Ever After (16 page)

Chapter 20

Scotty

Despite the fact that I had only been in the hospital for all of three days, I was released. My therapist had apparently signed off on my release, saying that I appeared to be recovered from my suicide attempt. But I knew the real reason why I was released. It had nothing to do with whether or not I actually was recovered, and everything to do with the fact that I had no insurance.

I really didn’t want to leave, simply because I knew that I had to go to Nick’s apartment, if only to stop by there and get my stuff from his place. I didn’t feel strong enough to deal with that, at all. I knew that he would be there, for some reason. I didn’t know why, but I just had a feeling that I wasn’t going to just be able to quietly get my things and go.

I was more than apprehensive as I hailed a cab and asked the cab driver to take me to Nick’s Tribeca loft. As I watched the figures going by outside – the usual scenes of people running around, talking on cell phones, cars stuck at lights and honking at one another, and children jumping rope on some of the less crowded sidewalks – I felt nauseated. I was getting closer and closer to Nick’s loft, and I felt like puking in the cab. Absolutely throwing up. I thought that I would have to stop the cab and get out for a little while. However, I swallowed hard, and I was able to refrain from actually tossing my breakfast all over the leather seats of the taxi.

The cab finally pulled up in front of Nick’s building. I stepped out. I looked down at my hand, and saw that it was shaking. My legs were spaghetti as I went through the door of the lobby, and pressed on the elevator button. My heart was absolutely in my throat as I stepped on the elevator car. I watched the numbers go up, up, up, up, to the twentieth floor, which was where Nick’s penthouse loft was located.

I stepped off the elevator when it arrived, and I felt like absolute crap. I walked extremely slowly to the front door of his apartment, and just stood there. I was literally too afraid to knock, let alone use my key to get in there. So, I just stood there, apprehensively looking at the door. I started to knock, and then thought better of it, so I walked away and back towards the elevator.

I pushed the elevator button, and the car arrived and the doors opened. I walked into the elevator car, but, before the doors could shut, I walked back out again. I took a deep breath, and went to his door again. I knocked, tentatively and softly. I secretly prayed that he wouldn’t come to the door.

My breath started coming faster and faster as I heard him inside the apartment, rummaging around. I grabbed my abdomen, and willed myself to not get sick right there in front of his place. It seemed to take him forever, but, he finally opened the door.

I bit my lower lip, and refused to meet his eyes. He looked at me questioningly, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He opened the door a little bit wider, and I stepped inside.

He walked over to me, not saying a word. I looked up at his face, and saw a haunted look in his eyes. He put his hands on my shoulders, and gripped them tightly. I looked down at his hands, which were squeezing my shoulders, and looked back at his face. And then, just like that, without a word, he kissed me.

I lost my breath as I felt his warm lips pressed upon mine. For a second or two I forgot about his abandonment of me. It was just forgotten.

But, after a few seconds, I remembered. I remembered how I felt in that hospital, as I sat there waiting. Waiting for him to come and see me. Waiting for his phone call. Waiting for a message. Waiting for just some sign that he acknowledged my existence. I remembered how I felt when Jack told me that I shouldn’t forgive Nick, because no man should ever leave the woman that he loves alone when she needs him the most.

So, I pulled away from him, and wiped my lips with the back of my hands wordlessly. And I slapped him, hard, across the face. He looked stunned, but said nothing. I stood there, my hands on my hips, and sneered at him. And then I turned away from him, and proceeded to walk up the stairs.

I didn’t make it to the stairs, as Nick was soon behind me with his hands on my shoulders again. He spun me around and kissed me again, more forcefully this time. I put my hand on his cheeks, and pushed him away from me. I scowled at him with the meanest expression that I could muster, and tried to go up the stairs again. But Nick came up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. His head was buried in my hair, and I could hear him breathing heavily. He inhaled deeply, as if he was trying to revel in my scent. He was pressed up against me, and I could feel his hard-on pressed into my back. He lifted up my hair, and he was licking my neck passionately.

I could feel myself melting as I felt his body pressed into mine. He backed me into a wall, and covered my entire body with his. His legs were on either side of mine, and I put my hands up on the wall. I put my head down, and then I felt his hands and arms lifting up my shirt. His hands were soon on my bra, and he unhooked it from the front and cupped each of my breasts.

I momentarily forgot how angry I was, because my entire body was craving his touch and what he was doing to me. My body was craving his, and I wanted so badly to feel him inside of me. The fact that he was still pressed against me, and
I could still feel his enormous hard-on through his pants, didn’t help.

I finally got the strength to turn around. His face was above mine, his hands still on other side of me on the wall. I looked at those blue eyes that were supremely haunted. I worried a little bit about what made him look like that, and I almost forgot about my anger with him.

Almost.

I put both of my hands on his chest, and shoved him off of me. He reeled backwards a little bit. And then I balled up my fist and hit him in the chest, hard. He stood there, and didn’t move. He blinked his eyes a little bit, and I saw tears. I swallowed hard. I wasn’t going to back down, just because he appeared to be on the verge of crying.

He was going to hurt. He was going to feel just a small fraction of the pain that I felt when he abandoned me after I needed him the most.

I hit him again with my closed fist. It hurt like hell, because his body was made of steel, but I tried to ignore the pain. I inhaled my breath mightily and swung my arm backwards so that I could hit him one more time.

However, he caught my wrist in mid-air. He stood there, gripping my bandaged wrist and just looking at me. Staring at me with those haunted, hunted blue eyes. I stared back at him, and I was aware that I was breathing heavily, as if I had just run a marathon. He then grabbed my other wrist.

