chest felt cool against my back as I struggled in his hold. 

“You’re panicking,” he said in my ear. “
Don’t
.”

I couldn’t help it. My instincts were to struggle and thrash, not rationally think my way out of an attack.

Taking a deep breath, I threw my head back, connecting with Gabriel’s face as I elbowed him in the stomach. He released me and stumbled back, cradling his mouth.

“That was good,” he said, wincing. “But you forgot one crucial thing.”

My brows pulled together, and before I could ask him what, he tackled me. His hand shot out and caught my head before we smacked against the floor and he came to rest on top of me. 

“
Always
go in for the kill when they’re stunned. A few seconds of hesitation could cost you your life. Got it?”

My chest heaved under his heavy weight as I nodded, then blinked, my eyes dropping to his lips. I couldn’t help but be very aware of how we were pressed together, his hips pushing into mine. My stomach fluttered as I licked my lips. He smelled so good.

Gabriel frowned and cocked his head to the side. “Why are you…looking at me…like that?”

Clearing my throat, I said, “Like what?”