Ever After (18 page)

Chapter 22

I raised my eyebrows at the beautiful man sitting on my couch, drinking a beer with my traitorous roommate. Because it was pretty obvious that Jack not only didn’t mind the fact that Nick was there, but appeared to be having a grand old time with him.

“Hello, Scotch Marie,” Jack said, obviously tipsy. “We’ve been sitting here this entire day waiting for you to come home, and, well, as you can see, we’ve had a few. Or, I’ve had a few, rather. So, I’m going to bed. I’m so glad that you’re home, though. Toodles.”

I nodded my head at him, and didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him to think that I wasn’t angry with him, because I clearly was. I mean, wasn’t it Jack who told me that Nick was no good, because a good guy would never abandon his girlfriend in her time of need? Wasn’t it Jack who told me that he wouldn’t let Nick come back if he were in my shoes? Yet, there he was, drinking with him all day.

Nick stood up, and I almost lost my breath. I started out with a loss for words, but I soon found them.

“Get out,” I said, pointing to my front door. “I have to come to your loft tomorrow, to get my things, and get Aaron. I would imagine that he’s at your place with a nanny, so please don’t take him to day care tomorrow. I’ll get him when I get my things. But I want to get all my stuff out, and then I don’t want you in my life ever again.”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “Scotty, I’m not leaving. You’re right. Your brother is at home with a nanny, so he’s just fine. But I’m not going home until we straighten all of this out.”

“What is there to straighten out? I had a bit of a breakdown and I tried to kill myself. I’m sorry. I’m human. And, as such, I had a breaking point, and I reached it. I reached it, and I’m sorry about that. But I needed you. I needed you to help me. It was a moment of weakness, and there’s going to be other moments of weakness, and I need you there. I need you to be by my side, because, trust me, there’s going to be other crises that will always crop up in my life. I have dysfunction all around me, and I’m the only one who is equipped to deal with it in my family. But you ran. You ran when I needed you. So, guess what. I don’t need you anymore.”

“Scotty. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you. But I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I wish that I could change how I acted, but, the fact of the matter is, I did act that way. I did ignore you. I did abandon you. There’s just no way around that. But, I will never do that again. That will never happen again.”

I crossed my arms. “Perhaps you can give me a plausible explanation for why it happened this time. Maybe, oh, maybe you were in a 72 hour coma somehow. Or you were kidnapped by the Russian mob and held in a warehouse. Tied to a chair while a guy sings
Singing in the Rain.
No, sorry, wrong movie.
Stuck in the Middle.
The guy sang
Stuck in the Middle
in that
Reservoir Dogs
movie, while he prepared to set that guy on fire. The
Singing in the Rain
scene was in
A Clockwork Orange.
Sorry.”

Nick said nothing, but just looked at me.

“Well, Nick. I’m waiting. I’m waiting for you to tell me about how you were perhaps a victim of a terrorist attack, or you had to defuse a bomb or something like that. Something that was really, really important. So important that you couldn’t answer one text message or one phone call when I really needed to talk to you.”

“Scotty, I wish that I could give you a good excuse. But, I can’t. You’re right. I freaked out. I freaked out, and I shouldn’t have. I should’ve been stronger, Scotty. But I’ve had some time to think. I’ve had some time to think, and I’m here to tell you that I will be with you always. No matter what happens, I’ll be right there.”

I sat down, feeling the enormity of what he just said. No, there wasn’t a good excuse. He just decided that he couldn’t handle me at my very weakest moment. I looked at him, thinking that he was, at that moment, about the shittiest person that I had come across in a long time.

“Nick,” I said. “Forget it. It’s over. If you can’t be there for me in a time of crises, then I don’t need you. I need to find somebody who’ll be there, thick or thin, and that’s obviously not you. And I really thought that it was you. I thought that, if nothing else, you were an intensely loyal and passionate guy. Well, I still think you’re passionate, but loyal – not so much. Not so much. I mean, I’m a basket case. You would be too if you went through the things that I did. But I’m recovering, little by little. I’m getting to the point where I finally feel strong, and I’m finally facing up to my feelings over my shitty life. So, I really don’t think that I’ll ever have a repeat of what happened in your bathtub. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you weren’t there when it counted.”

Nick had his head in his hands. I almost melted a little bit as I saw him sitting there, so lost and seemingly alone in the world. Almost. But I couldn’t possibly trust him anymore. I had too much on my plate, and to think that he was going to hightail it the next time the going got rough…well, no, that was too much. Too much for me.

He looked at me, and I saw the haunted look in his eyes that I had noticed before. I swear to god, he looked like he had
seen some kind of tragic event. That was what I saw in those eyes. That he had seen something tragic. Something that he couldn’t unsee, no matter how hard he tried. What that would be, I had no clue. But, he didn’t say anything to me about such an event happening to him, so I was sure that I was only imagining it.

