Evan's Addiction (26 page)

     Why?

     This whole thing was twilight zone from what I was used to.

     I shrugged away the bewilderment. What Evan had said in that bed
had been clear; all he’d wanted was a sure thing, but at least he was keeping
his mouth shut about it.  

    “What you do to Evan is up to you. I don’t want anything else to do
with him.” Turning away to rummage in my suitcase I couldn’t stop the
bitterness from seeping into my voice. I just hope Nic didn’t hear the pain
there as well.

     Nic’s gaze burned into my back. “Evan did say he doesn’t know what
he did to upset you, and if he could fix it he would.”     

     Could he make it so that night never happened, or erase all that
time we spent together, stop my heart from softening towards him. “I already
told him once; stupid is hard to fix.”

     Sadly, I wasn’t sure if I was referring to his stupidity or my
own. 

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     First day back and I had already been approached and verbally
molested twice. Damn Ford. Didn’t the ass have anything better to do? I guess I
needed to keep him occupied better. Damn men, they were freaking sex retarded
morons. It explained why our government was so fucking screwed up.

     Fuming, I unlocked my bike and sped off for the cafeteria,
exorcising my irritation on the pedals. Five minutes later I stormed into the
dining hall and snatched up a tray. Grabbing a salad and tuna sandwich I
flashed my card and took an empty table by the window. It was too hot to sit
outside. Carrie and David were supposed to be meeting me for lunch but weren’t
here yet.

     I was staring out the window plotting different types of revenge
when someone sat down next to me. I expected to see Carrie or David, but froze
in dismay at the sight of Evan.

     What was he doing here? He’d graduated, and he had a job. The
business suit he was wearing said he should be at said job. The smile on his
face might be sending him to the morgue though.

     He leaned in close, amber eyes fixed intently on me. “Hey Shaw.
Did you know that when God made you he was showing off?”

     I stared at him in amazed wretchedness. Was he seriously that
dim-witted to think we could go back to that? All I wanted was to forget he
ever existed and heal, but he kept popping up. Since anything I said would be
feeding into his neurosis I went back to looking out the window and ignoring
him. If only it could be as easy as it was in my head.

     He sighed. “Yeah, that was pretty lame. I can do better. How
about; you’re beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the
moon.”

     I growled around my bite of sandwich. Was he mocking me, because
his lines were generally more sexual? These were still lines, but they sounded
more like poetry.

     He kept talking. “These are too nice, aren’t they? They’re absolutely
true, but they’re throwing you off your game. I must be speaking a different
language. Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy.”

     Pain and anger surged and I speared him with a glare. “You’re not
going to get anywhere with me so why don’t you go find your next calendar girl and
get on her list of potential suspects for
her
next pregnancy scare.”

     Evan’s face blanched and he winced. “God, Shaw, just stab me with
a knife why don’t you.”

     I
stabbed
at my salad snarling down at it. “If I had one I
would, but all I have is this damn plastic fork.”

     He sighed. “I’m so incredibly sorry about forgetting protection.
I’ve never gone without a condom so I’m clean, but I was so crazy for you that
night…Hell, I’m still crazy for you.”

     My chest walls compressed wanting to believe he meant that with
his heart and not his dick. “If you can’t control your crazy dick you shouldn’t
let it out.” I mumbled down into my plate.

     There was a slight hesitation from him before he answered. “Though
you do make my dick crazy, that wasn’t what I was referring to. It’s my
emotions that go haywire when you’re around, or whenever I think of you, which
is all the time.”

     Evan and his words…he was damn good with them. My appetite was
gone and my eyes were stinging. I couldn’t do this. Standing up I rushed away,
and thankfully he didn’t follow. 

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     “How many years can I get for killing my mom? There has to be some
precedent where a daughter was given a pardon because the homicide was
completely justified.” Samantha slammed her tray of food down on the table and
plopped her butt just as hard in her seat.

     “She still bugging you to rush that Sorority?” Carrie asked with
sympathy.

