Ever After (17 page)

So, I stood up. I slowly and deliberately walked backwards, away from him, and I saw him struggling to free his wrists from the belt. But I had secured his wrists too tightly, so he was helpless.

I unzipped my pants, and did a little strip-tease as I brought them down. I kicked them aside, and turned around so that my ass was facing him. I was wearing lacey panties, which was what I usually wore those days, because I wanted to feel more girly. I bent all the way down, and grabbed my ankles, then stood up again and walked over to him.

I laid down on top of him, and put my face close to his. I could smell his after-shave, and then I blew on his forehead a little bit. He closed his eyes in pleasure as I licked his face, and then bit his lip. He groaned, and attempted to put his lips on mine, but I pulled away from him again.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I put my finger over his lips to silence him. Then I started kissing his body, starting with his neck, and making my way down to his enormous shaft. I started sucking on it, hard, and licking it fervently. His breathing started coming harder and harder, and I looked up and saw the desperate look in his eyes. He wanted so badly to be inside of me, I could tell. There was frustration and desire, in equal measures, in his blue eyes. He narrowed those eyes, and started groaning at a higher pitch as I continued to suck his enormous cock.

Once again, though, I backed off just before he could climax. I stood up again, and walked away, this time walking away so that I was out of his line of sight. Before I disappeared, though, I put my finger over my mouth in the signal that he wasn’t to make a sound. I saw him swallow hard, and his eyes followed my every move as I disappeared into the kitchen.

I originally thought that I would just go into the kitchen to tease him some more, but decided to be more productive once
I got in there. I found some whipped cream in the refrigerator and brought it back out. He saw me come back, and I could see relief in his eyes, as if he were afraid that maybe I wouldn’t be back.

You thought I abandoned you? See how that feels?

He saw that I had the whipped cream canister in my hand, so he smiled, and I opened my mouth and squirted some on my tongue. Then I straddled him again, and shared some of the whipped cream taste with him. I smiled as he licked it off of the top of my lips, and then he kissed my eyelids. He was still breathing as hard as a marathon runner, and he groaned some more.

I then squirted some of the whipped cream on his cock, and I slowly licked it off of him. He started writhing around on the floor, his breathing coming rapidly.

It was then, only then, that I took off my panties and lowered myself slowly onto him. I moved on him painfully slow, inch by inch, while he bit his lip and trained his blazingly desperate eyes on me. With every inch I lowered myself, his face and body registered more and more pleasure. I put my hand on his chest as I finally went all the way down, and then I hesitated on top of him, just feeling his fullness inside of me. I put my hands on my breasts, and wet my fingers with my juice, and put it into his mouth. He licked it hungrily, then trained his eyes on mine, clearly wanting more.

I rode him, controlling my own orgasm as much as I could. I could feel myself tighten around him as I came to a climax, and then, a few minutes later, he climaxed as well. He screwed his eyes tightly shut, and his entire body started to shake. He looked at me, and lifted up his head, obviously wanting to devour my lips with his own.

I got up off of him, and put on my clothes. He watched me with intense curiosity, and struggled to get out of his bondage. I think that he knew what I was about to do, and he started to get a sense of desperation as he saw me pick up my purse. I bent down, and loosened the belt, ever so much, so that he would be able to squirm out of it eventually. It would probably take him several minutes to unbind himself, so I simply smiled at him, and walked out his front door.

I heard him calling my name as I waited for the elevator. But the car came, and I got on.

He was still calling for me as the door of the elevator closed and I made my way to the lobby and out of his building.

And out of his life.

Chapter 21

Once I got out of Nick’s building, I immediately got on the bus. I looked out the window, and I saw Nick running onto the sidewalk, still pretty much half-dressed. His shirt was unbuttoned, and so were his pants, and he was barefoot. He looked around at the crowd on the sidewalk, his head looking to and fro desperately. I almost felt a little bit sorry for him, for he had such a sad look on his face when he realized that I wasn’t there anymore.