His eyes were pleading with me for forgiveness. But I wasn’t going to give it. I had to be strong. He showed his true colors, and I couldn’t let him try to win me over again. It was
just going to end in disaster, because what he did was inexcusable. Not to mention unforgiveable.

I looked down at my wrists. He was still gripping them tightly. He moved closer, and I stepped backwards. He kept creeping closer and closer, and I kept moving further and further backwards. For every step forward he made, I took a step backwards. It was if we were doing some kind of erotic dance, but I was an unwilling partner.

We did this until I was, once again, against a wall. I was cornered by him, as he stood there above me, still staring at me with those eyes that were full of shame and heartbreak and pleas for forgiveness. I could smell his scent of musky cologne and clean soap. He gradually moved closer and closer to me until his body was pressed up against mine again.

His face was about an inch away from mine, and he kissed my forehead as his hands made their way through my hair. His steely chest and abs were pressed against me, and his hard-on was on my groin. I raised my face to his, and he put his hand under my chin. He lowered his lips to mine, and they enveloped my mouth passionately, eagerly.

I felt his urgent need in his kiss, as our tongues interlocked. We were both breathing heavily, and, when he pressed his chest into mine, I could feel his heart pounding. I tried to stop kissing him, but I felt helpless. Like I was in a dream, and I was impotent to stop anything that was happening to me.

I finally was able to put my hands on his chest and push him off of me. He was a little bit surprised, so he fell back onto the floor. I stood there and stared at him, and then went over and put my foot on his chest. I was like a matador who had felled a bull. He looked up at me from the floor, and made no attempt to get up.

So, I got down and straddled him. I put my hands on his shoulders, and then took ahold of the collar of his shirt. I pulled, hard, and the buttons popped off, one by one. I wasn’t usually strong enough to literally rip his shirt off like that, but my anger was such that I think that I had super-human strength.

He was underneath me now, his chest and abs exposed. I straddled his hard-on, and I grinded on him, swiveling my hips. He put his hands on my butt, but I took ahold of his wrists and I raised his arms above his head. I was going to take control, and I didn’t want him to interfere.

I laid down so that my chest was on his, my hands still keeping his wrists firmly in place above his head. I narrowed my eyes, and I hit him hard on the chest with one of my fists, while the other hand was still keeping his arms and wrists in place. His eyes now were full of burning desire for me, and I smiled. I wanted him to be helpless against me, which was why I was the one who was in total control.

My mouth was soon on his nipples, which grew hard in my mouth. And then I started to lick his abs, and I bit him hard. He moaned a little bit, as if he were in pain, and I looked at his face. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing hard. So, I put my mouth on his throat, and sucked on his skin hungrily, and bit him savagely. He moaned again, and started to put his hand in my hair, but I took his hands and again secured them above his head.

You’re going to do what I want, and you don’t have a say about it.

I grinded on him some more, as I felt his hard-on rubbing the sides of the legs. I unbuttoned his pants and tore them down. He laid down beneath me, his arms at his sides, because he finally understood that I wanted to have complete control.
I then ripped down his underwear, and put his enormous cock in my mouth. Now he was breathing more and more heavily, and moaning louder and louder. I worked my mouth up and down his shaft rapidly, and then stopped, right when it seemed that he was about to cum.

He was breathing so hard that he was panting, and I looked at him and almost drowned in the need I saw in his eyes. I tried very hard not to break down and show him how I was feeling. How hurt I was by his behavior. So, I looked away, sat up, and then took hold of the collar of his shirt, and brought him up so that his face was close to mine. I looked at him for a few moments, our faces inches apart, and then I stood up.

He was still sitting up on the ground, and I walked behind him and put my foot on his back. I pushed him with my foot, so that he was lying face-down on the ground, and I took the shirt off of him. He was trembling wildly and I straddled him again, and then I took the belt off his pants and wacked his belt hard, twice, on his bare back. He moaned loudly in pain, and he bucked up a little bit off the floor. I put my hands on his shoulders and pressed down. I wanted to thwack him hard again with his belt, but, then again, I didn’t want to batter him too much.

But it felt so satisfying to whip him like that, because I wanted him to feel pain. He made me feel so much emotional pain, that I wanted him to suffer as well. At the same time, I was feeling incredibly turned-on. Powerful.

Not that I was done with that belt. His hands and arms were at his sides, so I took them, and raised his hands above his head again, and wrapped the belt around them, so that his wrists were bound. And then I thought of something else, so I unwrapped his wrists again, and then forced his arms underneath the couch leg. Then I bound his wrists so that he was completely secured and couldn’t move them.

He was now facing me, with his wrists secured to the couch leg. His eyes still had a hint of the haunt that I saw in them before, but now they registered more passion and desire. I straddled him, and he tried to raise his head towards me so that he could kiss me, but I just shook my head. He was completely naked, but I still was fully clothed.

I slowly unbuttoned my shirt, while I stared at him. He licked his lips, and his eyes immediately were trained on my hands, which were unbuttoning one button after another in a deliberate manner. I leaned back just a little, and I could feel his hard-on, which was more massive than ever, on the small of my back.

I finally got to the last button of my shirt, and I took it off, then peeled off my bra as well. His eyes were burning with passion, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of my bare breasts. I rubbed my own breasts while I straddled him. He started breathing harder and harder, and his hard-on got so massive that it was poking me in the back without me leaning into him.

I smiled a little bit, as I felt how turned-on he was by what I was doing. I leaned over to his face, so that my breast was close to his mouth. It was an inch away from his lips, and I felt his warm tongue on my nipple. I let him suck and lick for about a half a minute before I leaned away from him again.

His eyes were now flashing frustration, in addition to the burning desire. He wanted so badly to continue to suck and lick my breasts, but I wasn’t going to let him. I wanted him to feel the frustration that he made me feel.