     “Yes. She won’t leave it alone, says she had the best time of her
life as a member when she was one, and that it would look good for job
references. The only  people who would care is her Country Club jerks. I don’t
want to join that stinking Sorority. I have other interests and they don’t
involve hazing, getting drunk, and screwing Frat boys.”

     “Amen to that sister.” David exclaimed holding up his hand for a
high five, which she returned. The two of them had been able to hang out a few
times in the past year when David had come over to the apartment and got along
great together. 

     Samantha and I got along really well too. She came up to visit
Carrie all the time and would stay with us when she did. She was adorable,
bubbly, and if I wanted a little sister she’d be at the top of my list, under
Carrie. We didn’t look anything alike though; she had long wavy light brown
hair, gray eyes, and was golden tan from the summer sun. In other words, she
was beautiful.

     “Do you know she even made an insinuation that my tuition could
hinge on me rushing. I can’t believe she said that. God, she can be such a
bitch sometimes.” Samantha snapped angrily,

     None of us argued with her because we knew what a bitch she could
be. She’d severed all contact with Carrie six years ago because she hadn’t
wanted what she’d labeled ‘
Carrie’s scandal’
to smudge her or her
family’s position in society. She’d actually lied to her kids about Carrie’s
whereabouts so they wouldn’t try and contact her. Fortunately, chance brought
the cousins back together. But their mother was definitely a Grade-A Bitch.

     “You should tell her that Carrie has offered to pay your tuition
if she actually does do that. I bet she changes her tune quick.” I suggested. I
didn’t know the woman at all, but I bet it would stick in her craw to have
Carrie paying for Samantha’s tuition. “Oh my, god. What would people say if
they found out?” I clutched at my chest dramatically.

     Samantha’s lips thinned angrily. “Yeah, that probably would have
her changing her tune.”

     Carrie was sitting next to her and gave her a shoulder bump with a
grin. “I would do it, too, so you wouldn’t even have to lie.”

     Carrie loved both her cousins, but she didn’t have anything to do
with their mother. It was a reciprocated decision.  

     “Who are you texting so frantically over there?” David asked. He
was sitting next to me and leaned over nosily. 

     My thumbs moved rapidly. “My photographer, Tori; three days back
and I’m already getting flooded with calls.”

     David snickered. “You’re like UVA’s own Veronica Mars.”

     With one last click I set my phone down with a small grin. “She
had such a cool name. I should have spent more time on mine.”

     “Spent more time on your what?”

     My spine stiffened, my heart stuttered, and my stomach flipped as
Evan sat down across from me. He was in his work clothes again, minus his
jacket and tie, and he was staring at me attentively over his tray of food.
Carrie and David gazed at the both of us circumspectly. I gave him a glare before
focusing on my food…not that I was all that hungry any longer.

     “Shaw changed her name a few years ago.”

     My gaze shot to David in infuriated shock for daring to spill my
private information, especially to this limp dick…and I was praying hard for
that wish to come true.  

     He grimaced but his expression didn’t look repentant enough for
me. “Sorry…it’s kind of cool that you got to pick your own name.”

     Continuing to stare at me fixedly Evan’s brows rose. “You changed
your name?”

     Before I could help myself I retorted. “Yeah, and I only wish I
could erase you as easily.”

     His face contorted faintly but I thought I saw a glint of
deference there. “I wish I could erase whatever I did wrong.”

     A pang struck my heart.
Me too
.

     “Hey babe.” Nic sat down next to Carrie giving her a deep kiss.
Nic wasn’t planning to pursue his graduate degree but he hit the campus at
lunch hour just to see Carrie.

     The pain in my chest worsened witnessing their affection and I
looked back down at my pasta salad. How did other people get so lucky? Carrie
deserved it though and I hated the resentment that was stabbing at me wishing
for things that were stupid. 

     “How do the new courses look this term?” Nic asked.

     “They look like they’re going to be okay.” Carrie replied slowly.

     I just knew her anxious gaze was going back and forth between me
and Evan.