Almost.

I sighed and put my head against the window. I hoped and prayed that nobody would decide to sit next to me, because I wasn’t in the mood, at all, for small talk.

I got to the subway, and bought my token. It was strange, for sure, taking the subway again. I had gotten so spoiled, going around the city in Nick’s limo. It had been several months since I had taken public transportation. At first, I was a little bit grossed out when a homeless man got on, and the guy had obviously peed his pants for days in a row. But I soon got used to the stench, and I didn’t notice it any more than I did when I was taking the subway every single day.

I was coming off the high that I got out of controlling Nick. I had never done something like that, and it felt so powerful. Liberating. But that feeling was wearing off, and I was starting to feel some of the crushing depression that led me to being admitted to the hospital after my suicide attempt. What’s more, I knew, for a fact, that Nick would go to my apartment and look for me. As it was, every time I looked down at my phone, I saw his number pop up, along with his gorgeous face. Plus, he was sending tons of text messages.

Suck it up, Nick. I sent you texts, and left a jillion voice mail messages. You ignored me. Now see how that feels?

I never knew that I was so full of vengeance in my heart. I was a little bit scared about that, but, then again, I might have been acting like that because therapy had helped me unearth my bitterness about my life. Now it was finally coming out, so maybe that was a good thing. It was certainly better than being repressed.

One thing I knew, I couldn’t go home. So, I decided to go to Central Park. It was a Sunday, so there was bound to be thousands of people there. I could blend in with them and feel anonymous. And it was a gorgeous spring day. I was looking forward to seeing the flowers and the trees and nature. I only wished that I had a blanket to sit on.

I took the subway to the station closest to the Park, and walked to it, along with the crowds of people who were teeming the street. I walked by a drum circle, and I stood there for a little while listening to the music. One of the drummers, a cute boy about my age, with a mop of blond hair and dimples, looked up at me and smiled and winked. I smiled back, but immediately turned my back and disappeared into the throng. I turned around to look at him again, and he was still looking at me and smiling.

I hurried along the sidewalk, afraid that he was going to leave his drum circle and follow me.

There was another group of people playing music on the sidewalk. There was a drummer, a guy playing a guitar, another guy playing a flute and one playing a violin. In the middle of the musicians was a girl who was dancing. I smiled at the group, and took out my cell phone and took a picture. It was a charming scene.

I finally got to a place where I wanted to sit, underneath a tree. I looked down at my phone, and saw that Nick had been calling non-stop, and sending messages by the truckload. So, I decided to turn off the phone completely. I leaned my head back against the tree, and just people watched.

It actually felt good to sit there and decompress by myself. I needed time to think. The sex that I had with Nick felt wonderful, but it was also just confusing for me. The way that he looked at me told me that he still loved me. There was so much desire and love in his eyes the entire time back there in his apartment. And he let me control him. For a guy like Nick, who always liked to be in control, that was huge. It was as if he felt so guilty about the way that he treated me, that he was willing to let me do anything to him. That was what it felt like.

But, at the same time, my rational brain said that there was just no way that he still loved me. How could he? How could he still love me and just ignore me like that? I so needed him to be there with me during that period of time. Yet, he not only wasn’t there, but he actively ignored me. I didn’t know how I could ever forgive him. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t see how I could. I couldn’t trust him not to run when the going got tough, so I didn’t need him in my life.

I had to think about my next moves. I was going to have to go forward in my life without Nick. So, I naturally was going to have to reorganize everything. For one thing, I had no idea what to do with my mother. She desperately needed to be in a sober living facility when she got out of Beverly Hills inpatient treatment. I didn’t have the money for that, of course. Which complicated things immensely.

And Aaron…I obviously was going to have to get him from Nick’s apartment. I didn’t know where he was when I went over there, but I would imagine that he was in his day care, even though it was a Sunday. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t more involved with all of that, especially when I was in the hospital. I felt bad that I expected Nick to take care of him while I sat there in the park, but, at the moment, it couldn’t be helped. And then, I guess that I would have to move him in with Jack and me. That so wasn’t feasible, especially since I didn’t have legal custody of him through the foster care system. If I did get legal custody of the child, then I would get money from the state to care for him.