Finally, he stood up. “Scotty. I….” And then he hung his head. “Nothing. Nothing. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not being there for you. And I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Perhaps I will, Nick,” I said. “But I can’t trust you anymore. So there can be no relationship between us. I’m sorry.” I bit my lip, and I realize that the tears were just about the flow. I stemmed them by trying to concentrate on something. Anything but Nick’s wounded face with the haunted, hunted eyes. “I’m going to have to bring Aaron here, of course. He’s my responsibility, after all. And, I know it’s going to be tough, but I would really like to stay at the firm. That is, if they aren’t going to fire me over the Mr. Lucas bullshit. And I guess that we’ll just have to go from there.”

I knew that I was being overly optimistic about my ability to stay with the firm. Because there was almost no doubt in my mind that the creeper Mr. Lucas had already called my firm and read them the riot act. The fact that I hadn’t yet heard from any partners, however, was a good sign. So, maybe the whole thing would blow over anyhow. In which case, I felt foolish, because I almost killed myself because I just assumed that Mr. Lucas would ruin me.

“Scotty,” he said quietly. “Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t bring Aaron here. There’s literally no room for him. Literally. There’s hardly room for you in here. You’re sleeping on the couch as it is.”

“I know that, but, Nick, I have no choice, do I? I mean, he’s my responsibility, until my mother gets out of her place out in California.”

“You can’t do that to him. Think about his welfare. He’s thriving with us. He’s going through the best day care, he has a nanny who loves him, and he has two solid people living there with him. What can you provide him?”

I wanted to slap him. How dare he imply that I couldn’t take care of my own brother!

But, then, I realized that he was right. I was trying, the entire day at the Park, to think of a way that I was going to take care of him, and there just wasn’t one. I couldn’t afford day care, yet I had to work. If I didn’t work, and stayed home to take care of him, then I couldn’t afford to live, period. And there wasn’t room in the apartment for him. I would have to set up some kind of bed for him in the kitchen, or something, or else he would have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with me. Which wouldn’t be so bad, but he really needed his own space for his toys and games and such.

So, Nick was absolutely right. I had to think of Aaron.

“Okay,” I said to Nick. “You make a good point. I’ll go to your house so that I can take care of Aaron. And I guess that you’re going to have to keep paying for his care, as shitty as that is. But I want you to consider the money you’re putting out for Aaron to be a loan for me. I’ll keep good track of it and pay you back with interest if I ever get a full-time job after graduation.”

Nick raised an eyebrow and a hint of a smile started across his face, but he quickly suppressed it. “Okay,” he said. “You’ve got a deal.”

I nodded my head. “But I get my own room. And I’d really like to pay you rent.”

“Of course,” he said. “We can work something out.”

I pointed at him. “Now, I don’t want you to think that this is a back door way of getting me back, because it’s not. You and I will just be roommates. And, when my mother gets out, I guess she’ll just have to re-take custody of the little boy, and then you and I go our separate ways.”

He bit his lower lip and suppressed another smile, which irritated me to no end. His face said that he knew that he was going to eventually get back in my good graces, not to mention my bed, since we were going to be staying together again. And I wanted to slap him for thinking that. I couldn’t believe how arrogant he was, thinking that I would just forgive him for abandoning me like that. Because I wasn’t.

I just wasn’t.

Chapter 23

Nick

So, it seemed that the worst was over. Scotty was coming home with me, and that was all that mattered. Yes, she was clearly still angry. And, I would imagine that she would insist on staying in a different bedroom than me. But she was coming home with me, and that was really the bottom line. It would only be a matter of time until she forgot all about my not being there for her in the hospital, and we could move forward in our lives. Without that pond scum terrorizing her in the background, not to mention the foreground.

There were many times when I wrestled about whether or not to tell her the truth. She would forgive me in a heartbeat if she knew what I was really doing. But, there was just no way that I could ever involve her in that. I committed a crime. Perhaps I didn’t actually kill the man, but I pretty much forced him to kill himself. Not to mention that I broke in and entered to do it, and bugged his house. All of those actions were highly, highly illegal. Telling her about it would make her some kind of accessory after the fact, maybe. At any rate, if I told her about it, she might be committing a crime herself for not reporting it. She would have information that might, possibly, get her into trouble if she didn’t divulge it. Which I knew that she wouldn’t.

So, if there was any risk at all that she could get into trouble, even if that risk was .0000001%, I wasn’t going to involve her. Period. The upshot of that was that I had no alibi for where I was those three days that she was in the hospital. No excuse. I couldn’t think of any excuse that would sound even remotely plausible, so I chose just to give her no
explanation at all. As shitty as that was. I didn’t think that she’d forgive me. And, looking over at her, I realize that she hadn’t forgiven me. She was looking out the window of the limo, and not saying a word.