     “Mine are going to be a complete boregasm.” David exhaled
gloomily. “I think I’m going to drop out and become a bull rider.”

     “I thought you were majoring in that already.” I mutter
halfheartedly. The feel of Evan’s gaze was like a fifty pound weight.

     David snorted out the water he’d just drunk. “I’m not sure if I
should call you a bitch or agree heartily.”

     “If David’s riding bulls how can he be riding you, Shaw?” Evan
asked.

     Shit! I’d forgotten I’d told Evan I was sleeping with David. Well,
I wasn’t talking to him so it’s not like I had to explain. I forced down a bite
of my pasta.

     The silence lasted for about five seconds before David broke it.
“I’m bi.”

     I glanced at David with a frown but he was grinning like he had no
problem throwing himself under the bus of questionable sexuality.

     “Yeah…right?” Evan drawled low and slow, and with noticeable
disbelief.     

     Whatever…I didn’t care what he thought. 

     Silence once again settled over the table.

     Evan broke it this time. “I can’t get over the interesting detail
that Shaw changed her name.”

     “Evan, don’t push it.” Nic’s tone held a warning.

     I had been all set to ignore him completely, but the emotions
inside were too difficult to shut down.

     Standing I slammed my palms on the table and stared at him with
fierce anger and ignominy. “You want to know why I changed my name. The state
named me Patty McDonald.” I snorted. “I don’t know if someone thought they were
being fucking humorous or ironic, but all they did was make certain I never
forgot where I came from. They might as well named me Debbie Dumper, or Shitty
Crapper.” Our gazes were locked in combat. I just didn’t know what his fight
was.

     David’s hand touched mine. “Shaw…”   

     Evan cut him off with a growl. “I would love to find whoever did
that and beat the stupid out of them, but the name they gave you doesn’t define
you, Shaw.”

     I laughed harshly. “Does Slutty Shaw…or how about STD Shaw…or my
favorite, Take it till she’s raw Shaw? Monikers that rhyme are the best, don’t
you think?”

     The skin on Evan’s face tightened with every label I spit out. He
shot to his feet and leaned forward across the table. “I think the people that
called you those names are a waste of brain cells, or a single second of your
consideration. You’re a thousand times better than any of them.”

     I didn’t know how to process his words; they constricted my chest,
but at the same time they made me want to slap him. Why would he say them but
use me the way he had? Did he think I was so dim-witted I’d fall for his shit a
second time? I might have fallen into the same trap as I had in high school,
but I never did it with the same person twice.

     “Words are so easy to say, but its actions that speak louder.” I
sneered.

     “That’s why I’m still here, Shaw; putting up with your hate when I
could have easily said the hell with it and walked away.” He gritted out, eyes
blazing into me.

     My gaze was equally hot as I glared back at him. “You’re not
getting the rest of those twenty-nine days from me if that’s why you’re
sticking around.”

     His lips thinned. “That’s not why I’m here, but I’m not going to
lie…I want you… “ His amber gaze burned me in a different way and I couldn’t
control the reaction of my body. My breasts went heavy and tingled, and my sex
throbbed. “But you’re body isn’t all I want.”

     I could feel everyone at the table, and surrounding tables, staring
at the both of us like we were a live train wreck, but all my focus was on him
and the arousal coursing like wildfire through me. It had been kindled when
he’d first sat down, and that had been bad enough, but these flames were too
much for me to handle. Hating that he still affected me, and unable to deal
with it I grabbed my pack and turned to leave.

     “I didn’t take you for a coward, Shaw.” He growled softly.

     I stopped mechanically.

     “Evan, please stop.” Carrie pleaded.

     Twisting to face him I gritted out through my pain. “I’m not being
a coward. You’re just not worth my time.” Spinning, I stomped off.

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     Fall course had been in session for two weeks and Evan ate with us
again the next Monday and Wednesday. I was ready to call Dan and ask him if he
knew his employee was playing hooky to hassle me. However, Evan had mentioned
in the midst of his hassling that he was taking two graduate classes while
still continuing to work, so Dan probably knew.