Regardless, I felt like crap, because there just wasn’t room in my apartment for the kid. I really didn’t know what I was going to do about that, and about my mother.

I felt more and more depressed as I thought about how much I had come to depend upon Nick to fix my life. That really wasn’t fair to him. Granted, he had volunteered to take care of my problems, including my mother and my brother. I felt that I hadn’t necessarily taken advantage of him, but, then again, everything that he did was for me. Which made his behavior these past few days all the more confusing.

I put my hand on my forehead, realizing that my life had spun off of its axis. And feeling extremely anxious as I realized how much I had depended upon Nick to keep my life in control before. It was a house of cards, really. One little blow of the wind, and the entire thing was going to collapse. In this case, the house of cards had come crashing around me, and it really wasn’t Nick’s fault at all. It was mine. If I would’ve just tried to take control of my own life, then there wouldn’t have been any card house collapsing.

No job – Mr. Lucas was probably going to make sure I would be fired, and, at any rate, I didn’t want to work with Nick anymore. Mother needing my help. Brother also needing my help. No Nick. Broke. Not even in school for the semester.

How did I end up here?

I leaned against the tree some more, and really tried to triage the issues in my brain. But there was just no way. There was just too much. It was too overwhelming. And, as for finishing my therapy with Adele? Forget it. That was a luxury that there was no way I could afford.

Then, I looked up, and saw the cute boy from the drum circle heading towards me. His teeth were perfectly straight, and his face was even more handsome up close.

He was certainly a bold one, for he sat down next to me on the grass. He put his knees up, and his elbows on them, as he watched the crowd from this vantage point.

He finally looked at me and held out his hand. “Hey,” he said. “I noticed you over there when I was drumming with my buddies. And I noticed you noticing me as well. Sorry for tracking you down, but my name is Mitch.”

“Scotty,” I said, shaking his hand.

“What brings you out here all by yourself on this gorgeous sunny day?”

I shrugged my shoulders and held up my phone. “Wanted to read my Kindle and relax a little bit.”

He nodded his head and smiled.

I smiled back, but, deep down, I just wanted him to leave. I couldn’t think of anybody but Nick in that way. I thought that this might always be the case. It unnerved me that he tracked me down in that huge crowd of people, to tell the truth.

“Well,” I said, “I have to get back to what I was reading.” I held up my phone again, and, although the screen was dark, as I had turned it off, I hoped that he didn’t realize that I had actually powered it down. That would certainly cut into my alibi.

He smiled again. “Well, I’m here most Sundays with those guys. I really hope to see you around.”

I smiled and nodded my head.

He left, and I felt even more sad. Because that was one more thing that I was going to have to worry about, on top of everything else. Finding love again. I’d have to look at handsome men, like this Mitch, and try to be animated and smile and make sparkling conversation. It was never like that with Nick. It was just so natural. So right. So not forced.

∞

I ended up sitting there against that tree for the rest of the day. Nobody else had tried to talk to me, thank god, so I was able just to ponder my life. Ponder the mess that I had made of it, and ponder on how to untangle it all. I had gotten no closer to the solution on how to wriggle out of the out of controlness of it all, but I did feel that brainstorming hopefully helped me get a little bit closer.

So, I took the subway back to my apartment that I shared with Jack. I would have to give Nick a call the next day, of course, because Aaron was my responsibility and all. But, that night, all that I wanted to do was go home, make some hot chocolate or soup, and just get in under the covers. It would be dark there, and I hoped that Jack would let me have the bed. Surely he would. After all, I had just been sprung from the nut house. That should surely warrant my being able to get the bed.

Of course, my plan was not to be. Because I got home, and turned the key, and there, in my living room, as big as day, was Nick.