But, as long as she was staying with me, there was still a chance for us to move forward. So, I had to hold on to that hope. Hold on to the hope that, with enough time and patience, she’d come around. But it still was shitty that she might still think that she couldn’t trust me not to split when the going got tough. There was nothing that I could do about that, however, as much as I tried to think of something. And, believe it, I tried to think of something. But, in the end, I had nothing, so I just had to pretend that I was a shitty boyfriend who couldn’t handle the heat.

I wished that she would look at me. What happened earlier today in the loft…wow. Just wow. I hated to admit that sex was on my mind, but after the way that she took control and dominated me…I had never seen such a tigress in bed. My Scotty was always so sweet in bed. So shy. I didn’t really recognize the woman who emerged today, and I had to admit that it was totally hot seeing that side of her. Not that she would ever do that again with me. Even when we started having sex again, I doubted that she would ever let her inner dominatrix spring forth. But I had to admit that I was intrigued, and I could think of little else all day long.

“Scotty,” I said, putting my hand on her leg. “We’re here.”

“Yes, Nick, I can see that. I recognize your loft.” She glared at me. “Now, remember, we’re not going to stay in the same room. I need to have a record of all that you’re spending on Aaron and my mom, so that I can eventually pay you back. I mean, considering that I might not have a job with the firm after Mr. Lucas gets through with me, and, well, I might not have any job at all for the same reason, it’s going to take me a long, long time to pay you back. But I will. You can count on that.”

I nodded my head, knowing that I would never see a dime from her, and also knowing that there was no way that I would ever let her pay me back even if she wanted to. It was really my pleasure to do the things that I was doing for her, and I wished that she would realize that.

We walked into my building and then got on the elevator in silence. More silence as the elevator ascended and the doors opened and we got out. I unlocked the door, and Angeline greeted us. “Good to see you home,” she said with a smile. “Aaron is in bed, of course.”

“Of course,” I said. “Thanks for putting him down.”

She nodded her head, and I gave her the money that I owed her for sitting, and she left.

Scotty was standing there in the living room, her arms crossed. “Well, Nick, I need to go to the bedroom where I used to stay and get my clothes and stuff out of there. I’ll just stay in one of the bedrooms on this level, if you don’t mind.” She was cold and business-like, and my heart broke hearing her tone.

But I just nodded my head. “I understand. Go ahead and get the things that you need out of the closet and drawers. Also, don’t forget all the things that are in the bathroom. Your lotions and soaps and shampoos. Do you need me to help you out with that?”

“No, Nick, I don’t. Just give me about a half-hour, and then I’ll be ready for bed.”

I nodded my head.

She looked at me, her wall clearly still up. “Thanks, Nick. Tomorrow, after work, assuming I still have a job, but,
tomorrow after work, I’ll get an accounting from you for all that you’re spending on my mother and Aaron. And I want to get a figure from you on what would be reasonable to pay for rent, too.” At that, she turned around and went up the stairs, so that she could retrieve all of her things.

I ruminated on her words for a few minutes, wondering how it was that I was supposed to play this. Scotty wanted an accounting and she wanted to know how much rent to pay. If I actually gave that to her, would it be worse than if I told her not to worry about it? Because, of course, I would never, ever, take any money from her, no matter how much she insisted. Even if, god forbid, something happened and we went our separate ways, I still wouldn’t take any money from her. I loved her, and what I was doing for her brother and mother was out of love. I hated even the thought that all of that would be considered to be some kind of cold business arrangement.

I finally just decided that I would try to put her off as much as I could. I’d come up with some excuse, like I had to have my accountant put together the figures, and it would take a few weeks, or something like that. Then hope that, in a few weeks, Scotty and I would be back together, and the whole thing would just blow over.

But my heart was breaking as I listened to Scotty packing up her things, and then when she brought them down the stairs and into the guest bedroom. She shut the door of the bedroom without another word, and I went upstairs to my room and laid down on the empty king-size bed. The bed suddenly seemed enormous. Engulfing, even. I never thought that this bed could feel so lonely. It was funny how Scotty had completely changed my perspective on life, because this was the exact same bed that I had for years before I met her. There was nothing particularly special about the bed – it was constructed
of hand-carved mahogany wood, and the mattress and box spring were just Sleep Number – but it was a very comfortable place to sleep soundly. Which I did, for years, sometimes alone. Sometimes with a rando. Other times with a couple of randos. Occasionally with a regular. But never with somebody that I truly loved.

And now that the person I truly loved had moved out of it, the bed had never felt so lonely.